Hi, I'm Hjmilkop Bob-Joe Malfoy. Hjmilkop is pronounced Joe. I am 17 years old and 47/12ths. Reacently I have been diagnosed with 12 mental illnesses. I look in the mirror. My hair is black and is covering my right eye, as it always does on Fridays. It covers the right eye on Wensdays, Thursdays, and Sundays as well, and it covers my left eye on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Sundays. My left eye is showing because my hair is covering the right eye. I cant help but wounder sometimes why I look nothing like my parents. They both have blond hair and blue eyes, like my cousin Draco. I have brown eyes, and red hair that I die black useing majic. I also wear black eyeliner. Black is my favorite color. My Hogwarts robes are also black, but thats requied for the scool uniform. They are made of lether and have spikes. I am going to my seventh year at Hogwarts on Monday. My parents wanted me to be in Slytherin, but I ended up not fitting into any house. I am part of the Griffin-claw-slyther-puff house. I am the only member. Instead of a dormitory I sleep in a book cubord in the potions room.
I probably should also mention that I am an orphan. My parents died during my first year of Hogwarts. They died of despare because I wasnt in Slytherin. I am now walking aroung the dark castle I inherited. It is full of books. I read most of them in the summers after my parents died. This reading made me one of the smartest people in the school, maybe even smrater than Hermione Granger. But Horeminee was stupid anyways.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione are coming to Hogwarts this year. They are going to finish thier education because they missed most of their seventh year when they were fighting Voldemort.
As I keep walking I notice a book that I have not red before. It says TOPSECRET1!1!11!. I open it. Inside it has a familly tree of the Malfoy familly tree. I look under the names of my parents and see my name. Underneath it says "addopted, used to be a Weasley". I gasp. All this time I thought I was a Malfoy, but I am acctually a Weasley. This must be why all my official documents, incuding my OWLs have Hjmilop Bob-Joe Malfoy Weasley written on them, and the reason my hair is red and my eyes are brown. Who would have guessed?
I hear the doorbell ring. It must be my friend Lizard. She likes to be called Lizzy for short. I open the door. "Hi. I was adopted. I am a Weasley." I say.
"I already knew that" she says.
"What! Why didn't you tell me?" I say.
"I thought you already knew. Weasley was written on all your official documents and you look much more like a Weasel than a Malfoy." she says.
"Fine then. Come in girl." I say.
"Okay jellyfish." She says
I prefer to be referred to as jellyfish instead of as a boy or a girl. For example instead of being called him or her, he or she, boy or girl, witch or wizzard, I like to be called jellyfish. In case you are woundering I am sexually attracted to males and blood-of-young-child flavoured ice creame. Or at least I think I am. I have never fallen in love before yet. "How was the walk over here? I ask Lizzy.
"Terrible, there were so many mundanes - I mean mortals - I mean muggles getting in my way." She says.
I groan sympathetically in my mouth. "Can I see your wand?" Lizzard asks.
I bring out my wand. Lizzy loves it because it is unusual, but I hate it. Instead of wood it is made out of concrete. The core is made of dementor, causing me to nearly fail cheering charms, even though my teachers say its not the wands fault I'm so emo. The wand used to be 200 and 7/19 inches long. I broke it to make it shorter so it would stop attracting so much attention, but it is still the strangest wand in the school. I am a bit mad at Lizzy for making me show it to her so often, but it is hard to stay mad at her. I like her because she is an orphan like me. Her parents died when she was four during a tragic acident involving a flower pot. Ever since she has had a terrible flour phobia. I suddenly remember I put a bunch of black roses in my room. I quickly run up the stairs and throw them out the open window before Lizzy can see them. "Ready to go back to school?" I ask.
Lizzy says, "I can't wait to see the thestrals."
Ever since her parents died she has been obsessed with thestrals. I decide to play some emo music. Wizard emo music that is, not that lame muggle emo music. "I have been reading up on werewolves. Would'nt it be cool to be a werewolf?" I ask Lizzy.
She looks at me. "I think this year is going to be an adventure." She says ignoring my question.
"Everyone loves adventures" I say rolling my eyes.