Title: Grieving
Category: Sam/Jack friendship and character death.
Spoilers/Season: Jonas is mentioned so post-series 6.
Rating: PG13
Content Warnings: Dealings with death are featured.
Summary: Sam has to deal with someone's passing.
Disclaimer: Stargate and SG-1 are the property of Showtime, MGM, Double Secret and Gekko and they do not belong to the author. This piece of fanfiction was created solely for entertainment purposes and no money was exchanged. No copyright infringement was intended and the original characters, situations and plots are property of the author. This piece of fanfiction must not be archived without the author's consent.
To my father. I love you, Daddy. Rest in peace. 2nd July 1946 - 20th October 2002.
Copyright © Elise November 2002.
X X X X X
Grieving
X X X X X
Sam could not take this in. One minute ago the Tok'ra base had been secure and safe and now it was almost destroyed. She was not even here because of a mission. She had simply been visiting her father. She brushed the debris off of herself and sat up. She coughed slightly, her throat clogged with dust and minute particles. The attack seemed to be over.
For now.
No doubt, whoever had attacked would soon send an army of his of hers Jaffa to round up and kill the remaining Tok'ra. If they were unlucky they may be taken as prisoners. Wouldn't the Goa'uld in charge be surprised when he found a member of the Tau'ri among the survivors? And a member of SG-1 no less.
The major tested out her legs to make sure nothing was broken or sprained. She was lucky. She was relatively unhurt. Then she remembered.
"Dad?" she called. Her voice came out as nearly a whisper, not what she had planned on. She coughed again and repeated her call. This time her voice was near to normal. There was no answer. Sam got to her feet and headed over to where she believed her father had been before the attack. The attack, however, had disorientated her somewhat and it took Sam a few moments to locate her dad.
When she did he was already unconscious, but there was little debris on him. Hopefully, Jacob's symbiote would do its job. "Dad," Sam whispered as she gently shook her father. He did not wake up or stir. Now she began to worry.
Her military brain told her to scout the area, try and hide somewhere in the hope that any Jaffa would miss her. Her normal brain, which saw the man lying in front of her as her father and not a US Airforce General, prevented her from leaving. She could not leave her unconscious father alone.
She sat back a bit, getting slightly more comfortable and began waiting. She was on alert, both for anyone approaching and for a change in her father.
X X X X X
Suddenly something changed. Sam turned to her father and saw that his eyes were open. He was making noises now, Sam did not know why. "Dad?"
She expected him to answer, wanted him to answer. Something in the pit of her stomach told her that he would not. She grabbed hold of his hand and held it as she began willing him to be okay.
"Daddy?"
There was still no answer. He was breathing heavier now. The pattern of noise was beginning to irritate Sam. His eyes closed again, but the breathing continued. Now, part of her wanted to run away. She did not want to be present right now. She could not be present. She knew what was about to happen and she wanted to be hundreds of miles away.
She squeezed his hand tighter, trying to ignore the fact that the hand did not grip back. She did not want him to leave her. Not now. Not in this way.
Sam began rocking backwards and forwards as she held her daddy's hand. She fought back the tears as she closed her eyes and drifted off into a dream-world.
X X X X X
Sam snapped out of her dream-world as the noise stopped. She looked at her father and saw that his eyes were open once more. Had the symbiote finished healing him? She hoped with all of her heart that Selmak had.
"Daddy?" She could not explain why she had suddenly resorted to calling him 'daddy'. She had not called him that in years. "Selmak?" she tried.
The Tok'ra's eyes flashed gold and then Sam saw nothing. She saw nothing in her father's eyes. They were not focused on her, on anything. Sam released her grip on his hand and felt for a pulse in his wrist.
She was not sure she could feel anything. She was not sure of anything. While, Sam could feel a slight pulsing she was not sure to whom it belonged. Thumbs had pulses, but fingers did not normally. Sam's heart was thumping so hard, it was possible it was her pulse she could feel. She had been witness to people dying before. It was part of her job, but she had never expected to watch her father die. She checked the pulse in his neck, hoping to get an answer. A daughter should not have to do this to their father, check to see if they are still alive. She thought she felt a slight pulse, but she could not be sure.
He mumbled something that she could not hear and then his eyes closed. Sam's brow furrowed as she rechecked the pulse at his wrist. Whatever she had felt before, if it had been anything, was gone.
Tears began to flow down her cheeks.
She kept hold of his wrist, slowing feeling the warmth drain out of it. Part of her felt creepy for maintaining a grip on him. She knew that the coldness was due to him being dead, but he felt just like a person out on a cold day. He did not feel dead to her, nor did he look it. She knew that he was though.
The knowledge did not deter her; Sam continued to keep the small patch of his arm warm.
X X X X X
Sam turned over in her bed and sighed in annoyance. Her eyes opened and looked at her bedside clock. It was three in the morning. She could not sleep. Her father had been gone three days now. Sam had been going around in a blur since then. From what she could remember, no Jaffa had attacked the defeated Tok'ra base. SG-1 had come through the 'gate a few hours after the attack had ended and found Sam lying next to her father. She had fallen asleep, leaving herself completely vulnerable to attack. SG-1 had brought her home.
The funeral was in a week's time.
She could not sleep.
She reached for the phone and on automatic pilot dialled a number. The phone rang twice before someone picked up.
"Hello?"
"Colonel O'Neill."
"I think at this time in the morning you can call me Jack." There was no surprise in his voice.
"I couldn't sleep, Jack." She did not even question his command.
"Why not?"
"I don't know."
There was a long pause.
"I thought you were dead." Jack admitted quietly.
"What? When you found me and my dad?"
"Yeah. You should have seen me run to you. I left Teal'c and Jonas for dust."
Sam smiled to herself. Both of them remained silent for ages. "I had to check his pulse," she whispered. "It was up to me to call it." There was no reply. Sam did not want a reply. She just wanted to get some things off of her chest and fall asleep at the end of it. "I'm his daughter and I shouldn't have to do that. Children should not have to do that to their parents. It's wrong. I know it's silly, but I wish he were still here. I know it can't be changed, that there's nothing I can do about it now. I still wish…"
"Everyone always does. It takes a while to adjust."
"Mark rang yesterday and I jumped at the ring of the phone. I thought that it was … him. Even though he never rang me. Stupid, huh?"
"Sounds normal to me."
There was another long pause as Sam began to cry. She had not cried since returning to Earth, not even in front of her friends or family. "He never knew about us. It's one thing lying to our superiors, but I lied to my dad. Whenever we saw him, went on a mission with him, I lied to him. Whenever he asked me how I was and what I was up to on Earth, I lied to him. He died not knowing the truth."
"You're feeling guilty, honey."
"What if he hates me now? What if he's wherever you are when you die, hating me? I lied to him and he died believing a lie and what if he can't forgive me?"
"Your father wouldn't hate you. You had to keep us a secret and by telling him you would have put him in an awkward position. He would never hate you for that. He would never hate you for anything."
Sam was still crying, but what Jack was saying made sense. "I can never apologise."
"I don't know that happens when people die, but if he's able to know that you lied, then he knows that you feel bad and that you're sorry. He understands."
Sam nodded to herself as she stopped crying. She could not help yawning. "Night, Jack."
"Night, Sam."
"Thank you." She did not need to say it, but she did anyway just in case he did not know.
"See you tomorrow."
"Love you."
"Love you, too." The line went dead and Sam replaced the receiver. She was soon fast asleep, her mind finally a bit lighter.
X X X X X
The End