A/N: I admit--this is my first time EVER submitting ANYTHING humor/parody on This is not meant to be offensive in anyway, so I apologize in advance if you take it the wrong way. I suggest that you extremely obsessive RyouxBakura lovers stay clear away from the story. I personally am not a fan of this pairing at all; in fact, I hate it with a deep, firey passion. I decided to write a story on how illogical this pairing is to me, and this is my take on it. I know I'm not the best humor writer, but I try. Also, this was co-written by a friend of mine whose pen name is NOROLIMASFALOTH! Surprise, surprise! She did so much editing on this thing she absolutely HAS to be considered a co-writer.

On another note, it is currently 1:04 am. Isn't that grand?

One seemingly flawless day, Ryou was sitting on his bed, thinking about his hellish life. After a while of this delightful self-entertainment, a presence stirred inside the Millennium Ring he wore around his neck, and before he knew it, poor Ryou was unconscious. Bakura personally found it great fun to take over his host's body and start ramming his head into walls like a demon-possessed hamster. He also liked to jump out of buildings every now and then, just to add a little flavor to his activities.

Bakura made injuring himself a game. Naturally, the goal was to become as bloody and beat up as possible. The main reason he did this was to get his hikari's attention. The spirit had had crush on him for quite a while now, and Bakura found this game a way to reveal his feelings to Ryou from a sort-of evil aspect. Unfortunately for the 3,000 year-old being, it seemed that Ryou wasn't exactly getting the hint. Unless blood-curdling screams and shouts of terror count as romantic, the long-hoped-for relationship with his hikari wasn't looking too promising, much to the spirit's dismay. He just didn't understand. Who could resist waking up battered and bleeding everyday, all the while knowing that your supposed true love was causing this to happen to you? This method had always worked in the past… "Maybe it just takes time," he would think. Besides, beating mortals up was fun. Plus, Bakura thought Ryou looked hot when half his body was swelled up and most of his skin was a deep, mottled purple. Also, a little blood never hurt to accent the abnormal coloration. The sight of his nearly dead hikari passed as quite a delicious eye candy treat, at least in the spirit of the ring's opinion.

After Bakura finished his insane rampage on that particular day, he decided to let his currently unconscious hikari take over. Innocent Ryou was in pain and very confused as he came to. "YAMI WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME!" he screamed in agony, slamming his fists against the ground. "I HATE MY—" Ryou cut off his angry screaming for a moment to look down at his hands that he had just intelligently punched the floor with. They were quickly turning red. "Oww…" Ryou whined as he started waving them in the air to try to numb the pain.

He resumed his rants, but this time his voice was edged with pain. Bakura found this very enticing, and had a hard time of it trying to restrain himself from ripping off all of his clothes and raping, well, himself.

"-LIFE I HATE EVERYTHING BUT I FIND YOU SO TERRIBLY SEXY AND I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH YOU! LET'S GET MARRIED!" Ryou went up to a mirror and started making out passionately with it, quickly forgetting about his injured hands.

Bakura took over and yelled spontaneously at the mirror. This was his chance to finally tell his host how he truly felt about him! And ask him if he wanted to have sex! "That would be great," thought Bakura, "No force involved!" And if he declined, well, heck, he could always go back to the original rape idea. Anyway, the yami didn't want his words to seem rushed, seeing as how he had an evil reputation to maintain, so he chose his words carefully and settled for a calm, collected shout of "OHMIGOD I LOVE YOU TOO!" Ryou, being unconscious again, somehow heard these words and made an attempt at jumping for joy. Sadly, it failed. What a surprise…

"Oh, yami," Ryou said flirtatiously, regaining consciousness. "I just LOVE how you ram my head into walls, and force my body out the window! It makes me feel all warm inside, knowing how abusive and evil you are!"

Bakura beamed evilly, quickly responding. (Is that even possible?) "And I love how you look when your eyes roll into the back of your head, and how your arm throbs when it's cut!"

Ryou smiled lovingly at his yami's romantic words. This was true love, no doubt.

Ryou took Bakura's answer to marry him as "Yes." He skipped happily to a church, and spoke with the priest. "I'd like to get married," he told the unsuspecting church monarch cheerfully.

"…to who?" the man asked, scratching his balding head, looking hopefully for a woman nearby. Unfortunately, none came into his range of vision.

Ryou smiled cutely, and bluntly exclaimed, "Myself, of course!"

The priest grew confused. "Yourself? But that's—"

Bakura took over, grabbed the man by his throat, lifted him up into the air and demanded calmly, "MARRY US, YOU DAMN IDIOT!"

The priest, scared out of his wits, decided to have the ceremony right then. Ryou regained control of his body, to attempt to bring comfort to the horrified justice of the peace with his supposedly cute appearance.

The final words were spoken at last as the abrupt wedding came to a conclusion, and Ryou and Bakura were finally married, after all they had been through. "You may kiss the br-- I mean... uh... You can, uh…. Er… Uh…" The priest gave Ryou a scared look and ran out of the church as fast as his legs could carry him. Shrugging, Ryou gave himself a great big hug and started making out with his hand.

And Bakura and Ryou lived happily ever after-- being married to themselves.

THE END!