"I want Nellie!" Lucy screamed, the labour pains tearing through her frail body. "Where's Nellie?"
"I'm 'ere, I'm 'ere," Nellie whispered soothingly, pushing the midwife out of the way to reach her friend. "Don't worry, love, it'll be over soon, she'll be 'ere soon."
"Oh, Nellie," she whimpered, clinging onto Nellie's dress desperately. "Don't leave me, Nellie, I can't bear to be left alone again!"
"I'm not going anywhere! Come on, dear, few more minutes and it'll be over."
Lucy screamed again, her fingers tightening their grasp and the sweat on her forehead appearing quickly and stinging her eyes as the beads fell from her skin. Why am I being punished? No, she thought to herself, crying out in both pain and anguish of her guilt. Don't pity yourself. Benjamin wouldn't want it. Benjamin wouldn't have wanted any of this, but he most certainly would not want her to think such horrible thoughts towards herself. None of this was her fault. None of this was either of their fault. It was all his.
"Nellie- please, Nellie- it hurts so!"
"I know, I know, but yeh're a strong one, love, yeh'll be fine! She'll be fine!"
"I don't want her," Lucy whispered, trembling, her thoughts suddenly more composed than they had been in months. "I don't want her, Nellie. She's not Benjamin's."
"Doesn't matter who the father is," Nellie said, though she said it not entirely truthfully, rather hopefully instead. "It'll be your little kid, yeh'll love it just as much as Joha-"
"Don't say her name!"
The outburst brought on another wave of pain. The midwife flustered slightly, an obvious amateur at the business, who dove under the covers hiding Lucy's shame and called out feebly 'She's on her way!'.
"'ere that, Lucy?" Nellie said excitedly. "It's almost over, yeh just need to stay strong a few moments longer."
"I don't want to be strong," Lucy moaned, her head rolling from the mixture of fatigue and hurt. "I don't want the baby, I don't want to be strong, I don't want to live here! I just want to go home!"
Nellie could only close her eyes tightly and hold Lucy's now grasping hands tightly, hoping that somehow her wishes would come true. That somehow Benjamin would come back, that this baby was his and not… well, that it was Benjamin's. Lucy screamed again, and they knew it had begun. This poor little baby… what Nellie wouldn't have given for it to be born under more pleasant circumstances. Born to a mother that was prepared to love her. There was no doubt in Nellie's mind that Lucy would love the child, it was in her nature. Lucy loved everyone and everything, within reason. This baby would be no different. But if only it would be born to a loving family, not simply its mother.
"I-it's a girl," the midwife murmured as Lucy collapsed in relief, her head hanging back and her mouth open lazily as she panted for the air she had been denied. It seemed such an ugly thing to Nellie at first- small, pink, writhing. It did not scream, and for a moment all thought it was a stillborn, but it began to cough wheezily, making odd noises when it could. The midwife handed the child to Lucy, who at first seem disgusted to hold the thing let alone look at it. In mere seconds, Lucy's eyes softened, filling with tears and she began to smile.
"Hello," she whispered to the little girl who now seemed to be sleeping, content and warm in its woollen blanket. "Hello, there, my little girl. My little baby girl…"
Lucy pressed her lips against the child's head, resting them there for a few moments before turning to Nellie. Her eyes displayed a sudden sadness- a realisation.
"What are we going to do?" she asked, quivering. "I don't want her near that… that… that beast."
"Yeh'll 'ave to grin and bear it, love."
"Can't- can't we just say that, that it was a still birth? You could raise two, couldn't you?"
"I'll only be able to scrape together enough for Johanna, love. Besides, 'ow long would it be before someone told 'im? No, Lucy, yeh'll 'ave to keep 'er. The Judge ain't gonna do nothing to 'er, not to 'is own flesh and blood."
"I suppose," Lucy said, looking down at the child in her arms. "I couldn't bear to think… oh, Lord, Nellie, what if he finds out about Johanna?"
"Keep yeh voice down!"
"But what if he did? I couldn't even think of her living here, of her not knowing about Ben- he won't even let me mention my own husband's name, you know!"
"I do." Nellie looked around, wondering for a moment if the Judge were there listening to them at that very moment. No, it was far too early in the morning for that. He'd be off at the court house for sure. "Yeh got a name yet?" she asked. Distraction. That would be the best for them both.
"Roseanne," Lucy said immediately. "It's what Ben wanted to call Johanna for a while."
"Till 'e saw sense." Lucy smiled, stroking the fine hair on top of little Roseanne's head.
"Do you think he's dead?"
Nellie wasn't quite sure that she'd heard the question, it being said so quietly and with such a strange calmness that it was almost impossible for it to have been said. The question slowly ebbed into her mind, becoming more and more disturbing as she thought about it. She could not help but think yes. Benjamin had been a lovely man, so kind and gentle. He would never have been able to defend himself.
"Course not," she replied, smiling valiantly. "Right old charmer, that boy. No one would want to 'urt 'im."
"You don't need to lie to me, Nellie. I think he is. I just want to know that I'm not going absolutely mad for thinking so."
"Yeh're not mad, love," Nellie said quietly, stroking the hair out of Lucy's eyes. "But yeh mustn't think so morbidly. Yeh child's just been born. Just think… think about when Benjamin'll be back. Think about 'ow much 'e's gonna love this child, no matter where it came from."
"I've never been one for fairytales," Lucy said, though a small smile appeared on her lips. Slowly, her eyes began to close, and her breathing became softer. Nellie waited patiently until she had fully fallen asleep and gently prised the child from her mother's arms. She held the child for a moment, admiring her, and looked around the room for a cot.
"The bastards," she whispered upon realising that one had not been prepared.
"And what, may I ask, do you think you are doing with my child?"
Nellie turned sharply, her surprise turning quickly into a scowl.
"Milord," she said as humbly as she could, bowing her head. "Looking for a crib. Mrs Barker has fallen asleep."
The Judge's lip twitched as he heard the name spoken, but stood fast and betrayed nothing.
"A hired assistant will take care of that. It is none of your business, ma'am."
"It's plenty my business, I think. Mrs Barker summoned for me and I am at liberty to care for the child as I see fit."
"I will remind you, I send women like you to Botany Bay every day, Mrs Lovett, I shan't be afraid to send you too."
"You wouldn't dare," Nellie sneered. "My husband was a respectable man, I'll 'ave you know, and people would not look so kindly to you sending 'is widow to prison so quickly after 'is death."
"A respectable man, you say? What sort of respectable man looks for a wife in the whore house?"
"A darn sight better a man than one who takes women at parties."
The Judge was silent as Nellie looked triumphantly at him. She saw, however, that it was not in her best interest to look after the child any longer, and so returned to Lucy's bedside and placed the baby on her chest.
"'appy now?"
"Leave, now."
"Charming," Nellie muttered as she left the room, sparing only one last quick glance at Lucy as she did. It was such a shame to leave while Lucy still slept. They had known long before the birth that this would be the last day they would see each other. It didn't seem right to talk of death as their parting conversation.
"Yeh better be worth all this fuss one day," Nellie said to the gurgling child in her arms that night. Little Johanna giggled and clung to the bottle she had been given, drinking greedily. Nellie could not help but laugh, fussing about the room as she did so. "Yeh certainly better be worth all the cleaning, me bones never were too strong. If you dare sneeze after all this dusting I'll clobber yeh."
Johanna laughed again, entertained by the tone her guardian was taking. At such a tender age, she was rather receptive to the tone of voice people around her used and reacted in a rather accurate and overly entertaining way. Nellie threw her duster to the floor and collapsed on the seat beside Johanna, rocking the little bassinette gently while the other hand placed itself on her forehead, as if holding her mind in place.
"Yeh've got a little sister now, Johanna," Nellie murmured. "Cute as a button as well. Once you get used to 'er. Pretty little princess, locked in a tower. Pretty little princess and the pretty little queen, both of them." Nellie yawned loudly, drawing her knees up onto the chair and humming lightly, content in her comfort. "Don't worry. Soon enough there'll be some pretty little king, come and steal them both away. Steal 'em from that nasty troll."
Nellie mumbled on a small story about the princess, the queen and the troll as Johanna let go of her empty bottle, gurgling slightly before falling asleep. It didn't take long before the two of them emitted a soft snoring sound, drowned out only by the sound of the roaring fire in the corner.
A/N- This does got hopefully 100x better than this chapter, I promise, but opening chapters are always a bit boring in comparison to the actual story :D