Hello! This is my first ever C.S.I. fanfiction... so don't kill me if it's not in synch with anything.
I'm a very big fan of these kinds of stories (NS fics) so I decided this is a good place to start. I'm planning to
write a sequel to this and I hope you like this.
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN C.S.I. (but I want to be one) I DON'T OWN THE SONG... THANK YOU LEANN RIMES. DANNY PARKER IS FROM
THE THIRD SEASON OF AMERICAN IDOL... HE'S THE ONE WHO SANG NSYNC'S "A LITTLE MORE TIME ON YOU" AND PATSY CLINE'S "CRAZY"
FOR THE AUDITION AND SIMON LAUGHED AT HIM UNCONTROLLABLY.
bPLEASE REMEMBER
© CATE/TONI/b
SARA
It's been 2 years since I've been here last. Seems like yesterday, I boarded a plane back to San Francisco… back to my previous life/work… back home. Now, I'm in a plane again… about to land to that same place that I have discovered the real "Sara Sidle"… where I spent the most incredible 3.4 years of my life/work at… the place that I called home for those years. Las Vegas…
iTime, sometimes the time just slips away
And I'm left with yesterday
Left with the memories
I, I'll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time
I had you with me/i
Once I became re-acquainted with the time and place, I called the rent-A-car agency and rented a dark blue Tahoe, the same kind that I had when I lived here. I instructed them to just drop it off at the hotel I was staying at for the duration of the convention. The City of Sin hasn't changed a bit. At this late hour, the city was just bursting to life. The usual lights were like stars on the street, the hookers strut their stuff on the sidewalk, drunken men and not to mention women were already pouring out their dinners on wherever. But of course, who can forget those sweet newlyweds? Vegas is not really the Grand Canyon or Mt. Fuji but it's always on the honeymoon list of couples.
As the cab rounds the corner, it stops abruptly. I snap back to reality and I notice the scene in front of me. There were police cars all around a black Corvette and some paramedics flocking around a body of a male prone on the ground. A female whom I reckon is his girlfriend was being questioned by a certain someone I know oh too well. The woman was visibly shaking and I can tell she was stuttering. Maybe because she's drunk. I was only observing from a distance and I can already tell. This is my job. A strange passion for others but this is my life. I am a crime scene investigator; I speak to victims, inspect the place where the crime or whatever took place, and also have the privilege to let the whole thing fly by without getting affected. That's what makes the job hard… not being emotionally attached. I had problems in that one field.
"Uh… miss," the driver asked, "Are you going to stare at it or are we going? I mean not to be rude but I must say I'm used to this scenes and I'm telling you, it's not for the faint of heart. It's not for some beautiful young lady like you." Yeah right. I smile and nod at him signaling him to go. He's right after all. It's not for the faint of heart…blood, death, pain, tears, evilness. But this particular "beautiful young lady" handled them all.
I plopped down the waterbed in my hotel room. It's kind of weird because I thought back to my life here in LV: I had my own place… well, I rented it; I had my own car… issued to me; my own… what else? Wait a minute; I didn't own anything while I was here. Oh, I had my friends. That man questioning the distraught woman back in the crime scene, well, he's my very cool and great friend Greg Sanders. Last time I heard he's a CSI 3 now. And to think he was just our Lab Tech 2 years ago. And there's my previous professor and supervisor, Gil Grissom…whom I thought I was in love with for sometime until he turned me down for dinner; which broke my heart in pieces. The other girl in our graveyard team, Catherine Willows and her little girl Lindsey. She's no little girl anymore. And Cath, she was more than a friend. She's a mentor and inspiration, juggling motherhood and work. And there's Warrick Brown. At first, we weren't at good terms but since Grissom assigned us together most of the time, we ended up being best of friends. Aside from them, there are Archie, Doc, Brass, David and several others in the whole lab.
iThough we go our separate ways
I won't forget so don't forget
The memories we made/i
The memories just kept flooding my jet-lagged brain. Sidle, it seems that you're forgetting someone. That particular somebody that sidled into your inner wall and stoked you to go on even through the worst of times? The rock that dulled your scissors, the anchor that steadied you… the man who told you that you are beautiful and made you happy even before your own father did. The man who gave you sense, gave you a life when your world shattered. The man who loved you like no one else… Nick Stokes.
I smile at the simple thought of his name. Nicholas. Nicky. Nick. My cowboy. Of course, he's not mine… he was never mine. It all started after Grissom rejected me. He was there to catch me. He fulfilled his promise to not to let me fall. Although he made it while we were working on a case, candidly and haphazardly, we held on to those words. We went out after work. At first, it was simple breakfasts and lunches. Then it moved on to dinner and carnivals and quiet walks in the park. Then finally to bed. Out of all the guys I've been with, he made me feel whole. He didn't make me feel guilty and dirty. Just loved… with every sense of the word.
It all fell apart when I found out about the new female Lab Tech. I thought she was just flirting with Nick because he was just irresistible; and him flirting back. By this time, I believe we were into the "relationship" 8 months. I moved in with him and Grissom had us with synchronized nights-off and frequent cases together. It was love, I'm telling you.
Until, November 11, 2003, Tuesday, 11pm. It was our night-off and I offered to rush to the grocery to buy… well, protection so to speak. I was caught in a traffic jam because of some vehicular accident so the usual 10-minute drive was stretched to 30mintues. When I got back, I shouted my apologies from the front door and continued to explain until I reached our bedroom door. When I opened the door, lo-and-behold… he was there, naked as the day he was born on top of some girl… Helen Anderson, the Lab tech.
They sprang apart, Helen covering herself until she looked decent and Nick falling off the bed and reaching for his boxers. "Honey," Nick started, "I… It's not what you think." Oh no! Don't "It's not what you think" me.
Without raising my voice, which I am really good at, I said, "What should I think of it? I took so long so you got bored and impatient. Since you're tired of doing yourself and you don't want to pay for services, you decided to soothe another lonely soul." That simple statement left them both silent. I spoke again, "Well, Nick… Grissom called me. He tried calling you too but it seems that your phone is off. He wants me there to process evidence collected from a break-in. So you can pick up where you left off. Have a good time."
iPlease remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
Please remember, please remember me/i
What a lame excuse for heading out the door. Maybe it's not time for a night-off. Good thing all my stuff was already in my Tahoe so I went straight to work sparking strange glances from everyone. I stayed there in the break room until anyone notices I was there. Luckily, Catherine came in and quickly encased me in hug. Me coming to work than to spend time with Nick meant there was something wrong. Then the whole team, including Grissom came in. I decided to tell them the story.
"I'll kill him!" Greg cried. He was always protective of me. "Sara, how could he do that to you? And that Helen! She doesn't even know how to test for heroine." He carried on and soon all of them were giving me their piece of mind. I just asked them to play fair with Nick and don't clobber him and treat him differently.
"Sara, he hurt your feelings and still you think about him," Grissom said in his angry voice. Yes, I do still think about him. Because I love him with all my heart.
Catherine sat beside me and tightened her embrace. "Sara, come on outside and we'll talk. Warrick we'll let you handle Nick," she said and Warrick just nodded. Once outside, she started, "What are you thinking?" I shook my head. I can't think… I don't want to think.
"What did I do wrong, Cath?" I finally said. "Was I not good enough? Ever since, I know I am not good enough for him, but he kept up with me. After Hank and Gil, I was a wreck. But he was there. 'Sara, I'm here for you' were his exact words when we shared our first kiss. 'Sara, you're beautiful' he told me over dinner. 'Sara, I love you' during our first night. Am I supposed to believe him now? Tell me!"
She did not need to say anything, she knows that. I just need someone who'll listen. I continued on, "When he's down, I'm the first one there. When I know he's pissed off, I do everything to my power to please him even when he's drunk. A drunk Nick can be a pain sometimes… but I bear with him just like he bears with me. I don't care if after we make love, he ignores me and drifts off to sleep leaving me to cry on my pillow, to cry for him.
"If he didn't want me anymore, he had all the time in the world to break it to me gently. I have no problem going back to being friends with him. After all, he's always been my best friend." I paused, gauging if Cath's getting bored. She's not so I carried on, "Why this way? Nick of all people knows I'm already damaged goods. Maybe he got into his senses… realizing he's getting recycled merchandise."
At last, she talked to me, "Sara, don't call yourself that! You know you're way better than that! Maybe Nick just got blinded…" she stopped when she saw Nick's Tahoe park in front of us. She started to pull me to my feet and push me in the building when Nick placed his hand on my shoulder.
"Sara, can we talk?" his voice cold and emotionless. I reckon his eyes were too.
In my calmest voice, I answered, "Uh, sorry, Nick. We have some stuff to check on CODIS…" but his hand didn't move. I heard Cath shuffle behind me in hesitation on whether leaving us or staying.
"Cath, you can leave. Thank you for keeping Sara company," he said and she went on with one final squeeze on my hand. "We need to talk," he repeated.
"What's there to talk about?" I asked hearing my voice break and sobs overtake my body. He pulled me to his chest and let me bawl as he always does when he sees me like this. But this time it's different. I'm crying because of him… because of what he did… because I love him too much to let him go. He kept shushing me and kissing my forehead. From all those weeping I was doing, I managed to squeak a tiny, "I love you, Nick." He let me go and I continued, "How can you do this to me? I thought you loved me."
"And I still do, Sara. Don't get me wrong," he spoke quietly. His voice was beginning to shake too and I can see tears form. "It's just that… this… what we have… it might be working for you but…"
"It's not working for you…" I finished for him… our age-old habit. He simply nodded. That's when the tears flowed freely. I couldn't hug him… my arms were like gelatin. "Do you want to break up with… me?" Nick slowly nodded and looked at me.
Not trusting his voice, he just mouthed, "I'm sorry." Gathering my strength, my lips formed what resembled a smile.
"It has been fun, Nick. I'll never forget this," I gave him one final kiss on his lips. "Thank you…" Then I left.
I moved back to my former place. Luckily it wasn't rented out yet. I considered placing myself at dayshift but because of Warrick, Greg and Cath's persuasions, I decided to stay; opting to stay away from him as possible. In no time, I was the old Sara again. Anti-social, loner and my 'Sara glare' was back.
After some time, I couldn't stand seeing him everyday so I filed my resignation which Grissom signed half-heartedly. The very next day, I was on a plane to San Francisco. I left late at night when everyone was at work but I swear I saw him… Nick, sitting in the waiting area at the farthest chair behind me. I ignored him as he ignored me. But I risked one last glance at him only finding that he was looking straight at me with obvious tears in his eyes. I wanted to kiss him, tell him it's going to be alright. No… I love you, Nick… but this is goodbye.
I woke up with a start the next morning, realizing that I was crying. I just dreamt of the last time I saw him… Nick. That's the worst I've seen him cry. I just understood that he was crying for me. He watched me go… walk out of his life forever. I check the time and it's just 6am. Great, once I wake up… I can't sleep anymore. What to do, Sara? Think!
I reach for my suitcase and shuffle through my small collection of forensic magazines and find that I've read them all approximately 3 times each. Heck, another round wouldn't hurt.
I'm a very big fan of these kinds of stories (NS fics) so I decided this is a good place to start. I'm planning to
write a sequel to this and I hope you like this.
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN C.S.I. (but I want to be one) I DON'T OWN THE SONG... THANK YOU LEANN RIMES. DANNY PARKER IS FROM
THE THIRD SEASON OF AMERICAN IDOL... HE'S THE ONE WHO SANG NSYNC'S "A LITTLE MORE TIME ON YOU" AND PATSY CLINE'S "CRAZY"
FOR THE AUDITION AND SIMON LAUGHED AT HIM UNCONTROLLABLY.
bPLEASE REMEMBER
© CATE/TONI/b
SARA
It's been 2 years since I've been here last. Seems like yesterday, I boarded a plane back to San Francisco… back to my previous life/work… back home. Now, I'm in a plane again… about to land to that same place that I have discovered the real "Sara Sidle"… where I spent the most incredible 3.4 years of my life/work at… the place that I called home for those years. Las Vegas…
iTime, sometimes the time just slips away
And I'm left with yesterday
Left with the memories
I, I'll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time
I had you with me/i
Once I became re-acquainted with the time and place, I called the rent-A-car agency and rented a dark blue Tahoe, the same kind that I had when I lived here. I instructed them to just drop it off at the hotel I was staying at for the duration of the convention. The City of Sin hasn't changed a bit. At this late hour, the city was just bursting to life. The usual lights were like stars on the street, the hookers strut their stuff on the sidewalk, drunken men and not to mention women were already pouring out their dinners on wherever. But of course, who can forget those sweet newlyweds? Vegas is not really the Grand Canyon or Mt. Fuji but it's always on the honeymoon list of couples.
As the cab rounds the corner, it stops abruptly. I snap back to reality and I notice the scene in front of me. There were police cars all around a black Corvette and some paramedics flocking around a body of a male prone on the ground. A female whom I reckon is his girlfriend was being questioned by a certain someone I know oh too well. The woman was visibly shaking and I can tell she was stuttering. Maybe because she's drunk. I was only observing from a distance and I can already tell. This is my job. A strange passion for others but this is my life. I am a crime scene investigator; I speak to victims, inspect the place where the crime or whatever took place, and also have the privilege to let the whole thing fly by without getting affected. That's what makes the job hard… not being emotionally attached. I had problems in that one field.
"Uh… miss," the driver asked, "Are you going to stare at it or are we going? I mean not to be rude but I must say I'm used to this scenes and I'm telling you, it's not for the faint of heart. It's not for some beautiful young lady like you." Yeah right. I smile and nod at him signaling him to go. He's right after all. It's not for the faint of heart…blood, death, pain, tears, evilness. But this particular "beautiful young lady" handled them all.
I plopped down the waterbed in my hotel room. It's kind of weird because I thought back to my life here in LV: I had my own place… well, I rented it; I had my own car… issued to me; my own… what else? Wait a minute; I didn't own anything while I was here. Oh, I had my friends. That man questioning the distraught woman back in the crime scene, well, he's my very cool and great friend Greg Sanders. Last time I heard he's a CSI 3 now. And to think he was just our Lab Tech 2 years ago. And there's my previous professor and supervisor, Gil Grissom…whom I thought I was in love with for sometime until he turned me down for dinner; which broke my heart in pieces. The other girl in our graveyard team, Catherine Willows and her little girl Lindsey. She's no little girl anymore. And Cath, she was more than a friend. She's a mentor and inspiration, juggling motherhood and work. And there's Warrick Brown. At first, we weren't at good terms but since Grissom assigned us together most of the time, we ended up being best of friends. Aside from them, there are Archie, Doc, Brass, David and several others in the whole lab.
iThough we go our separate ways
I won't forget so don't forget
The memories we made/i
The memories just kept flooding my jet-lagged brain. Sidle, it seems that you're forgetting someone. That particular somebody that sidled into your inner wall and stoked you to go on even through the worst of times? The rock that dulled your scissors, the anchor that steadied you… the man who told you that you are beautiful and made you happy even before your own father did. The man who gave you sense, gave you a life when your world shattered. The man who loved you like no one else… Nick Stokes.
I smile at the simple thought of his name. Nicholas. Nicky. Nick. My cowboy. Of course, he's not mine… he was never mine. It all started after Grissom rejected me. He was there to catch me. He fulfilled his promise to not to let me fall. Although he made it while we were working on a case, candidly and haphazardly, we held on to those words. We went out after work. At first, it was simple breakfasts and lunches. Then it moved on to dinner and carnivals and quiet walks in the park. Then finally to bed. Out of all the guys I've been with, he made me feel whole. He didn't make me feel guilty and dirty. Just loved… with every sense of the word.
It all fell apart when I found out about the new female Lab Tech. I thought she was just flirting with Nick because he was just irresistible; and him flirting back. By this time, I believe we were into the "relationship" 8 months. I moved in with him and Grissom had us with synchronized nights-off and frequent cases together. It was love, I'm telling you.
Until, November 11, 2003, Tuesday, 11pm. It was our night-off and I offered to rush to the grocery to buy… well, protection so to speak. I was caught in a traffic jam because of some vehicular accident so the usual 10-minute drive was stretched to 30mintues. When I got back, I shouted my apologies from the front door and continued to explain until I reached our bedroom door. When I opened the door, lo-and-behold… he was there, naked as the day he was born on top of some girl… Helen Anderson, the Lab tech.
They sprang apart, Helen covering herself until she looked decent and Nick falling off the bed and reaching for his boxers. "Honey," Nick started, "I… It's not what you think." Oh no! Don't "It's not what you think" me.
Without raising my voice, which I am really good at, I said, "What should I think of it? I took so long so you got bored and impatient. Since you're tired of doing yourself and you don't want to pay for services, you decided to soothe another lonely soul." That simple statement left them both silent. I spoke again, "Well, Nick… Grissom called me. He tried calling you too but it seems that your phone is off. He wants me there to process evidence collected from a break-in. So you can pick up where you left off. Have a good time."
iPlease remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
Please remember, please remember me/i
What a lame excuse for heading out the door. Maybe it's not time for a night-off. Good thing all my stuff was already in my Tahoe so I went straight to work sparking strange glances from everyone. I stayed there in the break room until anyone notices I was there. Luckily, Catherine came in and quickly encased me in hug. Me coming to work than to spend time with Nick meant there was something wrong. Then the whole team, including Grissom came in. I decided to tell them the story.
"I'll kill him!" Greg cried. He was always protective of me. "Sara, how could he do that to you? And that Helen! She doesn't even know how to test for heroine." He carried on and soon all of them were giving me their piece of mind. I just asked them to play fair with Nick and don't clobber him and treat him differently.
"Sara, he hurt your feelings and still you think about him," Grissom said in his angry voice. Yes, I do still think about him. Because I love him with all my heart.
Catherine sat beside me and tightened her embrace. "Sara, come on outside and we'll talk. Warrick we'll let you handle Nick," she said and Warrick just nodded. Once outside, she started, "What are you thinking?" I shook my head. I can't think… I don't want to think.
"What did I do wrong, Cath?" I finally said. "Was I not good enough? Ever since, I know I am not good enough for him, but he kept up with me. After Hank and Gil, I was a wreck. But he was there. 'Sara, I'm here for you' were his exact words when we shared our first kiss. 'Sara, you're beautiful' he told me over dinner. 'Sara, I love you' during our first night. Am I supposed to believe him now? Tell me!"
She did not need to say anything, she knows that. I just need someone who'll listen. I continued on, "When he's down, I'm the first one there. When I know he's pissed off, I do everything to my power to please him even when he's drunk. A drunk Nick can be a pain sometimes… but I bear with him just like he bears with me. I don't care if after we make love, he ignores me and drifts off to sleep leaving me to cry on my pillow, to cry for him.
"If he didn't want me anymore, he had all the time in the world to break it to me gently. I have no problem going back to being friends with him. After all, he's always been my best friend." I paused, gauging if Cath's getting bored. She's not so I carried on, "Why this way? Nick of all people knows I'm already damaged goods. Maybe he got into his senses… realizing he's getting recycled merchandise."
At last, she talked to me, "Sara, don't call yourself that! You know you're way better than that! Maybe Nick just got blinded…" she stopped when she saw Nick's Tahoe park in front of us. She started to pull me to my feet and push me in the building when Nick placed his hand on my shoulder.
"Sara, can we talk?" his voice cold and emotionless. I reckon his eyes were too.
In my calmest voice, I answered, "Uh, sorry, Nick. We have some stuff to check on CODIS…" but his hand didn't move. I heard Cath shuffle behind me in hesitation on whether leaving us or staying.
"Cath, you can leave. Thank you for keeping Sara company," he said and she went on with one final squeeze on my hand. "We need to talk," he repeated.
"What's there to talk about?" I asked hearing my voice break and sobs overtake my body. He pulled me to his chest and let me bawl as he always does when he sees me like this. But this time it's different. I'm crying because of him… because of what he did… because I love him too much to let him go. He kept shushing me and kissing my forehead. From all those weeping I was doing, I managed to squeak a tiny, "I love you, Nick." He let me go and I continued, "How can you do this to me? I thought you loved me."
"And I still do, Sara. Don't get me wrong," he spoke quietly. His voice was beginning to shake too and I can see tears form. "It's just that… this… what we have… it might be working for you but…"
"It's not working for you…" I finished for him… our age-old habit. He simply nodded. That's when the tears flowed freely. I couldn't hug him… my arms were like gelatin. "Do you want to break up with… me?" Nick slowly nodded and looked at me.
Not trusting his voice, he just mouthed, "I'm sorry." Gathering my strength, my lips formed what resembled a smile.
"It has been fun, Nick. I'll never forget this," I gave him one final kiss on his lips. "Thank you…" Then I left.
I moved back to my former place. Luckily it wasn't rented out yet. I considered placing myself at dayshift but because of Warrick, Greg and Cath's persuasions, I decided to stay; opting to stay away from him as possible. In no time, I was the old Sara again. Anti-social, loner and my 'Sara glare' was back.
After some time, I couldn't stand seeing him everyday so I filed my resignation which Grissom signed half-heartedly. The very next day, I was on a plane to San Francisco. I left late at night when everyone was at work but I swear I saw him… Nick, sitting in the waiting area at the farthest chair behind me. I ignored him as he ignored me. But I risked one last glance at him only finding that he was looking straight at me with obvious tears in his eyes. I wanted to kiss him, tell him it's going to be alright. No… I love you, Nick… but this is goodbye.
I woke up with a start the next morning, realizing that I was crying. I just dreamt of the last time I saw him… Nick. That's the worst I've seen him cry. I just understood that he was crying for me. He watched me go… walk out of his life forever. I check the time and it's just 6am. Great, once I wake up… I can't sleep anymore. What to do, Sara? Think!
I reach for my suitcase and shuffle through my small collection of forensic magazines and find that I've read them all approximately 3 times each. Heck, another round wouldn't hurt.