A/N: This is my first Definitions of Love for VMars. It's this little series I've been doing for all the categories I write for. It's kind of short, only over seven hundred words, but it's an introspective on Veronica's relationships with Piz and Logan. Anyway, enjoy. R&R! Thanks! –Mac
Disclaimer: I don't own VMars.
Definitions of Love: Torn
Torn (adj) 1: to have separated parts of or have pulled apart by force 2: lacerated 3: to have been disrupted by the pull of contrary forces. [Synonyms: ripped, shredded, tattered, broken, cleaved, wrenched
Veronica Mars was torn.
On one side she had her adorable, sweet, loving boyfriend and on the other side she had her disturbed, troublesome ex. The choice should have been obvious, but that was the problem. She had been striving for a sense of normalcy in her life and she had found it in Piz. Yet somehow it wasn't enough for her. There was a part of her that, no matter how hard she tried, wouldn't let go of Logan.
She could try and pass it off that it was only because they had a history together. He had been a friend since they were kids. They had been through so much together; good, bad and worst. They had survived tragedy and found joy in each other. It would be hard to let go of that with just a snap of the fingers. She could resolve to cut him out of her life, but that was easier said than done.
She could try and say that was why, but somewhere in her Veronica knew it was much more than that. She could try and believe that Piz was everything she wanted: a normal relationship with someone who didn't carry so much baggage and hadn't been bruised, broken and left for dead (in a completely metaphorical sense, though in Veronica's life it could be argued for the literal sense as well). But if she was completely honest with herself—something she didn't like to do often—she was with Piz for one simple reason. And that was because he was everything Logan wasn't.
And from that angle it made it all that harder to choose. There was no middle ground. Just one extreme or the other. It was if they each had her by one arm, pulling her in an endless tug of war. She had to fight the urge to run as far as she could from the both of them, because the only end result she could see was her split down the middle, broken and tattered once again. If she made the choice and let one of them win (she wouldn't believe she was only a prize, but the analogy fit), then at the very least she would be whole—and one of them would be happy.
She couldn't decide. She wasn't exactly happy with Piz, but she was something like happy. She thought maybe that was what normal felt like. It had been so long since she felt normal that she wasn't sure. Logan had hurt her so many times. She wasn't sure she would risk it anymore. Her heart had been ripped to shreds so many times; she didn't think she could put it through too much more. Yet she was uneasy without him. If there was one person who could truly understand what she had been through it was him—he had gone through much of it himself.
That was the problem with Piz. He couldn't even imagine some of the things she had seen. The dark and the vile and the twisted. Who she was could destroy him, corrupt him so. Logan was already tainted, stained. She couldn't hope to do any more damage to him.
She wasn't sure what to do. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt either of them, but it seemed unavoidable. She wanted to love Piz, knew that she should. But realizing that she didn't was an accomplishment in itself. She could have ignored this for as long as it took for them to fall apart as she had done with Logan countless times. She ignored the problems until they were too much and then instead of fighting for him, she ran.
Acknowledging her problems in her current relationship was her first step in making a real choice for herself—one she would stick to. Making up for what she had done was the next. And not running from those who got too close was the last. She had known, always known, who she wanted. She just had to allow herself the chance to let herself want him. Give herself the chance to not only love him, but to tell him she loved him.
A/N2: If it wasn't obvious she was kind of picking Logan. Because I root for LoVe all the way. Even if Piz is adorable and sweet. R&R! –Mac