Dear Father
Blaise Zabini and Hermione Granger
a romantic story
written by amazingburgers
Dear Father,
I think it's pretty damn pathetic that after years I only decide to write you now. I think it's even more damn pathetic that I don't know where you are, and this owl won't probably find you. I don't even know why I'm writing to you, and in a way I'm not writing to you at all. I'm writing to someone, at least, and that's a start. I don't really wanna talk to you, because I don't remember ever meeting you but that's okay because you're my dad and people say that dads are supposed to listen to their children. I guess all I want right now is for someone to listen, because I don't think anybody ever really does. Not to me, anyway. It's not like I have many interesting things to talk about, anyway, but I think I'm just desperate to talk about anything as long as anyone listens.
I've always wondered if you were still around to find out that mum was pregnant with me, or if you were still there when she did give birth, or if you raised me and then left before my mind could form memories. I like to think that I've never met you, because if I had, you must have done something for me since people say dads do things for their children, and I don't really feel like owing you anything. If you were there, then you could have changed me or given me food some time at least. Even though I don't want to owe you anything, I'm still an honorable man and if I ever meet you in the future, I'll be sure to give you food to eat so I don't owe you any debts. I just hope you don't wear nappies at your age as I wouldn't feel too comfortable changing a grown man.
I know you don't wear nappies, by the way. It was just a joke. I like jokes. Mother said, whenever I talked to her and she bothered to listen, that I have a peculiar sense of humor. I don't really think it's all that strange but I guess you can't really judge yourself when you've been looking at it in front of a mirror ever since you could. It's like with people you've been used to seeing. I can't really call anybody ugly, because they've been the faces I've been seeing everyday. I don't understand the gossip about who's attractive and who's not, because when I look at the person all I see is a human being.
Physically, of course, they're neither ugly nor attractive to me. I hardly talk to anybody but I do like to look at people to see the thoughts on their faces. Yes, people here like to get quills and write their thoughts on their forehead for others to read. That was another joke, by the way. But what I meant by reading their faces was that, whenever people thought, you can see in their face what they're thinking. I like reading people's faces. Without having to interact with them, as I don't feel comfortable talking to others, I can get to know them. I know when they're stressed and what they're stressed about. Or when they forgot to do an assignment and their eyes widen with panic, which I shamefully admit can be really funny sometimes.
I do think many people are ugly, though. Like that one professor we had, Lockhart. His name slips my mind at the moment, but he was apparently popular. Perhaps you've heard of him. I didn't like him very much, even before he I realized his stories were fake after I found some flaws in his books. I didn't read them because I was a fan, but I just enjoy reading books. Even if the book was rubbish from the start, I'd want to finish it until the end, just in case. Just in case someone else had read the entire book, and they ask me if I had read it before, and I would say that I have and we'd have a nice conversation about a book that was either rubbish or not.
Sorry, I'm rambling. Mother says I do that a lot. Maybe that's why she doesn't really listen when I talk to her, but that's okay because sometimes when I talk to someone, I'm only really talking to myself, and I don't realize that I'm rambling because nobody realizes what they're saying when they're talking to themselves. Anyway, I'm rambling again. Point is, Lockhart was a damn ugly bloke. He lied, and was a phony, and took credit for things that wasn't his to take credit for. I didn't like him.
Throughout the years, I've seen many ugly people. They all lied, hated, and thought about things they shouldn't. Not that I'm perfect either, anyway. I think I'm very ugly, for judging people for being ugly. I think I'm a hypocrite, and that I contradict myself completely. I think many people are ugly, and now that I've used the word this much the meaning is lost now.
But there's this one girl that isn't ugly at all. Maybe I'm just being bias because she's really nice to me, but I think she's the most beautiful person. Her name is Hermione, by the way. I think it's pathetic that I really like saying her first name when I don't think she's ever even thought of mine. I'm not sure if people consider her attractive or not, but I still think she's beautiful. I think of her more times than not, and I'm pretty sure it's not healthy. But just the mere thought of her makes me happy, and I've decided that I like being happy. Whenever I think of her, I just suddenly feel this renewal inside me, as if everything in the world is okay even just for a minute. She makes everything okay.
I sound really pathetic right now, don't I? I can't help it, she's just the nicest, prettiest, most beautiful thing in the world and I think of her whenever I'm in a bad mood. I wish she'd talk to me more, but I'm not used to talking to people and I'm scared that I'll scare her away if I read her face too much, or if I say a joke and she'll not like my sense of humor, or if I call someone ugly and she'll not like it. I don't care too much about what people think of me, but I think it's her opinion that matters the most. I just want to be close to her, and if she ever looks at me, I want her thoughts about me to be positive.
This is strange, really, as I've never written a letter before. Not even to Mother, because I don't really wanna bother her with the boring details of my life when there are her other childrens' lives' boring details she could be bothered with. I have siblings, if you didn't know. They're not yours, though, don't worry. You weren't exactly my Mother's only husband, and of course she's had other children with the other men that have entered her life and exited right out. I think mother is ugly. She had nothing in her but selfishness and greed, but I really should stop dirtying my Mother's name as she is the only thing that is family.
I'm not too sure about what family is. I'm not stupid, I know what a family was literally, but I never understood the concept. Why did family stick with each other, when the proper term is they're forced to be stuck together? It seems like a façade to me, family. I don't think family ever really loved each other until they thought about their family as a stranger. They would imagine meeting that stranger for the first time, and deciding whether they would want to be friends with them or not. I think it's really love when you know you would like someone again if you went back the time frame and met them a second time. I don't really know what love is, but that's my concept and I don't mind if I'm wrong because I don't think I'll ever tell anyone, therefore nobody can determine if it's correct or not.
I should really start on Potions, because my professor named Severus Snape can be quite the sour one. If I don't finish this assignment by tomorrow, he'd probably slip something in my cauldron during class and I'd prefer having my face the same color as the rest of my body. That was a joke again.
Love,
Blaise Zabini
P.S I'll just end my letters with that because people say families do that, even if it is just a façade after all.
to be continued
Hello, all who are reading! I've taken up a new writing style which I absolutely love, and I would like to hear your opinions on it. I've been having some struggles with past/present tense things, and if anyone can suggest a beta for me it would be more than fantastic. Tell me your opinions on this, and if I should continue writing it or not.
amazingburgers