{Disclaimer} I own nothing.
{Notes} I've dwelled in the land of Harry Potter fandom for over three years and I'm new to the Star Wars Universe. Meaning? It's kind of frightening writing about something I don't have much knowledge in, but I was enthralled by the relationship between Vader and Luke. Or, in this case, Anakin and Luke. This is just a warning for the die-hard Star Wars fans that there will be mistakes.
This story will obviously be AU. Anakin was never reborn as Darth Vader and Palpatine escaped with his life and is still around. The Republic is struggling and Padmé is still alive.
{Summary} "The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them."- Confucius.As a child, Luke vowed that his father would always be his hero. But as Luke grows older, he begins to see Anakin's unsightly flaws. Scarred, Luke will do anything to become his own person and step out from his father's shadow. Meanwhile, Anakin struggles as he watches the downfall of his son and tries to reestablish their bond before its too late.
{I know the Jedi younglings are 13 before they are transported to the Jedi Service Corps if they have not received a Master, but in this story, I changed it to 15}
Chapter One
He had always looked up to his father.
Ever since he was a young boy, he had grown up with stars in his eyes. Those stars were for his father and his father alone.
Once Leia and Luke finally received separate bedrooms, Luke remembered decorating his walls with imagecasters and holoprojectors of Anakin Skywalker and souvenirs of the Clone Wars. Those were the days before Luke began training at the Jedi Temple. When he turned seven, he and his twin sister were transported to the Jedi Temple, much to their mother's chagrin. Personal possessions included only a training lightsaber and a handful of clothes. No images of his fearless father…
Because Padmé and Anakin Skywalker were very influential, the Council agreed on allowing Luke and Leia to visit Padmé during the weekends. At the time of the decision, Luke had been ecstatic, too ecstatic to realize how unhappy the Council was at the decision. In his childish mind, he thought the High Council had come up with the decision by themselves. He hadn't known that Padmé and Anakin had threatened to remove Luke and Leia from the Jedi and raise them by themselves on Naboo.
Attachment wasn't looked highly upon by the Jedi.
Luke just thought he was a special case because his father was the Hero With No Fear.
He entered the Temple with his chin raised high, his mind clouded with as much self-importance as a seven-year-old could possibly possess. He proudly boasted to the other younglings that his father was, indeed, Jedi Master Anakin Skywalker. They had looked just as impressed as he had felt. They always wanted to know what his father was like outside the Temple. At the time, Luke believed he never told them because he wanted to keep his father to himself. He was selfish and didn't want the others to know just how special Anakin was.
Looking back on it now, Luke realized he hadn't told his fellow younglings because he hadn't known what his father was like outside the Temple.
When he was younger, Luke believed Anakin was a sort of god. He idolized his father to the point of obsession. Anakin was the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy. He was immortal. He was perfect. He was loyal.
While Anakin was most those things, he was not perfect, nor was he immortal.
His memory of the days he spent with his father were murky at best, but also treasured like the rare gems they were. It wasn't a surprise that, as a child, he only remembered the positives to his father. He remembered how Anakin snuck him out of the Temple at nights when he came back from his missions. His father always had a mischievous spark in his eyes as he took Luke by the hand and led him out of the walls of the Temple. They ate food that Master Yoda would probably frown upon, slick with grease and salt.
Anakin would then recount his adventures, leaving Luke gaping with starved interest and admiration. His chest had always swelled with pride at his father's stories. The man then turned the tables and asked Luke how his training was going. His father was always interested in Luke, seemingly just as parched for news on his life as Luke was with his.
Luke would always give his father the benefit of the doubt. Anakin always asked after Luke, Leia, and Padmé. The infrequent times when he was present, his attention was focused on his family and only them. His attention never wavered.
But after those cherished bonding experiences, he was gone, weeks—almost months at a time.
Luke always remembered driving with his father in the skies of Coruscant after their late night retreat. While Anakin had been always cautious of Luke's safety, he still allowed for a bit of recklessness that would lift his son's spirits. Sometimes they returned to the Temple undetected, but there were also times when they had been spotted by Master Yoda or Master Kenobi.
Those memories were always his fondest. Even the times when Luke and Leia were informed that Anakin wouldn't make it for their birthday, Luke had shrugged it off quickly, anxious to see his father as soon as possible.
His obsession with Anakin could also be blamed on the bond he had with his father. His father's presence embraced him, consumed him at times. Even when they were apart, his father's presence touched him on more than one occasion during the day. In many ways, it was similar to the bond Luke shared with Leia, only, it seemed far more sturdy, far more overwhelming than the link he shared with Leia since birth.
But his hazy veil he placed in front of his father had lifted the past few years. He no longer looked at his father as if the whole galaxy revolved around him, simply because he saw how flawed Anakin was.
Luke was fourteen-years-old, nearing fifteen. He would need to be chosen by a Master or Knight as a Padawan shortly, or he would have to be transferred to the Jedi Service Corps. It was an insult to him if he had to transfer. He had thought, long before today, that his father would have already chosen him as his Padawan. Leia was indifferent about who her Master would be and claimed she didn't care if their father picked Luke over her.
In many ways, Leia was their mother's child. Luke was Anakin's. It was obvious that Padmé and Anakin would never see it as this, they both loved their children equally, but Luke and Leia were always drawn to one of their parents more than the other.
At the moment, Luke wished fervently that he would have renounced his obsession with his father as a child and grown to love his mother just as much.
His hands curled around his doorframe as he peered across the hallway and down to the sitting room where his mother sat. Anakin had been absent on a peace mission for over two months now. Today was Padmé's and Anakin's anniversary. Early yesterday, through the hologram, Anakin promised his wife he would be home for their anniversary. But judging from the position of the moons, Anakin wasn't coming home anytime tonight.
Padmé sat hunched over on the couch, her hands hiding her face. She was muffling her sobs as best as she could, but even Luke could hear the suffering gasps of breath between the cries. Her frail shoulders were shaking uncontrollably, trembling almost as uncontrollably as the dancing flame in front of her. She had lit the candle over six hours ago. Its wax was weeping hot tears on the table beneath it.
Luke's lips trembled, his chest contracting at his mother's suffering.
Earlier this evening, he had smiled at her enthusiastic behavior. She had looked truly happy. The past few years, Luke had seen Padmé slowly lose her spark. She had always been a proud and strong woman. He had admired her, only because she kept her own when situations became difficult. For fifteen years, Padmé remained independent and sturdy in Anakin's absence, Luke knew. But it seemed as if his mother was slowly losing her fight.
And he hated his father then, for causing Padmé such pain.
No. Master Yoda would slap him on the calves with his cane for using such a strong and ugly emotion. Hate. He didn't hate his father. He couldn't.
Luke looked up and across his doorframe at Leia. His sister was dressed in a white nightgown, hugging herself around her stomach. Her posture may have seemed vulnerable, but her expression was impassive, hard, as she looked at her mother down the hallway.
Her dark brown eyes then sought Luke as Padmé issued another choked breath.
Do you finally see how great of a man he is? Leia asked Luke in his mind. You've been blind for a long time, Luke.
The blond-haired boy blinked, not familiar with Leia speaking in his head. She preferred to stay out of his mind, and he in hers.
He is a good man. Luke sent back. He has loyalty to not only his family, but the citizens of the galaxy. He was defending his father despite the raging anger cursing through his chest.
Brushing against her mind, Luke was taken aback by what she was feeling. She didn't feel hate for Anakin, no, it was a resigned sadness. He felt jealous of her for feeling such a positive emotion. She accepted Anakin's true nature and had come to understand it and welcome it. She seemed oddly mature in that aspect, whereas Luke could only hold on to his childish idolization of his father.
Anakin was human. He was allowed mistakes and flaws. But to Luke, he was still the Jedi hero. He should throw away his expectations and accept the fact that Anakin was just like any other human.
But Luke couldn't accept it. He wanted a father who was there for him, for the rest of the family. He needed a father. He wanted attention from the man he looked up to. But Anakin was only the Hero With No Fear, a hero for the rest of the galaxy.
She sent him a cool stare before slowly padding out her room and into the hallway. Her bare feet were silent as she approached their mother. Luke watched as she hesitantly touched their mother's shoulder. Padmé started; her eyes red from crying as she looked up at her intruder. When she saw it was her daughter, she gave a grim smile and opened her arms. Leia seemed at ease as she sat down next to her mother and embraced her. No words were spoken between the two, almost as if they shared their own special bond.
Luke tightened his hold on the doorframe and considered his options. Almost subconsciously, he moved into the hallway and toward his sister and mother. As he stopped self-consciously in front of the couch, his mother looked up at him, startled, before slowly calming down.
"You look just like Anakin when he was young, Luke." She sent him an apologetic smile and reached for him with her free arm. "Come here."
Her words affected him more than he let on. In her arms, Leia's dark eyes observed him almost knowingly. He tried to ignore his twin in favor of pondering the words of his mother. He had heard them before, how much he looked like Anakin. He had the eyes, the facial structure, and the hair. Before, hearing that he looked like his father had made him smug, pleased.
But now… it made him a bit uncomfortable. He had a burning desire to look like his own person and not mirror his father and his flaws.
He tugged at his bone-white hair, considering, before an idea planted itself in his mind.
Hiding his smile from Leia's suspicious stare, he stepped closer to his mother and allowed her arms to engulf him. His teachings at the Jedi Temple screamed at him that he shouldn't be this close. Affection, attachment…. As Master Yoda would say—
Luke frowned into the flickering flame of the candle, throwing away his teaching in favor of savoring the hand running through his hair. It was the weekend. He was away from the Temple.
"I love your father," Padmé began softly. "I'm sorry you both had to see my breakdown." She offered a soothing tone, almost as if she were amused with herself for her silliness. It was if she believed she could make them forget the sobs that stirred them from the depths of sleep. "Work is incredible stressful and I was looking forward to Anakin being here tonight. He's just as busy as I am, if not more. I understand completely why he couldn't make it. His first duty is to the galaxy, to the Republic. Without his help, without the Jedi, our government would be in chaos."
It was already in chaos.
Luke's jaw clenched at his mother's words. She was trying to sugar-coat Anakin's absence as it were nothing. How often had she done this in their childhood? Was she to blame for Luke's blindness when it came to their father? Was she to blame for all the years wasted, hoping—believing that Anakin was something he was not?
The anger consumed him, but a soft hand curled around his fingers, squeezing away the darkness. Raising his eyes, he spied Leia as the one to take his hand captive. Her warm eyes softened his anger, reminding him that anger was one emotion the Jedi could not afford to have.
He breathed deeply, closing his eyes and calming himself. Pressing his cheek against his mother's shoulder, he sat in her embrace, clutching Leia's hand for support.
Together they sat, offering each other comfort.
Luke wondered, briefly, what they would feel if he confessed that Anakin chose to do these missions. A year ago, Luke found out from a Padawan that Master Jedi, for the most part, picked the missions they went on. It was true the High Council assigned a few missions, but they usually left it to the Knights and Masters to discern who was to accept it.
His father was gone this often on his own choosing.
A drop of moisture landed on his cheek. Padmé quickly wiped at Luke's cheek, apologizing softly.
It was another tear.
Luke stared at the flame, feeling something in him shatter.
It had been almost a year since his bond with his father had weakened. He stopped contacting Anakin through their minds or even touching his father to make sure the man was safe. Tonight, he found himself tentatively reaching out to his father. As he came in contact with the man's presence, he was overwhelmed with frustration and impatience.
Father? Luke began quietly.
Anakin's presence flared in awareness as he reached and claimed Luke with his contact. Luke, son, you should be in bed.
Luke's pulse raced and he closed his eyes. Where are you? He sent with barely suppressed anger.
His father seemed to pause at the anger coming from Luke. Luckily, he saved his reprimanding, and instead, engulfed Luke with a warm glow. I got held back a couple of hours, Luke. I'm in hyperspace, I'll be in Coruscant in a couple of hours. The voice hesitated. How is your mother?
Luke recoiled. Did he really have to ask?
He sat up and offered his mother a small smile.
Luke?
"I love you, mother," Luke murmured. He leaned forward and kissed her cheek.
Luke?
He threw up his mental barrier, blocking out his father once again. If he wanted an answer, he could contact Leia.
Padmé glowed as he reached out and stroked the back of her knuckles down Luke's cheek. "I love you too, Luke."
And Luke realized that a mother's love rivaled that of a father's.
{Hear Me}
He brought back the razor and ran it across his scalp. Blonde clumps of hair fell to the floor near his feet, tickling the sensitive skin on his toes. He looked up at the mirror as he brought back the razor once again, stripping another section of his scalp.
Last night, after comforting his mother, he had laid awake in bed, thinking back to how his emotions had been out of hand. Master Yoda had specifically told Luke to monitor and control his emotions. Yoda claimed Luke felt too much and he allowed those feelings to take control.
While a part of him shattered at his realization of Anakin's true character, he recognized that his father was a powerful Jedi. It should be understandable that Anakin was absent. And despite Padmé's 'breakdown' last night, Luke knew that she harbored an incredibly strong will. She truly believed Anakin was doing his duty and she supported him and his absences.
So why couldn't Luke?
Even Leia accepted their father's absence.
He tried to tell himself that he did. That he accepted Anakin as who he was. It was time for him to grow up and see that his child-vision of Anakin was just that— a child's vision.
Despite his reassurance in his mind, his chest still felt tight.
Turning back to the mirror, he felt Anakin's presence inside the apartment. His father had come back early this morning, and as far as Luke could tell, the man was still awake. Luke felt reluctant to leave the bathroom and face his family. Cutting his hair had been a decision to separate himself from his father. For as long as he could remember, he always had shaggy blonde hair, similar to that of his father's. It should be understandable that he didn't want to mirror his father in appearance and personality, shouldn't it?
It didn't matter. There was no backing out now.
His hair was still visible, but it was extremely short. He brought his fingers through the short hair, grinning as he messed it up.
Schooling his features, he nodded at his reflection before leaving the refresher.
Leia, his mother and father were sitting around the breakfast table before the wide transparisteel windows, appearing as if they practiced this normal morning ritual every day.
Because Leia was facing Luke, her brown gaze spied him first. A wicked spark entered her eyes as she gave a snort of laughter. Luke scowled in her direction as he sat down, getting the attention of both his parents.
"Oh," Padmé murmured, blinking once in surprise before her expression warped into sympathy. "Luke…" she whispered. She then shared a knowing look with her husband before reaching forward. Her fingers raked through his hair, measuring the different and uneven lengths. "If you wanted to get your hair cut, you should have asked me."
Luke reared away from her hand, trying in vain to smooth his hair out without looking too embarrassed. He had thought he had cut it even enough.
"That is enough, Leia," Anakin scolded as Leia let out another laugh.
Luke risked a look at his father. The man appeared as influential as the last time Luke saw him. His expression was schooled, almost hard, as his pale blue eyes studied Luke closely. His shaggy dark-blonde hair brushed the top of his black cloak in loose waves. Luke wondered when his own blonde hair would turn darker. It was only a matter of time.
"Luke," Anakin greeted softly. His tone suggested that he wasn't happy with him, but then again, Luke did shut him out of his mind last night.
"Father," Luke replied just as distant.
This remote relationship between father and son had been like this for a good year. Since then, Luke had practiced shielding his mind and distancing himself. Gone were the days when Anakin snuck Luke out of the Temple for joy rides. In its place, an overbearing and absent father stood, his expectations too high.
In most ways, Luke wanted to idolize his father so much simply because if he didn't, he was afraid he would fear his father instead. Anakin carried power about him in his proud and stubborn stance. It was a power that awed most beings, but also made them respect him in submissive fear. There was also something else about Anakin that made Luke uncertain. It was almost if shadows clung to Anakin, dark shadows. The shadows made Anakin appear almost dangerous.
He didn't know much about his father's past, save for his adventures during the Clone Wars, but he did know he fought many Sith. There was also the time that a Sith came very close to seducing Anakin to the Dark Side. In response, Anakin resisted him with the company of Master Windu. Or so, Luke was told. Anakin never indulged Luke with the details.
"Leia tells me that you haven't been acting yourself lately," Anakin began again. "And I would have to agree."
Luke looked across the table at Leia. His sister poked at her plate, not looking up at Luke. It was surprising. Her pride was usually too great to avoid eye contact. "I don't see how you would know that, father. You've been gone for so long."
From the corner of his eye, Anakin nodded at his mother. Suddenly, as if they had planned this before hand, Padmé stood up and placed her hand on Leia's shoulder. His sister flashed Luke a sympathetic look before standing with her mother and disappearing from the room.
Luke looked after them, feeling his irritation rise.
"Just like that," Anakin's deep voice pointed out, startling Luke. "You are allowing your anger too much freedom, Luke."
He'd like to be angry with his father's hypocritical comment; instead, he smothered down the emotion and remained calm.
Suddenly, his chair was taken by invisible hands and turned toward his father. He leaned back in his chair as his knees hit his father's, meeting the eyes that mirrored his own. He felt belittled as Anakin leaned forward, staring at Luke closely. "I know my absence has been a burden on the family, Luke."
"You have no idea, father," Luke whispered strongly with the image of a broken Padmé in his mind.
Anakin blinked, his face morphing into a sharp pain before he schooled his features. "I need to take these missions, Luke, I—,"
It was uncouth to interrupt his father, Luke knew, but he found himself doing it anyway. "I heard that Jedi Masters and Knights got to pick their missions," he confessed hotly. This secret came out, making his shoulders and chest feel lighter. "It's your own decision to be gone this long. Why?" He meant for his voice to come out sure and strong, like his mother, but it came out weak.
Anakin bowed his head, his hair veiling his expression. Suddenly, his black glove landed on Luke's knee, squeezing. "That may be true for most Knights and Masters, Luke. But I'm afraid that doesn't apply to me. The High Council believes I should take these missions. And I accept their suggestions."
Luke frowned as Anakin looked back up at him. A flicker of hope flamed his chest at his father's ominous hint. "But why? Why would they make you go on all those missions? Haven't you done enough for the galaxy?"
Anakin offered a small smile, his expression melting into one of devotion. "Luke," he began. "There are many things you don't understand." Before Luke could interrupt and tell his father that he was old enough to hear these things, his father placed a hand on his lips, shutting him up. "You are yet too young to hear everything." Anakin's blue eyes seemed to warm. "You are a very good person, Luke. Much like your mother."
His father's hand on his chest made Luke feel disgusted with himself.
He looked away from his father, wondering why Anakin believed he was such a good person. Just a few minutes ago, he claimed he harbored a burning dislike for Anakin. Now though, he didn't feel so sure of his view of Anakin. There was something else behind the scenes Luke wasn't aware of.
Still, Luke believed there would always be that burning need to have his father close to him, to have his attention. There was also the desire to be his own person, away from Anakin's overbearing shadow. Filling his father's shoes would be impossible, and that frightened Luke. How could he make a name for himself without people comparing him to the Hero With No Fear?
Almost if sensing his thoughts, Anakin curled his hand around the back of Luke's neck and tugged him forward. He pressed a kiss to Luke's temple before standing up. "I hope you're mediating. It should help with the anger. If you find yourself in need of assistance, please come to me or the other Jedi. They are there to help you."
Luke remained sitting, staring blankly at Anakin's lightsaber on his belt.
"I promised Master Kenobi that I would have you and Leia at the Temple. Eat quickly."
With one last inquiring stare, Anakin turned his heel and made his way to the room Padmé and Leia disappeared into.
Luke leaned forward, his mind in turmoil. His father hadn't even scolded him about their mind bond last night. He hadn't even inquired after Luke's distance with their link. Did he even notice?
Peering into his reflection on the table, he wondered if this faze of doubting his father would pass. Quite frankly, he wanted the days of his blind admiration to come back.
{Notes} Please let me know what you think. Was it as horrible as I thought it was? Should I continue? Feedback is amazing ;) Thanks for reading this far.