Sorry for all the Dairlings who thought this was a Dair story :)
Of course, the day she gets the letter, everything that is told to her seems to be directly linked to the biggest disappointment in her life.
"Don't take it personally"
"You're a paralegal, do your job"
She doesn't tell her father. Rachel likes to think that she has some kind of mystery, and that anything anyone could ever think about her, they're always in for a surprise. And Rachel never liked to admit to her father that he is right about anything -a trait she got from him actually -and so admitting that he was right about her is not even a considerable option, and will never be.
But when she gets home, every single night during that week, in her Upper West Side apartment that she pays by being the best paralegal in the best law firm in the city, she has to face the music.
She just isn't good enough.
She knows Louis lied, she could see it on his face. The problem was her, and it had always been her; she had always known it. She had actually gotten to a point where she was accepting it.
But then he came around.
All blue eyes, charming smile, classic movie references and fucking photographic memory. He had told her that he believed in her, and he had pushed her to take the deadly step forward, to jump off the cliff , promising that she had wings that would burst out from her spine and help her fly.
The wings didn't come out. Rachel didn't die from the fall, but she is barely surviving. She holds on to the only thing she can: being the best paralegal in the best law firm in the city.
One day, when he is abominably worked up and she doesn't dare ask him what it is about, they are working in her office and he is putting more pressure on her than he ever has.
He keeps repeating that his life is on the line, blaming her for not focusing enough and at that moment, all Rachel can think of is " Good, now you know what it feels like"
She doesn't say it out loud, just takes a deep breath and carries on. He fiddles through papers on her desk, and she doesn't even think of stopping him until his fingers reaches the letter that was laying there.
She could never bring herself to hide it in a drawer, because she was convincing herself not to be ashamed.
Mike stops as he reads the words. Rachel holds in a breath, making use of all of those years of swimming practice. When he looks up, she puts on her mot defiant face.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks.
He doesn't tell her about how he is sorry for her, he doesn't give her some shitty pep talk about how it' bullshit and that they don't know what they're missing on. He just wants to know why she didn't come to him for support.
She swallows "I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself"
Mike lets the letter fall back on the desk, stands up to walk around the table and makes her stand with him.
Even though she knows she shouldn't –everyone can see them through the glass walls, and besides, she's been down this road with him before –she lets him bring her against him. One hand on the small of her back and one arm around her shoulders. Rachel leans against his chest, and closes her eyes, so she can only focus on him, and so she won't cry.
"You're gonna be okay, Rachel. I promise"
She should know better than believing his promises, but she can't help it, she does.
When he pulls away, he puts both hands on her shoulders. He locks his blue eyes deep into hers.
"I am so grateful I met you, you can't even imagine" he whispers "And I wanted you to know that"
She knows they are not talking about her anymore. She knows because she has been in the same place before. Mike right now, is her right before applying to Pearson Hardman, right before taking the LSATs, all three times. On the edge of a cliff.
She doesn't need to push him to jump, because she knows he will anyway. He doesn't deserve a deadly fall, she thinks, as he pulls her once more against him. But he doesn't seem to have the strength to grow wings to fly it out.
That day, Rachel makes a decision. He believed in her, like no one else did; she'll do the same for him. She closes her arms around him.
He won't need to grow wings. She'll be his parachute.