Warning: I wrote this when I was feeling slightly sadistic. You have been warned.
-Man does not belong to me.
-Lavi's predicament-
"YUU!"
Kanda turned one hundred and eighty degrees round and started to walk in the opposite direction briskly, almost running.
Too late.
The redhead was on him in less than 5 seconds.
Damn.
Instinctively, Kanda's hand reached out for his self-called best friend's neck.
Unfortunately the redhead had been expecting it and quickly ducked down, avoiding the Japanese teen's murderous hands. That placed him in a position directly facing the angry teen's feet.
With one kick from the kendo champion, the over-hyperactive rabbit was send flying towards the wall, hitting his head with a loud bang.
This did not seem to deter the idiot however. Instead, all it took was one shake of his head, and he was up again, clinging on to Kanda.
Kanda Yuu mentally smacked his forehead.
He should have known it would not have any effect on the usagi. That pervert had no more brain cells to lose already.
"Yuu~" The bunny whined, clutching his very irritated friend's shirt. "Have you forgotten about last night? How could you? Was it nothing more than just a one night sta-"
The redhead choked on his statement and the rest came out as an incoherent garble. But then again, what can you do when someone clamps their hand over your mouth(and your nose), almost suffocating you?
"Shut up Lavi. And stop calling me by my first name!" Kanda hissed as he avoided the strange glances directed at the both of them. Not to mention the steadily rising blushes on the girls, something that he had recognized to be one of the YFGS(Yaoi Fan Girl Syndrome).
Dragging the suffocating redhead, Kanda quickly made his way out of the corridor, wondering why he felt a strong sense of deja vu.
It was as if... everytime he saw Lavi, this situation always occured.
A tick formed on the Japanese's forehead. Whatever the rabbit had to say this time better be good.
"What now?"
The abused redhead wheezed, his face turning slightly blue as he pointed at his neck frantically.
Kanda released his tight grip and almost instantaneously wished he hadn't.
As Lavi hacked away trying to regain his breath, Kanda crossed his arms and watched. Somehow the sight of Lavi suffering made him feel oddly satsisfied.
Finally Lavi looked up and grinned goofily, two green eyes blinking up at Kanda.
"Valentine's Day is coming!"
"..."
Kanda considered castrating the pervert.
"Yuu... That glare is scaring me out..."
Or loping off his body parts one by one and leave him there to bleed to death.
"You want to come to my house and help me bake a chocolate cake? I want to give it to Lenalee."
Kanda clenched and unclenched his fist slowly, drawing in long breaths. It didn't help. Stupid school counseller should be fired.
"Ten seconds."
As if to prove his point, Kanda's hand curled into a fist and took one step menacingly towards Lavi.
"Whoa whoa. Take it easy..."Lavi lifted his hands up in defense as he backed away from the murderous teenager, inching backwards as his eyes darted around, looking for an escape.
"Seven."
Kanda cracked his knuckles.
"Five."
He vaguely wondered in the back of his mind how he was going to dispose the usagi's body later.
"Two."
Lavi started fiddling with his jacket, looking for something frantically.
"One."
Lavi's eyes brightened as he found the thing he was looking for.
"Zero."
Lavi quickly raised the object he was looking for and waved it in front of Kanda's face, slightly desperate.
Kanda stopped dead in his tracks.
What.
The.
Hell.
"Allen took the picture!" Lavi squeaked as Kanda held him in a death grip.
That moyashi again. Kanda growled inwardly, cursing the day the white-haired boy and the redhead met each other. They were always conspiring together against him.
"So?"
Lavi grinned widely. It was something the failure-at-anger-management Japanese hated with a vengeance. It always meant something was going to go wrong for him.
"You know, you have a lot of fangirls..."
"..."
"... Allen is debating whether to email the soft copy to the whole school."
...
As Kanda shot death glares at the hyperactive retard, he swore that once he caught hold of something embarassing about Lavi, he was going to use it and blackmail him to hell.
"Yuu! Isn't baking so much fun?~" Lavi sang out as he stirred the flour, butter and sugar together, ignoring the non-verbal threats blissfully.
"I will kill you one day." Kanda seethed as he jammed the icing concoction in the mixing bowl rather violently.
Lavi just continued humming a little tune under his breath.
The Saints Are Marching In.
Fuck. He hated that song.
As Kanda pondered on ways to kill the redhead through the most torturous means, he failed to notice the gleam that suddenly appeared in said teenager's eyes.
He would always live to regret the day.
Lavi suddenly stopped what he was doing and set the mixing bowl down on the table. He wiped his slightly dirty hands on the apron and moved towards Kanda almost... seductively.
"Yuu..."
"Stop calling me by my first name!" It was almost like a reflex. Kanda looked up only to find the redhead's face a few inches away from his.
He could see the eyelashes framing those green eyes of the admittedly good-looking teenager. Said eyes reflected a mischievious glint in them, or was it a trick of light? Those lips were also getting closer...
Kanda backed away as though stung, only to find his back hit the edge of the table. Lavi followed him, a secretive smile tugging away at his lips.
"Come to me Yuu..." A finger traced the Japanese's face, leaving a lingering trail.
It was immediately smacked away.
"G-get away from me you retard!" He would not let his voice waver. No, not over his decomposing body.
"Ahh, but we both know you want it don't you?" Lavi moved his face closer towards that feminine one. A snicker almost escaped as he observed goosebumps rise on his best friend's skin when he breathed on it.
Damn it, why couldn't he move? Kanda inwardly cursed as he placed his hand on the table behind him, looking for a weapon to defend himself from being raped.
Those way too experienced fingers were unbuttoning his shirt now.
Kanda's hand grabbed onto something.
And, without thinking, which was what the Japanese was infamous for ironicaly, he swung the object at the redhead.
...
Kanda stared at the cleaver in his hands.
No one would notice, would they?
He decided not to think so much (saving himself from the danger of brain damage) and just pocketed it and went home.
It was later notoriously known as Mugen.
Kanda made a mental note to kill the beansprout later for applying make up on his face when he was sleeping and taking a picture of it.
...
The next week, Lavi came back to school wearing an eye patch.
Strangely, no one asked why.
End
A/N: No flaming! I rushed the ending. Sorry!