Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I do not own The Cat Came Back. I just was listening to my iPod and was struck with this parody.
Ron was quiet worried. It was his birthday. Sure, most would be glad to have a chance to celebrate with friends, collect presents, and eat their mother delicious chocolate cake and his presents were quite good. Harry got him the latest broom. His mum and dad got him new dress robes (he had grown some more and was wondering if he would ever stop). Ginny got him some chocolate frogs, and there were many other nice gifts from his lovely friends. Although, he was quite sure what he was going to do with the massive mounted long horns that Luna had gotten him. It was all well and good, until it came to Fred and George Weasley, or more accurately Gred and Feorge Weasley. Fred (or was it George) had a guitar and the other one was clearing his through.
"Dearest brother George and I," Fred began.
"Have written a song for you." George finished.
"We know you'll love it!" The exclaimed together and proceed to sing.
Now Mr. Ron Weasley had troubles of his own,
His girlfriend had a cat, who wouldn't leave his home
He tried and he tried to give the cat away
He gave it to Viktor who was going far, far away
But the cat came back, the very next day
The cat came back, they thought he was a goner
But the cat came back, he just couldn't stay away
Now Voldermort swore he'd kill the cat one sight
So he shouted the killing curse with all of his might
He waited and waited for that cat to come around
97 seven pieces of the Dark Lord is all that they found
But the cat came back, the very next day
The cat came back, they thought he was a goner
But the cat came back, he just couldn't stay away
So he gave to Ginny going out on her broom
He told her to take it to the man who was a loon
The broom was found about 90 miles away
Where Ginny's now well I dare not say
But the cat came back, the very next day
The cat came back, they thought he was a goner
But the cat came back, he just couldn't stay away
So he gave to Harry who was going on a quest
He told him to take it to the far, far west
Harry went to find Sirius and tripped into the Veil
And not a sole was left behind to tell the frightful tale
But the cat came back, the very next day
The cat came back, they thought he was a goner
But the cat came back, he just couldn't stay away
Now Crookshanks had family of his very own
Ron tossed them in a snack and then the sack was thrown
They stumbled in the dark, and wandered all around
The kitten were all lost and not one was ever found
But the cat came back, the very next day
The cat came back, they thought he was a goner
But the cat came back, he just couldn't stay away
But the cat came back, the very next day
The cat came back, they thought he was a goner
But the cat came back, he just couldn't stay away
Just as the twins finished there song, Hermione flooed in and gave Ron a hug. He seemed a little flustered, but she ignored it.
"Oh Ron! You'll never believe it! Crookshanks is going to be a daddy! You know that cat that Mrs. Fig gave me? We'll she going to have kittens. That's why I am late, she was acting odd so I took her to the vet. Kitten's Ron! Little baby Crookshanks, isn't it wonderful?" Hermione paused. "Ron?" There was no response. She looked around. "Where Ron?"
The room burst into laughter, leaving Hermione quite puzzled.
Later at Ron and Hermione's flat…
Crookshanks was looking quite smug sitting in the windowsill as the dying rays of the warmed his fur. Hermione came in looking for Ron.
"Ron? Ron?" Hermione called. Hermione saw sheet of paper. "Hum, a postal bill. What was Ron sending to the Amazon?"
Crookshacks smirked as he shifted his position. He glanced at a very puzzled Hermione. After a moment though she shrugged her shoulders, Ron was Ron, and it needed no further investigation. Crookshanks was quite pleased.
Meanwhile deep in the Amazon jungle
"How the blood hell did he do it?"
Back at Hermione's flat
Hermione lay fast asleep. Crookshanks walk out of her room towards the dying fire where a white cat lay.
"Well?" The white cat asked in a soft voice.
"Fast asleep, Lunaria." Crookshanks stated, and began to hum as he settled down.
"What's that you're humming?"
"Oh, just and old song." Crookshanks smirked.
"Well let's here it," said Lunaria.
There was another very please smirk before…
Now Old Crookshanks had troubles of his own
His mistress had a boy who wouldn't leave his home
He tricked and he tricked that foolish little lad
And now that stupid boy is very, very sad
Cause he's in the Amazon many miles away
Yes, he's in the Amazon, we learned who was dumber
Cause he's in the Amazon, and we hope he'll stay…he'll stay…he'll stay…he'll stay