T'was the Night Before Shipmas
By Bren Ren
~~*S*~~
A/N: This little parody/poem is lovingly dedicated to JackandSamaddict of the Gateworld Sam & Jack Shippers Hall of Fame, the beneficiary of this Secret Santa prezzie. Merry Shipmas to all, and to all a good night!
~~*S*~~
T'was the night before Shipmas
and all through the SGC
Not a creature was stirring,
'cept a couple in supply closet three.
The iris was closed
against alien attacks
In hopes that the Asgard
would soon save their backs.
The MPs were standing
alert at their posts
With visions of snakeheads
passing like ghosts.
Sam in her sweet tank top
and a beanie wearing Jack
Shared a mistletoe kiss
after an alien-nog snack.
Then up in the control room
there rang out an alarm
But Jack and Sam kept kissing
till Teal'c dragged their arms.
Away down the corridor
they marched double time
They charged into the booth
and treated Siler like a mime.
Jack stared at Sam's chest
as she took o'er the controls
And Siler, though mute,
told them where they can go.
When what to the wondering
soldiers appeared?
But a tiny grey alien
and eight miniature Replicators.
That little grey Asgard,
though, they all looked the same
They weren't sure it was Thor
till he gave them his name.
Faster than Star Trek transporters,
Thor's comrades beamed down
The General barked orders
to everyone around.
"O'Neill, Major Carter, Doctor Jackson, and Teal'c,
Find out why he brought us those bugs of that ilk.
Seal off the base from bottom to top.
Those damn pesky bugs we have just got to stop."
Down to the Gateroom
SG-1 raced
Down on his knees,
Jack met Thor face to face.
Like all of the Asgard,
Thor was undressed
And Jack's eyes never strayed
any lower than Thor's chest.
A little device
Thor handed to Jack
Who passed it to Sam
standing behind his back.
"We can control them
with that motivator,
And we'll have no more trouble
from the Replicators."
Jack turned his head
and looked over his shoulder
Right into Sam's
two perfectly curved boulders.
He tried to make eye contact,
really he tried,
And when Sam dragged him up,
his blush couldn't hide.
Sam winked at Jack
with a million megawatt smile
Jack simply smirked back,
giving up on denial.
"So now we control the bugs
that can kill all the snakeheads?"
Jack said to the General
while imagining Sam naked.
"Your primary objective
has now been fulfilled.
We can now defend Earth
against the Goa'uld."
"In that case," Jack said
as he took Sam by the hand,
"Here's my resignation
from the chain of command."
"Resigning?" Sam asked,
her face filled with alarm.
"What for?" she continued
as Jack pulled her into his arms.
Jack answer was instant:
"So I can do this."
And all in the Gateroom
cheered their grand dip kiss.
Thor and his buddies
and all of the bugs
Beamed out of the Gateroom
to escape all the hugs.
But just before the bright flash
beamed them all out,
The cheers stopped short
when they heard Thor shout
"Would you two please just get a room already?
Unless human mating habits you'd like us to study!"
~~*S*~~