A/N: I realize I should be updating my story instead of writing random oneshots. But.. Oh well! I was inspired. This is mostly based off a Naruto RPG I am in. Though, the plot is nothing like this. Just some of the backstory. This is not written in chronological order. I hope it makes sense! It does to me, but then, I wrote it, so.. Anyhow. Enjoy!
Summary: AU, Sasuke must cope with his parents death. Itachi is not much of a help.
Against Themselves Conspire
It was because it was forbidden.
It was because there was no other way.
It was because "you started it".
It was because they were gone.
It was because he was selfish.
Five years old. Pale hands pressed up against cold glass. Cascades of breath clouded up the glass display. Dark eyes gazed intently at the animals hidden so close behind. So much noise came from the store. Excitement built up inside of him. An intense desire to go inside and play. But he stood there. Pressed into the glass. Staring at one thing in particular.
Goldfish.
Eyes eagerly followed the lazy circling. Back and forth. Back and forth.
"Sasuke!"
Press closer. They won't notice you.
Lips quirked upwards as Sasuke's black eyes lit with happiness at the chase and play of the fish. They were so bright. So alive. They swam and swam and they never stopped. Sasuke's breath caught as one paused. It paused. Could they do that? He didn't know. It was all new.
A firm hand clasped on his shoulder. Sasuke made a noise of disapproval and tried to dig his fingers into the glass. "I want - " He started to say. But Itachi had picked him up round the middle and was awkwardly carrying him away.
Itachi was not very old himself, after all. He couldn't carry Sasuke so efficiently. "Aniki," Sasuke whined, reaching behind him. The display! It was like magic. Sasuke wanted to return. He didn't even mind the cold glass. They were swimming.
"You shouldn't run off, Sasuke. You worried mother and father," Itachi scolded, placing Sasuke on the ground once they were well away from the pet shop. Itachi grabbed Sasuke's hand and pulled him along authoritatively.
Pressing into Itachi's side, Sasuke made it difficult for the both of them to walk. But neither cared. There were so many people around. They were not swimming and Sasuke was frightened of going out in public. He was not as curious a child as most. He preferred to be indoors. "Can we - "
"No," Itachi's voice went cold as he cut Sasuke off.
No. Just like that. Sasuke's face wrinkled up with distress. No. It was always no with Itachi. With his free hand, Sasuke desperately wiped at his cheeks. If father saw him he'd be very upset. Sasuke wrapped both his arms around Itachi's middle, forcing the boy to stop.
Itachi sighed and paused, patting his brother's head. "Another time, Otouto," Itachi whispered.
Sasuke cheered up. They did swim quite nicely, didn't they? Sasuke craned his head round, convinced he could still see the bright light. The entrancing bubbles. The flick of a fin. It was so magical and wonderful.
Sasuke smiled.
Sasuke frowned. Seventeen now.
"You don't own me," He raised his chin up.
"On the contrary," Itachi's lazy voice came. "I do. I am your guardian."
Sasuke's lip curled up in distaste. "One more year, Aniki. And I am free," Sasuke turned on his heel, ready to storm back to his room.
"Don't be like that, Otouto," Itachi said, flipping the page of his magazine. "You're going to get creases on your forehead if you continue to be so cross all the time."
Sasuke's fists clenched. "I am going out. Don't follow me this time," Sasuke's voice came in an excellent impression of cold calmness. He burned fire inside. Changing his path of escape, Sasuke whipped around to the front door, slamming it behind him.
It was always like this. Sasuke felt his breath quicken with rage. If he stayed one more second..
"Fishy-chan," Sasuke poked at the glass bowl. Seven now. Much older than before. Old enough to know that fish could indeed pause swimming.
"Don't poke the bowl, Otouto," Itachi came up behind him. Another hand on his shoulder. This time in friendliness.
Sasuke shrugged his hand off. His expression darkened as he looked up at Itachi. "What?" He asked petulantly, turning around to sit properly on the couch. He had been leaning over the back to gaze at the fishbowl on the table behind it.
"Is that any way to greet your older brother?"
Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "I don't know who you are," Sasuke accused him and hopped to his feet.
He ran away.
Fishy-chan could wait for him.
Would his parents?
Sasuke laid sprawled on his back in bed. Fourteen. He was breathing quickly, distraught. It was a nightmare. Of that day. The car crash.
Sasuke rolled over, burying his face in the pillow. He hadn't cried since that day. Hadn't had a real emotion but anger since that day. Hadn't care for anything since that day.
"Otouto," Itachi called into the room.
Sasuke sat up and threw a pillow at the door as it opened.
Itachi caught it. "Awake, I see," He said, gliding into the room.
"Home from work so soon?" Sasuke glanced at the clock. It was midnight.
Itachi's lips thinned, but he sat down next to Sasuke on the bed, returning the pillow. Sasuke thwapped him with it.
"Do it again, Otouto," Itachi's emotionless gaze stared at him.
"What's the point?" Sasuke asked, hugging the pillow against him as he buried himself in his blankets. "You're so dead inside you wouldn't know you were supposed to feel pain," Sasuke said in a half-cracked voice. An old argument.
Itachi stood up and peered down at his brother. "Good night, Otouto," He said in that same expressionless tone. Sasuke could have cried out for something. Anything. Why didn't he care they were gone.
"Bubbles died," Sasuke was rubbing his hands against his eyes in a futile attempt to stem the tears. Six years old.
"Oh, honey," His mother enveloped him in an embrace. Bubbles. His first fish. Itachi's gift for his birthday. "Did you feed him?"
"I gave him lots!" Sasuke whined, pressing desperately into her. Father was not here. Itachi was not here. He could cry. They would never know. He missed Bubbles.
His mother murmured her sympathies and cradled Sasuke. "Spot is still alive, dearest," She cooed to him. Spot. Mother gave him Spot. Father had not given him a fish.
Sasuke looked up and stared at his mother before his gaze drifted to the fish tank. "He'll be lonely without Bubbles," Sasuke said, clinging to her shirt. She picked him up and they both walked over to see the lone fish.
"He looks happy now you're here, Sasuke," She whispered in his ear and set him on the ground. He kept a firm grip on her hand, lest she disappear.
Sasuke blinked tears from his eyes as he washed the fish swim. It moved so delicately. But not like Bubbles. Bubbles had been his favorite.
Rubbing his eyes again, Sasuke looked up at his mother and smiled. "He does look happy," Sasuke conceded.
She smiled down at him and they both sat to watch the fish until Itachi and father came home.
The next day father and mother died in a car crash. Six years old.
It was Sasuke's first day working in the business world. Twenty two years old. He had arrived to work early. Not early enough, however.
The sight that greeted him as soon as he entered the office was his brother. Waiting for him.
"Otouto," Itachi had smiled in that way of his.
Sasuke's lips pressed thin. "Aniki," He said grudgingly. It was unfortunate that Sasuke had to endure his presence in order to follow his own desires and dreams.
"Your tie is crooked," Itachi said, gliding towards Sasuke. Without letting Sasuke respond properly, Itachi was fixing it for him. Standing very close. Sasuke could smell him. Turning his head to the side, Sasuke stared at the wall. He didn't say a word. He didn't make a sound.
Not even when Itachi pressed his lips to Sasuke's cheek.
"Are you done?" Sasuke asked after Itachi stepped away.
"We have a meeting today," Itachi said over his shoulder as he walked away to his own office.
Sasuke rubbed his cheek vigorously.
Fluffy was Sasuke's 30th goldfish. Ten years old. They didn't last long. It was either not feeding them. Feeding them too much. Or not cleaning the bowl. Itachi never questioned Sasuke when he said they needed to go out and buy a new goldfish. Poor Fluffy IV. We knew ye well.
After that, Itachi bought Sasuke a stuffed goldfish plushie. It worked just as well. It never died. Not until Sasuke ripped its stuffing out.
Sasuke was feeling very good. Sixteen years old. Parties were not very high on his priority list. But this one. It had been a whim. As had the ten shots of vodka he'd consumed.
Stumbling into the household at one in the morning, Sasuke made it to the couch. It was in his path, so he just collapsed into it.
"Otouto," Itachi's stern voice appeared at the doorway to the living room.
Sasuke laughed harshly. "Aniki, up so late?" Sasuke slurred, dizzily sitting upright. "I was hoping you'd be here," Sasuke whispered lowly. Harshly. Rising to his feet in an act defying his spinning head, Sasuke walked gracefully towards Itachi.
For his part, Itachi watched with guarded eyes.
Sasuke slung his arms around Itachi's shoulders and pressed himself so close. So dangerously close.
"Tell me what it's like to have no feelings," Sasuke whispered in Itachi's ear, nibbling on his earlobe. It made sense. It just all made sense now. Sasuke wanted to know. He needed to understand.
"Otouto," Itachi's voice was approaching that dangerous level Sasuke so loved to push him to.
"Aniki," Sasuke whispered seductively in his ear, running his tongue along the shell of it. "Tell me what you feel right now? Is it nothing? I'll bet," Sasuke slurred, sliding his hand down Itachi's body. "Is it something?" Sasuke queried, dragging his lips towards Itachi's own as his hand pushed into Itachi's pants, searching out.
When Sasuke crashed his drunken lips against Itachi's, shoved his forceful tongue into his brother's mouth. He didn't feel anything. Just the numbing cold of his life for the past ten years. Not even this could keep him from feeling anything other than anger towards his brother. His brother who just didn't care.
So Sasuke kissed harder. Pressed Itachi up into a wall and gripped him hard, rubbing against him furiously. "Fuck me, aniki," Sasuke groaned against his lips. Lust. He could feel lust. He could feel alcohol fogging his brain. Making this seem right.
It just didn't occur to Sasuke how Itachi never responded.
It did occur to him how Itachi never cared.
Pushing off roughly, Sasuke stumbled away. He leaned heavily on the couch, breathing for all he was worth. Raising his head, Sasuke glared accusingly at Itachi. "You started it," He spat out.
Itachi hadn't moved. He looked as calm and collected as ever. Not even ruffled.
"Show some fucking emotion, you damn devil," Sasuke cried, sinking to his knees. He couldn't stand. He couldn't face the drunken swirl of emotions.
When Itachi's arms encircled around him, Sasuke leaned into his brother's embrace. His chaste embrace. It wasn't enough. It was never enough.
Sasuke was hungry. Eleven years old. Itachi was not being helpful. In fact, he was not even here. Half an hour, he'd said. He would be back in half an hour.
Standing in the middle of the kitchen Sasuke stared at the counter. He couldn't reach. He couldn't make it to the cupboards. He wanted a sandwich. But he couldn't reach. Sasuke's stomach growled at him.
After twenty minutes of staring uselessly, Sasuke left the kitchen. He curled up in the sitting chair Itachi usually read in and waited. He closed his eyes.
When he opened them again, Itachi was waiting for him.
"Otouto," He greeted.
Jerking upright, Sasuke glared at Itachi. "I was hungry," Sasuke accused.
"We have food in the house," Itachi shrugged his accusation away.
But you were supposed to make it. Sasuke held it in. If you don't show them you care, they can't hurt you.
"Where were you?" Sasuke countered.
"Out," Itachi answered.
"Where?"
"It's not important. Are you still hungry?"
"No," Sasuke said childishly. He climbed out of the chair and stalked purposefully away towards his room. Stomach rumbling.
He paused in the doorway to the hallway. He glanced back at his brother. Itachi was not even looking at him. Did not have an emotion of caring in his whole body.
"Don't you love me, Aniki?" Sasuke asked in a small voice. All ages.
Thanks for reading! And hopefully reviewing. :)