I was never a KorrAsami shipper before. Even now, I still would have been more than happy with them being just really great friends in the end because I feel like there are so few really great and solid female friendships on a lot of my fave tv shows, but the finale converted me and it was beautiful. That being said, this isn't so much a romance one-shot as an introspection with the help of a partner.
Time to re-watch the entire series to look for all the hints I wasn't looking for, and just because I love the storytelling of this series!
Un-beta'd.
Read and review!
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Korra wasn't running away this time.
It was in those minutes walking side by side with the Avatar to the new spirit portal that Asami saw how much Korra had grown these past months. Korra wasn't running from anything now, not her duties to the world and it's people, not any past failures, or an adversary. She wasn't running because she wasn't afraid anymore. She'd found the strength to move past all of that through her friends, loved ones, all of the people around her, and herself. She had grown into an amazing woman and found the strength to move forward.
Asami desperately wished she had that same conviction right now, because she knew for a fact she was running away.
Thoughts of Hiroshi Sato had plagued Asami since his death, stealing sleep and any semblance of peace of mind. While he was in prison it had been easy to push him out of her thoughts because even if he wasn't there with her physically, he was still alive. She at least had the option of seeing him should she ever choose to (Not that she did. He sent her countless letters and she only agreed to meet him the one time after three years. That one meeting had been more painful than she was counting on.).
But now that she had forgiven him, tried to move past the hurt and pain he'd caused three years before as part of the equalists, his death left a tangible hole in her heart. Asami had wanted to let him back into her life, however long that may have taken, and suddenly he was gone. She felt lost in a river of unfulfilled hopes that now led nowhere, and she was drowning in it.
Asami tried throwing herself into work, to take her mind off of him through distraction, but it hadn't worked. He was her childhood inspiration as a mechanic and engineer. How could she have ever thought throwing herself into the very work he encouraged her to follow would help her forget the pain his death caused? Even being in the presence of the business he had created brought up too many painful memories. It pulled at her heart in ways that left her curled on the floor next to the desk he had worked from for so many years. One of her assistants had found like that one afternoon, huddled by the desk with tears rolling down her cheeks, a family photo clutched to her heart like a lifeline, hoping it would somehow fill the empty space.
The wedding was supposed to be a break from those memories. It was the joyous start of a new life together for Varrick and Zhu Li. There was no reason for Asami to wallow in the past when it was the future that was being celebrated. They were moving forward with their lives, and deserved to see happiness from their guests on such a special day. So Asami had put on a mask and bid the happy couple the congratulations they were due. She really was happy for them. From what she had seen of their relationship this was a long time coming, and she was glad they had each other.
But she couldn't keep the pleasant mask on for long, so during the reception she walked out of the hall, still wearing her dress and heels, into the night. Her feet led her to the steps on the edge of the gardens, where she found Korra and Tenzin talking.
She shouldn't have lied to Tenzin about Varrick wanting to use a glider, but Asami wanted to talk with Korra alone for a while. Or at the very least stay with her. So when Korra asked her to sit down, she took it as a sign. A sign of what, she didn't know, but it seemed like a good one.
Korra had started by apologizing for being gone for so long, which was unexpected, and Asami told Korra that her apology wasn't needed. That she was just glad that Korra had come back and she was safe and that Korra hadn't been lost to her too. The very idea that Korra could have died in the fight with Kuvira sent a chill through Asami eerily similar to the one that passed through her when she thought of her late father. Asami had desperately wanted to keep her thoughts away from his death on today of all days, but she hadn't been at all successful at that lately so of course it would come out now that she thought about the possibility of losing Korra too.
But the Avatar saw her pain. A heartfelt "I am so sorry for what happened" was spoken and suddenly Asami was being held in the most comforting, warming embrace she'd felt in days. Asami could always count on Korra for a good hug. She had this way of enveloping people into the strength of her arms that made a person feel safe. Made it easy to open up and find solace.
"Thank you. I'm just glad I was able to forgive him." Admitting it out loud made Asami feel weightless. She had tried telling herself the very same thing in the privacy of her thoughts over the past few days, but being able to say it to another person, to Korra, was therapeutic. It released so much of the tension and pain Asami had been holding in that she suddenly realized just how exhausted she was.
Korra seemed to sense this, and realized that talking about her father would not be the best topic and thankfully pulled the conversation toward the immediate future.
"So what now? Back to the dance floor?" The Avatar asked.
"I'm kind of all danced out," Asami admitted, letting the exhaustion really seep into her for the first time in days. Asami knew she needed to sleep, but she didn't want to go back home yet for fear of what waited for her there. She knew she could gut and re-design the interior of her house, the office, and the factory, everywhere that her father had ever set foot, but all of those places would still hold his memory. Asami wasn't ready to face that again just yet. Not ready to find herself in tears on the floor by his desk again. "Honestly, after everything that's happened the past few months, I could use a vacation." If Korra noticed the somberness in her tone she didn't comment on it. Asami didn't want to dampen the mood again by directly bringing up her father, so she tried something more light-hearted and admittedly self-deceptive by calling it a vacation.
A vacation wasn't running away, she told herself. Vacations implied there would be a return, and that she would face the ghost of her father's memory eventually. She just didn't think she could do that right now.
"Let's do it. Let's go on a vacation just the two of us. Anywhere you want." Korra's voice was light and hopeful and something about it suddenly made Asami want to run forward, to run toward something instead of away. She didn't know yet what she was running toward, although she definitely knew what she was running from, but whatever was ahead, it was beautiful and pure and limitless. Like looking out over a vast horizon at sunrise and knowing the whole day lay ahead. Knowing that as long as she was with Korra, things would be ok.
"Really?" A vacation for the two of them rather than alone sounded heaven-sent. But where could she go in the world that wasn't teeming with her father's memory and life's work? Sato-mobiles were practically everywhere these days, as were countless other machines of his design and her technical perfection. Asami lifted her eyes to the horizon of Republic City, spread out across the bay and aglow under the light of the new spirit portal, and suddenly it came to her. "Ok, I've always wanted to see what the spirit world's like?"
Leaving the physical world probably wasn't what Korra was picturing when she had agreed to a vacation, nor was it the best way for Asami to move past her father's death. But Korra gave her a soft, sympathetic smile, as if she knew Asami was trying to run but wanted to give her the chance to do so anyway. To let her find out for herself what she needed to do to move forward, even if that meant running from everything she knew to find herself again.
"Sounds perfect."
It hadn't taken too much convincing when Korra and Asami had told their friends of their travel plans. Nor was there much disagreement, surprisingly. Everyone had seemed oddly accepting of the idea of the two of them venturing off into the great unknown for who knew how long. Almost as if they all knew that it was what they needed to do next, and that they trusted the pair would return when they were ready.
Asami realized it was a leap of faith for them to have in her, given that she was practically fleeing the world to escape her father's memory.
The next two days were spent packing and planning. Putting together the food and clothes they would need for a trip that could take anywhere from a week to forever. During those two days Asami had been able to push her father's memory out of her thoughts only by reminding herself that she would be gone from the physical world in a matter of hours. That she would be able to wake up in the morning and see a spirit-filled sky, not the beams of her father's home.
It didn't help her sleep any better at night.
It wasn't until the two were walking toward the spirit portal that Asami saw the irony of what she was about to do. She was running from Republic City, from the physical world, her fears and pain, to go somewhere she hoped the memories couldn't reach her. And she was calling it a vacation, something light hearted that she could easily pretend she could come back from. Korra had more or less done the same thing after the fight with Zaheer left her poisoned and immobile. She left Republic City for the solitude of the South Pole to recover, practically cut off all communication with the people she had left behind (except for the letters she exchanged with Asami), and she hadn't returned for three years.
Then again, Korra's spiritual recovery had begun in the South Pole and in the Swamp, so maybe Asami's would come in the spirit world. Maybe there was some benefit to leaving for a while. Not to mention, Asami wasn't going to the spirit world alone, Korra would be with her. Korra who had fought this battle before and would be her guide on this journey to emotional recovery.
Suddenly the prospect of a vacation in the spirit world didn't seem like running away anymore, and it didn't seem so terrifying either.
Looking into Korra's eyes at the edge of the portal, Asami found strength and understanding reflected back at her that filled her with hope. She could do this, she thought. She would find a way to move forward from her father's death, from everything that had happened these past few months. She could take this leap into the unknown and find her way to the other side so long as Korra was with her.
They took hold of each other's hands and took that first step into the spirit world, into the beginning of their tomorrow, together.