I feel like I've betrayed
My best friend's trust.
I just told her fiancee
That I loved him.
Confessing something
Which shouldn't be said
I let my heart pour out to him
To try and keep my light aflame
Am I not happy with my own life?
Shouldn't I be grateful for what I have?
I talk to them-
Mostly to myself,
"You shouldn't talk to things that aren't there"
Mother always told me.
But aren't I talking to you?
I feel alone in a crowded room
Why my life must be put in such gloom?"
The new year,
A fresh start-
Everything feels the same..
But I see a face
On my computer screen
His face so pale,
Eyes black.
He looks at me,
Eyes hard-
Calculating almost,
A piercing gaze
That makes me cry
I watch him-
I want to touch him
To take his pain away...
For years I would fall
On my ass
As the little fuckers they call "children"
Tease me
Pick on me,
Make me feel like shit.
Where were you mommy?
Where were you daddy?
There to embarrass me
There to spoil me
Why cant you decide on it?
Aren't I supposed to be a spoiled little girl?
"No."
Aren't I supposed to be a happy little girl?
"No."
Well then, what am I supposed to be?
"Obedient"
"Attentive"
"Straight A student"
"A girl who doesn't chase after boys."
"Wait until college."
"Save sex until marriage"
The same fucking shit all over again...
I give up my happiness for others,
Always giving them attention
I never get any
I thought I could I live without it-
But I can't.
I depend on them,
To tell me what they think
I want to feel loved
Again I see his face
Those eyes that look so unloved
They bore into right through me-
But I'm not afraid.
I'm not backing away.
I've realized what could sway me
What would make me look past
Those solely focused eyes.
I love him.
At only eight years old,
I've fallen in love.
I realized what it meant at that age,
As well as breaking up and divorce-
Before I knew marriage, relationship and sex was.
Years later I would still remember this love-
The love I felt six years ago.
I feel the warmth, the hope that resides
At the bottom,
Where all my emotions are.
The relief washes over me
As I cry,
Sorrowful,Remorseful,Grateful, Angry,
For what he has done.
Those glaring eyes look down upon me-
We're almost the same height...
As I wrap my arms around his neck.
"I'm here for you," The whisper came.
"What do you care?"
"If I didn't care, would I be here?"
I held on tight as the scowl would slowly disappear
From the only person I will ever hold dear.
He embraces me eventually,
Accepts I will never leave.
Brushing the back of my hand when things get horrid,
Being there when I cry-
Although we lead different lives
Right from the start,
He takes me in,
And for that, I'm grateful.
"I love master."
Even his stupidly cute spiked up black blueish hair,
Moves ever so slightly as he says nothing,
Just holding me-
Tighter,Tighter-
He holds me close to him.
I smile, I accept his embrace and love towards me...
Me and and only me.
A deep, broken voice comes from deep within him,
That surprises me.
"I love you too. Strange one."
His words mean so much,
And with that, I feel like we are one,
One neutral being, everlasting...
Together, forever