Disclaimer: I don't own Tale of Two Cities. I don't own Frasier

Summery: Frasier and Niles decide to put on a modern day version of a tale of two cities since Freddie is being tested on the book and she can't understand it.

Frasier: Okay Niles why don't you be the narrator?

Niles: Great

Niles cleared his throat and began.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the period of belief, it was the period of disbelief, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way-in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the unmatched degree of comparison only.

"Do you understand this Freddie," Frasier asked.

"Well I... think that it means that there were a bunch of opposites going on in the world," Freddie said, "It's kind of like when I took the train into the city without telling mom. I had fun but the lecture I got when I got home sucked."

"Yes," Niles said, "Well done Freddie."

There were a king with a large jaw and a queen with a plain face, on the throne of England; there were a king with a large jaw and a queen with a fair face, on the throne of France. In both countries it was obvious to the lords of the State preserves of loaves and fishes, that things in general would remain the same forever.

"I don't understand," Freddie said, "What does that have to do with loaves and fishes."

"Want to know a secret," Daphne said, "Charles Dickens got paid the more he wrote so he put in weird things like that."

"Oh," Freddie said, "That's cool. Can we take a break"

"Freddie," Frasier said, "I promise you this will be fun. Also after we are done here we can go to the water park."

"AWESOME!"

"Niles continue reading," Frasier said

It was the year of Our Lord one thousand seven hundred and seventy-five.

"So it was 1775," Freddie said, "That was one year before the declaration of independence was sighed."

"WELL DONE," Frasier praised, "Daphne get Freddie a treat."

"He's not a bloody dog," Daphne said, "He's a child."

"Fine get him some ice cream," Frasier said.

"Frasier have you never heard the word please," Niles chided.

"I'm sorry. PLEASE get Freddie some ice cream," Frasier replied.

Daphne went into the kitchen and brought Freddie out a bowl of ice cream.

"Thank you," Frasier said.

"Well that's better then," Daphne said, "You're welcome."

Niles cleared his throat and continued to narrate

Spiritual revelations were conceded to England at that favoured period, as at this. Mrs. Southcott had recently attained her five-and-twentieth blessed birthday, of whom a forewarning private in the Life Guards had signaled the awe-inspiring appearance by announcing that arrangements were made for the swallowing up of London and Westminster.

"Is that more gobbity gook," Freddie asked.

"Somewhat," Daphne said, "All you need to know is that at this lady's 25 party trouble was abrewin"

Frasier: Yes Daphne. Good job simplifying the most talented writer of the 18th century. Niles keep reading.

Even the Cock-lane ghost had been laid only a round dozen of years, after rapping out its messages, as the spirits of this very year last past (supernaturally deficient in originality) rapped out theirs.

Now Freddie's ears perked up.

"This is a ghost story," he asked, "Cool."

Frasier sighed.

"It's not a ghost story but you'll like it," he promised.

Mere messages in the earthly order of events had lately come to the English Crown and People, from a assembly of British subjects in America: which, interestingly, have proved more important to the human race than any communications yet received through any of the chickens of the Cock-lane brood.

"Great," Freddie said, "Now can we take a break?"

"Not just yet son," Frasier said.

"Frasier," Niles said, "We're taking a break. I need to rest my voice."

"Okay Daphne you narrate. It gets good in the second chapter."

"I wish this were a play," Freddie said.

"Well lets turn it into one," Frasier said, "That's a great idea Freddie.