It's not like I wanna brag, but I think I do have a characteristic smile. At least, that's what everyone's told me until now. Well, everyone except Chiaki who's not that into the whole analyze-people-by-body language thing. Though it's probably what he thinks, too. Personally, I like my smile. A little mischief and smugness mixed with my natural, pleased state of mind. Some sadness added to the list too, lately, but only if you squint hard.

I'm the opposite of those naïve guys who wear their horribly obnoxious expressions and are labeled 'pure-hearted' or 'innocent' by others. Everyone has a good and bad side to them; but maybe it's my mistake taking it for granted. Or taking for granted that all the people around me know.

So, the happy ones, the pure ones are the good guys of this world, the rushing 21th century Japan. They are the heroes and the main characters of books, mangas or even boring, everyday issues. The way it happens in Shoujo, a good boy will always end up with a good girl. If it's otherwise, we're usually talking about a Hentai or the evil guy will only turn good later. As an illustrator, I've seen many of those stories; I know how it works. In the end, the main couple is always nice and sweet enough to earn a ticket to Candyland anytime. Kissu kissu, author's notes, goodbye.

I will make it clear now, I've never be one of those. I, Yanase Yuu, am part of the so called 'bad guys'. Those who play dirty to interfere with the main character's happiness, those who ruin love affairs in horrible ways, those who get jealous and use love potions... Also, those who decide that after confessing for the third time to their dumb beloved one, the best way to convey their feelings is trying to rape them. I may look like a smart guy, but I'm not less of an idiot than Chiaki. Of course, I've never put much hope in that tentative. Let's say it was the 'Z-plan', the absolutely emergency one when I was too desperate to do anything else.

The pity is, I've ended up on the 'dark side' without taking note of it. All I wanted to do is have the person I love, is that too much to ask for? Apparently, it is. Now I'm going to rot in Hell for my sins, I'm gonna be cursed forever for being in love. I would also like to point out that I've held back my feelings since high school. "Yes, but Hatori's been there first!" you'd say now. Holy shit, how old are we? Only kids fight that way over anonymous toys they find "I've seen it first so it's mine!" Being there before doesn't mean shit. Besides, Hatori Yoshiyuki didn't confess either until the day when he was about to quit being Chiaki's editor (why did he change his mind?). I recall doing the same, like, one week later. Sinful, that is. No better word for it. I'm such an egoist, wanting everything for myself when I was late by (!) a week (!).

That's how I became a bad guy. No matter what I did from then on, I'd always be the one interfering with their relationship. Has anyone ever asked themselves why wasn't it him butting in ours? I could be as desperate as I wanted, submit like a dog or do anything, Chiaki would always be his and his alone.

No one had an actual clue about how much I loved Chiaki (and love him still). I would've done anything for him. I could've endured torture, have my hands cut off, yes, I'd even get myself fucked if that meant having him, I would've gone impotent. Unfortunately, getting closer to my goal required something far worse than all these put together: playing the nice best friend.

Imagine yourself with someone you wanna kiss, touch, screw or go to an art museum with (whatever way you express your love). The two of you go to the hot springs together. The other dude or chick shows off their cutest, most beautiful, clueless smile while having loads of fun, sigh softly with those pretty lips of theirs, and then say:

"You're the most amazing FRIEND ever!"

I swear, from now on, instead of saying "go to Hell" or "go fuck yourself", I'll use "go to the friendzone". It's fairly more offensive.

Of course, afterwards, I screwed it up. I really am an awful actor, not being able to force on a smile for more than one hour. But dang. He accepted to get naked for me. Yes, it was for a drawing and all, but it still looked like he was practically offering himself up.

"Do you still wanna know who's the one I like? If you do, I'll tell you..."

Ah, I remember those words so much. I want to bang my head in the wall. In my pink haze, I misunderstood his enthusiasm about my love life that time at his place and I ended up believing he hoped it was him. But that'd be too complicated for Chiaki, now, wouldn't it?

I admit it, what happened after that incident at my house was almost entirely my fault. But, as I said, I was hopeless by then. Since the moment my beloved idiot had called me, I felt so deep in shit that I only wanted to climb out of it asap. And there was also my lust pulling me down. I will now say it to you directly, Yoshino Chiaki. How the fuck did you even think you could ask me to comfort you for your failed love matters with that asshole Hatori without expecting anything weird from me? I love you, but use your brain sometimes.

Yeah, in the end, you slapped me and ran off with the good guy. Exactly the way it was supposed to happen. But who cares? I'm the bad boy here, after all. Since I do whatever I want, it'd be pointless to be nice, right? And then you complain. You say you didn't want things to turn out like this and you don't want to lose this friendship. Congrats, Chiaki, that 'friendship' has never existed to begin with. So sorry, sorry if I'm not gonna be your crying shoulder or plaything anymore.

But if you want to have some fun with a bad guy, my door's open anytime.