It must have been that eleven-year old kiss that did it, that's how Needy sees it in her gray box in her gray life - before 'Kicker' wakes up and... well, kicks the shit out of someone.
Believe you me, the quota of who needs a swift one grows every day in here...
But it must have been that kiss, the one with a stickiness born of kool-aid and how kids never stay fully clean, that was the kiss that sealed Needy's fate.
Like spit to an envelope, she was mailed outta this world on Jennifer Check that long ago day... the day that they first played boyfriend/girlfriend.
And it should have stopped there, really.
Because Jennifer blossomed, just like all those stupid girl magazines promised. She grew beautiful breasts and full lips. She bled first and she got asked out first.
And it should have ended there, this mix-up of a friendship, this childhood dependency.
But it didn't stop. It just became stronger, their connection, it just kept getting more and more tight. More and more twisted.
And Jennifer dated boys, ditched boys, fucked boys, flirted with boys.
And Needy did schoolwork and laughed with everyone and took up with the first guy who wanted her - not out of insecurity, but to keep up somehow.
It should have stopped, but you can't return fate to sender.
You can't cross out your own heart as it beats too loud for your best friend.
And so when Saturday rolls around, long before Jennifer Check becomes a walking-talking-killing machine and long before Needy must ruin her fuschia prom dress--
Long before Kicker and her furious feet...
--they lay in Needy's bed and they talk and they don't talk even more so and Jennifer holds her hand (and it is so gentle, so real, so damn nice) and they are kissing like they never truly broke apart all those years ago.
"Does he make you this wet?" Jennifer asks, hands on Needy's hips and tongue outlining every buried place upon Needy's body. And Needy can only moan, can only gasp.
"I'm your boyfriend tonight. And we are so in love, Needy... time to finally go all the way... Don't blue-ball me anymore."
It is funny and it is a lie and it should have stopped back at the age of eleven, back when it could have stayed innocent and cherished.
But it didn't. And Needy rocks against Jennifer's hand, feels the slight shaking of the mattress where Jennifer grinds in tandem (we are making music, we are beating drums, we are trying so hard to come undone at the same time).
God, I wish I would have stopped it...
But they are having orgasms and it isn't nearly enough - but it isn't real either - and Jennifer is already placing her long body against Needy's again and Needy is wrapping her legs tight around her best friend's waist.
And they continue to ride out every Saturday night that way.
At least until everything changes and people die and friends are lost and love is ripped from one's neck.
But even then, Needy knew it was too late.
Her fate had been mapped out in a sandbox and in tangled sheets smelling of Jennifer's cherry lip-gloss...
Needy never stood a fucking chance.
END