Im writing yet another story :D It's really just a side bit like "Twilight IM" that I do when I can't be bothered writing "It's The Only Way."

All of Emmett's random adventues are set in breaking dawn, so... that means Resnesmee :) It's all in Emmett POV unless I say otherwise. By the way I choose Emmett because he reminds me of a little kid. Hehe. (Team Jasper 4 life!) Right-o.... have fun!

Chapter 1

"Emmetttttt" I heard Alice screech through the trees scaring away the elk I was about to pounce on, I didn't bother chasing it.

"Yeeeeeees Allyyy?" I sang to her. She jumped through the trees practically dragging Jasper by the hand.

"Hey dweeb. Hey Jazz." I said grinning at Alices disgruntled expression. "Wow Jasper, did that new g-string you got Ally get stuck up her crack?" I asked trying to keep my voice innocent. Alice hissed at me, Jasper looked on the verge of bursting out laughing. I pushed him.. "Jazz, you need to get her a bigger size g, because the small ones will get stuck up Ally-poos big bottom." Ha I got him! Jasper burst out laughing holding his gut. Alice honestly looked like she was gonna rip my head off.

"Shut. Up. Jasper." She growled. Jaspers mouth snapped shut but his cheeks bulged out as the giggles hit the wall of his teeth, trying to escape. I grinned at them both. Alice glared even harder at me.

"So what is so important that you scared my elk away?" I asked after Jasper finally composed his face. Alices face turned cute and pleading. She wanted something.

"Emmett, your the best brother in the world." She said smoothly.

"I know right! Finally someone who thinks the same!" I rejoyced sarcasticly. Jasper grinned and snorted.

"And because your so awesome... can you.. come shopping with us?!" She begged in her most adorable voice.

"Why me?" I whined

"Because.... Bella & Rosalie are to absorbing in brushing Nessie's hair, Esme is out hunting with Carlisle, Theres no fucking way Im taking Edward, for good reason, and Jazzy plainly refuses to come unless you come too." She said all this in a rush but my super vampy ears caught every word.

"Do I have to..?" I moaned.

"Yes... we will buy Bella a.. present." She winked evilly at me.

"Yes! Anyway to humillate Belly-poo, I'm so in."

"Yay!" Alice rejoyced clapping her hands.

"Car. Now." She directed us.

*

"Can we go get Bella her present now?" I whined as Jasper and I were getting dragged toward the 54th shop at the 4th mall.

"All in due time big bro." She skipped into a lingerae shop and Jasper suddlenly looked interested.

"Im starting to think it wasn't worth coming." I muttered.

"Oh don't worry it is." She giggled "Have a looked around Emmy." She patted my arm and glided to a rack. Pfft look around, why would look around in a women lingerae shop? But I did. I looked at every garment imaging it on Roses banging body... Then I saw it. What I was subconciously searching for. I had a brainwave. Before I knew it Alice was at my side in a fit of giggles.

"Edward and Bella will be pissed!" He continued laughing.

"Two birds with one stone!"

"Well go buy it, I have a vivid in the car." She obviously hadn't told Jasper, as his face was confused as ever when I grabbed a plain white g-string and headed for the counter.

"Just this please." I said cheerfully to a small women behind the counter. She glanced up wide-eyed at me.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes! Can't gays buy g's here?!" I mused.

"Uhmmm, of course sir!" She said handing a small pink bag to me as I handed her $24.95. I strutted over to a confused looking Jasper and a giggling Alice.

"I don't ge-"

"All in due time, lil bro." I said inturrupting Jasper. The car ride home was exciting I couldn't wait to see Bella's face. As we parked outside our house, Alice threw a vivid at me. "Have fun." She laughed.

"Oh I will." I said grinning. I snapped off the lid and scribbled on the g-string. I did a few hearts around my master piece. I skipped up to the the house.

"Hooooooneeeey I'm hoooome!" I called Rosalie appeared in front of me and kissed me on the lips.

"Hiyah Bells and Nessie."

"Uncle Emmy." Nessie said hugging my leg cutely.

"Bella, I have a present here for you. But I need the whole family here. Now." As I said that Edward, Carlisle & Esme appeared along with Jacob and Seth. Bella huffed.

"Fine give it to me." She said annoyed.

"It's from me and Ally." I winked.

"HEY! Leave me out of this!" Alice protested.

"Fine. Just from me." I said rolling my eyes at Alice. Bella cauitously opened the pink bag. Jasper was the first to burst out laughing. Closely followed by Jacob, Seth and Rose. Carlisle chuckled and Esme giggled. Nessie looked confused. Edward looked half amused half angry. Bella glared at me.

"Why you little!" She screamed chasing me out the door leaving the g-string lying on the ground it read: TEAM JACOB. A paw print was drawn next to it and a few hearts floated around it. No-one knew this yet, but on the back it read: Edward can suck it.

Haha hope you enjoyed that! Reviewww :D Also if you have a good idea for R.A.O.E add thatin ya review..

Sophie x