Author's Notes: Okay, admittedly, I haven't been having very good luck with Homestar Runner crossovers, but if I can just write this one without it getting deleted, my faith in the world will be renewed. If this is deleted, then I will plunge myself into a pit of darkness, as well as delete Zaphod's Trial without finishing it. Okay? Okay.
P.S. Fine. Homestar will not have arms, but I'm not writing Homestar's speech impediment (as in, w's instead of r's). You might as well write everything phonetically.
CAST
Donnie Darko
Strong Bad
Eddie Darko
Coach Z
Elizabeth Darko
What's Her Face
Samantha Darko
The Ugly One
Rose Darko
So and So
Frank
Homestar Runner
Gretchen Ross
Strong Sad
Jim Cunningham
Bubs
Seth Devlin
Strong Mad
Sean Smith
Homsar
Ronald Fisher
Pom Pom
Kitty Farmer
The King of Town
Principal Cole
The Umpire
Kenneth Monitoff
Homeschool Winner
Karen Pomeroy
Marzipan
Roberta "Grandma Death" Sparrow
The Poopsmith
Lilian Thurman
The Cheat
All Donnie Darko characters, names and related idicia are copyright © 2001 Pandora, Inc.
All Homestar Runner characters, names and related idicia are copyright © 2000 Harmless Junk, Inc.
Start play!
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HOMESTAR RUNNER'S DONNIE DARKO
October 1st, 2003
10:35 AM
The tall, green hills rolled over the landscape, theiremerald surface surrounding a beautifuland completley stillpond, as a low wind rustled the grass and cattails around the edges of the water. A low hush of sound was heard as the breeze skidded across the pond—the only sound to be heard.
That is, just for a few seconds, when another sound was heard—a low murmuring.
Then there was a few more grunts and murmurs, followed by a figure, lying on the hill, slowly rising up.
It was lying on the ground, its face getting scratched by the grass.
The figure quickly stood up and shook its head back and forth and coughed, squinting its eyes and blinking in the piercing glare of the sunrise.
The figure slowly turned its head around, various cricks cracking in its neck.
It slowly rotated its head in a circle once more and turned forward, and looked out at the lake, glistening in the sun.
"Well, this is weird," muttered the figure. "I've certainly slept in better hotels than this, I can tell you right now! Um…wait…who exactly is 'you?' There isn't anyone even here! Oh, great, I'm talking to myself now. Okay, I'm gonna stop right…now!There, stopped. Oh—wait—oh, man! Again! Okay, right…now. Now. Now. Now. Now!"
There was a pause.
"Okay, there we go," said the figure.
And he began his journey home.
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October 1st, 2003
11:03 AM
WELCOME TO FREE COUNTRY, USA
"Some places are worse, probably!"
Strong Bad passed the welcome sign and walked down a long low red brick wall that ran alongside the street and stretched through the town.
Normally, it was an area for one to stand at and reflect, but when you wake up five miles from home in October, you're freezing cold and you want to get indoors as soon as possible.
He shivered in the cold air. A gust of exhaust billowed past him as a silver '73 Gremlin AMC drove past him. He gave it no second thought.
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October 1st, 2003
1:07 PM
He arrived at his house to see his roommate Coach Z out in the yard. Coach Z stuck a match and tossed it on to a pile of leaves. A girl who rented one of the rooms in their house, Kristine (otherwise known as So and So), walked by the leaf fire and coughed loudly in the smoke. Strong Bad laughed to himself.
He walked past the trampoline where a friend of So and So (also renting a room) named Joy (otherwise known as The Ugly One) had got tangled in the netting around the trampoline. Strong Bad laughed again.
And he passed the final one in the trio of friends renting out rooms in his and Coach Z's house, Jennifer (otherwise known as What's Her Face) reading a book called The Strongest Man In The World Contest while she was sitting on a beach chair on the lawn next to the trampoline.
Strong Bad paused for a little while, and then ran over to her and hurled the book to the ground. He laughed again.
He walked into the kitchen and pulled open the refrigerator, grumbling angrily to himself about what he had just read on the dry-erase board. There were two things written on it, both in different handwriting.
Where's Strong Bad?
Who cares?
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October 1st, 2003
6:02 PM
It was dinner. They were eatingburgers and mashed potates, and drinking limeade.
"Nothing is cool," remarked What's Her Face.
"Oh, I beg to differ," said Coach Z. "Tha Wu-Tang Clan is da baeyrmb!"
There were only three people there. The Ugly One and So and So had decided to eat out at a Pan-Asian restaurant. They had 911 on stand-by.
"The Wu-Tang Clan is a rap group, and you're a creepy old man."
"Exarctly!"
"Doesn't that make you a poser?"
"Naw, man! I'm down."
"Down with a bad back."
"Well, I'd like to see yous have a good back when you walk around with a dis 35-pound medallion around your neck."
"You got that thing engraved to say Z for $50,000."
"What a deal, eh?"
"Okay, let's put it like this," interrupted Strong Bad. "You're both losers and weirdos."
"Well, if I get intoDortugal University next year, I can afford to be weird. I'm a college student," said What's Her Face. She then retorted, "Oh, and you're calling me weird? You're the one with no fingers."
"Nice try, but leave the insults to professionals," muttered Strong Bad, still bitter that she didn't chose CGNU.
"You're a professional at insulting people? That's not something to be proud of."
"Oh, can it, loser."
"You are such a jerk."
"Hey, the last thing we need is you wasting our time with your pitiful attempts at insults," he muttered. "Next time, how 'bout we set up and intervention for you and make you go to a freakin' psychologist and dump off 900 bucks a week so someidioc quack can listen to your whining for four hours every week so we don't have to?"
"And after you're done finding a shrink for me," said What's Her Face, having now figured out her strategy, "you can tell Coach Z,Kris and Joy why you've been drinking soy sauce?"
"You stupid little Emo nerd!" shouted Strong Bad. He stormed out.
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October 1st, 2003
9:08 PM
"I took a year off to be with you," said What's Her Face into the phone. "No, really, listen, Hom—no, of course not…"
Coach Z stepped into the room and said, "Um…uh…sorry to interrupt yer phone carl there, but uh, ya mind tellin' me how…"
"How I knew Strong Bad was back on soy sauce? I caught him hiding bottles at the bottom of the garbage can. He knows you check the credit card receipts."
Coach Z nodded awkwardly.
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As the sound of a computerized car speeding down a street crashing into a drunk-driven semi filled the room, it was soon accompanied by the smashing of an Atari 2600 controller into a TV screen, but only after the sound of Strong Bad shouting, "Aw, you stupid game!"
Coach Z opened the door and saw that Strong Bad had just hurled one of his controllers through the now broken shards ofhis TV screen.
"Ooh, that's gonna cost ya," said Coach Z.
"Leave me alone!" muttered Strong Bad. "I'm playing Nighttime Driving Type Game!"
"Um…gee, Strong Bad, I, uh…where do you go at night?"
Strong Bad just glared at him. He then reached over and pulled the controller out of the TV.
"Er...uh...you're notthe one who toilet paper'd the McNabb house, are you?"
"Coach, I stopped rolling houses ever since I got charged by the cops!" said Strong Bad. "Is that why you came into my room? To blame me for things I didn't even do? Huh?"
"Look, I just…no, I just don't want you to do anything you'd regret..."
"Well, you should mind your own life!"
"Well, yer my friend, and I feel like I gotta look out for ya."
"Well, don't!"
"Okay, Strong Bad…I'll leave you alone now…"
Coach Z backed away and closed the door, just in time to hear Strong Bad mutter under his breath, "Friggin' poser…"
Coach Z looked down dejectedly and walked to his room.
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Strong Bad shambled into the bathroom, pulled open the medicine cabinet behind the mirror, snatched a bottle of pills labeled "The Cheat, M.D." and, with a sullen face, swallowed a few tablets.
He shut the mirror and looked at his reflection. Something was strange about the mirror. He couldn't tell what.
He shrugged to himself and decided to ignore it, and told himself that it must be a side effect or something.
He cursed themedication under his breath.
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11:59 PM
October 1st, 2003
Coach Z, who had been unable to sleep, pulled up the footrest in a recliner and flipped on the TV to watch a rerun of Caleb Rentpayer.
"Caleb, did you put toothpaste in my cupcakes?"
"I sure did!"
And for a moment, everything in the house was still.
And the clock clicked over to midnight.
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12:00 AM
October 2nd, 2003
"Strong Bad…"
"Cehbeh…"
"Strong Bad…"
"Cehber…"
"Strong Bad?"
"Cyberspeh…"
"Strong Bad!"
"Cyberspeh…Cyber Spin…"
"Strong Bad, wake up!"
"Huh? Wha? Oh, yes, I am cool, thanks for asking..." he mumbled.
"Strong Bad!" shouted the voice again. "Wake up!"
"I am awake, moron!"
"Oh, right, right. Come down stairs, and then go outside, and follow my voice."
"Uuuh…I should follow a disembodied voice telling me to do something completley pointless even though it's no doubt a side effect of the medication? Sure. The walk'll do me good. Fine."
This was pretty uncharacteristic of Strong Bad, but it was really late, and he was really tired and couldn't think straight.
Strong Bad hopped out of bed and made his way downstairs.
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He walked outside, not noticing that his steps hadn't made a single noise.
Strong Bad found himself standing outside, with nothing to do.
"Um…what exactly am I doin' here?"
"Follow me," said the disembodied voice.
"Er, yeah," muttered Strong Bad sarcastically. "And how am I meant to do that?"
"I'll sing for you," said the voice. "Follow the singing!"
"Please don't."
But it was too late.
"It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all!"
"AUGH!"
But for some reason, Strong Bad felt compelled to follow the voice, so he did, in spite of the annoying singing.
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1:14 AM
October 2nd, 2003
The singing finally led Strong Bad to a golf course way on the other side of town (it was completely deserted at that time of night).
And when Strong Bad finally made his way to the 18th hole, he saw the person who had led him there.
There was a very weird-looking guy standing in front of him.
Well, he might have been.Strong Bad couldn'tsee what he looked like, becausehe was wearing a big creepy navy blue bunny suit.
"Who that crap are you, bunny-suit?" muttered Strong Bad.
"My name's Homestar Runner," said the guy in the bunny suit.
"Lonestar Funnel?"
"No, Homestar Runner!"
"OnStar Tunnel?"
"No, Homestar Runner! You know, like a baseball player!"
"Um…what?"
"Oh, I wrote it on a Post-It note."
The guy in the bunny suit held up a Post-It note.
Hoamstar Ranner
"Yeah that sucks," muttered Strong Bad quickly. "Anyways, why the heck did you bring me here?"
"Because…um…aw, man, I had it a second ago…"
The guy in the bunny suit held up another Post-It note. He read it for a seconds, and then said, "Oh, right, now I remember! Um…"
He put on a creepy reverberating ghost-like voice that entirely failed to be scary.
"28 daaaaaays…!" he exclaimed. "6 hooooooouuuuuurs…! 42 miiiiiiiiinuuuuutes…! 12 seeeeeeeecooooooonds…! That is when the woooooooorld will eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeend!"
He shut his eyes and added, "Pschew! Pchshew!"
Strong Bad stared at him blankly.
"That…was…supposed to…be…the lightning…" he murmured quietly.
"So, the world's gonna end in about a month?" said Strong Bad.
"Yup!" said the guy in the bunny suit.
"Why would it do that?"
"I'm actually not supposed to tell you," said the guy. "You have to figure that out by yourself."
"Right. Well, I'll give you a dollar if you tell me?"
"Really? Oh, wow, cool! Deal! Okay, okay, okay, the world will end because—no, I still can't tell you…sorry, man. I'll make it up later. Anyway, 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, 12 seconds. Um…bye!"
Homestar Runner ran away. Strong Bad was too tired to chase after him.
"Okay," said Strong Bad. "I'll just…walk back to my house and slowly begin to doubt that what he said is true until by the time I reach my house I'll be completely convinced that he was either lying or wrong…"
Strong Bad turned around to do just that, but he suddenly yelled, "Oh, no! Nap attack!" and he fell asleep before any trace of doubt could enter his mind.
Author's Notes: It's a poem!
Hope you think it's neat!
Please do not delete!