The Fear You Won't Fall

by CommonKnowledge

Rai is waiting patiently but its not that Kimiko can't say....its that she won'tRaiKim, a little different then my other stories. Please enjoy and review!

So I have no idea where this story came from. It seems pretty random to me and I believe that Kimiko is OOC at certain points. I wrote this to avoid two papers I had due on the same day (and was up all night writing). And I will also admit that I wrote this because I've been having trouble with "Ever the Same" lately. I know what I want to do and the whole story is planned out and ready to go but actually physically writing seems hard. But if all goes according to plan then I'll be posting chapter nine tomorrow (Saturday).

Now for a warning about this story…it's a bit different then other one shots I've done. Rai and Kimiko are older and have an "adult" relationship that is eluded to more then once. If this is too much for anyone I'll up the rating. Hopefully you'll enjoy.

Also like with most of my writing this has only been lightly edited because I'm just that lazy. Any big issues with grammar or spelling let me know.

So all that's left is to tell you to enjoy!

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Five years they'd been at the temple. He was nineteen. She was eighteen. But even when they were just young teens first arriving at the temple the spark was there. Anyone and everyone just chalked it up to teenage hormones, a natural thing no matter if you were an everyday student or a Xiaolin Dragon in training. But the spark hadn't just stayed a spark but instead had grown into something that positively burned in both of them. It was undeniable, it was inevitable, it was a problem.

Master Fung was not a foolish man by any means and he could see the writing on the walls from day one. He'd seen the look they'd given one another when he walked away after introducing Omi to the three new arrivals. It wasn't just a look and he knew that it may cause issues sometime in the future. But Master Fung wasn't a man to make issues where there were none so he watched, and waited and saw the Wind Dragon's affection for the Fire Dragon grow. The Fire Dragon wasn't as obvious and although shy was not a word one would usually use to describe Kimiko Tohomiko, Master Fung could see the girl's shy advances as time progressed.

Now Master Fung was a progressive man and would not deny the two a relationship if they wanted to pursue it, but he was also the two teens' guardian and could not allow….certain things to take place. So he kept an extra watchful eye on the two though he trusted them to make the right decisions. However, it was also natural that Kimiko, being the only girl in the temple, would eventually need a space to call her own. In fact, just as Master Fung was considering that very subject Kimiko had approached him, close to tears cause by anger and frustration. It seemed Omi had gotten into her things and was questioning the other boys as to the use of tampons. After that a tiny storage room had been cleaned out and given to Kimiko for her own room. This would later turn out to be a mistake on Master Fung's part. It wasn't that giving Kimiko a room of her own was as mistake, but the location that mattered. Perhaps if the room had been closer to the boys' room or to those of the elder monks, not so secluded in its own little corner, then what happened might not have happened.

But at the same time it was inevitable….

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They lay together as they often did after a session of love making, with limbs tangled together, her formed curled into his. His fingers found hers and wove them together. She squeezed his hand as soon as he settled and gazed up to return the smile that she was sure he was giving her and she wasn't disappointed. He dipped his head and gave her another kiss that she readily gave herself to and could feel Raimundo smile into her lips. A moment later the kiss broke and Kimiko automatically snuggled back into his body, her face hidden from his view. She felt Rai lower his lips to her hair and deliver a kiss there as well. And then he said it.

"I love you."

He said it often, in both their public and secret life. Their secret life only happened at night, from the moment that Raimundo would sneak from his bed into hers to the time right before dawn when he'd slip back. That was always a mournful time for Kimiko and she watched him go with a weight in her chest. She looked forward to a time when they wouldn't have to hide this part of their relationship and wondered whenever, if ever, that day would come. So she savored these moments when she could lie contented in his arms without a worry in the world…well that wasn't true. She always worried about something, be it Shen Gong Wu, the fight against the Heylin side, or the safety of Rai and the others she held so dear. But at night, with Rai so intimately by her side, she could at least pretend to not to worry.

The man whose arms she was buried in however was worried though he too tried not to show it. Though, if he truly reflected Rai couldn't say that he was worried. More concerned. He tried not to let it get to him but more and more it was. He waited, and listened as he did every night when she was falling asleep in his arms but nothing answered his ears save for her steady breathing. On nights like this when passion did over take them and they did make love he said those three words often but she never echoed them. And every night, right before she slipped into sleep he'd say it one more time, hoping to catch her off guard. She never replied, feinting sleep or actually being asleep. It always happened that way; she would fall asleep first and Raimundo, on instinct, would stay awake for a while longer. Often times he'd just listen to the emptiness of the room and let the thoughts of the day of leave him, a crude form of meditation. Most often though he'd watch her and dwell on her and wonder at her.

Despite living day in and day out with her for the past five years, dating for the past three, and being intimate for over a year now he still felt that he knew so little about her. And despite still being the same short tempered spitfire now at eighteen as she had been at thirteen, though she had matured considerably, there were moments when Rai felt he only knew the part of her she allowed to be seen. But that wasn't very fair when he really thought about and frowned as he watched her sleep, nose pressed to his chest. He let her see and know all of him and gave anything she wanted to know and in the beginning she had wanted to know a lot and Raimundo realized how little he really had told his friends about himself and his past. After that he'd resolved to be more open but it also seemed that after that Kimiko resolved to be more closed and that concerned him.

He took his free hand and with some difficulty managed to wrap it around so that he could stroke her long mane as he drifted off to join her in sleep.

"I love you," he said one more time before exhaustion weighted his eyelids down and he drifted off into a deep slumber. The moment Kimiko heard his breathing move into the steadiness associated with sleep she opened her eyes and shifted so that she was resting up on a propped elbow. She'd learned early on that Raimundo was a heavy sleeper and so she was allowed these silent observations. She smiled sadly as she took in his serene face. Kimiko loved this face the most because she was the only one who ever saw it. Even when they'd all slept in one room he'd never been this relaxed and Kimiko liked to think that she had something to do with it. Her smile completely faded as she kept watching him until she couldn't take it anymore. Sinking back down she cuddled ever closer to him and he responded in his sleep by drawing her in even more. Kimiko sighed heavily.

She loved him so much and it frightened her to even admit that in her mind. She had to bite her tongue to keep from saying it aloud. She never would…she never could.

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"What is the Wu called?" Omi asked as they rode through the sky early the next day. Kimiko pulled the scroll from the pack she carried and opened it in her lap. Raimundo, pressed closed behind her, peeked over her shoulder as the animation began.

"It's called the Deja Wu," Kimiko said.

"Don't you mean Déjà vu?" Clay asked from in front of Omi. Since Raimundo's and Kimiko's relationship had become "public" a few months after Raimundo had become Shoku Warrior Clay had taken to riding in the front of Dojo with Omi. It wasn't that he minded Raimundo and Kimiko going out, it seemed inevitable from the start, Clay just didn't want to see Raimundo wrapped around Kimiko 24/7.

"No," Kimiko shook her head as she spoke. "It says Deja Wu. Apparently it lets a person look back at their own thoughts or another person's."

"Within a reasonable amount of time," Dojo added. "Usually you can't look back more then a day.

"So it's like the ultimate memory charm," Raimundo said and then frowned. "You guys ever notice how most of these Wu are completely useless?"
"Raimundo!" Omi scolded. "You know it is our duties as Xiaolin Warriors to collect and protect the Shen Gong Wu."

"I know, I know," Raimundo lamented. Kimiko rolled her eyes at the two who still liked to poke fun at one another.

"Can't believe they're almost all accounted for," Clay said in a murmur but it caught everyone's attentions. Though not all the Wu were in their possession Dojo had revealed a few days before that nearly all the Wu had activated.

"Yes but we must continue to protect them!" Omi shouted excited though everyone could tell he was masking his fear that it could be all over when all the Wu's were found.

"Yeah Omi," Kimiko assured him with a smile, "we've got to keep protecting the Wu and the world." From behind her Raimundo's arms wrapped tight around her and squeezed her waist in a hug.

"Here we are," Dojo said breaking into the conversation. He circled lower over their location, breaking through the clouds to reveal the landscape of the Florida everglades. With some difficulty Dojo found a solid piece of dry land and settled onto it before shrinking to his smaller side and jumping up to his favorite spot on Clay's hat. "Thatta way!" he said pointing into a direction that looked particularly swampy. Everyone groaned when they saw this.

"Of course," Kimiko said with a shake of her head as they started walking, carefully picking their path on the driest pieces of land they could find.

"We getting any closer Dojo?" Clay asked nearly a half an hour later. He was balancing on a root, sopping wet after falling into the marshy water.

"Yup!" Dojo said but didn't elaborate. They all looked expectantly at the dragon. "What?"
"Any more specifics Dojo?" Raimundo asked.

"Few more steps this way," the dragon said pointing in a particular direction, "then up."

"Up?" Omi and Kimiko questioned together. Kimiko looked up to study the tree branches then jumped up and moved along the tree tops. The others waited and a few minutes later she returned holding up the Deja Wu.

"Good job girl," Raimundo said with a smile. Kimiko returned the grin, liking the use of his old pet name for her.

"It would have been much more useful to know that they Wu was up in the trees," Omi said as they started back to the clearing they'd landed in, glaring at the tiny dragon as he spoke.

"Hey I couldn't tell till we got closer," Dojo protested.

"Doesn't really matter," Kimiko said, "we got the wu without any trouble from Spicer or Chase and Wuya."

"Spoke too soon," Rai said as the infamous sound of Jack's helipack.

"May I?" Omi asked and the others nodded. The tiny dragon broke through the tree tops and then a moment later there was the sound of exploding robots and Jack's girly scream.

"Some things never change," Clay said with a laugh as Omi landed back next to them.

"Yes," Omi agreed, "I am as amazing as ever."

"I'm not even going to respond to that," Raimundo said walking on. Kimiko snickered and followed their leader.

"I know Kimiko agrees with me," Omi said confidently.

"Oh yeah Omi," Kimiko said with an exaggerated voice.

"See," Omi said in a sing song voice as they broke into the clearing and Dojo had enough room to transform.

"Hate to break it too you Omi," Clay said as they mounted the dragon and took off, "but Kimiko only has those kind of eyes for Raimundo." Kimiko just shook her head not noticing Raimundo's uncharacteristic blush.

"With good reason," Raimundo said in a cocky voice after clearing his throat.

"So this conversation is going nowhere fast," Kimiko said with a roll of her eyes.

"Just because Kimiko looooves Raimundo," Omi said with wide eyes, "does not mean that she cannot admire me."

Kimiko made a tiny noise in her throat that only Raimundo could hear that made him frown. The conversation switched to different things as they traveled home toward the temple but Raimundo's mind remained focused on Kimiko's reaction to Omi saying that she loved him. Worries and insecurities that he only allowed into his mind during their nights in Kimiko's room suddenly flooded his thoughts.

'Wouldn't want anyone to use the Deja Wu on me right now,' Raimundo thought as they ducked lower into the clouds, a sign they were almost home. Suddenly an idea came to him and he had to hide the grin that was growing on his face.

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Later that day after training and dinner Raimundo excused himself from the group and told them that he'd meet them for Goo Zombies in a few minutes. No one thought much of it though Kimiko did watch his retreating back as he walked away, wondering what he was up too but not dwelling on it. As soon as he knew the others were gone Raimundo reversed his direction and headed for the Shen Gong Wu vault and found the drawer he wanted. He picked up the Deja Wu and studied it. It was a fairly simply wu, slight smaller then the pirate spyglasses he saw in the movies and it had a silver sheen to it. Now here was the tricky part, he had to actually be looking at Kimiko to look into her mind.

Suddenly the thought dawned on him that he didn't really want to do this. He might be concerned over the fact that Kimiko never said she loved him but did that validate going into her mind without permission?

No, he decided and placed the Deja Wu back into its drawer. He gave it one last longing look and then shut the drawer with a defiant click that echoed through the empty vault. As he turned to walk out and join the others he pushed his worries to the back of his mind as he so often did. He knew this was far from healthy but he knew that in just a few hours he and the other monks would head off to bed and then he could be with Kimiko again and that's all that really mattered…right?

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"I love you," he said as they drifted off to sleep. In the week since they'd recovered the Deja Wu it had been the same pattern. Rai would do his usual disappearing act from the boys' room and would join Kimiko in her bed. If they talked at all it was always brief and shallow in subject. Often they just lay in each others arms, lost in their own thoughts. Then Kimiko would start to fall asleep first and Raimundo would perform his usual act of kissing the top of her head and telling her one last time that he loved her. And again Kimiko would simply bury herself deeper into his arms. Tonight however, instead of feeling Raimundo fall asleep next to her Kimiko noticed that Raimundo was stiff and his grip on her tighter then normal. Not painful, just more desperate than comforting.

"Kimiko?" Raimundo questioned pulling away slightly and leaning on his elbow but keeping his other arm wrapped around her waist.

"Rai?" Kimiko answered back uncertainly also sitting up slightly. She didn't make it very far before Raimundo leaned forward, pushing his weight onto her so that she ended up on her back, both his arms around her waist and his head pillowed on her chest. Kimiko was slightly surprised by the action but smiled and let one arm rest on his shoulder, the other running lovingly through his hair. They remained like this for a few minutes, Kimiko's eyes getting heavy again, and then Raimundo spoke again.

"Kimiko?"

"Hmm?" Kimiko replied sleepily.

"Say that you love, just once, even if it's a lie. Say that you love me."

Silence was his only answer. Even the motion of her hand through his hair stopped. Raimundo refused to move or say anything until Kimiko did first. After what felt like forever Raimundo couldn't take the silence any longer and he sat up, staring into eyes that followed him motion, sadness filling their depths.

"Kimiko," he pressed and she turned her head away in an almost defiant manner, closing her eyes tight. It was a fast movement but Rai could see the tears collecting in her eyes.

'What is going on with this girl?' Raimundo wondered, shifting his weight so that a he was straddling her.

"Kimiko look at me," he pressed. Her only response was to squeeze her eyelids tighter together. Suddenly they shot open when she felt a familiar breeze. She sat up looking quickly around her tiny room only to find it lacking in Raimundo. Kimiko turned and looked out the open window, knowing that was what Raimundo had fled out of. There was a deep ache in her to follow him, to check in the boys' room but fear held her in place and the chilling thought that it may just be better this way.

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"Has anyone seen Raimundo?" Master Fung asked the next morning observing the breakfast table. Omi and Clay mumbled no through bites of food and Kimiko gave a simple shake of her head. Fung frowned but said no more, walking out of the room and leaving two confused Dragons and another who was worried sick.

"He wasn't in the room this morning so I just figured he went out for some early morning training," Clay said shooting a glance in Kimiko's direction. Kimiko knew that Clay was no idiot and probably knew that Raimundo snuck out every night. Kimiko refused to return Clay's glance, partially because she didn't want to validate it but mostly because her mind was simply consumed with worry over where Raimundo had gone.

'Stupid idiot,' she thought staring off into space, 'just because I can't say it doesn't mean I can't feel it. Why doesn't he know that?'

"Come on," Clay said standing up and collecting plates, noticing Kimiko's was nearly untouched. "We've got training and I'm sure Raimundo will show up for that."

"Yes, I agree," Omi said bouncing from his seat. Kimiko made an agreeable noise and pasted on a fake smile. She was following the boys out of the kitchen when she suddenly stopped and looked over her shoulder out the window over the kitchen sink. She had the strangest feeling that she was being watched. She remained like that for a moment before Omi calling her name broke her concentration.

"Coming!" she called rushing out the kitchen. In the trees outside the kitchen the person who'd been watching her took the Deja Wu away from his eye slowly, processing all that he'd seen in Kimiko's mind. Then, almost automatically he picked up the Golden Tiger Claws and opened a portal that he dropped the two wu through. His mind was busy and full of turmoil but he knew he had training to get to. It was going to be a long day indeed.

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The sun had just set when Kimiko entered her room later that day. She was exhausted. It hadn't been a very physically exhausting day but the stress that came from the coldness that Raimundo seemed to be emulating had gotten to her and she excused herself shortly after dinner. After the longest, hottest, shower she could manage in the temple bathroom she'd started to feel a little better but now that she was alone in her room all the emotions she was feeling during the day came rushing back. She'd like to talk to Raimundo about it but there was nothing that she could say to him. It wasn't just her pride that was keeping her from approaching him but because she knew what would come of it if she pressed.

"Move," she said aloud to herself and started all her nightly rituals. She reached for the window to leave it unlocked and slightly open as she did every night and paused. Unsure of what to do Kimiko bit her lips and weighted her options. She knew that the chances of Raimundo slipping into her room later was slim to none but the thought of not leaving the window open saddened her so greatly that she suddenly leapt forward and thrust it open. An open invitation to anyone to come in, including anyone from the Heylin side but it was a chance she was willing to take. For a moment Kimiko just stared at the open window, half expecting and half hoping that Raimundo would appear in front of it. When he didn't she turned away and was about to crawl into bed when something slammed into her from behind. Strong and familiar arms wrapped around her body, drawing her close to a body she'd know anywhere.

"Raimun," she started to say as she craned her neck to see him but her words were swallowed by his lips coming down hard on hers. Somehow he managed to turn her so she was facing him without breaking the kiss. He positively crushed her form to his and Kimiko's head spun. He then walked her back, step by step until they reached her bed, laid out neat and waiting on the floor. Kimiko didn't realize that they'd reached it until her heels hit and tripped on it. She would have fallen but Rai held her and slowly lowered them both to the bed, still not breaking the intense kiss he had on her. When he finally did Kimiko gasped for air but found that breath hitched when he attacked her neck with his lips. Her arms automatically went around his neck to draw him closer. She felt him push the fabric of her night shirt out of the way as his lips continued lower and tried to gather herself into a coherent thought.

"Rai?" she questioned though she wasn't sure what she was asking. He paused for a moment and then lifted his head to look into her eyes. Kimiko's breath hitched again and she drew him to her for another kiss letting all coherent thoughts fly from her mind, following her instincts and her heart.

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"Kimiko?" someone's voice entered the hazy realm of her dreams along with an annoying knocking. It took her a moment but she suddenly realized that someone was outside her door and knocking to gain her attention. She was about to get up and answer it when she realized she was still very naked and fairly sore. Memories of the night before flooded her mind and she felt her face warm in response.

"Kimiko?" the voice she now realized belonged to Omi called again.

"Just a second Omi," Kimiko practically croaked.

"Are you not feeling well?" Omi asked ask as Kimiko located her bathrobe and saw herself in the mirror, wincing at the reflection.

'I'll need a turtleneck today,' she thought and quickly tried to make herself presentable.

"I've been better Omi," Kimiko called back. That was a very true statement.

"If you're feeling below the weather then perhaps you should stay in bed," Omi suggested and Kimiko wondered what Master Fung would think about her missing training because she was exhausted after a night with Raimundo.

"That's ok Omi," Kimiko said, "tell Master Fung and the others I'll be out in a minute."

"But I was sent to tell you we have a day off," Omi called back, "so it would be ok for you to rest until you are back above the weather." Kimiko paused at his words wondering what in the world had possessed Fung to give them a day off. Kimiko wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth so she told Omi thanks and said she'd stay in bed for a while. He offered to bring her breakfast but seeing the state of her sheets and the rest of her room Kimiko politely declined.

Without much flare she pulled her sheets off the bed and crawled onto the mattress and under her blankets. Another shower would be nice but exhaustion was sweeping over her again so she allowed herself to sleep. Her last thoughts were of the night before and what had occurred between her and Raimundo. Their love making had never been like that before. It had always been intense and passionate but there was something very….different about it that she could put her finger on. And that look in Raimundo's eyes, she shuddered remembering it, and letting its image haunt her as she fell back into blissful sleep.

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"Well hello there sleepy head," Clay's booming drawl greeted Kimiko when she finally joined her fellow dragons later that afternoon. "Feeling better?" Clay question when Kimiko sat next to him under the shade of a tree in the courtyard. A few feet away Omi was trying to perfect some move that was over Kimiko's head and next to her Clay whittled at a block of wood. Raimundo was no where in sight.

"Much better," she said truthfully, "where's Raimundo?"

"Got permission from Master Fung to use the Tiger Claws and go somewhere. Not sure where though," he trailed off noticing her worried gaze. "You two fighting?" Clay questioned.

"I'm not sure," Kimiko admitted after a moment's consideration.

"Those are the worst kinds of fights," Clay said and Kimiko nodded in agreement. "If it helps at all he seemed in a better mood today."

"That's something," Kimiko said staring off into the distance.

"Don't worry about it too much," Clay suggested after a few minutes of silence.

"I'm trying not to," Kimiko said softly though she was close to tears. She hadn't really considered it until she woke for a second time how much it bothered her that Rai hadn't woken her when he left. Seeing the tears Clay put his wood and knife down and turned his attention to the girl he considered a sister.

"What the heck happened between the two of you," Clay asked concerned.

"I don't know," Kimiko said with a shake of her head as she fought back tears.

"Well something must have or else you two wouldn't be in this funk," Clay insisted trying to sound kind at the same time. Kimiko hesitated for a second before answering, wondering how to word it.

"He wanted something from me," she paused, "that I couldn't give." When Clay didn't respond she turned, curious to look at him. She was surprised to see him looking slightly enraged. "Clay?" she questioned.

"He didn't," he seemed to struggle with the words, "he didn't try anything did he?" Kimiko's eyes widened when she realized what he meant.

"No! No Clay no!" she insisted. "Nothing like that! How could you think that of Raimundo?"

"Well Kimiko he is a guy and you are a girl," Clay started but broke off when Kimiko sputtered.

"And you automatically assume he'd try something like that," Kimiko said trying to control her temper at Clay's suggestion that Rai would try to force himself on her.

"You're misunderstanding me Kimiko," Clay insisted. "I'm not accusing Raimundo of that. But," he lowered his voice, "I'm not an idiot Kimiko and I know Rai sneaks in and out of the room every night." Kimiko's eyes widened and she paled slightly. "Now don't worry," he assured her, "I don't think Master Fung knows and I know Omi doesn't. But you two should be a little more careful about it. Now I don't know exactly what you two are up to," he blushed as he spoke, "and its not place to say but."

Kimiko cut him off, "You're right it's not your place to say."

"Right," Clay said with a tiny cough. Both were quite after that, watching Omi as he continued to practice. "Kimiko," he said after a while.

"Hmm?" Kimiko replied.

"Are you happy?" The question caught Kimiko off guard and she turned to look at him. His face was earnest and eyes questioning.

"What?" Kimiko asked confused.

"Outside of the whole fighting with Rai thing, are you happy?" he asked again. He watched Kimiko for her reaction, expecting her to at least consider it for a moment but all she did was draw her knees up to her chest, wrap her arms around them and rest her chin on top and then turned to smile at Clay. He'd always believed Kimiko to be a beautiful girl but he'd never seen her look quite this pretty before. There was something in her eyes that was totally foreign to him but he had the feeling that he'd look back at this moment at some point in time and have a realization. But at this moment he could only begin to guess what that look in her eyes meant. Her smile was sweet, wistful almost, and totally genuine and she almost seemed to glow.

"I've never been happier in my whole life," she said honestly then turned her head away from him to stare off at something that apparently only she could see. Clay could only stare at her in wonder, praying that someday he'd find a girl like Kimiko. Neither spoke or moved until the wind picked up and blew a few strands of hair into Kimiko's face. She nonchalantly tucked the stray hair away and then stood and stretched.

"I'm going to go give Keiko a call," she said walking away. Clay watched her go and smirked when he realized where she was heading.

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It took her a few minutes to find him, the wind tugging her back when she turned in the wrong direction. She found him outside the temple walls at the meditation garden they'd hand built a few years back. He had his back to her and was staring at the river as the water trickled by but she knew he knew she was there.

"What have you been up to all day?" Kimiko asked stopping a few feet away from him.

"Things," he said with a shrug as he turned to look at her. "I'm sorry about this morning. I didn't want to wake, you looked so peaceful." Kimiko looked away, her arms folded over her chest. "Are you angry?" he asked stepping closer to her.

"No," she said softly tucking more hair behind her ears and was surprised when that hand was caught by Raimundo's. She hadn't realized he'd moved that much closer to her.

"Are you feeling ok?" he asked. Kimiko looked up at him and was surprised by the faint blush on his cheeks. Kimiko giggled softly and he seemed to completely relax.

"I'm fine but…" she trailed off and it was her turn to blush, her eyes going to study the ground. It was odd that they were bashful about this but he understood and didn't press her.

"I have something to confess," he said softly. Kimiko looked up and saw the seriousness and worry on his face and frowned, wondering what could have him looking like that.

"What?" she asked curious as he grabbed her other hand, rubbing his thumbs across her knuckles.

"You can't be mad," he cautioned.

"Never a good way to start a conversation," Kimio said half joking, half serious. Rai sighed heavily and Kimiko frowned. "Rai, you're kind of scaring me."

"Yesterday morning I used the Deja Wu to look into your mind," Rai said bracing himself for her reaction, having no clue how she'd react. A second passed as his words sunk in and then Kimiko stepped back, ripping her hands from his.

"You did what?" she asked outraged.

"I used the Deja," Rai began to repeat but Kimiko cut him off.

"You don't have to repeat it," she snapped glaring at him. "What, what could you possibly be thinking? What did you think gave you the right to look into my mind?"

"Let me explain Kimiko," Rai pleaded stepping closer and looking troubled when she stepped back again.

"This had better be good," Kimiko muttered darkly.

"Do you realize," he started to say and then took a breath for courage, "that you have never said I love you to me."

"Raimundo what does that have to do with you looking into my mind?" Kimiko immediately said.

"Why, why haven't you Kimiko?" Raimundo asked sincerely.

"I still don't," Kimiko started to say but Raimundo's shout stopped her short.

"I saw it in your head Kimiko. You admitted you loved me there. Why can't you say it out loud? That's why I looked into your mind Kimiko, because I had to know if you loved me too and now that I know that you do I can't fathom why you won't tell me."

"So you looked into my mind and found out what you wanted to know," Kimiko said softly, "good for you. Are you happy now?"

"No," he said truthfully. "There's something else there Kimiko and I have to know why you won't say it."

"If you know it why do I have to say it?"

"Why are fighting this?"

"Why are you pressing me?"

"Because this isn't normal Kimiko!" Raimundo shouted at her. He stepped forward quickly and grabbed her before she could get away. "Look at me," he commanded but she refused to meet his eyes. "Kimiko," he tried again, "I am going to continue loving you even if you can't say it but I'd like to understand why. What is it that you can't trust me with?"

"I'm protecting you," she said so softly that he didn't even hear her.

"What?" he asked confused. His eyes widened when noticed that she was shaking in his grip. "Kimiko," he said concerned and pulled her close when he realized she was crying. She clung to him as her body shook with sobs and he was helpless except to hold her and try to comfort her. He waited, holding her, stroking her back soothingly and rocking her slightly. Finally her sobs died down but she made no move to pull away from him. He moved one hand to tangle in her hair and gave her one final squeeze before pulling back. She made a desperate noise and moved with him, as if determined to stay as close as humanly possible. That surprised Raimundo slightly and he made no other move to pull back from her. Instead he drew them slowly to the ground and pulled her into his lap.

He never expected that he'd ever hold her like this. Sure she allowed him to hug her, hold her when they were in bed together but never ever like this. She was completely prone lying in her arms like she had no other defense in the world. 'So vulnerable,' he thought, 'I've never seen her like this. She's always had some sort of guard up.' They remained like that for sometime, Kimiko's head buried in the crook of his shoulder and her hands bunched in his shirt, and Raimundo simply held her, and waited.

"My father is dead you know," Kimiko said softly without warning, so softly that Raimundo wasn't sure if he heard her right.

"What did you say?" Raimundo asked her.

"A year ago, he got really sick all of the sudden. The doctors told me there would have been no way to detect it until it was too late. And he died."

"Kimiko, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?" Raimundo asked. Kimiko moved instead of answering, going to stand and accepting Raimundo's help when he offered it.

"I didn't want to," she said looking away from him, "only Master Fung knows."

"So when you went home for a few days…" Rai trailed off remembering when she'd unexpectedly left for Tokyo. He hadn't thought much of it at the time, accepting the explanation that she was needed at home for some function.

"Yeah," was her only response. "I miss him a lot." Raimundo's eyes widened sympathetically and he moved closer to her, placing two comforting hands on her shoulders.

"I wish you had told me," he said moving one arm around across her chest, the other across her stomach drawing her close.

"Why? There's nothing you could have done," Kimiko replied softly and Raimundo was happy she didn't seem to notice his flinch.

"Maybe not but I would have been there for you," Raimundo said truthfully.

"You were there for me without having to tell you. Why would I drag it up?"

"There's no right answer here is there?" Raimundo said with a tiny nervous laugh. Kimiko shook her head and didn't speak for sometime. The two just remained standing there looking at nothing in the distance, content in one another's company.

"I don't know what things are like in Brazil but in Japan 'I love you' isn't something that is said a lot," Kimiko spoke suddenly shaking Rai from his stupor. "You have to be really close to someone to say it. I've heard of people never saying it their whole lives. It's supposed to be our actions that show our love. I've only said it to two people in my whole life. My mother and my father, and both of them are dead." Kimiko stepped out of Raimundo's arms and turned to look at him, arms locked behind her back. "Does it make sense now Raimundo?" she asked staring directly into his green eyes. She watched his eyes and could see the thoughts processing in his mind.

"Kimiko if you think that you're protecting me from something," he started to say but she raised a hand to silence him.

"I know I am Raimundo," she said confidently. "You know what you want to know even if I haven't said it. Isn't that enough? Can't we go back to the way things were?"

"You shouldn't have to be afraid of something like this," Raimundo argued.

"That's for me to deal with," Kimiko assured him.

"You don't get that option," Raimundo said confidently surprising Kimiko and she gave him a questioning look. "When you have what we have Kimiko," he explained, "you don't get to go through anything alone."

"Don't get to?" she repeated his words with an uncertain air.

"Yes," Rai said confidently. "I'm going to be there whether you like it or not so you might as well accept it."

"It?" Kimiko questioned with a sarcastic laugh.

"Yes- it," Rai repeated. "IT is everything that you get when you get into a relationship, especially one like ours. I love you, I love you, I love you, and you better get used to it cause I'm not going to stop saying it."

"I like it when you say that," she said closing her eyes and embracing a natural breeze that swept up. Suddenly his lips were pressed to hers and Kimiko leaned longingly into it.

"I'm going to enjoy this," Raimundo said after breaking the kiss.

"Enjoy what?" Kimiko asked sleepily, leaning her head against his chest.

"Convincing you to say I love you out loud," he was about to hug her closer when she suddenly broke away looking at his with sad, hurt, and slightly angry eyes.

"You don't get it do you Rai?"

"Get what?" he asked frustrated. "You're afraid of saying I love you because all of the people you've said it to have," he swallowed suddenly finding it difficult to say, not wanting to be insensitive. "Died," he finally managed.

"Real tactful Rai," Kimiko spat out and stalked angrily passed him.

"Hey don't get angry with me," he followed after her, "just because you have this silly belief."

"It's not silly!" she yelled back stopping just when they were outside the open temple doors.

"You're right," Rai agreed, "its ridiculous!"

"You insensitive bastard!" Kimiko yelled in disbelief. Behind her Rai could see Clay, Omi and Dojo peek their heads around various corners.

"I'm not and you know it," Rai answered. "You are just scared, admit it."

"Obviously not since you've already gotten the answers you want by looking into my thoughts without my permission."

"Say it!" Rai yelled frustrated.

"No!"

"Say it!"

"No!"

"Raimundo, Kimiko," the calm voice of Master Fung broke into their fight. Both Dragons froze under his glare realizing suddenly how loud they must have been. "Something wrong young ones?"

"Nothing is wrong," Kimiko said immediately.

"Yes there is," Rai insisted after hearing her answer. Master Fung quirked an eyebrow and let them continue.

"I'm fine with it," Kimiko shot back, "you're the one with the issue."

"It's your issue I have an issue with!"

"This is insanity!" Kimiko shouted frustrated.

"If it isn't an issue then why won't you say what 'it' is," Rai challenged and saw Kimiko draw back so he pressed harder. "Seriously Kimiko if it is such a rational and acceptable thing then why not tell all you're friends about it?" Kimiko suddenly realized that Omi and Clay were watching as well as the forgotten Master Fung. She shot a glare at Raimundo who only raised and eyebrow and gave her a challenging look.

"You are cruel," she hissed.

"I won't tell them Kimiko," Rai answered, "but maybe you should." Kimiko frowned angrily and the stalked off, Omi and Clay scrambling to get out of her way. Master Fung and Raimundo watched her go. When she was out of sight Master Fung sent Raimundo a questioning look. Raimundo sighed and ran a hand through his hair before answering.

"She's got some issues," Raimundo explained.

"I think that might be an understatement," Clay said softly as he and Omi joined the two.

"She's gotta work them out on her own," Rai said confidently.

"May I inquire as to what?" Omi asked. Raimundo's eyes shifted to Master Fung who didn't show any indication as to what he was thinking or feeling.

"I don't think I can tell," Rai admitted, "it's her deal." Omi and Clay exchanged looks and then shrugged and walked away. "How long do you think it'll take her?" Raimundo asked the all knowing Fung.

"As you said," he said walking away and leaving Raimundo alone, "it is something she must work out on her own."

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That night Raimundo took his usual walk to Kimiko's window and hesitated when he saw it shut. He knew this didn't necessarily mean it was locked, often on cool nights like the one he was walking in, she kept it shut. Taking a breath Raimundo walked up to the window and tested it and for the first time ever he felt the resistance of the lock. It was such a foreign sensation that for a moment he didn't recognize it.

'Oh no she does not get to pull this on me,' he thought determinedly stalking back to his room to retrieve a tool he used to keep on him all the time but not as often anymore. He had to work to keep his grumbling low as he slipped back into his room and shifted through his things. He was in and out in record time, standing back in front of Kimiko's window, pocket knife in hand. He wasn't always proud of his past as a wanna be street urchin in Rio but one of the useful things he'd picked up was lock picking and was glad for it now. Temple monks were apparently too trusting and the locks on the window were simple to Raimundo and he had it popped in just a few seconds. He then quickly and silently climbed through the window, landing soundlessly on the other side. Raimundo's eyes immediately fell on Kimiko's sleeping form, her back to him, but even then he thought she was beautiful. He often woke early to watch her sleeping, sometimes from right beside her in her bed and other times like this so he could take in her whole being.

'Don't get distracted,' he scolded himself and moved till he was hovering over bed. At this close a distance he could see the dried path of tears on her cheeks and how her hands were bunched anxiously in the sheets. He suddenly felt sympathy but shook it from his mind. He had to do this, for her, for them. In one motion Raimundo covered Kimiko's mouth to stifle any cries of surprise, turned her over onto her back, and straddled her hips. Her eyes widened with fear at the initial contact but then narrowed in anger at the sight of him. She yelled at him through his hand but Raimundo narrowed his eyes and ignored her.

"No Kimiko," he said quietly, "you don't get to shut me out. That isn't apart of the deal. I know you need to figure some things out and I'm fully ready to support you through that. But you don't get to do it by blocking me out. I'm in your life whether you like it our not. And I love you and I know you love me so this is something we're just going to have to deal with. This is not what breaks us. Nothing will break us." He let the words sink in and watched her eyes shift from anger to frustration and finally to sadness. They closed and Raimundo removed his hand planting it on the side of her head. Silence filled the room and Raimundo waited, patiently this time knowing he couldn't be the one to break down and speak first.

"I don't want you to die," Kimiko said suddenly waking him from his stupor.

"What?" he asked in surprise. He watched her open her eyes and tears spilled freely out.

"I don't want you to die," she repeated staring at the ceiling, "so I won't say that."

"You think," he croaked in surprise, "you think I'll literally die if you say that you love me." It was a shockingly simple explanation that seemed so obvious. Earlier when she told him that everyone she'd ever said 'I love you' to had died he thought she was just worried about getting close to people for fear of getting hurt by their loss. But now she was literally afraid that saying 'I love you' would actually kill him.

"Kimiko," he said a second later after processing, "that's one of the silliest things I've ever heard." He laughed a little but silence under her glare.

"That's mean," she hissed turning her head away from him. Rai reached and lightly gripped her chin and turned her back to look at him and his eyes that he hoped reflected the sincerity of the words he was about to speak.

"Kimiko," he started, "believe me when I say this that I will not be dieing anytime soon. I love you too much to even consider that."

"You can't promise that," Kimiko said softly leaning into the touch that had turned from a hold to a stroking motion.

"Try me."

"We're kind of in a dangerous line of work here Raimundo," Kimiko countered.

"I am aware of that," he assured her, "but there is nothing in hell or heaven that could keep me from always coming back to you." His hand encountered fresh tears as he moved to cup her face. Sitting back he drew her up to him so they were both sitting, facing one another.

"Don't make me say it," she pleaded.

"I won't," he promised "but one day I know you will." Kimiko shook her head defiantly.

"I can't," she said again, "you know how I feel. Isn't that enough?"

"No," Rai said with a shake of his head, "because even though I know how you feel about me there are other things that go along with those words. Kimiko you are hurting inside and until you can live without this deep rooted fear in you I'll never be fully satisfied." They were silent again, entwined hands taking up the space between their bodies.

"It'll take some time," Kimiko finally said and Raimundo smiled.

"I'm willing to wait and to help you along the way," as he spoke he leaned in for a kiss that was wonderfully sweet and pushed them back to being horizontal on the bed. "And," he said with a smirk after breaking the kiss, "I can think of so many ways to help convince you."

Unlike the night before their love this night was soft, sweet, and almost agonizingly slow. He played special attention to every inch of her body as if he'd never seen it before and wanted it engrained in his memory forever. The night before, so overjoyed with the idea that he knew that she actually loved him, Raimundo had had to bottle up his emotions all day and as soon as Clay and Omi were asleep he'd practically bolted from the room. He need to show her and share with her the intense joy he had in realizing she actually did love him. But this night it was all about showing her his unwavering love for her and after when she was lying in his arms he did as he had some many nights before, bending his head to kiss the crown of her hair.

"I love you," he said softly and as always she buried herself deeper into the comfort of his arms. This time however she murmured something into his chest. He was tempted to inquire as to what it was but decided against it, deciding she'd tell him to his face when she was ready too. He settled into his own sleep and as always Kimiko shifted so she could study him.

"Are you to make up for everything?" she whispered to his sleeping figure. She brought her free hand up trace the outline of his face and then pressed her lips lightly to him. "Aishiteru," she repeated for the second time that night before settling back down into sleep, sending a tiny pray to the heavens to protect this man that she loved so dearly and hoped that one day she had the courage to say 'I love you' when he was awake.

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So this is overly fluffy and sappy at certain points I still like it. The title is the name of a song by Joshua Radin that a friend sent to me shortly after I started writing this story. The title of the song reflects the message of the story but the lyrics in the song are a little different. They go along the lines of "I know its easy to say but its harder to feel" when Kimiko has the opposite problem- she can feel but not say.

I felt kind of bad killing off Kimiko's dad and it came out of nowhere so I apologize if its just too random for you to handle. Originally I had Rai figuring that out on his own (why he took the Tiger Claws) but decided against it. Alright I'm super tired so this is all

Please Review!!!