Moving On in Reverse
Bella
( Pairings are exceptionally complicated in this story... You'll understand why as you read...)
Bella/Carlisle? Bella/Human OC Whitlock? Bella/Marcus?
Rated: M (Mature) you have been warned...
Language, Violence, Lemony Situations, etc.
Also, while this is not a tragedy, some character will meet tragic ends...
If you're not 18 years of age please hit the X at the top of the screen.
A/N Also, everyone should be glad to note that I am working on Reclamation, and also the other stories listed on my profile that were lost on a broken computer, I had my data retrieved finally and am getting back to writing all my stories.
This all belongs to the amazing Stephenie Meyer, this is for entertainment only, not intended for financial gain. I will not be getting paid for this …. ahhh... that's ok.
Summary:
After losing everything that ever meant anything to her, and dealing with more pain than she thought possible, Bella decides it's time to get out of Forks, and move on with her life. However, when Bella believes she has finally accomplished that goal, what will she do when her past comes back with a vengeance and threatens to destroy everything she has... again?! AU & OOC
A/N Song for the chapter"
Angels by Within Temptation
Prologue
Bella POV
September 17th, 2003
He's gone, he left me last night. He didn't want me, didn't love me. I just wasn't good enough. He took every memory I had of him with him. I tried to be exactly what he wanted, but maybe that was the problem.
I spent so much time shaping myself around him that I wasn't me anymore. It's my own fault, but now how do I find myself again through all this pain, through the gaping hole in my chest that sucks away even my ability to breathe?
January 2004
I visited Jacob Black today. I had forgotten how it felt to smile, to laugh, to have a normal feeling that was neither heart wrenching pain nor terror.
February 2004
Laurent tried to kill me, Jacob's a werewolf and Victoria is hunting me.
March 2004
Mom and Phil are dead, a camping accident is what the reports said, animal mauling.
My mother doesn't camp.
Sam and Paul are flying down with me to check it out, they agree it seems suspicious. I need to be strong and give my Mom and Phil a proper burial and deal with the estate.
There was proof of their disappearance being perpetrated by an unknown vampire. The stench in the house had burned the wolves sensitive noses.
It's decided that they were kidnapped then killed in the woods to keep it low profile for the police. I grieve alone in silence as I am the only one that really knew them. Charlie looks grim on occasion and I know that I am not completely alone in this pain at the loss of my mother.
June 2004
People in Seattle are dying, one after another. My gut tells me Victoria is behind this, though I don't understand how she can destroy so many alone or even why.
Although the pack is willing to listen to my theories they do have logic on their side, the consensus is that no lone vampire could do such damage, so the events must be unrelated.
August 2004
Victoria seems to have backed off for now at least.
I am falling in love with Jake, he fixed my soul and returned it to me. We have been together a little over month now and we are happy. I've decided to put off college until Jacob graduates. I will take my sun with me.
December 2004
The snow is bright crimson as my father's blood flows onto it, seeping closer and closer to me.
I am frozen in place.
The figure before me seems to almost shimmer as she moves in constant graceful movements . Her hair like flames whipping violently with the wind as if it could set ablaze the world at any moment.
She tells me she has built an army... an army of newborn, volatile vampires... just for the sole purpose of destroying me.
All those people that died in Seattle, over 200 now, they have all died because of me.
I drop to my knees and beg her to end me now, my father is dead on the ground before me, she killed him for the joy of seeing me suffer. She drank not a single drop of his blood, his life wasted for my torture.
The Flame haired demon only laughs and tells me that they will come for me soon. She will not rest until I and all of my guard dogs are dead.
March 2005
The wolves have endlessly prepared for battle but I can tell that they are beginning to believe that Victoria was only telling me those things to scare me, well it worked and I was scared of her before that day.
I live for Jake now he is all I have left in this world. We made love a week ago, it was the first time I have felt whole in a very long time.
April 2005
I guess we weren't very careful, caught up in our passion for each other, we forgot about planning for the future. I'm happy though and so is Jake, Billy and the pack, even Leah.
I finally have another reason to live, something else Jacob has given me.
We are getting married after his graduation. I even bought us a house on the reservation. I am thankful for what I have, I never thought I could be happy again in any form.
Despite the aching sadness that still lurks in the shadows around me, I am working though the grief and fear, each day, I move a little further forward.
I have a future, a life, hopes and dreams.
Only one thing still truly plagues me. Victoria, she still hasn't showed herself since that day in December when she took my father from me. Still, the death toll continues to rise.
2nd Week of April 2005
They wouldn't let me come. It was a war for my life, yet they refused my help and left behind a much needed spirit warrior to guard me in La Push. Concerned, of course, for my sake as well as Jake's unborn child.
I could not stop myself as my tears flowed relentlessly. I didn't know what would come of today. I prayed and cried and prayed some more.
In the end it did not matter...
They still won't tell me what happened on that hill, only that the pack lost three and the humans lost sixteen.
Billy Black suffered a stroke during the funeral for the three fallen wolves and left us too.
Leah, Embry, and Collin died for me.
I wasn't worth all of this death. The pack swore to me Victoria had been burnt to ash, that they had won. They brought me a piece of the demons hair and let me burn it myself, but I felt no victory.
There was only the pain we felt as we once again mourned our lost loved ones.
May 2005
Collin's older sister Kayla came home from College to comfort her mom.
I thought Jake, if no one or nothing else would always be my happiness, my comfort, my life, but then he told me he saw her at the funeral.
We had all been in so much pain from all the death, I couldn't tell he was quickly withdrawing from me, he said he tried to fight it, though with all the pain I've caused I wouldn't have blamed him if he hadn't.
Imprinting, has caused another death, this time it was his love for me.
I still had our child, though. I sold our new home and moved into a hotel until I knew what was going to happen, as Dad's house had already sold.
I didn't know how any of this would work out. Kayla had made it clear that she hated me for carrying this baby, for loving what belonged to her.
She quickly replaced me in the pack, it seemed I was losing everything, but I tried to carry on. I still had a something to give me purpose, a person I could live my life for.
The council finally came to a decision and insisted I stay in La Push or at least Forks so I set out to tentatively search for an apartment to rent despite my growing anger at their audacity. They were "concerned" about the choices I would make for myself, without Jake by my side. That's the line I was given anyway.
Really, I knew they just wanted to keep me close until the baby was born, after that I knew the council would be a problem.
I was going to be a mother soon. I would deal with whatever came my way.
I was on the beach when a golden eyed vampire stepped from the trees at the edge of the part of First Beach where I was currently ignoring the childish girl n front of me.
Kayla stood only a few feet from me, screaming at me to leave La Push, even though I spent most of my time at my hotel in Forks. I was only here today because the weather was fairly warm and I had needed to get outside.
Hell she wanted me to leave Washington for that matter, as if she had the right to order me from the State I was born in. Not to mention the advisement of the council. She kept yelling at me to stop trying to take Jacob from her. Didn't she know that I hadn't even spoken to him since the day he told me of his imprint. I was just trying to ignore her, this girl was awful.
I thought the vampire was safe enough to ask what she was doing here with her golden eyes shining brightly. She said her name was Irina Denali, it wrung a bell though I wasn't sure why and I really didn't understand what she was going on about until she said the name, Laurent, and the word mate.
Then it clicked and my first thought was really, again. I had another vengeful vampire on my hands and I didn't even have a vampire mate.
It was ironic really, not that it mattered this time as her vendetta was personal and not that mate for a mate crap that Victoria had used as a fucking tagline.
Irina wanted my death and the wolves death for killing her "mate". Laurent hadn't seemed to care. I was starting to think this mate shit was just that, bullshit...
Semantics really.
I screamed as she went for Kayla first snapping her neck, she was dead instantly, in a way I was I was grateful that she went quickly. If her death was going to be my burden I hoped she hadn't really had time to feel pain, or even understand what was happening.
She came to me next and proceeded to beat the life out of me with every bit of fury she had to give. She wanted me to die slowly, she wanted me to suffer, to feel the pain she already had.
Guess she hadn't gotten the memo detailing ways that I was in a constant state of suffering. All I could do was pray help would arrive, that I would survive somehow to bring my baby into this world.
So I begged God to protect my child and tried to block out the pain.
I saw Jacob arrive, a short while later, frantic. I thought he would help me, but then he ran right past where Irina, the fucking vampire, was beating me to death.
I could see him as he slumped to the ground his head and hands falling onto Kayla's dead form. The position looked like prayer or worship maybe. Like he was bowing to his God.
It was like I didn't even exist...
Sam and the others arrived less than a minute later. I watched with blurry and shock ridden vision as Sam, Jared, and Paul destroyed Irina, while I bled out on the pebble and sand beach.
Jacob sat sobbing for his imprint some twenty feet away the entire time. I don't even know if he saw me as I lay there dying, slowly, painfully.
As Sam picked me up I saw Jacob phase and rush into the trees, he never once looked my way.
Sam and Jared took me to the hospital where Emily sat by my side for over a month as I healed, empty and alone. Far too broken to ever be healed.
Jacob never came back out of the forest, he never came to see me as I mourned the loss of my child. He did not come, not for me.
Not even to see what had happened to his own son...
July 2005
Finally I have healed completely, well physically at least. Mentally, well we all know that is another story. Regardless, I am out of the hospital and thinking and planning what to do next.
Next, well I am still working on that. Between tears and constantly trying to pretend my mind is healing as my body is, I'm exhausted. Mostly I just want to keep busy. What else can I do?
The pack can not hear Jacob anymore.
Sam said he used his Alpha blood to break away. He is not coming back according to what I've been told. I'm not sure I believe that but at this point I don't care so much.
I don't blame him for not wanting to be here really, all that exists in this place is pain. I blame him for a lot of things, but not for wanting to be somewhere other than here.
August 2005
There is nothing left for me here.
Emily has been very understanding of my need to go away. To try to start anew. If I am to have any hope of moving on I need to leave, they all understand in their own way I suppose, but the pack has had a hard time letting go.
Especially now that they consider me their only link to Jacob. That in itself is a problem, he clearly is not linked to me and I no longer want him to be. How can I move on and hope to have any semblance of a normal life if I stay.
I packed up my new 2006 Mercedes M-Class SUV, that is black with dark tinted windows, last night. I don't know why I had them tinted but for some reason I once again had the urge to stick to the dim and the dark.
Money was no issue, though it hadn't been for a long time.
I actually liked this car a lot, but I had bought it purely out of spite to prove to the world, mostly myself that I could move on, change, be a different Bella, one not constricted to the same mold that has only hurt me time after time.
I had everything that meant anything to me packed in the rig and I was leaving in just a few moments.
I hugged each of the person that swarmed around me goodbye, and wished them the best of luck with their lives.
I promised Emily we would stay in touch, though I didn't know if I would keep that promise. I knew she understood that this could be the very last time she ever saw or heard from me, and I know she understood why.
I couldn't help the choked sob that escaped me as I looked at each of their faces in turn before climbing into my car.
I waved once as I drove away from them, from La Push, from Forks, from my home, from everything I had ever loved and the epicenter of every bit of pain I had ever been dealt.
I didn't look back as the tears rolled silently down my cheeks, feeling the pain as if it was bleeding from me in a long trail with every mile I drove away from the place I had called home for the last several years.
I was off to start a new life, a new future, find my fate, and leave my painful past behind me. I would try to live in the light.
Song for this chapter...
Angels by Within Temptation
A/N The prologue is a little tough, though I think it gets the point across, I didn't go over the months before Jacob because I look at this story as going AU around March in the time line. Please follow the books up to the point where Bella jumps off the cliff only this time Alice isn't there when she gets home, and she tells Jacob everything. Then I truly take the story from there.
I have two more chapters nearly finished, they just need editing so I will be updating pretty soon.
Til Next Time,
C ~