Disclaimer: I don't own CATS, sadly.
~*~*~*~
The Misadventures of a Made Up Jellicle
Jellicle cats aren't everything they're said to be. Or, well, most of them are, but there was one in particular that was an exception. Actually, she was THE exception. She was the polar opposite, the antithesis of what Jellicle cats are supposed to be.
Her name was Bob...Rah. She came to have this name due to slight gender confusion. In the beginning she was thought to be male, hence the name Bob. However, her true gender was discovered when one of the children discovered "Bob" about to be violated by a stray tom. It was chased away and she was renamed Bob...Rah.
Bob...Rah wasn't a very attractive Jellicle, either. She resembled shag carpet from the seventies- brown and orange kind of intermingled with some black in her wiry fur. Her eyes were yellow, and it looked like she had a permanent case of pink-eye. She had three legs. And a hint of a nervous tick. She couldn't sing or dance very well, but she was a kick-ass poker player. She was also very good at math.
Despite her. . .setbacks, Bob...Rah was a very popular cat indeed. Probably because she was fuggin' hilarious. She told good jokes and was great friends with everyone, even though the older adults sometimes disapproved of her teaching the kittens to play poker. But for the most part, she wasn't really a problem for anyone.
Except Admetus.
Poor Admetus had a HUGE issue with Bob...Rah. She enjoyed tormenting him, just because of his reactions. Ever since they were kittens, she would pull his tail and tug on his ears, anything that would get a rise out of him. He flipped out every time, hissing at her and biting. What Admetus didn't know was that Bob...Rah picked on him because she liked him and didn't know what to do about it. So she did what twelve-year-old boys do. Taunted him.
"Hey Admeeeetus!!"
". . .Yes?"
*yank, bite* "Hee hee hee hee heeeheeee!"
"That really hurt! Why would you do that you stupid cow?!" *hiss, spit*
"Hee hee hee hee hee hee!"
And so on and so forth. This was an everyday occurence, so you'd figure ol' Admetus would be prepared, but he wasn't really at all.
Anyway, the kittens really liked Bob...Rah, especially when they played poker together. Etcetera and Pouncival liked learning how to cheat, while the rest just enjoyed playing and listening to her stories. One day while playing Bob...Rah told a heck of a story.
"Tell us a story!" Electra cried.
"A gross, bloody one." Tumblebrutus added.
"No," Victoria sighed as she groomed her already-pristine looking white fur. "I don't like bloody stories."
"Dude, I wanna know how you set up that full house." Etcetera said, admiring Bob...Rah's winning hand.
"I like bloody stories." Jemima chirped, eyes wide, as Mistoffelees jabbed her leg with his paw.
"Nobody's supposed to know you like gross stuff."
"Kits, you want a story?" Bob...Rah coughed. "I'll tell you a story that you'll all like." The seven small cats crowded around the garbage can lid used as a poker table.
"This is a story about something that happened long before you all were born. It's about a few of the adults you have come to respect, and the one you fear most."
"Macavity?"
"Shuddup!"
"Yes. It takes place when they were all kittens or close to it."
"Close to what?"
"Being kittens! Shuddup!"
"If I tell this story just right, it might change your ideas about some of them."
"Will it change my ideas about Tugger?"
"Etcy! Shuddup!"
"Quiet you two. I don't know exactly what the results of the story will be, but I'm going to start it now, okay?"
"Okay."
"Etcetera, I don't think you were supposed to answer."
"Then why'd she ask, Pounce?"
Bob...Rah was getting sick of the siblings arguing. "It was a rhetorical question, and if either of you -or any of you- talk anymore, I'm not telling the story. Okay?"
The kittens nodded.
"Are you sorry?"
More nods.
"Alright. Now, I don't know if any of you know this, but Munkustrap, Tugger, and Macavity are brothers. Macavity is the youngest, and the other two were quite mean to him. He was kind of a sissy. . .Jennyanydots taught him how to knit and it was his favourite hobby. He liked to make little pink scarves.
"Now, toms aren't supposed to knit, and they cdertainly aren't supposed to make little pink scarves. Or anything pink, for that matter. So this obviously set him up for major teasing. Tugger and Munkus would call him names like 'Sissy' and 'Queenie'."
"Macavity? Pink scarves!?"
"Quiet, you!"
"Yes, believe it or not. Now, Macavity had quite a collection of these scarves. He like dto give them to the little girl kittens as gifts, especially-"
"Demeter?"
"Yes, Demeter. He had a thin for her, but so did-"
"Munkustrap."
"Yeah-"
"Stop interrupting! Remember her threat?"
"It wasn't a threat! Well, now, anyway, Macavity was jealous because Demeter liked Munkus better. He gave her lots of scarves, and they were special scarves."
"I'm-gonna-rape-you scarves."
"Pounce!"
"Sorry."
"He gave her black and gold scarves that matched her fur. She liked them, but she still thought of Mac as more of a little brother than anything else."
"How do you know all this?"
"I was there. Now, Macavity started getting frustrated, so he decided to ask Old Deuteronomy for help. By the time he got around to it, he had gotten a bit older and he had started developing into a handsome young tom."
"Ewww. . ."
"Nuh-uh, Tumble, not eww. You wish you were handosme."
"Shh. Old Deuteronomy told Mac that everything would happen the way it was supposed to naturally, and not to worry.
"Okay, but not only Macavity was growing up, you understand. Everyone was. Munk and Tugger had grown out of thei make-fun-of-Macavity stage; Macavity stopped knitting scarves."
"Why?"
"Because it had caused him so much heartbreak. Also 'cause everyone thought he was gay. Anyway, everyone was growing up all cute. . .especially that Admetus. Oh, he was a goofy-looking kitten, all gangly and clumsy, but he grew out of that and oh, I tell you what! He's one hot kitty now. I know he likes me, he's just shy. I'll just keep at my flirtin' and he'll come around. And when he does, oh, it'll be one fabulous day-"
"Um, Bob...Rah? Uh. . .the Mac story?"
"What? Oh, right. Well, Macavity got all cute, not as cute as my Admetus, but then nobody is. Anyway, Demeter still liked Munkustrap, but she started showing a tiny bit of interest in Macca as well. But anytime they had a chance to be alone, Munkus would always show up. It started to make Macavity a little mad."
"But then he got madder and madder, right?"
"Right, Leccy. Eventually he got so angry he was as we all know him now. He's not Jenny's sweet littte scarf-knitting kitten anymore. He got all ticked of one day and bolted, swearing revenge on Munk and all the rest of the Jellicles. He flipped out at Old D for giving him bad advice, too. It was one crazy day, I would've given another leg to be in Admetus's adorable hairy arms-"
"Ahem. You're tangent-ing again."
"Vickie, 'tangent-ing' isn't a word."
"Kits! Well, you all know the rest of the story. Demi was. . .I guess attracted to the whole idea of evil, so she kinda started hangin' with Mac and his new crowd, but she wouldn't let him. . .do things. But one day, after he had turned completely to the dark side, he took her, and. . .did things. She hasn't been the same since. Has issues with any male that isn't Munkustrap, just about."
"Sad. Is that the whole story?"
"Yes, Misto, it is. And thank you for being the only good kit who didn't talk."
"No problem."
"Now, young-uns, if you don't mind, I'll be going now." Bob...Rah stood, hacked up something hairy and green, and walked away. The kittens shouted their goodbyes.
*****
~*~*~*~
The Misadventures of a Made Up Jellicle
Jellicle cats aren't everything they're said to be. Or, well, most of them are, but there was one in particular that was an exception. Actually, she was THE exception. She was the polar opposite, the antithesis of what Jellicle cats are supposed to be.
Her name was Bob...Rah. She came to have this name due to slight gender confusion. In the beginning she was thought to be male, hence the name Bob. However, her true gender was discovered when one of the children discovered "Bob" about to be violated by a stray tom. It was chased away and she was renamed Bob...Rah.
Bob...Rah wasn't a very attractive Jellicle, either. She resembled shag carpet from the seventies- brown and orange kind of intermingled with some black in her wiry fur. Her eyes were yellow, and it looked like she had a permanent case of pink-eye. She had three legs. And a hint of a nervous tick. She couldn't sing or dance very well, but she was a kick-ass poker player. She was also very good at math.
Despite her. . .setbacks, Bob...Rah was a very popular cat indeed. Probably because she was fuggin' hilarious. She told good jokes and was great friends with everyone, even though the older adults sometimes disapproved of her teaching the kittens to play poker. But for the most part, she wasn't really a problem for anyone.
Except Admetus.
Poor Admetus had a HUGE issue with Bob...Rah. She enjoyed tormenting him, just because of his reactions. Ever since they were kittens, she would pull his tail and tug on his ears, anything that would get a rise out of him. He flipped out every time, hissing at her and biting. What Admetus didn't know was that Bob...Rah picked on him because she liked him and didn't know what to do about it. So she did what twelve-year-old boys do. Taunted him.
"Hey Admeeeetus!!"
". . .Yes?"
*yank, bite* "Hee hee hee hee heeeheeee!"
"That really hurt! Why would you do that you stupid cow?!" *hiss, spit*
"Hee hee hee hee hee hee!"
And so on and so forth. This was an everyday occurence, so you'd figure ol' Admetus would be prepared, but he wasn't really at all.
Anyway, the kittens really liked Bob...Rah, especially when they played poker together. Etcetera and Pouncival liked learning how to cheat, while the rest just enjoyed playing and listening to her stories. One day while playing Bob...Rah told a heck of a story.
"Tell us a story!" Electra cried.
"A gross, bloody one." Tumblebrutus added.
"No," Victoria sighed as she groomed her already-pristine looking white fur. "I don't like bloody stories."
"Dude, I wanna know how you set up that full house." Etcetera said, admiring Bob...Rah's winning hand.
"I like bloody stories." Jemima chirped, eyes wide, as Mistoffelees jabbed her leg with his paw.
"Nobody's supposed to know you like gross stuff."
"Kits, you want a story?" Bob...Rah coughed. "I'll tell you a story that you'll all like." The seven small cats crowded around the garbage can lid used as a poker table.
"This is a story about something that happened long before you all were born. It's about a few of the adults you have come to respect, and the one you fear most."
"Macavity?"
"Shuddup!"
"Yes. It takes place when they were all kittens or close to it."
"Close to what?"
"Being kittens! Shuddup!"
"If I tell this story just right, it might change your ideas about some of them."
"Will it change my ideas about Tugger?"
"Etcy! Shuddup!"
"Quiet you two. I don't know exactly what the results of the story will be, but I'm going to start it now, okay?"
"Okay."
"Etcetera, I don't think you were supposed to answer."
"Then why'd she ask, Pounce?"
Bob...Rah was getting sick of the siblings arguing. "It was a rhetorical question, and if either of you -or any of you- talk anymore, I'm not telling the story. Okay?"
The kittens nodded.
"Are you sorry?"
More nods.
"Alright. Now, I don't know if any of you know this, but Munkustrap, Tugger, and Macavity are brothers. Macavity is the youngest, and the other two were quite mean to him. He was kind of a sissy. . .Jennyanydots taught him how to knit and it was his favourite hobby. He liked to make little pink scarves.
"Now, toms aren't supposed to knit, and they cdertainly aren't supposed to make little pink scarves. Or anything pink, for that matter. So this obviously set him up for major teasing. Tugger and Munkus would call him names like 'Sissy' and 'Queenie'."
"Macavity? Pink scarves!?"
"Quiet, you!"
"Yes, believe it or not. Now, Macavity had quite a collection of these scarves. He like dto give them to the little girl kittens as gifts, especially-"
"Demeter?"
"Yes, Demeter. He had a thin for her, but so did-"
"Munkustrap."
"Yeah-"
"Stop interrupting! Remember her threat?"
"It wasn't a threat! Well, now, anyway, Macavity was jealous because Demeter liked Munkus better. He gave her lots of scarves, and they were special scarves."
"I'm-gonna-rape-you scarves."
"Pounce!"
"Sorry."
"He gave her black and gold scarves that matched her fur. She liked them, but she still thought of Mac as more of a little brother than anything else."
"How do you know all this?"
"I was there. Now, Macavity started getting frustrated, so he decided to ask Old Deuteronomy for help. By the time he got around to it, he had gotten a bit older and he had started developing into a handsome young tom."
"Ewww. . ."
"Nuh-uh, Tumble, not eww. You wish you were handosme."
"Shh. Old Deuteronomy told Mac that everything would happen the way it was supposed to naturally, and not to worry.
"Okay, but not only Macavity was growing up, you understand. Everyone was. Munk and Tugger had grown out of thei make-fun-of-Macavity stage; Macavity stopped knitting scarves."
"Why?"
"Because it had caused him so much heartbreak. Also 'cause everyone thought he was gay. Anyway, everyone was growing up all cute. . .especially that Admetus. Oh, he was a goofy-looking kitten, all gangly and clumsy, but he grew out of that and oh, I tell you what! He's one hot kitty now. I know he likes me, he's just shy. I'll just keep at my flirtin' and he'll come around. And when he does, oh, it'll be one fabulous day-"
"Um, Bob...Rah? Uh. . .the Mac story?"
"What? Oh, right. Well, Macavity got all cute, not as cute as my Admetus, but then nobody is. Anyway, Demeter still liked Munkustrap, but she started showing a tiny bit of interest in Macca as well. But anytime they had a chance to be alone, Munkus would always show up. It started to make Macavity a little mad."
"But then he got madder and madder, right?"
"Right, Leccy. Eventually he got so angry he was as we all know him now. He's not Jenny's sweet littte scarf-knitting kitten anymore. He got all ticked of one day and bolted, swearing revenge on Munk and all the rest of the Jellicles. He flipped out at Old D for giving him bad advice, too. It was one crazy day, I would've given another leg to be in Admetus's adorable hairy arms-"
"Ahem. You're tangent-ing again."
"Vickie, 'tangent-ing' isn't a word."
"Kits! Well, you all know the rest of the story. Demi was. . .I guess attracted to the whole idea of evil, so she kinda started hangin' with Mac and his new crowd, but she wouldn't let him. . .do things. But one day, after he had turned completely to the dark side, he took her, and. . .did things. She hasn't been the same since. Has issues with any male that isn't Munkustrap, just about."
"Sad. Is that the whole story?"
"Yes, Misto, it is. And thank you for being the only good kit who didn't talk."
"No problem."
"Now, young-uns, if you don't mind, I'll be going now." Bob...Rah stood, hacked up something hairy and green, and walked away. The kittens shouted their goodbyes.
*****