Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING as sad as it is :( all characters that are not on the show are my own and feel free to comment. This story is a little bit different than most Densi stories. But the gist of Deeks being the knight in shining armor is the same just for a different reason.

So comment please and to all of you who don't like my story sorry I'm still new at this thing, but I'll keep the whole story on track and no grammatical errors hopefully. :) Ok so enjoy!

- Rosie

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Deeks POV:

It was a really long case and man it was boring. I just got home from all the paper work i had to do and it's about two in the friggin morning! And on a way more horrible note i offered to do Kensi's too because she had some 'hot' date with some guy, Freddie I think was his name or was it Jeff? Eh it's not like I care... Aw who am I kidding! This is pointless! I can't stand it anymore. I'm jealous and I know it and it's aggravating me to no end!

I flopped on my couch next to the door.

"Monty, c'mere boy!" I smiled at my furry companion as he hauled his butt over from his puppy bed that Kensi bought him for Christmas. He really loved that stupid thing; well it's not stupid just a little comforting to know that Kensi cares about my furry best friend, I guess. Kensi and I have gotten really close after a really tough case for her, the one about her dad so now we now have our annual Friday movie night or after every long ass case. It usually ends with Kensi snoring in my ear curled into my side with the blanket on both of us. Not that I care I usually wake up early to go surfing but I fall right back to sleep after I see her.

I smiled at the memory of the first morning she woke up before me,

—Flashback—

I was sleeping dreaming of Kensi and I on the beach watching a little boy about the age of 2. Baby blue eyes, so blue the emotion of sheer happiness could be seen from the blanket we were sitting on. His dirty brown-blond hair a little wet from playing in the water with his older sister. She was an exact replica of Kensi, in looks and the way she acts. Even down to the Kensi glare I get when I used to tease he, well technically I still do that, but that's beside the point.

I looked back to see what trouble my little ones were getting into, knowing them it would be almost as bad as when Kensi and I got, still get, in trouble.

Jeremy was playing by the edge of the waves in the sand when he decided to go over and tackle his older sister who was making a sand castle with shells and pretty rocks on the beach just above where the waves were crashing. He toddled over to her. He then proceeded to grab her hand and drag her to the water so she would play with him,

"Jeremy!" She giggled; she was about the age of 6. She was wearing a two piece suit, one with frilly pieces on the top and it was pinky purple almost a maroon color, she was wearing a cute sundress over it as well. Her reddish brown hair was in two pigtails tied up with little bobbles. While her brother dragged to the Pacific Ocean she was wearing a million dollar smile one that could light up even the darkest of room, she was missing her front tooth making her more adorable to me. Her smile went all the way up into her miss-matched hazel and black eyes, she had the exact same eyes as Kensi though Kensi's were a little more brown while hers had a bluish tint from me.

The little boy whose name was Jeremy giggled at his older sister and splashed her while running back to me and Kensi.

"Daddy! Jocwin gonna git meh!" Jeremy spoke in his two year old gibberish and giggled while tackling me to the sand as he jumped. Making me laugh at him as Jeremy 'tackled' me to the sand on the beach. Kensi was laughing at her son as he attempted to tackled me,

"Oh Jeremy," Kensi laughed next to me as she went over and tickled Jeremy, "Jocelyn won't get to you," she told him with a wide smile as she looked down at him on top of me.

"Fwy not mamma?" Jeremy asked with a puzzled look on his chubby two year old face.

"Because buddy, I'VE GOT YOU!" Kensi squealed as she launched into the air and tackled him to the sand right from off of my chest where he once sat. I smiled as I realized that she had tackled him being as she was almost faster that Hetty taking out a letter opener on Granger. And the look on his face when he realized what was going on was oh so priceless.

"Mamma NOOO!" Jeremy was laughing as Kensi tickled him.

Jocelyn came over to see why her mom was tackling her younger brother. She was ringing out her pig tails as she walked over to us, a little smile on her face.

"Daddy?" I looked over at my lovely little baby girl, though she wasn't so little anymore.

"Yah baby girl?" I questioned her with a huge smile on my face knowing she was gonna ask what her mother was doing and why.

"What's momma doing to Jeremy? He's turning blue from laughing so hard, Daddy!" She looked upset but happy at the same time. She turned back to me with a little smile and tackled me to the sand just like her brother, I had a feeling that they had planed that while playing in the water.

I began to laugh at that thought knowing it was most likely true. I watched as she crawled off me and onto the sand to get up and see her mom.

"He's fine, girly, mommy's just playing with him while she can," I looked over at Kensi and Jeremy, his face was Turing a little blue but he was fine.

"Hey Kens? Would ya stop suffocating the kid? He needs to breathe. If he is to be as friggin awesome as me." I smirked as she looked up with the glare that could only be hers, the ones she uses to crack the bad guys she doesn't shoot in the family jewels.

"Sure. No prob, I just love em so much! And don't swear in front of little people," She gave Jeremy raspberry on the stomach as she picked him and brought him over to me and dropped him in my arms, in a non-lethal way of course.

I smiled at my son.

"Hey bud, you ready to wake up!" I was puzzled. I looked back at Kensi only to see that she was fading away taking my two sweet angels with her. I launched up to run after them but I just felt like I was getting hit constantly and by what I had no idea. I began to hear voices. One that sounded very familiar.

"Deeks," it said quietly, "Deeks wake up," it said louder this time and finally it just screamed,

"WAKEUP DAMNIT! DEEKS!"

I shot up breathing heavily as I tried to regain what the hell was going on and protect myself from the pillow Kensi was whaling on me with.

"Ow! What was that for? What did I ever do to you? Jeez!" I complained and whined like a two year old realizing who I sounded like I got quiet.

"Deeks," it was Kensi who had been calling my name apparently and I looked at her from under my arms that were protecting my face,

"What happened last night? And what were you dreaming about that was so good you wouldn't wake up and drooling on me" Kensi glared at me with a little bit on curiously behind it in her hazel-black eyed mix.

I blushed at the thought and memory of how it felt to be in the dream. It was a damn good dream and I never wanted it to end. I felt a sharp pang to my heart knowing that it would never ever happen. I mean who could love a guy like me; cop, surfer, blonde-haired guy with a cocky attitude. I mean come on. Kensi's type is clean cut shaven, guys in charge, guys who are Marines, not a guy like me.

I looked down mumbling something about being sorry as I got up from the couch and started towards the door, throwing off the blanket that and been on both me and Kens, when a hand stopped me in my tracks making me turn around to face her,

"What's wrong Deeks? You know you can tell if you want too, I won't mind. And why the hell were we on the couch I thought you went home." I looked at her like she was crazy; my cheeks burned and were turning a darker crimson.

"It's ok and to answer that, Fern, you," I pointed my first finger at her "fell asleep on me" I pointed at myself, smirking at her. "Oh and don't forget the drooling too, missy!" I added the drooling part to get a rise outta her, cause we all know that it is really fun.

I smirked at her as she stuttered trying to come up with a good excuse as to why she did, but she had none so she chose to go with the truth,

"You were warm and I was tired so I fell asleep, whatever. It's not like I haven't done it in the past," she looked satisfied with her excuse though it was true and not a lie.

I smiled at her the way she thought was cute, well from what I heard from my buddy up in OPS.

"Really now?" She looked down red dusting her high cheeks.

"Maybe..." She shrugged and sat back down next to me on the couch seeing as she was up and whaling on me with a pillow. She leaned into me a little being as she was still tired from the case.

"Alright Kens what gives." I raised my eyebrow at her waiting for an answer being as she never willingly leans into me, ever. I carefully wrapped my arm around her and pulled her closer.

She leaned farther into me and grabbed a fist full of my shirt while turning her head into my neck her hot breath fanning my neck.

"Nothing it's just..." She trailed off leaving me hanging and questioning what the hell was going on.

"Keenness? What's wrong, baby girl?" I knew she hated being called that and I wasn't going to let a chance to tease her about slip away.

She sniffled a little next to me surprising me and clutching my shirt more, like a lot! Something was not right at all.

"Baby girl, what's wrong, and don't you dare say you're 'fine' when clearly that's not true," I turned to look at her, I had never seen her cry or even show an ounce of fear or even sadness, so I was being thrown through a loop.

"The case," she cut off there waiting for an answer,

"What about the case, sugarbear?" I had a bad feeling that this was not going to be good.

"The case reminded me of how good I had it, my childhood I mean. My father would take me hiking; he would do anything for me practically. Just thinking about those who didn't have it as well makes me feel guilty and aggravated at how a person could do that to his wife or kid," she looked up at me tear tracks going down her face, make up all smudged,

"Not all kids are as lucky as you were," she snuggled closer to me, waiting for me to elaborate on where it was that I was going,

"Well, what about you?" she mumbled into my shirt surprising me a little, "how was your family? You never talk about em." I knew she meant no harm but it still stung to think about the bastard.

"Well let's just say its better left unsaid," I really didn't want to talk about him, but if she really wanted to know I'll tell her.

"Deeks? What happened?" Man I was really hoping she wouldn't ask, "Please Deeks, tell me, sorry if I'm prodding but I want to know more about you, if that's alright with you," I sighed and breathed an unsteady breathe knowing that this was it.

"Ok, I'll tell you but only the short part of it ok, only until when I was eleven because it gets boring after that." I knew that if I was to tell this story that I have told no one than I should ask the forbidden question about her,

"Ok, I can deal with that," she smiled at me making me smile back. I thought about what I could get from her.

"I'll only tell you if you tell me," I paused, "about…Jack," she noticeably stiffened and I tightened my grip on her so she wouldn't get up like I knew she was going to try to do. She sighed and leaned into me more,

"Fair enough, I'll tell you but no judging or laughing, it's really not a funny story, I guess." I nodded.

"So do you want to go first cause I really don't want to go…" she looked at me asking me if I willing to share first.

I shuddered at the thought of my bastard father, if you could even call him that, a father is the opposite of what he was, him being dead from a car crash in 97'.

"…I guess I'll go first but be warned this is not a walk down memory lane, more like nightmare lane, ok?" I looked for the ok, I was secretly hoping not to have to tell her today but whatever I say I hope her view of me doesn't change.

"You know what Deeks? Don't tell me unless you're ready to and from the look on your face I don't think you are, so don't tell me, ok?" I looked back at her shocked she let me off the hook, which is something she rarely does, ever.

"But I will tell you about Jack, it might be good for me to get out," She peered up at me waiting for an answer.

I nodded saying it was ok for her to proceed to tell me about her ex-fiancé, just thinking about someone leaving her on Christmas was completely absurd, I mean who could leave her?

"Ok so I met him on the pier by that awesome coffee shop with those really yummy muffins…when I met him I wasn't in one of the best of moods and I was shoving a muffin in my mouth, crumbs flying everywhere. He just came up and talked to me about the weather making me laugh at him," she stopped there and laughed a little at the memory when she was happy, "so after that we went out a few times for drinks and he finally asked me out for dinner and after that we just hit it off and we went to many more dinners and the rest was history. Then he went to Fallujah…" she stopped getting a small film over her eyes as she was recalling the memories, "So he came back and he wasn't the man I had fallen in love with on the pier. He would lash out and yell at me for no reason. Sometimes he would go back to when he was in Fallujah enforcing the curfew. That was what scared me the most, he would yell at me like I was one of the people not listening and he would grab me and shake me trying to get me to 'listen'. Then he would snap out of it when I start to cry out of fear and he would apologize thinking it was ok. For weeks I helped all I could, his meds, his therapist, everything I could do. But on Christmas morning I woke up to a cold left side of the bed where he usually tossed and turned, but he wasn't there. He was gone, everything was gone. I was planning on telling him something important but he was gone so it meant nothing any more, well she did but he was gone and he couldn't help me anymore,"

She stopped. I wondered what she ment by 'she'

"Kens?" she looked back up at me,

"What do you mean buy 'she'?" I had an inkling but it didn't seem right but I didn't know.

"I was 2 and a half months pregnant with a baby girl. He was fine the first week he was home then he changes so I had conceived her within the first week of him being state side. " I was shocked. Kensi had a baby girl. Wait where is she now? Don't tell me she had an abortion or gave her away.

"When I was 6 and a half months pregnant, I was in a horrible car accident and I went into a mini coma but because of how the car impacted me, my little baby girl died and I had a miscarriage. I lost the one thing I cared about. I had even finished her room had her name picked out and everything. I was eating right and yet I lost her. And now l'm all alone because I didn't-couldn't save Jack and some drunk ass hit me with a car killing my baby..." She stuttered and looked at me with tears rimming her beautiful eyes ready to fall at any moment. She searched my eyes looking for an answer or something. Her eyes were clouded with tears but there was something else behind it, fear.

"Kens...I know it sucks but out of curriosty what was her name?" I questioned as I watched the first tear fell and the rest follow. I reached my hand up and brushed the pad of my thumb across her cheek to wipe away the tears that had fallen. Letting her know I was there and I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

"Her name way Angel Marie, Angel because she was all I had left and Marie cause of my mum." She held me tighter as she cried silent tears.

"Kensi I know that losing her was hard and losing Jack too, but Kensi you never have and never will be alone, you have me if that is enough for you and you know that you can ask me anything," I smiled at her. She smiled back at me for the first time in a long time that night.

— Flashback End —

I smiled at the memory remembering how she felt in my arms but knowing that she lost Angel and Jack it made me feel better knowing that she had someone in her life before she joined NCIS. Sadly I also know that losing them both is what caused the walls around her to be built, so she would never feel that hurt of losing her fiancé and baby. It was then that I knew then that I had fallen hard for her and there was no going back. I frowned slightly at the thought of someone else's arms around her, comforting her like I did, that was not going to happen. My hands clenched at that thought of anyone else holding her but I knew that she would never like a surfer guy like me.

So now I'm lying on my couch, the beds too far, just about to drift off to dream of me and Kens on that beach again when I heard a shuffle of feet and a knock. I got up and grabbed my beloved gun and went for the door but what I saw was not want I wanted to see, ever. Especially not her.

Ok so cliffhanger! Yah I know y'all are gonna hate me for it buuuuttt here's a sneak peak! Oh and by the way the story will be about 20 or so chapters maybe and there will be Nell and Eric moments as well and any other pairings that you want me to add. I'm thinking about doing a case in the story so any ideas/names for the case would be great an feel free to correct me on any mistakes.

—Preview of what to come next in This is So not good—

"Deeks," I looked up at her as her eyes became to cloud up and spill over onto her olive skinned cheeks "Deeks help me" she pleaded before she paled and her eyes rolled back in her head as she fell forward into my arms like dead weight.

I held her like a child whispering and begging here to come back to me, at he same time wondering what happened to her. But one thought passed my mid more than once.

Where was my Wonder Woman?

— End Preview —

It's not much but it hopefully will catch your attention :)

Ok so can anyone guess what happened and whose at the door? Give ya a hint he was mentioned in this chapter.

Sorry again! I have a question about Jeremy and Jocelyn and if i should incorporate them into the story? Maybe case gone wrong? Or someone close dies and they are left with them but I'm also thinking something that has to do with the guy mentioned above in the story.

Alright I'll quit bugging you! :)

Enjoy you day and btw first story don't know if it's going to go anywhere so helpful tips are appreciated greatly!

Peace out

- Rosie