What happens when the vampire franchise enters the locker rooms of the Miami Crime Lab? Read to find out! Read, review, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI: Miami, Twilight, or any other franchise mentioned in this fic!
Ryan Wolfe went into the locker room during the early morning of the Miami-Dade Crime Lab. He walked in and saw his co-worker, Natalia Boa Vista, leaning against the lockers. She was reading a book of some sorts. It was thick, about an inch and a half. Ryan couldn't see the cover, so he just went about his business.
"Doing some light reading?" he asked, opening up his locker.
"Uh-hu," Natalia responded, her eyeballs zooming back-and-forth across the page.
"Ready for the day?"
"Uh-hu."
Her eyes still didn't leave the book and she was so focused on the story, not to mention oblivious to the real world, that Ryan decided to have a bit of fun with the situation
"I won the lottery," he lied.
"Uh-hu," Natalia repeated.
"I'm dating a famous actress," he lied again, smiling at how zoned out she was.
"Uh-hu."
"Can I borrow $100?" he asked, being serious now.
"Not a chance," Natalia answered, turning the page.
Ryan decided to surrender at this point and to just go about his usual day.
With the exception of the opening and cluttering of Ryan's locker, it was completely silent in the locker room . . . that was until one of them started freaking out.
"No!" Natalia screeched from out of the blue. "No, no, no!"
Furious, she snapped the book shut and wrenched open her locker. She threw the book inside and slammed the metal door. The bang echoed around the room for a few seconds.
"Are you okay?" Ryan asked in a concerned manner.
"Fine," Natalia huffed, taking a deep breath.
"You sure?"
"Yeah," she responded. Her words said one thing, but her expression displayed another. Her face was red, her eyes were burning with anger and disappointment, and her teeth were clenched. "Just forget it."
"Okay . . . man, I haven't heard someone yell that loud since my niece read those Twilight books and read that the vampire dude was leaving what's-her-name."
He turned over to Natalia; she was biting her lips in a guilty fashion. Ryan connected the dots easily . . . Natalia was reading the Twilight Saga . . . and she just read that part he was just referring to.
"Damn," he sighed when he reached his conclusion.
"His name is Edward, her name is Bella, and he shouldn't have left her! Okay! It's just not right!" Natalia nearly shouted.
"Oh dear God."
"What?" Natalia demanded harshly.
"I'm . . . working with a Twilight fan," Ryan groaned.
"We're called 'Twilighters'," Natalia corrected. "But sometimes we're called 'Twihearts.'"
"Great," he sighed sarcastically. "There's a name for all these people! It's practically a cult now!"
"It is not a cult, get it Ryan?" Natalia snapped. "However, there are some people who love these books and do get a bit emotional when Edward leaves Bella, when Edward nearly lost her to James, and when Jasper nearly drank her blood at the birthday party that the Cullens threw her!"
Ryan looked at Natalia in bewilderment.
"Okay . . . just about everything you just said is all gibberish to me," he stated.
"Oh, well, you see, James was this evil vampire and he was in love with this other vampire, Victoria –," Natalia began to explain.
"And I'd rather not start understanding now!" Ryan interrupted. The last thing he wanted was to hear the entire history of a book of vampires.
"Fine!" Natalia snapped.
"Thank you."
There was silence for a few seconds and it seemed like this conversation was over. That was until . . .
"It isn't right, though!" Natalia started again.
That was way too easy, Ryan thought, referring to how easy Natalia gave up.
"After all she did to be with him! She stayed in Forks! She risked her sanity! She's risking her mortal life –," she listed. Ryan was starting to get annoyed.
"Nat!" he said. "I don't care what the crazy-New Mexico chick did for the gay vampire!"
"Actually, she's from Arizona! And you should . . . what?"
Ryan looked confused.
"What?" he asked.
"You did not . . . you did not . . . you did not just call Edward Cullen gay," Natalia growled, sneering at Ryan with the look of Death.
"I did," Ryan stated. "Edward's gay."
Natalia pointed an angry finger at Ryan.
"Take that back!" she demanded.
"No!"
"Take it back, Wolfe!"
"The dude is gay, Natalia!"
"Ryan, if he was gay, why would he risk his life for Bella?" Natalia asked, crossing her arms.
"He can't risk his life! He's the undead!"
"He would if he could!"
"But he can't!"
"Doesn't mean he's gay!"
"Nat, he's a sparkling vampire! Ergo, he's gay!"
"He can't help if he shines in the sunlight!"
"Okay!" Ryan exhaled, trying to calm down his infuriated friend. "Maybe he's not gay . . . bisexual, maybe, but –."
"Wolfe!" Natalia warned.
"Fine, he's straight!" he surrendered.
As straight as a curvy road that is, he thought to himself secretly.
"My point is the book is a cliché."
Natalia put her hands on her hips and glared at Ryan.
"Explain."
"Gladly," Ryan smirked. "First off, it's the classic story of the new girl at school who doesn't fit in lives happily-ever-after with mysterious guy. Secondly, she doesn't have one, but two mysterious people fall in love with her and in the end they all live in that perfect universe where anything is possible and everyone is happy."
"You don't know they live happily-ever-after," Natalia assumed.
"Oh, but I do," he corrected. "My niece told me the whole story. I know that in the end Edward and Bella get married and Jacob falls in love with their daughter."
Natalia rolled her lips, trying not to throw a punch at Ryan . . . her hands balled into fists and her nostrils flared.
"Wolfe . . . you have five seconds to get out of my sight," she warned.
"Why?" Ryan asked slowly, kind of worried by this point.
Natalia took a step towards him and he took a step back almost immediately.
"You – just – ruined – the –entire – saga – for – me!" she growled.
Oh crap! Ryan thought to himself, realizing his big mistake.
"Oh, look at the time," he said, looking at his watch but not really caring about the time. "I'm sure there's some crime scene I have to get to somewhere in Miami . . . and I should leave before this locker room becomes a crime scene."
Ryan ran down the hall and into Fingerprints where Eric Delko and Calleigh Duquesne were waiting for a hit in AFIS. He came into the room and pulled on his lab coat and turned to the couple, looking nervous and petrified as he did so.
"Wolfe, are you okay?" Eric asked as Ryan took some deep breaths.
"Fine," he replied. "But . . . um . . . Natalia's probably gonna try and kill me by the end of the day and I haven't written my will, so Cal, you can have my firearms, Delko, you can have my movies, and H and Frank can have everything else."
"What did you do?" Eric and Calleigh asked in unison.
Ryan clapped his hands together and chuckled a bit before answering.
"It's a funny story, kind of stupid, really . . . but you know how Nat's into the Twilight thing?"
"Yeah, I got her a collection of the books for her birthday," Calleigh remembered.
Gee, thanks Calleigh, Ryan thought sarcastically.
"Well, I kinda ruined the ending of the series for her," he finished.
Calleigh gave Ryan the "why-the-hell-did-you-do-that-for-you-bastard" look.
"You told her that Edward and Bella get married, have a daughter that Jacob falls in love with, and that Edward turns Bella into a vampire?" she demanded furiously.
"No . . . I didn't tell her that Bella becomes a vampire," Ryan admitted.
"But you told her everything else?"
"Uh . . . maybe," he replied slowly. "Wait! How did you know that that's what happens?"
"I read the books," Calleigh shrugged.
"Great! I'm working with two Twilighters!" Ryan snapped sarcastically.
Eric chuckled.
"What?" Ryan asked.
"You just said 'Twilighters'," Eric smiled.
"Well, I'm glad you find this amusing, Delko," Ryan sighed.
Eric held up his hands in mock-surrender.
"I just don't see the big deal about it," Ryan admitted.
"Okay, first-of-all, I'm not a Twilighter, I just like the books," Calleigh explained. "Secondly, I agree that the huge fuss about it is slightly overrated. But, the books, story-line, and some of the characters aren't bad."
"You like that werewolf guy, don't you?" Eric accused from out-of-the-blue.
"What?" Calleigh said, appalled at this sudden statement.
"You know, that werewolf kid with the hair, the abs, and he keeps trying to win Bella's heart."
"What?" Calleigh repeated.
"Hold it!" Ryan began. "How do you know so much about it?"
"She made me rent the movies," Eric explained, nodding his head towards Calleigh.
"And we always rented the movie you wanted to see the next time we got them," she reminded, knowing he didn't particularly enjoy the Twilight movies.
Ryan couldn't help but chuckle; Eric and Calleigh must've been a very serious relationship if Eric was willingly to see those movies to spend time with Calleigh.
"Yeah, but admit it, you like that werewolf," Eric continued.
"You mean Jacob?" Calleigh questioned.
"Ha! So you admit it!" Eric nodded.
"No, I don't like him," Calleigh corrected. "That is to say, I don't like him in the way you're thinking."
"Oh, but you like him some other way?" Eric accused yet again.
Ryan couldn't believe it; this Twilight franchise was starting to affect those who didn't even like it.
"Eric, he's good-looking and all, but I don't like him in any way, shape, or form . . . for the most part," Calleigh added to herself.
"Okay, now I get it. You –."
"Okay!" Ryan interrupted before Eric said something else. "Delko, he's a fictional character . . . super emphasis on the fictional. Now, unless Calleigh decided to leave you, go all cougar on us, and starts wanting to date the guy who acts as this werewolf guy in the movies, which I hardly doubt will happen, there is no discussion here! Got it?"
Eric didn't say another word on the subject.
"See, this is exactly what I mean!" Ryan stated. "It has become so much of a franchise people are quoting it in their daily lives! It's insanity!"
"Ryan, have you actually read the books?" Calleigh asked calmly.
"I don't have to; I know they're just pieces of crap."
"You see, that's exactly what Natalia and I thought when we first heard of them. But, Valera's read them, told us to give them a chance, we both read the first one, and the rest is history."
"What are you saying, Calleigh?"
"Don't judge them so harshly before you read them," Calleigh shrugged. "How about you check-out a copy of Twilight and the rest of the saga? Who knows, you might like them."
Ryan laughed with no amusement present.
"How about I don't and say I did?" he suggested.
Calleigh rolled her eyes.
"Come on, Ryan. They aren't that bad."
"No, no, no!"
Eric, who would actually like to see Ryan attempt to read these books, decided to intervene.
"Hey, Wolfe," he began. "How about you read these books and I pay you $20?"
"I cannot be bought! No amount of money in the entire world could make me read those poor excuses for books!" Ryan argued.
"$50?"
"Deal!" Ryan agreed.
"Really?" Calleigh questioned.
"Yeah. Sure, I'll be tormented and I'll be wasting my time reading four books I never wanted to read, but at least I'm getting half of $100 out of it!" Ryan grinned before stepping out of the lab.
"Why did you tell him to do that?" Calleigh smiled.
"Because he'll be tormented and he'll be wasting his time reading four books he never wanted to read and I get a good laugh for half a $100," Eric explained.
()()
One Week Later . . .
()()
Another day ended at the Crime Lab; everyone was at the lockers retrieving their belongings. Ryan was sitting on the bench, his eyes skimming quickly over Chapter 7 of Eclipse. He was reading the section in which Rosalie was being massacred by Royce and his drunken friends, mortified by what he was reading, the tragedy and the horror ripping at his innards when suddenly someone tapped him on the shoulder, making him jump out of his seat and turn around. He saw Eric looking at him with a small smile on his face.
"Hi, Wolfe. A little bit jumpy there aren't you?"
"I'm not jumpy; you just startled me, that's all. I mean don't you know better than to sneak up on a man when he's reading a young adult vampire romance novel?" he demanded, confidently.
Eric couldn't help but laugh.
"Your boyfriend would be very proud of you, Ryan," Eric chuckled with a snide remark.
Ryan laughed, sarcastically.
"Oh, you're so funny, Delko. But at least I'm man enough to read these books," Ryan pointed out.
"You're reading them because I paid you fifty-bucks."
"Speaking of which, when am I going to get that?"
"All in good time, my friend, all in good time," Eric reassured.
"You're going to wait until I finish the saga, aren't you?" Ryan guessed.
"Oh, yeah."
Calleigh came up to them a mere few seconds later.
"Hi, Cal," Ryan greeted.
"Hey, Ryan; the rest of the team and Valera are going to Brennan's, do you wanna come?"
"Um . . ." Ryan looked at the book in his hands. He accidentally closed it when Eric interrupted him, causing him to lose his page to the forest of more numerous pages. So he now had the mission to find the page he lost and to fulfill the chapter that still remained unread. Not even the delicious taste of alcohol rippling down his throat could satisfy his thirst for wanting to consume the novel page-by-page, paragraph-by-paragraph and word-by-word.
Calleigh rolled her eyes when she saw Ryan looking down hungrily at the book.
"Ryan, I can assure you that Stephenie Meyer's work won't go anywhere in the next few hours. Okay? It's still going to be there when you get back."
Reluctantly, Ryan slowly nodded and followed Eric and Calleigh out of the locker room.
"This is so worth fifty-bucks," Eric mumbled to Calleigh.
Calleigh rolled her eyes and nudged him, playfully, in the ribs.
()()
The entire team and Maxine were sitting in their usual booth at Brennan's. They were doing what they usually did when they came there: drank and had small-talk. As Horatio, Eric, Calleigh, Frank, Natalia, Walter, and Maxine discussed the latest cheesy cliché cop movie coming out, Ryan sat there, his mind never leaving the abandoned pages of his book. He wanted to scream out his frustrations so much, but there were three flaws in this idea. One, he'd be making a scene and that wasn't his thing at all. Two, Natalia had no idea that he was reading her favorite series. After their confrontation in the locker room a week ago, neither of them had spoken the words "Twilight" or "Edward" or "Vampire" etc. And Ryan knew that he told her now, she'd say, "I told you so". Three, if he exploded Eric would never let him live it down. So he kept his mouth shut and let his thoughts wander all evening and didn't speak unless spoken to.
At least, that was what he was doing until a quarter till ten . . .
Horatio, Walter, and Frank had left so it was just the remaining five in the booth. Natalia was now talking this one movie that was coming out in a few weeks and a certain part of the conversation made Ryan zone-out of his thoughts:
"Yeah, I heard it's supposed to be really good. It has a few good actors in it, too."
"Doesn't it have that kid who plays Edward in Twilight?" Maxine asked.
Before Natalia could reply, Ryan snapped at last.
"Okay, I don't care what they say! Jacob is so much better for Bella than Edward! Got it? I mean, Jacob was there for her when Edward left and he is pretty damn good at mechanics!"
Nearly everyone at the table had similar reactions. Natalia's eyes were wide in shock and disbelief. Maxine dropped her jaw in amazement. Calleigh placed her face in her hands so no one would see her laughing or her astonished expression. Eric, however, wasn't so subtle. He was letting out breathless laughs while thinking, This is definitely worth fifty-bucks.
Ryan realized his sudden outburst and tried to find a reason to explain himself for it. Unfortunately, no idea came to him, so he attempted to change the subject.
"So, did you guys watch American Idol last season?"
"What did you say?" Natalia asked.
"American Idol?" he said, trying (and failing beyond belief) to cover his tracks. "You know, the singing competition with the host who has those really shiny white teeth –."
"Not that!" Natalia snapped. "What did you say about Jacob, Bella, and Edward?"
Ryan tried, yet again, to find a way out of his predicament.
"Natalia, I have no idea what you are talking about," he stated in a low-key voice.
"No, you just said -," Maxine tried to intervene.
"I am not aware of the statements you say I have spoken," he commented. "You're female minds won't get to me."
"These are not the droids you're looking for," Eric quoted in a deep voice, deciding to go along with the scene before him. By this point, Calleigh revealed her face back to the world, but bit her lip so she wouldn't laugh or comment on the situation.
"You read Twilight!" Maxine and Natalia accused in unison.
"No!" Ryan said, his voice returning to normal. "No! No! No, no, no . . . well maybe . . . yes!"
Maxine covered her hands and mouth in amazement and Natalia smiled so much, it was surprising that her face didn't split in half. Eric and Calleigh started laughing so hard and neither of them tried to restrain their laughter (not that they could).
"Stop laughing!" Ryan demanded.
After a few deep breaths and a few more chuckles the couple finally stopped.
"Why did you change your mind? Last week you said it was the worst series in history and that Edward was gay!"
"He isn't gay!" Ryan stated. "He's slightly cheesy and overrated, and slightly bisexual, but not gay!"
Suddenly, Natalia, who was closest to Ryan, flung her arms around him and gave him a huge hug and Maxine started to applaud.
"Nat – can't – breathe," Ryan gasped; Natalia was hugging him so hard she was choking him.
"Sorry," Natalia apologized, letting go of him. "So what book are you on?"
"Eclipse."
"Oh, that's a good one," Maxine piped up. "I just got done re-reading Breaking Dawn."
"So did I," Natalia grinned.
"What did you think of it?"
"Oh, it was brilliant! Although Ryan ruined the ending for me I still found it great to read."
Maxine turned to Ryan, glaring at him.
"You told her the ending!"
"In my defense, I did not say anything about Bella becoming a vampire!" Ryan stated.
"That's true," Natalia agreed.
"Okay, I need to ask you guys this," Ryan began. "What team are you guys on?"
"Team Edward, no doubt about it," Natalia answered.
"Team Switzerland," Maxine said. "And we know that you're Team Jacob."
"Of course!" Ryan began. "He's awesome for Bella. Edward's just too . . . clichéd."
"What are you saying, Ryan? Edward is old-fashioned and that makes him a bad person?"
"No! I'm saying that he's too . . . what's the word I'm looking for?"
"Perfect?" Maxine suggested.
"That's it!" Ryan interjected. "He's too perfect."
"What?" Natalia questioned. "Come on, Jacob is too much of a jerk to deserve Bella."
"Okay!" Calleigh interrupted. "I see that this is going to be the topic of conversation for the rest of the night, so I'm just going to leave now."
"Right behind you Calleigh," Eric agreed. The two of them got up and started leaving, the three still deep in their debate.
"Edward!"
"Jacob!"
"Edward!"
"Jacob!"
"How long do you think it's going to be until they realize we're gone?" Eric asked as he and Calleigh started walking out of the bar.
"Oh . . . until Ryan realizes he's gone three hours without reading Eclipse."
So, what you guys think? Please review!