Title: Along Came a Spider
Author: NanaRie
Fandom: Primeval
Pairing: Connor/Abby
Genre: Humor, Friendship
Rating: K+
Spoilers: s1ep3
Word count: ~1500
Disclaimer: Not mine at all!
Summary: Fluffy get well ficlet for iEvenstarEstel, who got a nasty spider bite :-o Takes place in season 1.
A/N: I'm not from the UK, I don't know all their words and ways =D
Along Came a Spider
"Abby? Abby!"
What is it this time? Abby sighed in exasperation and jabbed half-heartedly at her punching bag. Connor had been getting under her skin from the moment she woke up this morning to a blaring fire alarm, finding him scrambling to put out a grease fire in the smoky kitchen. She hadn't gotten through half the things she'd planned for her day off and it was already late afternoon.
"Abby!"
"I'm comin', I'm comin'," she mumbled under her breath, trudging slowly up the stairs to his room.
"Abby!" Connor, clad solely in his boxers, a wife-beater, fingerless gloves, and a pair of black socks, bolted around the corner in a panic, slamming head-on into the petite blonde at the top of the staircase.
With a few oof!s and some noisy crashes, the conjoined flat mates tumbled down the stairwell. Connor managed to wrap himself around Abby so that he'd bear the brunt of the blows, and they came to rest in a breathless heap at the foot of the stairs. Connor was flat on his upper back, his legs inclined up the bottom steps. Abby was huddled on top of him, her face tucked into his chest.
Connor patted her back. "Oi, y'okay?"
Abby darted her chin up to glare at him with all the sternness she could muster. "Watch where you're going next time, why don't you?" She smacked him on the chest. "What were you shouting about, anyway?"
Connor's espresso eyes grew as big and round as saucers. "Abby! I got bit by a black widow!"
Abby did a double take. "What?"
"I got bit by a black widow!"
"I heard you the first time. You sure that's what it was?"
"Positive. You can see for yourself. Trapped it under a jar upstairs."
Abby nodded, sliding herself downhill over Connor and rolling off him to her knees. Good. It was always a plus to catch the culprit. Besides, Abby had never seen a live black widow before, and it would be fascinating to check one out.
"Okay. Connor?" She glanced down at him. "You lie down on the couch, I'll Google black widow bites. Back in a sec."
Connor whimpered painfully, puppy dog eyes glistening up at her.
That is so unfair, Abby thought to herself. But she reached down anyway, helping the whining Connor to his feet and supporting him over to the couch.
"Y'know, Connor, for someone who fought off a mosasaur last week, you can sure act like a baby."
Connor just flashed his dimples as he settled into the couch.
"Comfy?"
"Very. Thank you, Abby!" he called over his shoulder at her retreating form.
Okay, so black widow bites weren't fatal to healthy adults, but the venom was a neurotoxin and could be excruciating. Abby decided to phone the brigade, and they said they'd be by to check on Connor and take the live specimen off their hands within thirty minutes.
Several homeopathic sources cited the use of lavender oil as an effective countermeasure against the venom. Abby grinned. It just so happened she had a store of aromatherapy oils from her days at massage therapy school. She'd never finished the program, chatting people up while rubbing on them wasn't exactly her style, and she'd applied to university to study reptiles.
Why not? Abby went to unearth her massage oils, delighted to find two full dropper bottles of lavender. She snagged a vial and some cotton balls, pausing to think if she needed anything else.
"ABBY!" Connor sounded desperate.
She rushed out to the living area, supplies in hand.
Connor's body was twisted in muscle spasms, his face screwed up in agony.
"Conn?" Abby ran to the couch, kneeling on the floor in front of him.
Connor opened his brown eyes, looking every bit like an abused puppy. Groaning, he contorted his face again. "Abby!" he panted dramatically. "I'm dyin'! Call 999!"
Abby set down her makeshift spider bite emergency repair kit and extended her hands to his face, smoothing his dark hair along his forehead. "Conn? Listen to me. You're not dying. You're not a small child or a sick old man, so you're gonna be okay." She kept her tone calm, soothing him with her gentle speech and touch. "Brigade's on their way. And I've got some lavender here, supposedly helps counteract black widow venom. Don't know if it'll work, but it can't hurt to try. Okay?"
Connor nodded, his lower lip trembling.
"Good. Now, where's the bite?" She squeezed lavender oil onto a cotton ball until it was saturated.
"Abby?" Connor looked terrified.
"Relax, Conn, this won't hurt a bit. Maybe just a little sting, k? Where's the bite?"
"Uh…" His eyes darted around the room, looking anywhere but at her. "Here, Abby, just let me do it," he made to snatch the cotton, but curled up in another spasm.
"For goodness' sake, Connor, out with it!"
With a resigned huff, Connor rolled onto his stomach and gestured to his boxers with his thumb.
"Oh! Oh…" Abby stifled a giggle and pulled down his waistband, revealing a massive red welt on his tight bum.
Humiliated, Connor buried his face in the cushions.
Abby fought her instinct to tease him, gently dabbing the bite with the cotton. "Okay?"
Connor grunted.
Abby took the dropper and administered ten drops directly to the bite, immediately applying pressure with the cotton ball. She held it for thirty seconds before repeating the treatment. She did this for several minutes, and it must have been working, because Connor's twitching had subsided and his groans weren't so anguished. Abby grabbed his gloved hand and placed it on his bum over the cotton ball.
"There. You can take over. Just apply pressure."
Connor wasted no time in yanking up his waistband and sitting upright, hand tucked inside his boxers to hold the cotton ball in place. "Thanks, Abs," he stammered. His face and neck were beet red, and he wouldn't look her in the eye.
"Don't mention it." Abby covered her smile and went to the kitchen to get him some water. By the time she returned, Connor's face had grown pale. Sweat beaded on his clammy forehead.
"Ugh, Abs, I don't feel so good."
"Here, have some water. That should help."
Connor accepted the glass gratefully, but before he could take even one sip, he gagged. "I'm gonna be sick!" He dashed to the bathroom and leaned over the toilet without bothering to close the door.
Abby could clearly hear his violent retching. Good. His system was flushing itself out.
Sploooosh-flush!
Abby heard Connor brushing his teeth and gargling before he shuffled sheepishly back into the living area. She waited.
"Whew! I feel loads better!"
He looked it, too. The color was back in his face and his puppy eyes had their usual twinkle. He dimpled at her. "Thanks Abs, guess that lavender actually did the trick, eh?"
Abby smiled at him, but before she could respond, the buzzer rang. "That'll be the brigade."
Upon examining the wound on a red-faced Connor, the EMT said that he appeared to be fine, nodding approvingly when Abby told her that he had felt better after purging. She advised him to take painkillers if he needed and to call if the spasms started again so they could issue him antivenin. They took the spider – Abby never got the chance to get a good look at it – and went on their way.
Abby turned to face Connor, who had plopped back on the couch, careful to avoid sitting on the swollen bite. He grinned hopelessly at her, patting the seat next to him and waggling his eyebrows.
Abby crossed her arms. "So tell me, Connor. How exactly did you get a black widow bite on your bum?"
His cheeky expression froze, and his mouth opened and closed over and over like a suffocating fish at Abby's next words.
"I promise, if you tell me the truth, I'll show you what else I can do with my massage oils!"
The end.