After twelve years of long nights to finish last minute assignments and studying for tests the day was finally here. Ally Dawson was finally graduating. Trying not to trip over the heels Trish had forced me into I made my way over to take my seat with the other D's. On my left was Josh Davis and to my right sat Kayla Darnell. I smoothed the navy blue silk coat down as I sat. I fixed the matching blue hat and waited patiently for the ceremony to start. I looked around trying to spot my friends. Trish was only a few seats behind me, with her last name beginning with a D as well, and Dez was actually sitting right next to Dallas in the J's. Dez Jacobson and Dallas Johnson.
I looked over to the M's to see an empty seat where Austin would have been sitting if he was still here. I sigh remembering the day Austin's dream came true and he went to L.A. with a recording contract. That was around the end of our sophomore year in May. He released his first album a few months later in October. He had all the songs we'd ever written and even had a few more that I'm not sure about. I went through the album cover and he gave me credit on the songs I wrote or co-wrote. When he announced his tour at the end of junior year I was ecstatic. I called him and congratulated him. We had kept in contact and talked or Skyped occasionally but with how busy he was they just consisted of small talk and I miss you's. I was so proud of him I bought every single piece of Austin Moon merchandise on the market. I put most of it in a box and shoved it in my closet. I keep one poster on the wall and one T-shirt in my closet. I keep his CD in my old disk player and play it when I'm getting ready for bed or getting ready for the day. With his tour we had really stopped texting and calling because of how hectic his life was. I still miss him and I know he'll come back like he promised he would when he left but until then I'll just have to wait.
Finally the valedictorian Victoria Chan starts her speech. Every so often in between insightful words she stops to push up her square black glasses. When the principal takes her spot he gives a short speech about how the four years have been with us in the school. He made jokes to the school prankster Zach O'Ryan and gives various thank you's to our schools green club President Arianna Price. Finally he starts calling our names starting with the A's. I zone out after Tyler Adams almost jumps on the stage to get his diploma and hand shake from Mrs. Donahew. When I feel Josh Davis stand up and get called to the stage I feel like I'm going to be sick. My hair has grown to my waist because I refused to cut it since I was fifteen. I roll a piece around my finger until my principle calls my name across the large auditorium our school had rented.
I slowly stand up and feel myself visibly shaking. I had gotten used to Trish sticking me in heels so luckily I didn't fall on my way up the stairs. The principle announces my GPA and the accomplishments I had during my high school career before handing me my diploma and shaking my hand. I look toward the camera and smile as they take a picture. I walk down the steps and retake my seat smiling at Trish who was giving me a thumbs up. I looked up at the giant screen they were displaying our pictures on. I see my picture flash across the screen with my name and birth date. It almost stuns me when I see my face. I had dark red lips that made me looked older. Trish had applied dark make up around my eyes and my hair was flowing down my back in ringlets. The dark black heels made my legs look dark and long. In my opinion I looked anything but who I was when I started high school. I was a new girl. I was confident and I just walked across a stage in front of thousands of students and god knows how many parents. I managed to drown out my dad cheering my name and the clapping crowd to make it through without tripping.
I silently smiled to myself clapping when Trish and Dez went up. After they had gotten through the Z's the principal made the final announcement but stopped before he said the closing words.
"In order to avoid a commotion we saved this for last. One of our very own students was lucky enough to receive an extraordinary opportunity earlier in their high school career. But despite his busy life he managed to keep up with online classes and graduated with a 4.0 average and straight A's. Here to graduate alongside his class mates is your very own Austin Moon!" He said into the microphone.
My heart dropped as he walked across the stage smiling in his cap and gown. He was taller, if possible, and more built than before. His hair was shorter and his bangs were jelled up in the front. He smiled his winning smile and took his picture. It was as if this was a bad movie and all I could hear was my heart beat. The thumping drowned out all the cheers and fan girl screams for Austin. When the principle finished off everyone threw their hats up but I stayed seated. I just sat there and watched as everyone stood up screaming and smiling about finally being done with high school. Everything was in slow motion as caps rained down everywhere.
Everyone started to depart but I just sat there motionless trying to comprehend that my best friend was back and less than twenty feet away. Dez surprisingly found me first. He sat down beside me where Josh was sitting and tried to shake my shoulders. I looked over to see his red hair roughed up and his cap in his hand. Trish finally ran over after fighting her way through the crowd.
"Hey Ally are you okay?" She asks looking at me with worried eyes.
"No. No I'm not. I won't be until I see him." I state not even trying to lie because honestly I need him. It's been way to long since I felt him around me.
"Then let's go find our best friend." Dez says smiling.
"Good job by the way Ally you didn't even fall once!" Trish exclaimed standing up taking off her cap.
"Yeah Ally I was really proud of you." Dez says and rubs my back. Yeah, yeah I know Dez had grown up. After Austin left he hung around me more and I taught him responsibility. He still has a fun side but he is actually really smart. He just needed the late night study sessions in the practice room I forced him into.
"Thanks guys." I say smiling slightly. I take off my cap and run a hand through my hair that was way too long.
"You really need to cut your hair." Dez states looking at me.
"I was just thinking the exact same thing." I sigh putting emphasis on exact. I unzip the front of my coat and watch as Dez and Trish do the same. Trish had on a Pink dress that flowed to her knees with some really pretty silver heels. Dez was wearing dress pants and a tucked in blue shirt. He had the cuffs of his sleeves rolled up I could tell but it was hidden by the gown. His shiny black leather belt matched his new leather shoes that I know he had to buy for this.
"Nice dress." Dez says raising his eyebrows at me.
"Thank Her!" I say giving out a frustrated sigh. Trish just giggles and smiles at her work. I was wearing a royal blue dress with thin spaghetti straps. It had a band high up that tightened and then flew out into a pretty flowing material that stopped mid thigh. I felt like it was too exposing but Trish insisted that was what an eighteen year old should look like so I just let it go. We just smile and wait because there is a huge crowd around Austin and we could see the top of his head. He was probably giving autographs and taking pictures.
"Hey Ally looking good!" I hear David Tanner say as he passes.
I just scowl at Trish hating this attention. Yeah I had gone on a few dates this year because of my awkwardness dissipating and Trish making me wear jeans, boots, and jackets instead of skirts, vests, and belts. I went to more than my share of parties and even snuck out a few times. Dez got me to drink finally at a party Trish couldn't make it to. She was pissed she missed it but Dez apparently has to film EVERYTHING still and got me puking and dancing with a few random guys. You could hear his laughing on the footage but I forgave him eventually. After a few more rude comments from passing guys Dez finally rolls his eyes and does my coat up again. I just shoot him a look and he shrugs while Trish just laughs.
"Hey Ally you look good tonight." I hear from behind me and turn around to find Dallas.
I roll my eyes and turn back around. Me and Dallas had finally dated during Junior year but I broke up with him after he cheated on me with a blonde bimbo from biology class. After waiting and waiting watching crowds of teenagers, who were now adults, crying and signing blank year books while parents talked up in the sidelines waiting to go home, finally the crowd around him started to thin out. I decided to just turn my back and stand in front of Dez and Trish to keep my nerves down.
"So I was recording Nelson's piano lesson with Ally the other day when-" Dez cut off mid sentence and froze looking over my shoulder. I gave him a confused look and waved my hand in front of his face.
"Hello earth to Dez!" I exclaimed but saw Trish had the same look on her face. I was about to turn around when his voice froze me in my spot.
"Hey guys!" He exclaimed. I just closed my eyes and smiled at the familiar sound of him.
"Where's Ally and who's this?" He asks patiently. I slowly turn around to face him. He just smiles like nothing's wrong until his jaw practically hits the floor and his eyebrows shoot up.
"Ally?" He exclaims looking at me in disbelief. I just stare at him and feel tears spring to my eyes. I nod my head before crossing the small space between him and throwing my arms around his neck. He catches me last second and pulls me as close as he can. I feel tears start to come out and I just cry into his neck squeezing tighter with each second. I relish in the warmth he brings me and the tingle when his lips brush my ear.
"I missed you so much." I choke out.
"I missed you more Als. You have no idea." He whispers into my ear.
After standing like that for what seemed like forever. I finally let go and back up a little and wipe my cheeks. Trish tells me my makeup is still fine because it was waterproof as Dez and Austin do their what up hand shake. As Austin gives Trish a hug and hello Dez throws his arm over my shoulder like he often does. He hugs me into his side and kisses the top of my head.
"You're doing good you know that?" He asks me looking over my head while I keep my gaze down. I just nod simply. When I look up I see Austin watching us with a weird look on his face. His eyes go to where Dez's arm is and I know what he thinks. It's what everyone thinks when they see me and Dez.
"Are um you two... ya know?" He asks rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. Dez shakes his head.
"No... Just best friends." I say knowing that that's going to rub Austin the wrong way.
"Best friends...Right." He says swallowing. I know he thinks we're lying because that's exactly what me and him used to say before he left but we all knew it was so much more than that.
"So Austin you going to the party at Derek's house?" Dez asks him casually.
"Are you guys?" He asks us mostly looking at me. I lean into Dez more secretly hating that it's him and not Austin.
"Yeah bro are you kidding when do I ever miss a party?" He says exclaiming.
"No but miss one party a year over here does." He says shooting me a crooked smile.
"Oh my god dude have you missed a lot. Al here can drink more alcohol than me but she can't hold it for crap." He says laughing. I slap his chest and stick my tongue out at him.
"You d-drink? What's next you smoke pot too?" He says sarcastically and I bite my lip while Dez laughs.
"No way!" Austin exclaims when he sees our expressions.
"That train left the station when Dez took her to a party while I was at my grandma's." Trish says laughing while I blush.
"Don't worry man I recorded the whole thing." He says while him and Trish fist bump.
"You said you didn't get the part!" I whine and push him away from me. Him and Trish just keep laughing at me while Austin's eyebrows are up to his hair line. I start to play with the zipper of my gown when Dez shoots me an evil glare. I roll my eyes at him and look over to Austin who looks beyond confused.
"Trish here decided to give Al a makeover last year when she kicked Dallas's ass to the curb and well me being the best friend and all I have to keep the wandering eyes off her when she looks as beautiful as she does tonight." He says winking at me before turning to talk to Trish about who's driving to the party.
"That use to be my job..." Austin mumbles to himself but I still catch it.
"I wish it still was." I whisper to him. He looks up at me with a sad smile and I feel like I'm going to start crying all over again. He sees the look on my face and opens his arms. I walk into them without a second thought and lay my head on his chest wrapping my arms around his waist. I breathe him in and try to memorize his heart beat. When I finally have to let go we just smile at each other and go find our parents. Dez says he can only take one person on the back of his motorcycle which he finally got a few months ago.
"I brought your helmet Al so one person can come." He says trying to get me to come with him.
"I'll take her." Austin suddenly blurts out. Dez frowns but agrees.
"Dez take Trish. I ride with you all the time." I say giving him a be nice look. He gets really protective of me and usual only takes me places after Dallas but Austin was his best friend I think he trusts him enough. When they walk away me and Austin go to find our parents. When my dad spots us he gives me a big hug before turning to Austin and hugs him too. They talk about his career for a bit before his parents walk over and join the conversation.
"Ally you have grown up! Look at you! You're so beautiful!" Mrs. Moon exclaims and gives me a hug. I thank her and Austin's dad pulls me into a hug next.
"You've matured too fast Allison. Slow it down." He says smiling at me.
"Dad Austin's taking me to the party so I'll see you at home tomorrow because I will probably sleep at Trish's." I say to my dad and he agrees and gives me a kiss on the head.
"Yeah mom if I'm not back at the hotel by 12:00 I'm staying at Dez's okay?" Austin says to his mom while I wait.
"Okay sweetie I love you. I can't believe you're already eighteen and all grown up." She says sniffling as Mr. Moon leads her away. Austin turns to me and smirks before flipping his keys over his finger and nodding to the door. We walk in silence with our caps in hand. When we get outside he walks over to a small black car that looked shiny but like more of an old car.
"Really? I thought Mr. Pop star would have the newest nicest car in town." I say sarcastically.
"Hey whoa! No hating on Tad!" He exclaims leaning his back against the passenger side of the car. I walk up beside him and lean one side of my body onto the car.
"Tad?" I ask raising an eyebrow.
"Trish, Ally, Dez." He states nodding. "Tad sounded better than DTA or Dat..."
I laugh at him for a second before smiling at how sweet he is.
"Can I put this stupid get up in your trunk?" I ask pointing to the blue graduation gown.
"Yeah." He says shooting me a smile. We walk around and he pops the trunk. I unzip the front after baking to death because of Dez. I let the silk fall off my shoulders and stick it in with my hat.
"Whoaaa yeah you're not wearing that." Austin states and I turn around to face him. He just stares into my eyes giving me a look that told me he was serious. I see him pull out a black leather jacket from the corner of the trunk and he hands it to me.
"Put it on." He says sternly.
"Yes dad." I say giving him a childish look while sliding my arms into his jacket. He glares at me but smirks when I push him playfully.
He grabs my hand and pulls me into his chest.
"You look pretty, gorgeous...beautiful." He whispers to me intertwining our fingers. I blush and look down. He puts his hand on my hip and mine goes to the back of his neck as our others stay connected with each other. He sways us back and forth humming one of his songs.
He leans his forehead against mine and we just stay like that until he decides to blurt out something to ruin it.
"Dez likes you."
"I know." I whisper. I've known for awhile. He isn't very good at hiding it considering he told my best friend. Of course she was going to tell me.
"You know..." He starts squeezing his eyes shut. "When he put his arm around you I thought for sure that he had replaced me... like we didn't exist anymore." He says the last part whispering and I start to cry a little bit again. I grab the back of his head keeping his forehead to mine.
"I got my dream. I got everything but none of it seemed good enough. Nothing mattered because you weren't there to keep me up late writing the most brilliant songs I have ever heard. Then one night Dez... he texts me a picture of you asleep on the practice room couch after a 'late night study sesh with Al' I literally started crying in the middle of a practice session. I felt so replaced and forgotten I couldn't take it. It was then that I knew it wasn't me anymore...it was him." he told me this as I watched tears escape his unopened eyes that were so close to mine.
"You listen to me." I say choking on my words for a second. "Every time he touches me it feels so wrong because it's not you. I listen to your CD just so I can hear your voice. It doesn't matter if he likes me or not because it's you. It will always... be...you." I finish slowing down at the end. His hand moves from my hip to cup my cheek.
"I'm sorry. I am so sorry." He whispers crying even harder.
"You had a dream Austin and you followed it. That took more courage than the rest of us have." I tell him as we sway in circles to the sound of cars leaving the parking lot and soft murmurs of the crowd.
"Please don't go away." I say starting to cry harder with him.
"I have to." He whispers softly moving his hand from my cheek and wrapping his arm around my waist pulling me flat against him.
"I wish you didn't." I reply finally looking into his eyes as they open.
We start to lean in but don't make it very far before my phone starts ringing. I pull away from him and answer it quickly.
"Ally we're already at the party where are you guys? Haven't you left yet?" Dez asks frantically.
"Dez we were talking to my Dad calm down we are leaving now okay?" I say trying to calm him down.
"Okay just get here soon Al." He whispers before hanging up.
I sigh as I hear the dial tone in my ear. I jump when a hand touches my back and a soft voice interrupts me.
"Is everything okay Als?" Austin asks.
"Let's just go to the party okay?" I say forcing a smile and climbing into his car. He looks hesitant but follows. We drive in silence for twenty minutes before we arrive at a house that is packed with teenagers who were celebrating freedom. The house was on the nearby lake and it was in the middle of nowhere. We literally had to pass five minutes of trees to get to this small opening. We park the car along the trees and walk towards the house. When we get to it we are stuck elbowing through drunken teenagers trying to find Dez or Trish. Right as a guy turns and almost falls onto me I feel an arm wrap around my waist and pull me out of his path. I turn around and see Dez smiling down at me.
"Hey clumsy." He says before letting me go.
"W-where did you come from?" I stutter out finally.
"I saw you come in but I couldn't get past two kids playing football with a flower vase." He says shooting me a smirk. I smile and release myself from his grasp. He leads me over to the drink table and hands me a red cup with a strong smelling liquid in it that I recognize immediately.
"Bottoms up." He says raising an eyebrow smiling before lifting his cup to his lips and chugging it. I follow suit like I have done at every party before this. When the cup is empty I put it down and lick my lips of any alcohol. I scrunch my eyebrows together and frown down at the stupid cup. Ever since I touched one of these I've felt like shit. God dammit why can't I be freaking happy on the day I graduate high school.
"Hey Al? You okay?" Dez asks studying my face.
"Yeah just a little tired and overwhelmed." I tell him putting my hand on my hip and leaning into the counter.
"Well nothing that more of this can't fix." He says handing me a different cup. This one's blue and the stuff inside smelled different. I take a small sip and know I haven't had it before.
"What is this?" I ask curiously.
"Vodka." He answers as if it's nothing. "I usually give you the light stuff but its party time and you're going full on." I just frown before taking a bigger gulp. I feel it burn my throat and warm my body as it goes down. I just walk around and keep drinking. After I start to feel dizzy I know it's time to stop but I suck it up and keep drinking. I had ditched Dez back at the drink table and was now just swaying around to the music while wiggling between bodies. When I am about to take another drink I feel a hand clamp down over my wrist to stop me.
"I think you're done." Austin says as I look up to see him gazing at me.
"But whyyyy!" I whine dragging out my words.
"That would be why." He states simply while raising his eyebrows and removing the cup from my hand. I sigh knowing I wasn't going to win this one.
"Fine how about you stay here and be boring while I go find Dez to give me another drink." I say dropping my voice on the last word and turning around only to once again be caught by my wrist. I'm whipped around till I'm face to face with Austin. Our noses were almost touching and I could feel his breath on my face.
"No." He says. I just stare at him studying his features. We are interrupted when Dez come over and practically pushes Austin away from me. The blonde just rubs the back of his neck.
"Hey Al let's dance!" He exclaims trying to pull me away. I look over to Austin apologetically as I'm dragged away by Dez.
We dance to a bunch of upbeat pop songs. I try to keep my distance but he keeps pulling my hips back to his. I can't see Dez because he is behind me but I can feel him as he practically grinds me in the middle of this teenage hormone fest. I look over to see Austin leaning against a wall listening to some blonde talk his ear off. I can see he's bored because he shifts his gaze between her, his cup, and me and Dez. When our eyes meet I see his flicker with an emotion that I can't place but he covers it up and looks away.
I scoot forward again trying to gain distance but once again my hips are pulled back into Dez. I sigh and wait for the song to end just going through the movements. Finally the ending notes of the song are played and I tell Dez I have to use the bathroom. I pull away and wander out the backdoor tripping over my heels. I walk down the grass passing couples making out on random trees and people passed out all over the grass. I finally walk far enough down to the lake and find an empty tree in front of the water. I pull my knees to my chest and snuggle into Austin's jacket breathing him in.
I feel someone sit down beside me but I don't have to look up to know who it is. Whenever he comes around my whole body just ignites. We sit in silence watching the water.
"When do you leave again?" I whisper staring at the moons reflection on the small waves washing up against the mud bank before lightly hitting the grass.
"In the morning." He states blankly. I feel a lump form in my throat.
"Right." I choke out.
He silently reaches over and takes my hand rubbing circles on the back of it with his thumb.
"So I see you can dance now." He states with a frown.
"I'm not the same person I was when you left Austin. I'm not fifteen anymore." I say sighing and pulling my hand away. I stand up and cross my arms over my chest. He stands too and we just stare at each other.
"Fine then who are you? Who is this that I'm looking at? I know for a fact that you're not Ally Dawson. Smoking Als seriously? Whatever pushed you to stoop to that level isn't worth it. You-" He starts narrowing his eyes at me and throwing his hands around before I cut him off abruptly.
"It was you!" I scream out frustrated running my hands through my hair. I start to cry for the third time tonight. He looks at me stunned with his hands hanging in mid air.
"What did I have to do with anything?" He asks hesitantly.
"You left." I say in a monotone voice.
"Ally just because I left doesn't mean you should do that! I know Dez can pressure a bit but I know how strong you are. You could have said no. Whatever the reason was it's much bigger than that." He says looking at me with tired eyes.
"It was because of you." I say again.
"Stop saying that! Look at Dez, Look at Trish! They are both practically the exact same way I left them. The only difference is Dez doesn't act like an idiot anymore!" He says frustrated.
"It's not the same." I tell him quietly.
"Yes it is! Jesus they went through the same thing you did!" He screams at me.
"No they didn't! No one understands how I felt! Nobody ever will!" I scream louder.
"I think I have a pretty good fricken idea! I left you too you know! Why did it affect you so much!" He yells earning glares from passer bys.
"Because I was in love with you god dammit!" I blurt out. Immediately his eyes grow wide.
"W-what?" He stutters out. I just roll my eyes at him and turn around to face the lake with tears streaming down my face. I just watch the waves until I feel him breathing on my neck.
"How about now?" He whispers sending shivers down my spine.
"What do you mean?" I breathe.
"How do you feel now?" He says in my ear.
"I don't know anymore." I tell him shrugging. I feel his hand go to my shoulder and he turns me around slowly. My eyes slowly wander up his body until they connect with his.
"I do." He whispers. "I loved you then and I love you now. I probably always will."
A tear slides down my cheek as he slowly leans forward his eyes flicking to my lips and back to my eyes.
"Tell me no and I'll stop." He whispers his lips brushing mine as he speaks. I keep silent. Finally when our lips meet I know the answer to his question. He pulls away after a moment with question in his eyes.
"I love you." I whisper so quietly I'm surprised he heard it. I know he did though because the next thing I know my back is against the tree and my hands are in his hair. My body lights on fire everywhere he touches me and I pull him tighter.