"That one looks like a rabbit," Kelly said, pointing to a cloud. The two moons above reflected enough light to see the clouds by, though it was still dark.
"Yeah," John agreed. He shifted slightly. The grass was soft under his back, and the night air was warm. Kelly's soft breathing next to him was a comforting sound.
"We lost today." Kelly sounded frustrated.
"I know. It was my fault." John shook his head slightly when Kelly drew a breath to contradict him. "I sent Sam in before we had good intel. I should have listened to Serin."
"She's devious," Kelly huffed. "She thinks everyone is setting a trap for her. Maybe it's paranoia."
John shook his head. "It's leadership," he argued. "When you have to command everyone, send them into danger, you have to think everything's a trap. She's a better leader than I am."
"Maybe. I don't think so." Kelly plucked a long stalk of grass and chewed on it. "You're stronger, faster, and more aware of your teammates."
"But she's smarter."
"So? Smarts only get soldiers so far."
"Up the command tree." John knew Kelly was right – if it came down to a straight battle, he was the kind of commander soldiers wanted. But taking enemy bases was Serin's specialty.
"Do you want to be an officer?" Kelly asked incredulously.
John shifted uncomfortably. He hadn't told anyone, but yes, he wanted to lead soldiers. He didn't want to leave the field, but he liked being in charge. He had more control over the situation – though Chief Mendez would squash that concept immediately by reminding the child that war was never controllable. Soldiers could only try to control who their bullets hit. Leaders, though, could aim both soldiers and bullets.
"John, answer me. Do you want to be a desk jockey?" Kelly rolled up onto her side, staring at her friend.
"No," John muttered, looking away.
"You're lying," Kelly said accusingly.
"I don't want to be a desk jockey," John snapped. "But I do like leading."
"You're good at it – of course you like it. I like running." Kelly lay back down. "Because I'm good at it. And you lead Blue Team, and someday, I'll bet you lead all of us. But don't go climbing the command tree so much that I never see you again, okay? I like taking orders from you. They make sense."
Kelly was still bitter about being subbed into Maroon this afternoon, then. Joshua had needed the advantage her speed gave him, but he hadn't utilized her, and John's Blue Team – with Sam and Fred, this time – had easily overpowered Josh, Kelly, and Daisy. That had been before Mendez had sent half of the children to take over an "enemy" base manned by the other half, when John had lost his entire team to bad intel.
"Let's go back to cloud watching," John suggested after a few minutes. "That one looked like a sniper rifle."
"No guns," Kelly protested. "Tonight's supposed to be animals."
"Sorry. A snake, then." It was a weird, legged snake, but the long cloud did resemble something like a snake.
"It's got legs. It's a lizard."
"Fine, a lizard."
"Forget it, you're in a bad mood." Kelly huffed.
"No, I'm not," John said quietly. "Just thinking."
"Get it out, then. We should get back soon."
"If I do end up leading everyone… When we're real soldiers, like Dr. Halsey said… I'll be responsible for sending you into real combat. You could die. And I'd've sent you to your deaths."
"John." Kelly shook her head slightly. "I may be a simple soldier, but I do know this – a soldier stands between humanity and chaos. The Innies are that chaos now. If I have to die to put them down, then I'll do it. Death doesn't scare me."
"You can't outrun it," John replied.
"Of course not. But I can definitely give it a run for its money. That's all we can ever do. And if I ever get killed on a mission you send me on, I'll die knowing it was a good order that did it."
John simply nodded. "Dr. Halsey said she'd make us into the best soldiers humanity has ever seen, like the ancient Spartans. Maybe we won't die."
"Everyone dies, John," Kelly scoffed. "Dr. Halsey will die someday. So will the Chief."
"Nothing can kill the Chief."
"No, but old age just might."
"He's not that old."
"Time moves ever forward," Kelly said smugly, quoting one of the songs Déjà had been teaching them about recently. "Besides, you haven't sent anyone to their deaths yet. Just make the orders worthwhile. No one can regret dying for a good order."
"What if we get bad orders?"
"Then we don't die."
"Alright."