Robert? I'm leaving you. I want to leave...
No.
My mind had been spinning for months with the same thought. Now was the time to inform my husband.
It is the right decision; it is an appealing decision.
He may not even notice.
Robert? I've been thinking...
No.
It is the right decision.
I'm...
Dear God!
Then why is it so difficult to tell him?
I know where to find him. He is sitting at the writing desk he has occupied for more than thirty years, the one at which his father sat, probably his grandfather before him.
Three Earls of Grantham. And three Countesses of Grantham-
Would I be missed as his Countess? As his wife?
Would I miss-
No! Don't back out now.
"Robert?"
"Hmm..." He barely looks up; I could hardly announce my departure to his back.
"Robert. I need to talk to you." Now I have his attention. "I think..."
"Cora? Is anything wrong?"
I close my eyes for a moment. When I next look up, he is walking towards me. He reaches for my hand-
"Robert, I want to leave you."
"What?" His hand falls back; the fingers clench into a tight ball. He is still close - close enough for me to watch his slow breathing. "What did you say?"
It should not have come to this. Our friends believe we have achieved the rare prize of a successful and loving marriage. There was a time when I believed it myself.
"Cora?"
We didn't appreciate it. We let time and events - the entail, war work, Robert's son, Matthew, Sybil - erode our relationship until there was nothing left.
"Cora. Look at me." He lifts up my chin; his thumb caresses my cheek. It would be so so easy to give in now. "You don't need to do this, Cora. You don't mean it..."
"Yes, I do." I pull his hand off my cheek. "And don't you think it's too late for that?"
"What do you want then, Cora?" His voice rises with every syllable. "Do you want to tear down everything - everything I've worked for?"
"No. I don't want to divorce-"
"And I'm supposed to be grateful for that, am I?"
"We can lead separate lives. That will be acceptable."
"Will it? Will it really?"
"It's not that unusual. We both know couples who live apart."
"Yes, but...they're not us, are they Cora? Us."
He presses his fingers to his eyes. The fight is gone.
"Darling," I rest my hand on his shoulder, "it was never my intention to hurt you."
His eyes are red-rimmed when he looks at me:
"How did we get like this, Cora?"
A/N: I haven't forgotten this fic but the shocked response took me by surprise! This re-write may provide some answers! Bear with me while I rewrite the rest - same ideas but hopefully better explained and justified!