Phil had never actually questioned his sexuality. He had always liked girls and never had any reason to think differently. It wasn't until a certain brown-haired boy named Dan came into his life that he actually had any reason to think about it. His YouTube subscribers started "shipping" the two boys as a couple, which caused Phil to think deeply about whether he would ever actually like Dan that way. He was sure he wouldn't, but with all this talk of "Phan" and how they're "meant to be", he couldn't help but think about it every once in a while. Those thoughts would always end in him laughing at himself for thinking such things, but afterward, they would always linger in the back of his mind for the rest of the day.
On one particular evening when Phil was thinking about Dan, he couldn't seem to stop. He tried, but not three seconds after trying to focus on something else, his mind would wander back to thoughts of Dan's lips against his. He found the thoughts disgusting and couldn't help but cringe a little, yet they wouldn't leave his imagination. "Hey Phil, how's it going?" Dan asked as he walked through the front door, returning from buying groceries.
Phil jumped at the sound of Dan's voice and Dan chuckled at Phil's reaction. "What? Did I scare you?" He laughed as he set the grocery bags on the counter.
"N-no!" Phil stuttered nervously, the thoughts still not escaping his mind, "Just startled."
Dan approached Phil, still laughing lightly. "Oh please, you're white as a ghost!" He cried, plopping down on the couch beside him to watch X Factor with him. "What were you doing? Watching porn?"
"No, I just didn't expect you to walk in!" Phil replied, staring at Dan's lips. He couldn't help but picture how they would feel on his own.
"Suuurre," Dan snickered, nudging Phil's shoulder playfully.
"No, really! I wasn't doing anything!" Phil exclaimed, "Just watching the auditions!"
"Mmhmm," Dan responded sarcastically.
"Oh, shut up," Phil groaned, shoving Dan's arm lightly. The action was just intended to be platonic, but his mind couldn't help but imagine it was something more. He imagined shoving Dan down on his back, pinning him to the couch, then making out with him. He tried to shake the image out of his head, feeling completely disturbed by the thought, but it lingered - just like the others.
"Phil...?" Dan's voice interrupted Phil's active imagination as the younger boy waved his hand in front of Phil's face to bring him back into reality, "Hello?"
"Oh, sorry!" Phil cried as he returned to the real world, his cheeks turning a light pink hue.
"What was that about?" Dan asked.
It took Phil a second to realize that he had been staring intensely at Dan's lips during his unintentional fantasy. It probably looked like he was going to kiss him! "S-sorry, I zoned out. I wasn't going to kiss you or anything, I swear!" 'Smooth, Phil.'
"Okay..." Dan trailed off, "I didn't think so..."
'Damn it, Phil...' Phil thought to himself, 'you idiot! You just made it awkward!' "I just thought it kinda looked like it. Sorry, I'm, uh, a little awkward today." Phil apologized nervously.
"It's fine, we all have those days," Dan snickered, patting Phil on the back and standing up, "I'm gonna go get some crisps from the kitchen, want any?"
"Sure, can you get Doritos?" Phil replied, still struggling to keep the thoughts out of his head.
"All right," Dan answered and walked off, into the kitchen.
As Dan left, Phil imagined following him into the kitchen, slamming him into the cupboards, and pressing his lips onto Dan's. He imagined their tongues grazing lightly against each other as they made out. He imagined they would climb onto the countertops and Phil would pin Dan to the counter, kissing his jaw and neck and sliding his hands under his shirt. Phil felt himself gag at the thought and a headache soon came over him as he tried to push the looping scene out of his mind.
Phil was awoken from his spell when a bag of crisps hit him in the face. Dan laughed as he walked toward Phil, his own Dorito bag in his hands, "Someone's a little out of it," he chuckled, sitting beside his friend.
"I know, just thinking... A lot..." Phil trailed off, staring into his chocolate-brown eyes. 'Beautiful...'
"About what?" Dan asked, yet again interrupting Phil's unwanted thoughts.
"N-nothing..." Phil muttered. He was utterly embarrassed by his thoughts, yet at the same time, he oddly enjoyed them. He even felt slightly aroused by some of them.
"Oh come on," Dan pleaded, "Are you having sexual fantasies?" He asked, stressing the word 'sexual' jokingly and laughing lightly.
"Sorta..." Phil replied, feeling his stomach lurch in nervousness.
"Ooh, about who?" Dan laughed, nudging Phil's arm playfully.
"No one..." Phil said, avoiding eye contact.
"Hey, you can tell me!" Dan begged, "I'm your best friend!"
Phil turned to look into Dan's eyes again, "Dan... Do you trust me?" He asked, his heart beating impossibly fast.
"Of course I do," Dan said in a serious tone as he realized that the situation was more serious than he had thought.
"Okay... Can I try something?" Phil asked.
"Try what?" Dan responded, confused.
"You said you trust me," Phil answered cunningly.
Dan sighed, "Okay fine, go ahead."
Phil took a deep breath, his hands started shaking at the thought of what his next move would be, "Close your eyes..." He instructed.
"Why-"
"You said you trust me," Phil interrupted.
Dan gave in and closed his eyes. Phil took another deep breath, held it, and stared at Dan's face, deep in thought for what felt like an eternity. "So?" Dan asked, eyes still closed.
Phil exhaled and cupped Dan's cheek with his hand. In one quick motion, he then leaned toward Dan and met his lips with his own. Dan flinched and pulled away immediately. "Phil, what are you-"
"Just trust me," Phil assured him. Dan looked at him with a confused expression in his eyes, then nodded and closed his eyes again. Phil, then, went in for a second kiss. Dan flinched, but didn't pull away this time, in fact, he began kissing back.
When Phil leaned away, Dan just sat there, wide-eyed, red-faced, and jaw suspended open. "What was that...?" He asked, completely shocked.
Phil's heart beat and hands shook faster. "I... I don't know..." He responded, "I just had to try it... What did you think?" Phil couldn't hold the question in any longer.
"It was... Breathtaking," Dan replied and both boys smiled. At that moment, Phil knew that the thoughts would never bother him again, he'd even enjoy them a little bit.