I never understood people who talked about their feelings all the time, how their hearts start to race when something happens, when they meet someone, when they love someone. They say it's calming to listen to your own heartbeat before falling asleep, they say their hearts beat for someone. I was never able to hear my heartbeat. Many nights I have listened in the darkness trying to hear, to feel something. Nothing. Sometimes I think, maybe I don't have a heart at all, maybe my chest is just a gaping hole, maybe it's just waiting to be filled but I know this is stupid, all humans have hearts we cannot live without them. Why then, why do I feel nothing right now as these older kids drag me, shake me by my collar, hit me and all the while take my money. Why do I not feel excitement, fear or anger?
-Hey what the hell are you doing?
Who is it? Who would interrupt? Why would they help? Nobody ever did that before. What is this…feeling? Surprise?
-Give him back his wallet!
I slowly turn my head. I don't know why. I shouldn't care. Then I see him. Middle schooler, just like me, short, orange hair, ordinary. Except, there is a fire in his eyes it's radiating off of him.
Th-thump, th-thump…
Is this what they call a heartbeat?