Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in, winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in so mesmerizing
So hypnotizing
I am captivated
I am vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
Vindicated—Dashboard Confessional
Chapter One Blaming YourselfHarry Potter was an extraordinary boy for many reasons. For one, he thought of his school as his home, and he hated the summer holidays more than any other time of the year. Added to the fact that he was a wizard, and not just any wizard, but one who had survived more attempts on his life by the most evil person of all time than any other human and it was easy to see what made Harry so different.
At the moment, Harry was stuck inside one of his nightmares, unable to wake himself. He knew every night as he fell asleep that the dreams would come and that he would be forced to witness the deaths of everyone he loved again, but how can you hold off sleep forever?
The faces flashed before his eyes, each one more mangled and bloody than the one before it. First came Lily and James Potter, the parents Harry could barely remember. Cedric, then Sirius, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and Charlie Weasley followed them, each whispering to Harry how it was his fault that so many people had died. Then something happened that had never before occurred in one of these dreams. Lord Voldemort emerged from the shadows of Harry's mind and turned his wand upon the boy. Harry stared in horror as a jet of green light washed over him.
His whole body seized up as Harry awoke with a start in bed. The first thing he noticed was the fact that his scar was burning worse than it had in years. The second thing Harry realized was that he was drenched in a cold sweat and the blankets were tangled around him like a strait jacket. He brought his hands up to his face and felt tears mingled with his sweat.
As his breathing slowed, Harry tried to recall the dream. The only thing he could remember was the image of Voldemort performing the Avada Kedavra curse on him.
Struck with a sudden idea, Harry jumped from bed and began to compose a letter to his godfather asking advice.
Dear Sirius,
My scar hurt ag-
But Harry slammed his quill down in frustration. Sirius wouldn't get the letter. He was dead and had been so for nearly two years now and Harry should have remembered that. He had connected more with his godfather in the short time he'd known him than with any other adult in his life. Plus it was Harry's fault that he was dead, or so he believed.
Harry put his head on his arms and felt his body become wracked with sobs. He refused to let the Dursleys hear him though, and as the first moan escaped from his mouth, he scrambled over to his bed and cried into his pillow.
Everyone around him was dying off, and Harry couldn't help but feel that maybe he had caused all this. He thought back to the night that Cedric had died. Harry had been too absorbed in his own pain to even fight back for Cedric. He had died while Harry sat on the ground complaining about the pain in his scar.
And Sirius...he as good as murdered him. Harry thought he had been acting the hero by going to save his godfather. Instead Sirius had to come and rescue Harry, ending up in a duel with his own cousin before falling through the veil, never to return.
Then, of course there were the Weasleys. Maybe if Harry weren't so close to Ron then Voldemort wouldn't have targeted them last year. Ron would still have a mum, dad, and his older brother and the other Weasleys wouldn't be feeling so much pain.
"Yes," Harry thought, "this is all my fault."
Just then, a near, unearthly screech filled the room. Harry raised his tearstained face to gaze at two enormous barn owls and Pig, Ron's tiny owl. He picked up one of the letters the birds had dropped and wiping his face began to read.
Dear Harry,
How's your summer been so far? Mine's been wonderful! We've gone on a trip across Europe and we'll be stopping in London in time to buy school things. Can you believe this is our last year? I can't. It seems like just yesterday when you and Ron thought me a know-it-all ("We still do, Hermione," Harry laughed.) but now look at us. I hope the your aunt and uncle are treating you right. I'll see you September 1st on the Hogwarts Express.
Love Always,
Hermione
P.S. I've been made Head Girl! Mother and Father are so proud!
He looked at the parcel Hermione's bird had brought him. It looked rather like a book and knowing his best friend it probably was. As he peeled back the wrapping paper another note fell out.
Happy Birthday, Harry!
I've kept in touch with Collin Creevy and a few other friends and they agreed to contribute to this.
Hermione
Harry looked back down at the present and found he was right in guessing she had sent him a book. However it looked almost identical to the one Hagrid had given him in his first year, filled with photos of his parents.
Opening the front cover, he was surprised to find a picture of himself and his two best friends. He flipped through the pages, seeing similar pictures and even a few letters.
He stopped at a picture of Cho Chang, a pretty girl Harry had dated in his 5th year. Things hadn't worked out between them and, although they'd tried again in his 6th year, Harry's interests had been else where as had Cho's. They'd parted the closest of friends but when she'd graduated from Hogwarts and followed her dreams of Quidditch, they'd lost touch. Harry didn't even know which team she played for.
He was, in a twisted way, glad things hadn't worked out between them. Otherwise, he would never have seen how much he cared for Ginny Weasley. He had pushed her from his mind for a few years but now Harry was beginning to see her in a new light. He stopped riffling through the pages again, only this time Ginny's picture waved back at him.
He couldn't believe that he had once hated the attentions of this girl. Now, it seemed that was all he wanted in life. In fact, it had been Ginny who had the most comforting words after Sirius's death.
"You'll see him again, you know, along with your parents. They're waiting for you, just beyond the veil. Imagine that reunion."
Setting aside Hermione's gift, Harry turned to the letters Pig had dropped. One was from Ron and the other from Ginny. He opened Ron's first.
Harry!
Happy Birthday! If your wondering why Pig doesn't have your present, it's because I don't think he could carry it. In fact, I don't think any owl could even hope to carry it. It doesn't matter though because you'll get it when I see you again, which I think should be very soon.
Now let me explain a little bit about what I'm talking about.
Bill's come to the Burrow to help take care of us since Mum's not here anymore. Anyway, he said that as soon as he gets the OK from Dumbledore, we'd be coming to pick you up for the summer. I'll write you before we come to get you.
Ron
P.S. Hermione says she's Head Girl. Wonder who's Head Boy. Hope it's not Draco!
Next, Harry pulled open Ginny's letter. It was much shorter than Ron's and hastily written.
Harry,
The only way I can send this to you is if I sneak this with Pig. I just wanted to wish you happy birthday and to tell you that I can't wait till you come to stay with us. Don't give up hope; everything will get better soon.
Ginny
Laying this note tenderly on his bedside table, Harry began to unfold another letter. He recognized Hagrid the Hogwarts Gamekeeper's untidy scrawl at once.
Harry,
Happy Birthday! I'm sorry but I've been to busy with the Order to get yer birthday present. I'll get it to yeh when I see yeh at Hogwarts. Be ready for yer N.E.W.T.'s this year! Hope yer birthday's great.
Hagrid
Harry gulped. He'd forgotten that N.E.W.T.'s were this year. O.W.L.'s had been bad enough. He suspected that the teachers, however, had not by some happy chance happened to forget about the tests though, and that he should prepare for an exhausting year. For now, he'd just sit back and enjoy his birthday free from worry of the tests.
Harry picked up the last letter, weighing it in his palm. It was his Hogwarts letter and it felt as heavy as it had last year when he'd received his prefect's badge, a year later than all the other prefects. He couldn't figure out why it would be so heavy this year. As he unfolded the letter, a golden badge with the letters HB emblazoned on it fell onto his bedspread. Harry stared at it blankly before speed-reading the notes that accompanied it. The first two were the usual about where to catch the train and what supplies were needed. The last piece of parchment, however, read something very different.
Dear Mr. Potter,
We are pleased to inform you that in light of your success at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, you have been accepted as Head Boy. You and the Head Girl will meet at the front of the Hogwarts Express where you will be given instructions for the year. Following that, you will then provide the prefects with their directions for the year. It is best if you acquaint yourself with all prefects and the new Head Girl, as you will be in contact with them throughout the year. Congratulations and we hope to see you September 1st on the Hogwarts Express.
Professor M. McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress
Harry gazed dumbly at the letter, trying to absorb everything he'd just read. "Head Boy?" he muttered to no one in particular.
Grinning, he placed the badge on his bedside table. His smile vanished quickly though, as the full weight of his new responsibility hit him. Being Harry Potter was hard enough but when added to the roles of a 7th year preparing for N.E.W.T.'s, Gryffindor Quidditch captain, and his new Head Boy duty, this year would be overwhelming.
Yawning, Harry glanced at his luminous clock in his room. His mouth snapped shut. It was nearly four in the morning and with a jolt he realized he'd been seventeen for almost four hours.
He casually brushed the stray feathers off his bedspread and crawled beneath the covers once again. After a few moments he had drifted off into a deep sleep.