Ever Greener
Written by:
Sylvester Tennant, Dylan Carbonell, & Andrew Mantynen
Based on Original Artwork by:
Dylan Carbonell
Song Lyrics by:
Andrew Mantynen
[The Flynn-Fletcher Home-The Backyard-Phineas and Ferb glance over the grass in the yard.]
Phineas: Yes, Ferb, I won't argue with you on that. You bring up a lot of interesting points.
[Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet all then enter the backyard.]
Isabella: Hey, guys. Whatcha doin'?
Phineas: Watching grass grow.
Buford: Oh no, this isn't like the time you two went all boring and she had to sing that musical number with your sister about blueprints, is it?
Phineas: Far from it. I really should've said we're watching grass lack of growing. Are you aware of the combined total time of lawn mowing over the course of a typical summer?
[Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet all shake their heads.]
Phineas: Neither do I. However, that didn't stop Ferb and I from mixing together a special additive that stunts the grass' growth.
[Ferb then holds up a pot with a sample patch of grass, no taller than a half inch.]
Phineas: Once we saw the results, we applied it to both the front and back yards. This way, people can spend more time on fun summer activities rather than tedious chores. And as a bonus, our lawn has kept its healthy appearance, in spite of the lack of rain and current heat wave.
Baljeet: Hmm, a curious bonus indeed.
Buford: Hey, where's Perry? (everyone stares at him) What, I can't get to say it?
[Perry's Liar-Perry is seated as Major Monogram appears on the screen.]
Monogram: Agent P, I'll get straight to it. Doofenshmirtz has another of his inators ready to unleash onto the Tri-State Area. He's been boasting about it on his Place-Nook page.
[Doofenshmirtz's Place-Nook page is shown, with a posting of "Got new inator built. Wait until you see what it does."]
Monogram: Thankfully for us, he's got his profile set to where anyone can see it. Big mistake on his part, like so many who've lost prominent job offers and relationships thanks to… (clears throat) I'm getting off topic here. Get out there and see what he's up to.
[Perry salutes and exits.]
(Doofenshmirtz's Building)
Chorus: (singing) Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!
[Doofenshmirtz checks his Place-Nook page, looking over an invitation, scrolling through the replies.]
Doofenshmirtz: Hmm, don't like him. (scrolls down) Doesn't like me. (scrolls down again) Don't ever know her. (leans back in his chair) Well that was a waste. Maybe I should de-buddy a few people…
[Vanessa walks in.]
Vanessa: Hey, dad, Johnny's coming by soon, so could you hurry and get thwarted a little early today?
Doofenshmirtz: You know, there's a word called "please".
[There's a loud smash, and Doofenshmirtz and Vanessa look to see Perry enter through a newly made hole in the wall.]
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, just the semi-aquatic mammal I've been waiting for.
[Doofenshmirtz presses a button and out fires a bolo, which wraps around Perry.]
Doofenshmirtz: No doubt you've heard about my newest inator, so I won't keep you waiting.
[He points to the new machine labeled "Baloon-inator".]
Doofenshmirtz: (walks over to it) Yeah, I know balloon has two "L's" in it, but I was running out of room. I will use this to turn every man, woman, and child in the Tri-State area who will not accept my unconditional rule into human balloons.
[Vanessa looks at her dad with an arched eyebrow.]
Vanessa: That's…crazier than usual, dad.
Doofenshmirtz: I'm taking that snide comment and putting it in a positive light, therefore making it compliment. (turns back to Perry) I'll soon unleash this onto the Tri-State Area, but first, how about I make a platypus balloon out of you?
[Doofenshmirtz fires, but Perry, with his feet and tail still unbound, leaps out of the way. He runs as other beams are shot at him.]
[The Flynn-Fletcher Home-Candace sits reading a magazine when the doorbell rings. She answers the door, seeing it is Stacy and Jenny.]
Candace: Hello, ladies, are you ready for what is on the agenda for today?
Jenny: I don't know, I guessing it's related to busting your brothers?
Stacy: (thinking to herself) That reminds me, that pink jumpsuit I ordered should be in today or tomorrow.
Candace: Nah, they said they were doing yard work, but there have been no delivery trucks or anything. At this rate, it's not even worth it today.
[They walk inside. As to door shuts, the grass in the front yard suddenly shoots up an quarter inch than what it was.]
[Back at Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc.]
[Doofenshmirtz keeps firing at the Perry, who manages to still dodge every shot. Out of annoyance, Vanessa looks at her watch.]
Vanessa: You know, with all the shots you've taken, you'd think you would've hit Perry by now.
Doofenshmirtz (through gritted teeth): You're not helping… (fires again)
[Perry leaps as the beam streaks by and it hits a mirror, getting reflected back.]
[Doofenshmirtz ducks and the beam misses him. However, the beam is reflected off another mirror. The beam then hits Vanessa, who then inflates, growing full and round, her cheeks puffed. She floats about like the balloon she has become. She hovers ponderously, a worried look on her face.]
Vanessa DAD!
[Doofenshmirtz's jaw drops comically and Perry's eyes go wide.]
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, we can remedy this. I mean, sure, I did make it so the effects are permanent, but who knows… (trails off) Oh, who am I kidding, I've turned her into a teenage ballooned Goth! How am I going to explain to Charlene why our daughter needs a mooring line for the rest of her life? (He does a face palm.)
[Perry, meanwhile, has worked himself free and stares at the inflated Vanessa. He then gets an idea and goes to a bookshelf where Doofenshmirtz has kept the plans for pervious inators. Perry rummages through several until he finds the appropriate one. After finding it, he walks over to Doofenshmirtz and holds up the blueprints.]
Doofenshmirtz: What's this? (looks at the blueprints) The plans for my Deflate-Inator. Perry the Platypus, you're brilliant! We can rebuild it and return her to normal. I'll grab the parts, you can get some tools, and Vanessa… (pauses) Just…float there.
Vanessa: Like I can do anything else.
[The Flynn-Fletcher Home-In the living room, Candace, Stacy, and Jenny sit listening to music. Just then, Candace happens to notice something and she gets up, but Stacy and Jenny continue to listen to music]
Stacy & Jenny: (singing along) I 'm now so broken, won't they leave me alone?
When all is spoken, why can't they let me go home?
[Stacy then stops, as a realization comes to her.]
Stacy: It's a catchy song, but the lyrics are kinda dark when you really listen to them.
Jenny: That's Shadow Banana for you.
[Candace looks at the potted lawn sample, seeing it has actually grown. She narrows her eyes suspiciously and goes to the sliding glass door. As she sees the grass, she smiles wickedly and then rushes back to where she left her friends.]
Candace: Hey, hey! You've got to see this!
[Stacy and Jenny sigh. Candace leads them to the sliding glass door.]
Candace: See, the lawn wasn't even taller than the sidewalk an hour ago, but now take a look at it.
[Stacy and Jenny are skeptical, until the grass shoots up an inch higher than what it was.]
Stacy: What the…?
Jenny: Oh no, is the day after tomorrow upon us?
Candace: No, that's crazy talk. Whatever it is, Phineas and Ferb are behind it, I'm sure. Mark your calendars, ladies, because today will be soon declared Busting Day!
[Candace then lets out her cackle.]
Stacy: Yeah, what was that she was saying about crazy talk?
Jenny: I feel sorry for Phineas and Ferb sometimes.
[Stacy nods in agreement.]
[Phineas and Ferb and their friends now come by.]
Phineas: That cackle's really coming along nicely, sis.
Candace: Oh, Phineas and Ferb! Just the two I needed to see. Can you explain…THAT? (points to the lawn)
[The kids look and see the grass shoot up by a half inch.]
Phineas: What the…? The grass grew?
Baljeet: But how is that even possible? There's been no rain and the heat is just tolerable.
Phineas: I don't know, but we'd better get to the bottom of this. There's something we can try. We might be able to figure out a chemical mixture that'll reverse the process.
Candace: Well, best of luck with that, boys.
[Back at Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc-Doofenshmirtz and Perry have partially built the Deflate-inator. Vanessa hovers about, lightly bouncing off the walls and other objects.]
Doofenshmirtz: How are you doing?
Vanessa: Well, for being like an over inflated parade balloon, I'm good enough.
[Jazz music starts playing.]
Vanessa: (singing) Well, I was just fine all day
Until I felt a little bloat
And one thing I knew
This is oh so true
I started going afloat
I'm a helpless spherical girl
Floating and singing scat
I feel light as a feather
But look awfully fat
I'm full of hot air
In more ways than one
What if my man sees me like this
What has my dad done?
I'll admit the view is great
Up here in my round fate
But I gotta deflate soon
It's no fun being a balloon
Don't be afraid if you should see me
I'm just a lonely blimp girl
I could bounce for my landing
And roll on the ground for a twirl
I'm now larger than life
I'm as round as the moon
I'm a helpless little girl
A helpless little girl balloon
[It is then there's a knock at the door. Vanessa glances towards the clock and sees the time.]
Vanessa: Oh no, that's Johnny! Quick, hide me!
[Doofenshmirtz drops what he's doing, grabs Vanessa, and guides her towards his bedroom, but as he tries to push her in, she gets wedged in the doorway.]
Vanessa: Great, what now?
Doofenshmirtz: I don't know, suck it in!
Vanessa: Dad!
[Perry tries a flying kick, only to be bounced off Vanessa's ballooned body. With one last shove, Doofenshmirtz gets her inside.]
[Johnny knocks again.]
Doofenshmirtz: (in a falsetto voice) Just a minute!
[He shoves the partially built Deflate-inator and boxes with the remaining parts into his bedroom. Perry darts in, toolbox in hand, and Doofenshmirtz shuts the door.]
[Doofenshmirtz then goes to the door, opening it.]
Doofenshmirtz: Johnny, how's my second favorite Goth today?
Johnny:
Doofenshmirtz: She's getting ready. I mean, it's not like I accidentally inflated her into a balloon and she's now waiting to get deflated.
Johnny: Oooookay.
Doofenshmirtz: So, how about this weather? It's been a real scorcher, hasn't it?
Johnny: Um…
[The Flynn-Fletcher Home-The kids have a series of beakers set out, each with a different colored liquid in them. Phineas jots down notes as Isabella, Baljeet and Buford all make different mixtures.]
Phineas: Ferb, take a look out door and sees what it's like.
[Ferb salutes.]
[Ferb goes through the house, to the living room, and opens the front door, revealing the towering, eight foot tall grass. The only unaffected part is the sidewalk. He turns towards the viewers, his eyes wide in shock. Music cue: Dum, dum, dum, da-dum, doo-wee-ooh, daa-da-dum. He turns again to look back out before slamming the door shut. ]
[Back at the makeshift lab, everyone looks up as Ferb returns. His face still expresses shock.]
Phineas: What's it like now?
Ferb: Grass! Everywhere!
[Everyone exchanges concerned looks at the news.]
Phineas: Let's just hope one of these works.
[In the living room, Candace watches, as the grass shoots up another half foot. She does her trademark mischievous giggle.]
Candace: Ooh, they'll be so busted this time for sure. (She starts her own one girl conga line.) Busted, busted, bust-ed! Busted, busted, bust-ed!
[A short ways away, Stacy and Jenny shake their heads in empathy.]
[Meanwhile, back at Doofenshmirtz Evil, Incorporated…]
Doofenshmirtz: Why don't I show a slideshow of my trip to Europe, Scandinavia, and the subcontinent from back in my college days?
Johnny: Um, that's okay; I'll just wait for Vanessa.
[The door to the bedroom opens slightly and Perry sticks his head out. He gets Doofenshmirtz's attention, summoning him over to the door. He then points to the completed Deflate-inator, but shrugs since it has no power source.]
Doofenshmirtz: We don't have a mouse to charge it up. (pulls out an old fashioned hand crank) Here, you'll have to use this. Start cranking.
[Perry gets the crank in place and starts manually powering up the Deflate-inator.]
[Doofenshmirtz shuts the door, but not before Johnny sees the glow of the Deflate-inator powering up.]
Johnny: What was that?
Doofenshmirtz: Um, the aurora borealis.
Johnny: The aurora borealis? This time of year, in the middle of the day, in this part of the country, and localized completely inside your bedroom?
Doofenshmirtz: Yes, you just missed it.
[Inside the bedroom, Perry cranks as hard as he can, the needle of the gauge slowly creeping to the green zone. But as he does, he slowly starts to wear himself out.]
Vanessa: Come on, Perry, hurry up.
[Perry continues cranking until the needle gets to the green zone, signaling the Deflate-inator has just enough power to be fired. Perry pants as he climbs up and takes the controls.]
Vanessa: Hit it.
[Perry aims squarely at the middle of Vanessa's balloon body and fires, the beam directly hitting her. The green glow envelops her. She then deflates, flying all over the place in zig-zags and loop-de-loops, spewing air from her mouth as she flies.]
Johnny: What's that?
Doofenshmirtz: You mean that noise that sounds like spewing air, as if a balloon is deflating?
Johnny: Yeah.
Doofenshmirtz: I don't hear it.
[Vanessa's balloon body wheezes out the last of the stored air. When she finally stops deflating and returns to her normal shape, she drops onto the bed. She gets up, checking herself for any lasting bulges, but there are none.]
[She looks down and sees the tired Perry panting.]
Vanessa: Thanks, Perry. (pats his head)
[Perry wheezes as he gives her a thumbs up.]
[Vanessa slowly creeps out of her dad's bedroom, unseen by Johnny.]
Vanessa: Hey.
[Johnny turns.]
Johnny: Hey, hey, hey, there's my girl.
Vanessa: Yeah, I was looking for my MP3 player, but I've found it, so we're good to go. (she turns to her dad and whispers) Dad, please do something about that Balloon-inator, will you?
[The two depart as Doofenshmirtz waves.]
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, have a good time.
[Perry staggers out of the room, still tired from the manual powering of the Deflate-inator.]
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, you were a real life aver today. If there's anything I can do to repay you, just let me know. Hey, you know what; I'll destroy the Balloon-inator. I insist, it'll be a token of gratitude for you helping my daughter. (starts escorting Perry out) Now, not another word, out you go, Perry the Platypus. Don't you worry about anything, I've got this.
[Doofenshmirtz lead Perry out and shuts the door. He then goes back to his bedroom and reaches under his bed and pulls out an axe, which he keeps there for obvious reasons. He goes to the Balloon-inator and starts hacking away.]
Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Heinz Doofenshmirtz!
[The Flynn-Fletcher Home-Phineas and Ferb have tested all but one of their mixtures, but the grass hasn't changed. Phineas holds up the last beaker.]
Phineas: Here goes nothing.
[He pours the last mixture to see if it'll work in shrinking the grass. He douses the sample patch, but it doesn't change. The kids all groan in defeat.]
Phineas: That was our last chance…
[Candace swaggers back into the room.]
Candace: Gee, sorry, boys. I was so sure you'd be able to do it, but there's a first time for everything. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm heading out to wait for mom and dad. Busting duty calls.
[Candace heads out the front door, but doesn't shut the door. Isabella happens to notice something and gets up to look out.]
Isabella: Phineas, we've got trouble! Look at how dark it is outside. I think it's going to rain.
[Everyone grimaces as Phineas joins Isabella at the open door and looks up towards the sky. Black storm clouds roll in. Of course, Candace is oblivious to them.]
Phineas: Oh great, the grass' growth will be even more unchecked.
Ferb: Well, there's only one way to prepare. (grabs a watering can)
Phineas: Ferb, what're you doing?
Ferb: I'm throwing some water on this sample patch to see what'll happen.
[Everyone cringes, waiting for the worse to happen as Ferb pours the water on. It is then they are all surprised as the grass starts to wither, melting away.]
Phineas: This grass doesn't grow with water! Water destroys it! That explains it! Its growth was stimulated and accelerated by the heat and lack of rain!
[There is then a loud boom of thunder and rain starts pouring down. Almost immeadatily the grass begins to wither away.]
Buford: Would you look at that. That grass is goin' faster than Brony T-Shirts at Hot Topic. (Everybody stares at him) Not that I would know anything about that, no.
[Outside, Candace is caught in the abrupt downpour. She watches in disbelief as the grass melts. In shock, she drops to her knees.]
Candace: No, it's melting! Melting! Oh, what a world! The precipitation! Darn you! Darn you to heck!
[The grass shrinks until it reaches its normal height just as the family car pulls up and Linda and Lawrence step out. They see Candace kneeling in the rain.]
Linda: Candace, what on earth are you doing you out here? Get inside before you catch a cold.
[Linda and Lawrence hurry inside, but Candace remains outside to sulk. She is suddenly shielded by the rain, noticing an umbrella above her, held by Stacy. Stacy and Jenny stand with their own umbrellas.]
Stacy: You okay, girl?
Candace: No, I'm soaked, cold, and my brothers remain not busted.
Jenny: Would some s'mores and Forest Mist soda make you feel better?
Candace: Yes, yes it would. (smiles)
[Candace takes her umbrella and stands, Stacy and Jenny escorting her inside. Suddenly Perry shows up and scurries inside.]
Stacy: Oh, there you are, Perry.
[The Living Room-The kids see a brown and green colored liquid spilling out of the lawn as the chemical elixir is washed away.]
Baljeet: What of that runoff seeping into the storm drain?
Phineas: Well, the chemical was non-toxic and biodegradable, so there won't be any serious aftereffects on the local environment.
Ferb: Yes, otherwise we'd have a rather awful setup for a cheesy sci-fi B movie.
Phineas: Hmm, cheesy sci-fi B movie… Ferb, I know what we're gonna do tomorrow.