"If I Said I'm Sorry"
an alternate world SW fic by Narya's Bane-- because every fanfic author needs an AU story?
disclaimer: the usually
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Qui-Gon Jinn shook his head as he watched the destruction of the second Death Star. Yoda had chosen to guide young Luke, and Obi-Wan was welcoming Anakin Skywalker into the Force, which meant he was watching this moment alone. He guided the Falcon and its x-wing escort to safety and viewed the explosion as it rang through the sky. The destruction was complete; though it may take years for the galaxy to recover, the road to recovery was clearing nicely.
There should be nothing to recover from Qui-Gon berated himself. If you'd sensed Anni's fate, if you'd left him on Tatooine, you could have saved so many from their ends. How could I have been so blind?
Another presence came up the aged Master, setting a hand on his shoulder. "Credit for your thoughts, Master Jinn?"
With a smile, Qui-Gon greeted the new arrival. Somehow, dressed in traditional Jedi robes and glimmering in the blue light of the Force, the female beside him still managed to give off the essence of violet. The quintessential Grey Jedi entity, she was a feeling rather than a person, a mentality instead of a human- and yet she was her own. This was The Violet, Laristia, who could whisper to those open to the possibilities of the Force which were neither dark nor light. Qui-Gon had heard her voice in life, had felt her guidance upon his death, and now was talking with her constantly in desperate hopes of soothing his own guilt. Because none of this should have happened.
"I'm glad the Empire is defeated," Jinn told the Violet, "but I still feel uncomfortable with my part in it."
Laristia seemed to consider this. "What was done could have happened no better way, Qui-Gon. You did what it was in you to do."
Qui-Gon glanced at her. "You cannot expect me to believe you have taken to asserting the existence of fate?"
Laristia shrugged. "If fate is what you want to call it. Balance had to come, one way or another. It is better this way."
"Thousands- no, millions!- have died. How can it have been worse?"
Laristia shook her head. "You have saved many lives, Qui-Gon Jinn. Believe me, it could have been much more destructive when the Old Order fell."
"It didn't have to fall."
"But it was going to anyway," the Violet asserted. Her nose scrunched, and she exhaled deeply. "I cannot tell you what might have happened, Master Qui-Gon, but if you like... I can show you." She snapped her fingers, and in an instant...
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They were spectators in the room on Naboo, and Qui-Gon watched as he fought for his life. Turning, he looked over at Laristia who gave a weak smile.
"You should let go of your doubt. Sit, and watch, what would have happened. You can see all, and you will know enough to understand the whole story of what might have happened. Relax, and try not to ask any questions or come to your conclusions until the end has been shown. Please."
Qui-Gon watched as he fought the Sith Apprentice, Obi-Wan trapped behind the red laser and unable to assist. When the lightsaber went through yet again, the master couldn't help but wince...then beam with pride as he saw Obi-Wan touch the dark side to release it, pulling himself up and defeating the Sith enemy in a bound of pure light with the Force at his side. The boy was meant to serve, to be a great Jedi warrior, whatever happens he realized with joy. Yes, this was his Obi-Wan...
Obi-Wan was not complete in his victory. He came up to his dying master, took the aged Jedi in his arms.
The words from Qui-Gon's mouth were calm. "Obi-Wan. I'm sorry."
"Master?"
"I would never- push you aside. You are ready."
"You will tell the council..."
"No. You will- Knight Kenobi. You have been a good apprentice. Thank you."
Reaching up, Qui-Gon touched his padawan's cheek and smiled weakly as death took him. Obi-Wan sat on the floor, tears coming to his eyes briefly before he set his Master's shell on the floor and rubbed at the side of his nose. Calm, certain, he took to his feet and lowered his head. "Master," he whispered, backing away slowly. "Thank you."
--- )(((
"There is still the matter of the boy," Mace Windu mentioned. The Council had sent many members to Naboo upon hearing of the battle and Qui-Gon's demise. Upon arriving, and sensing the Force as well as hearing Obi-Wan's relating of his master's last words, Yoda had proclaimed the boy a Jedi Knight and taken his braid. Now the two leaders of the council, together with Obi-Wan and the rightful queen of the Naboo, were talking in closed quarters. Many things had been determined, but this matter still lay open.
"Unless taken he has been by a master, trained he will not be."
Eyes fell on Kenobi, but the new knight was silent.
"We could use him in our defense systems," Queen Amidalla suggested. "With a little training he would make an excellent fighter pilot. It would be my honor to see he has a real home."
"Decided, it is. Stay here, Skywalker will. Knight Kenobi, when commited to the Force your master has been, return to Coruscant you will and take on the mantle of Jedi Knight."