"All is well," he lied to himself, as soon as his racing heart slowed down a little. The air-vent was narrow, too narrow for him – how come the Bat always managed to squeeze through these things?
"It's gonna be fine, you're safe in here," he repeated, now almost convinced. "The mindless machines are too stupid to scan the ventilation system for heat sources, they're not gonna locate you. All you have to do is get back to the control room, turn off the alarm and stop the self-destruction protocol. You have plenty of time before the place blows up, so calm down and think, Edward! Think!"
Perhaps it hadn't been smart to ignore the early symptoms of a common cold, to sweep them under the carpet and keep working until his voice became too hoarse to be recognizable by his own security system. Perhaps Riddler had made a tiny little mistake, leaving the control room without taking his cell phone or any other electronic device, he could remotely reset the system settings with. Then again, he hadn't been feeling well lately and it wasn't his fault that the dumb riddlerbots hadn't recognized their master's voice print and attacked. When he got himself out of this unfortunate situation, the tin-cans would be sorry, he had ever built them!
"Greetings, my unwilling contestants!" He heard the video switching on automatically, his own cheerful voice – recorded before he had caught that stupid cold – echoed through the empty hall for no one else but him to listen. "It is I – The Riddler, and you are inside my property right now, which makes you, ready or not, a part of my game tonight! It is called 'Leave and Live or Stay and Be Slain'. Are you excited, folks? Good, because I am! Without further ado, here's a couple of rules..."
The intruder alert had set the lock-down protocol into motion, getting out of the building was nearly impossible right now. Of course, solving all the puzzles and beating the game would force the door to open, however, jumping over the electric-charged floor-panels, dodging blades, throwing batarangs and fighting robots was a bit much for the Riddler alone, sick, and possibly with a twisted – if not broken – wrist.
Trying to ignore his own booming voice – which was hard since he sounded especially smart when explaining the game meant for trespassers, Riddler asked himself a riddle.
"How not to go down with the sinking ship when you are the captain?".
The answer was simple: "Make someone else the captain."
Getting assistance seemed like his only option, even it meant losing the hideout.
Edward took a deep breath and examined his swollen wrist. It hurt at the mere touch. Gritting his teeth, he began to crawl through the ventilation system to get himself where he needed to be. The way up was a true ordeal, his back pressed to one side of the vent shaft while his legs pushed against the opposite wall, but he managed. Panting heavily, he got himself to the level of the ceiling. Here all the cables for the fire-alarm system were. He knew, he had disabled them earlier himself. Who would have thought that inviting the firefighters to his base could actually turn out to be useful for something other than taking them hostage? Good thing he had a screwdriver in his tool belt, and that his left hand was still ...in working condition.
After a short moment spent on playing with the wires, the fire alarm turned on.
He waited, as patiently as he could, but it was almost 20 minutes already, so had the fire been real, he'd been burnt to a crisp by now, or rather died from carbon monoxide poisoning. The worst part – even when the fire was not a real deal, he'd still die soon in the epic explosion that he had accidentally set the timer for. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
And just when his thoughts were getting dangerously frenetic, he suddenly heard something.
It was a similar kind of 'bang' as of a small car collision, accompanied by a loud noise of metal parts hitting the floor. It sounded just like... his riddlerbots being trashed.
Finally! Batman was here! Now, where did he...
WHUUMP!
Before Riddler knew it, he was violently shoved down the air-vent by another body that had burst in there with a fearful force. The abrupt collision with the man, apparently almost twice his weight and clad in heavy-armor, didn't leave Edward much time to react – else he would have cried out in terror. He slid on his back and fell legs-first to the floor level that he had previously climbed up from. It was almost like a water slide, he thought briefly, just without water, and with a god-damn Batman landing on top of him with bone-crushing weight.
The two of them shot out of the vent and tumbled to the floor, still carried on by the momentum. The pain of the impact left Edward breathless but it was a really bad moment for being shell-shocked.
Four riddlerbots were closing in on them, their cores glowing blue and red, ready to attack. Batman was back to his feet already, his gloved hand reached for Riddler and yanked him up like a ragdoll.
"Call them off!" The Dark Knight growled, holding Edward in front of himself like a human shield.
"I can't," he wanted to say, but all that came out of his throat was a sound similar to a crow's cry. He was too ill to speak – just great!
The first robot swung at Batman, Edward's eyes got wide. The Bat pushed him to the ground, then dodged the mechanical hand. One, strong kick and the machine stumbled back. The other two were coming from behind, Riddler curled up on the floor, trying to protect his head.
One of the robots jumped at the Dark Knight, clutching onto him from behind. It was its mistake, the man quickly grabbed on the metal parts and threw the riddlerbot into another.
Meanwhile, the third of the attacking machines decided to go for the Riddler. The merciless, metal claws grabbed his twisted wrist. This time the scream was perfectly audible. Edward struggled as he was being dragged away, his good hand smashing at the robot's gripping claws – to no avail. Then, two batarangs flew across the hallway, embedding themselves in the riddlerbot's optical sensors.
A moment later, the head of the bot exploded. The mechanical body fell to the ground. Cradling his injured arm to his chest, Riddler watched the Bat fighting the three remaining opponents.
How did the man even do that? All those damn backflips, allowing him to get behind a robot, and then that sheer force with which he was breaking their cores, ripping the cables out – all of that looked so easy when the Bat did that. And Riddler knew from experience that those robots were calibrated to be stronger than an average human.
One of the two riddlerbots seemed to get a hold of Batman's arms, catching both of them in its iron grip. The Bat put his foot on the robot's midsection and pulled with all his might – ripping off the metal arms of the poor machine.
Before the Dark Night could finish his art of destruction, the last riddlerbot caught him off-guard. It was the red-core bot, made specifically to fight the Bat. It attacked from behind, going straight for the throat. Its metal claws squeezed Batman's neck, trying to strangle the man. And at the same time, the electric shocks were sent through his body, probably stunning the Bat for a moment.
Riddler's heart skipped with joy. Was it possible that the 'world's greatest detective' would finally meet his demise on the mechanical hands of Riddler's own creation? The red-core riddlerbots had been programmed to recognize Batman's fighting style and to respond to it with the electrocution every time the Bat tried as much as to touch them. If not for Catwoman, this method would have worked already in the past. But now there was no Cat to save the Bat. Nobody to help him. No one was here but the Riddler...
"No no no no no, this isn't right!" Edward's own voice screamed inside his mind. "You can't let Batman die like this – by accident! It was not a part of your plan! It would be mere luck – not your victory! And when the riddlerbot is done with him, it'll come for you..."
Acting on impulse, Edward grabbed the ripped-off arm of the other robot and shoved it forcefully between the neck-cabling and shoulder plating of the red-cored bot, causing a short circuit.
The riddlerbot dropped the Bat but it didn't stop functioning. It turned its metal head, the pair of optics locked on the new target. Riddler took a step back.
"Oh dear!"
Batman reacted faster than the robot could. The grappling hook attached itself to a mechanical leg. Pulling on the rope, he made the riddlerbot fall. Before it got up, he sprayed explosive gel all over its head.
"Get down!"
The warning did not prepare Riddler for Batman's next action at all. He could only stare as the man jumped over the fallen robot, throwing himself over Edward, forcing them both to the ground and shielding them with his cape.
BOOM!
A rain of metal parts poured down on them. And then it was over – just like that.
If only it didn't have to end with him knocked down and pinned to the floor by the Bat – the second time today!
"Getoff..."
The Bat did not obey, and not because Edward's raspy voice sounded more like a broken chainsaw than a human speech. No. The Bat was just too stubborn to simply listen to someone intellectually superior. And something about the unpleasant look on Batman's face was telling Riddler that the real trouble was just beginning.
"You better explain this, Nigma." The demand, or rather a threat, was supported by the fist hanging in midair, ready to fall anytime now. "And better do it fast."
Pressed to the ground, Riddler made a surrender-like gesture. "It's complicated." He wanted to say but at this point, only a strangled squeak came out of his mouth. His vocal cords gave out for good.
Batman hesitated, giving him that long, questioning look.
It took a moment before Riddler realized what was that – the x-ray of the Bat's famous detective-mode.
"I don't see any internal damage. You should be able to speak."
Edward opened his mouth to tell the so-called detective how dumb he was, but he gave up. Instead, he pointed at his throat, imitating a cough.
"Seriously?" The Bat let go off him and quickly moved away as if the Riddler was radioactive. "You caught the flu?" Looking down on the man, the detective crossed his arms. "So, let me guess, your mechanical henchmen are all set to respond to your voice commands. You got sick and couldn't control them anymore. That's why you started a fake fire-alarm, knowing that the firefighters won't get in here and will call for me, and I will help you out. Clever. I have just one question for you, Riddler..." Batman's strong hands grabbed for him, collecting Edward from the ground and pulling him dangerously close. "Why would I clean up your messes? Why not leaving you at the mercy of your killing machines that you manufactured for your own egoistic reasons?"
The corner of Edward's mouth twitched nervously. This time, he didn't even try speaking, he just made an exaggerated gesture with his good hand – spreading his fingers abruptly, trying to wordlessly depict the explosion.
"What is going to blow?" The detective growled, apparently guessing it right.
Riddler made a short gesture with his head.
"The whole facility? When?"
He pointed at his wrist as if he had an invisible watch there.
"It's twelve after midnight," Batman informed him.
Edward did a quick calculation and showed the answer by using his fingers.
"28 minutes? You gotta be kidding me..." The Bat didn't look pleased with the newly obtained knowledge. Or maybe he just didn't like charades?
As irritating as the lack of the means to voice his brilliant thoughts was, the guessing game played with Batman seemed almost f... Riddler didn't have a chance to finish his musing, the next thing he knew, was him being cuffed.
"Gordon!" The Bat activated his communication link. "Evacuate the whole North district of Miagani Island. We have a bomb situation here. I'm inside with the culprit, I'll try to stop it before it goes off."
"Now, that's just perfect! The GCPD is exactly what we need!" Riddler thought angrily, casting the Dark Knight a nasty glare.
There was a hand on his shoulder all of a sudden, making Edward walk but not toward the exit, no, Batman pushed him quite roughly into the direction of the main puzzle chamber – where all the deathtraps and riddlerbots waited. Confused by this ridiculous idea, Riddler silently protested, pointing at the opposite direction.
"I am not getting you evacuated," the self-claimed hero said in a very annoying authoritarian way. "Not when I know there is not enough time to evacuate the whole district. You're coming with me and you either cooperate to stop this madness, or we both die in the explosion."
Riddler rolled his eyes at this over-dramatic statement. He knew how to stop the self-destruct protocol, he could do it himself – all he needed the Bat for was to simply open the door to the control room. No one needed to die tonight, unless it was Batman.
"And don't you even think of double-crossing me," the Dark Knight added as if he was able to hear Riddlers thoughts.
The armored doors to the puzzle-room were shut tight, the facility was under lockdown after all. Batman stopped and pulled out a small electronic device from his utility belt – the Bat's portable hacking device. Edward eyed it with a mix of curiosity and irritation. How dare the Bat compromise his security system? It wasn't supposed to be so easy! He watched the detective guessing the password and he couldn't deny that he liked the simplicity of this little gadget. If he had it, he would be able to switch off the intruder alert and the countdown from here. Pointing at the device and then at himself, he let the Bat know about this idea.
Batman didn't even grace him with a look, eyes on his precious, little toy.
"No – I'm not letting anything electronic fall into your hands for the rest of the night. You caused enough damage already."
If his hands weren't cuffed, Edward would have crossed them to show how offended he was. Making a pouting face would have to do for now.
The Bat hacked the doors and they slid open, allowing them to enter the main hall. The room was huge and almost empty – almost – since in the middle of it, there was a square construction made of big, metal floor-panels. A riddle. The video explaining it had already ended but the game mechanic was on, ready to be used. The custom floor-panels buzzed with electricity, and green diodes on the wall waited to be switched on. Above the square, sharp, iron blades were swinging ominously like a giant pendulum. There was no way to use the ceiling, leaving the player with only one option – to find the right path through the electrifying floor.
Riddler couldn't help but smile, he liked how the room had turned out. He checked on the Dark Knight to catch his reaction but the overzealous crime-fighter had already reached for his batarangs, most likely, to throw them at the white riddlerbots standing in their position on the square.
Edward attempted to stop him, shaking his head vigorously. Those bots were the part of the puzzle, they wouldn't attack them – and nothing was worse than destroying a perfectly fine puzzle without even playing.
Batman, showing a glimpse of understanding, put the batarangs back into his belt. Now, they could either solve the three puzzles, which would result in undoing the lockdown, letting them out and the GCPD in; or they could try hacking the door leading to the main control room – which would allow all the riddlerbot guards programmed to kill them in here.
"So? What kind of game is that?" The Bat finally inquired and, for some reason, Riddler was happy he had asked, just... He had no way to explain it.
He looked around the room. Oh, yes – here they were: few open cans of green paint that he had left behind. Since Batman had missed the video presenting the riddle with the clue, Edward had no choice but to write it for him on a wall.
"I RIDE BRAVELY TO THE FIGHT,
TWO STEPS FORWARD, ONE TO THE SIDE.
WHAT AM I?" The detective read aloud, making Riddler quite thrilled.
They were really doing this, they were playing his game – no hacking, no cheap tricks. And best of all? He wouldn't watch Batman doing that only on camera, but while standing right next to him.
"A knight." The Dark Knight's answer brought Riddler back from his daydream. "So, the floor is a chessboard and I have to move like a knight to get to the other side within six moves." He pointed at six diodes on the panel to his right. "And the white robots? Are they supposed to be white pawns? They will attack me if my move ends on a panel next to them, but if my move is not possible for a knight, I get electrocuted?"
Edward nodded eagerly and made an inviting gesture, showing Batman to the starting position – a black knight on B8.
"Why don't you do it yourself?"
The sudden question caught Riddler unprepared. Was the Bat teasing him? Or was he starting to suspect a trap within a trap?
Edward looked at the detective, doing his best to somehow, in some telepathic, unexplainable way, make him understand. What sense would it make if he solved his own puzzle? None! No, it had to be Batman! He took a sharp breath and then...he started coughing.
The sickly, wet sounding cough continued for about a minute.
"Oh, please..." He swore he could almost hear Batman rolling his eyes. "You're not that sick. You don't even have a real fever. My scanner reads body temperature, remember? The game is rigged, isn't it, Edward? Would it kill you, to design something that is fair for once?"
And with that said, the Bat stepped on the chessboard. The sensor under his feet turned on the small, green diode on the wall panel.
First move – checked, five more to go.
Now, it was time to jump, a 2-meter distance seemed to be nothing for a man like Batman. Riddler sniffled and kept watching as the Bat gracefully landed on C6, clearing the second move. What a show-off! But these two first steps were easy, it would be the next one that was really important.
If the Dark Knight went to the right, he would die – since the riddlerbot-pawn would be in the position to take the black knight, if he went left – he would clear the third move, but he might be tempted to go forward and try to take that dangerous white pawn instead, and then...
"I see what you did there." The comment came from the Bat before the man jumped to the left. "You set it up to make the player think that the smartest choice is to attack the pawn ahead of them. But if I did that, it would be a suicide. You think I didn't notice? That other pawn on B1 is not a pawn at all. It's a Queen, and she'd end the game by taking out the knight. And you wouldn't give me a warning, would you?"
Edward just shrugged, brushing off Batman's judgmental look. It wasn't against the rules after all.
The third diode was on, three more moves left – and the detective stood on E5 – almost in the middle of the chessboard. Game on!
The only way to win this, was to take the Queen. The Bat knew that by now and he was calculating his options. He jumped to C4, avoiding a few pawns on his left. Then, to the only position that allowed him to attack.
Riddler couldn't help but grit his teeth in frustration. It looked like the flying rodent already figured it out. As the man landed on D2 and the fifth diode blinked on, the floor-panel under the white queen activated – electrocuting and destroying the riddlerbot on B1.
"Checkmate."
The angry sound that Edward produced upon hearing the Bat mocking him like that, had not much to do with congratulations. It didn't change the fact that the game was over. Batman jumping to B1, switched on the last diode. Then, projectors turned on, displaying Riddler's pre-recorded video on all of the walls.
"Well, well, well, It seems that someone solved my first puzzle," the displeased voice from the vid stated but Batman didn't even bother to watch the recording as he fiddled with his own equipment. "Perhaps you are not as stupid as you look," the voice continued and Edward had to admit that his haircut on that video needed some work. "But don't be too proud of yourself just yet. Before you can move to the second, outstanding riddle, you have to test your brawn! Say hello to my riddlerbots!"
As soon as these words were said, the white riddlerbots from the chessboard switched on to life.
"So this is the prize for winning the game, hm?" Batman just stood there, waiting for the robots to approach him. "Your ideas of fair play never disappoint."
Edward quickly thought about his chances for escaping. How much time could it take the Bat to destroy seven bots? Would he manage to find the way out by that time, the same one Batman had used breaking in? Well, probably not.
The white riddlerbots were closing in on Batman, Riddler watched that silently from his spot, hoping that the Caped Crusader would trash them before any of them targeted him instead. The Bat didn't take a fighting stance, he was readying one of his electronic gadgets. The first two bots were about to attack when...
"Riddlerbots, deactivate!"
It was Riddler's own voice, but not coming from Edward's sore and malfunctioning throat, and not from Edward's video either. The sound was coming from Batman's device, it was loud and clear and the robots recognized the voice print. They obeyed the command and turned off with a buzz.
Riddler opened his mouth, now staring wide at the Batman as if seeing him for the first time.
"A voice synthesizer," the man explained, acting so casually that one might have believed that taking control over someone else's robots was not a big deal at all. Edward was boiling inside. "I had it all along, I just needed your voice sample to calibrate it correctly. I knew that you'd have a video to explain your contraptions."
So he played the chess-puzzle ONLY to activate the recording and obtain that sample? Now, that was unfair! Riddler felt his left eye twitching uncontrollably, his fingers clenching and unclenching.
Batman walked over, grabbing him by the arm. "You didn't think I would waste the time to fight all of your bots, or play all of your games, while there's a countdown to an explosion?" With that, he dragged the sulking Edward to the door leading to the control room.
"Open," the voice synthesizer helped again and Edward felt utterly cheated.
They passed through the door and deactivated the rest of the riddlerbots without the slightest problem. The next voice-command caused the system to restart. Where was the challenge in that?
"Gordon," the cheating 'hero' opened his comm-link, "I have the situation under control now. Call off the evacuation and send in your boys. I have the Riddler with me, he needs to be transported. No, no need for an ambulance, he's unharmed just... Muted."
Edward's building-up fury reached its pick and exploded in a picturesque stream of unintelligible squeaks and shrieks and hisses.
The Bat observed that outburst unfazed: "Your 'silent-mode' is a huge improvement."
Riddler could not reply, of course, but he knew there was still a way to get revenge. With a bit of luck and a bit of sneezing, Batman might end up catching a cold as well.