~And I am back with a quick one-shot for you guys. Thank you all for the immense support on 'Unseen Developments'. Now this is a Nisekoi story, which literally means pairing wars. This story will be on point of views perspective, will have angst and a little drama. My first time trying on a story of such means. Though few points which are to be noted before we move on. Nisekoi means false love. This POV will revolve around Raku, Chitoge and Onodera after when by accident Raku hears both of the mutter his name while they were talking about the person they both love. This story is set a little after the latest chapter (200) so might have bit spoilers. Now on with the story!~
Disclaimer: I don't own Nisekoi or the following characters in any way whatsoever. All credit goes to Naoshi Senpai and team.
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If only we both wouldn't have known each other. If only this sensation was completely foreign to the both of us. If only we would have been separate entities. If only the one we both love, was not the same person. Those are a lot of ifs. So many more that it breaks my heart to the farthest of the ends. This Monday, this very one. Who would have known? We both had told each other that we have someone we cherish, someone we seek, someone who we love. We both had promised to help each other gain him.
Since now that you know, why don't you help me now? I know it's selfish to ask, but I never would have thought that it would have been him for the both of us. How can we both have been so blind? How were we not able to decode this simple fact which was there in front of us all along? My mind runs endless simulations of the many scenarios which could have been born if we told each other about him that day. The very day when we both had so thoughtlessly promised to help other.
That stupid, stupid beansprout. It makes me laugh by just thinking that he was even more clueless then we both ever were. It's not that shocking, he had never even realized his own feelings for a long long time. That idiot had caught shuu with his stupid crush on kyoko sensie. How could he have been so dense all this time to know about us?
I was determined to tell him about it today. Though I wish we both weren't. When you told me yesterday that how you plan to confess your feelings, it blew a spark in me. It gave me the energy to go out of my way and just let my feelings out. Just to make it happen and put them in front of him, my heart, my thoughts, my delicate delicate feelings. We both should have stopped each other, shook each other mercilessly and sorted it out. We should have thought up of something before blurting it out to each other.
It wasn't a bad idea, the way we told each other. We knew that the best way to let each other know about our certain someone was to tell each other at the exact same time. It was hard enough for us to admit it. The decision to say his name at the count of three was very cliché and somewhat childish.
Our blurts of Raku and Ichijou-Kun had come as a dreadful account. To me, it was a shocking and an appalling venom. It was the very name I hold close to my heart, the very name which I cherish, the name which brings me happiness and glee whenever I think of it. Though the irony being, it is the very name which has left me in this state. This state of utter misery and affliction.
When I saw him standing behind of us, when I saw Raku was the one who had heard us of all people. I just wanted to run to a faraway open land and scream, shout, shriek and howl. But at that time I knew, I knew that I was in no state to even breath properly, that was how heavy that situation was for me.
Breansprout, my breansprout. It wasn't long before I had recognized my feelings for him. He just unknowingly grew unto me, no matter how hard I tried to reject the thought, it was useless and foolish to not just embrace it. Though it took my everything to stay stable around him, to somehow let him know about me. I honestly thought that only Yui was my only rival, since only she had told me about her feelings for him. When it was over for her, I thought I had my chances enhanced at a much more wider scale.
How completely oblivious, you were always there and I never even saw it.How did you never see it? Now as I sit here in my bed, my eyes full of emotions, my hair messy, the atmosphere full of misery, all I can think about is what he feels. Will he even approach us after today's encounter? Will he even consider us after what happened today?
I won't even regret for a second, if our third year remains to continue on forever, with me being his and he being mine. Even though it isn't real, even though it is false. It is ours, our very own false love.
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A key, it was all as simple as that. My key and his locket, but that won't describe the serene sense of humor which life has. I've loved Ichijou-Kun since middle school. Though my shyness and his oblivion to obvious situations is very strange. I knew that it would be a matter of time when someone else would also fall for him, someone else who would claim him. What I had never expected though, was for that person to be you.
Only if I had never made you that promise in return, that promise where I help you to get that man of your dreams. Then I guess I wouldn't have ever told you about my decision to confess to mine this Monday. I thought we were in the same boat, and hence we should help each other and get to the shore together. What I hadn't expected, was to be the same person waiting for us at the end of our journey. Everything would have been the same and everything would have been normal.
Why? Why did I fall in love? Why did I meet him in the first place? Why did we both struggle to achieve something which was going to bring us to this stage? Why? Just Why? Those are a lot of whys. So many more that they curl my stomach in total agony.
Even though I am in no state, but I still somehow laugh. So astonishing is the fact that I didn't even realize that who could you have been dreaming about. Surprisingly, I find it all way too obvious now. As if it was there in front of me all the time but I just simply ignored it. Ignored it to console my own self and continue to misguide and fog my mind. I guess I never sub-consciously wanted to believe that you both could actually be together.
When we had decided to take the name of the person who we love, I had expected two different names of two different persons. Not the parts of the name of the same person.
It's just like an extract from a manga, the protagonist realizes everything while we lock ourselves in our rooms and cry in constant pain, trying to best decode what would happen next. But what was bound to happen, has now occurred. He will either accept one of us, or reject us both coldly. Both situations being something you can't be simply prepared for no matter how much you try.
That is just a part of reality, this is real life, a place where we can't always expect happy endings parallel to a manga. I wish we both could have somehow never crossed each other's path. Maybe that way, it would have been less shocking, less confusing, maybe it would have hurt less. The pain now, however, is completely unbearable.
It's strange, this feeling. Whenever I think of it, it sends down these shivers of shock somehow through my whole body. I keep on thinking how he must feel, what he must think on that exact moment when he had heard us both, standing behind us, just like a stalker who eavesdrop on his target's conversation. I realize how awful we both must have been looking, just standing there and staring at him. Though it doesn't matter. It could have been the last and final time we may have seen each other.
I can think up of so many scenarios where he either laughs on us, thinking of us as mere fools who are love-sick, little girls yet to grow up. Or maybe it's possible he embraces our feelings and gives us both a chance.
Ichijou-kun, my ichijou kun. I realize now, the names, the things, the feelings which you hold closest to your heart, are the very ones which can be the cause of your misery and bring you pain. I know I am being selfish, I know I am being unreasonable, but I wish nothing other than a chemistry of my own after today's account. Even if I fail, I'd still live on with the memories of the love story which we never had, our love, our false false love.
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How? How is it humanely possible? Is it my luck? Is it really that bad? Why is it only me? Only if it wasn't that hard to decide. Hard to choose between those two. It would have been easier, a lot easier before when I hadn't realized my feelings for chitoge. But now that I have, I reckon it won't be fairly easy or exactly fair.
I met Onodera back when we were in middle school. I still remember that day, how can I forget? Those brown locks and those dark brown orbs. I couldn't even comprehend those feelings which were rushing down throughout my entire body. Onodera had been the most charming and striking girl I had ever seen. That shy fetching personality, and that sweet hypnotic voice. It took me time to decode those feelings. Those real feelings which I always believed were of a simple crush. As if it isn't obvious enough, she was the very reason I had joined Bonyari High. She was always there, she had loved me back. It doesn't matter for how long, what bizarre is the fact that I never saw the most obvious which was in front of me. Throughout the years I have tried to catch her eye, I have dreamt about her day and night, why now? Just why?
Chitoge was a foreign appearance in my life. She was a nuisance and a pain in the ass gorilla girl. But I never realized when she suddenly grew on me. Those frequent fake dates, the days we spent together, those moments where we fought and supported each other. It was almost as if we were a real couple. Those blond strawberry locks and the blue oceany orbs. I won't say that she had a hypnotic voice, but still that sweet term of darling from her mouth soon latched onto me like a drug. I always knew that my relationship with her was something special, something unique.
I had always considered her as my best friend. I knew that I loved Onodera, so it couldn't have been love. But how wrong I always had been. It was her, she was there in front of me all the time. Shuu understood, and so did tachibana. I was the only ignorant one who was unable to perceive the feelings I had for her, the feelings of true love.
Though if I see it more clearly, those weren't the times where it all had started. It had been years ago, those ten long years ago when I had promised that girl. That girl, could be anyone of them. I have fallen for two girls at the same time, I love them, I love them both and they somehow, oddly love me back.
I just can't figure out what must they be thinking right now? It must be hard to embrace what had happened earlier today. It had been a beautiful morning. The breeze of spring humming throughout the streets as usual. It was my everyday route, the stop. That's where we all always gather. Shuu and Ruri were unusually late this morning, while Haru chan was nowhere to be seen. There were only two bodies standing over there, they were them.
I was about to call out to them, but those two giggling figurines caught my eye. My heart kept on racing like mad, my body just stood there, taking in every single detail of the two. It was all as if I wasn't in control of my own body. And within all that, when I actually focused on their voice, my rate of curiosity suddenly perked up. It was never my intention to eavesdrop on their conversation. But their topic of discussion had cooked up this odd interest within me.
The two girls, those two who I am in love with were going to name the man they both love. The focus I had was so intense that it even surprised me. Their excitement, glee and girly behavior was like a sweet sugary venom to me. Their actions and techniques were so childish and simple, but yet so complex. But when their demeanor took a different pace, and when their expressions suddenly changed, I realized what had caused it.
That name which had so elegantly escaped their mouths was undoubtedly familiar and awkwardly cognizant. But it took their reactions and a click of my mind to realize that the name was in fact, my own name. I wasn't just surprised; I was shocked to the bone. I was frozen like an icy sculpture, un-moving and stationary. I didn't even realize when had the both of them had completely vanished into thin air.
Both of them were shocked themselves, looking each other straight in the eye. Only if I hadn't dropped my bag to the ground, they wouldn't have even known that I was standing there, shamelessly listening to what they so giddily talked about. I highly doubt it was easy for the both of them to take in so much at once. Heck, I was myself left all stupefied after that.
I have been a fool all this time. How could have I never realized their feelings? How did I never saw what Onodera thought of me? How did I never think of the possibility of Chitoge being in love with me? There are a lot of questions, so many more that they only confuse me to further extent.
But I can't let it all fall apart, not now. Now that I know that it's not all one-sided. I can't let this opportunity pass. I WILL make things right, I will clear up hurdles in the path, I will talk to them. But I may just know who is that which I choose, it is her. It is her and there is no way in hell I would let her fall apart. The feeling was real all along, only I never saw it. This feeling, the feeling of a false false love.
~There you guys go! Nisekoi has such little market over here. Though what I find odd is that how hard it is to type out POVs. Especially when the characters have very little character development. If someone thought that the characters might have been a bit OOC then I won't blame them. It was my first time doing a story of this sort and it was a bit hectic, especially when you know you support only one of the pairings above. Healthy criticism is welcomed. Do leave a Review and do follow me to stay tuned. Until next time, Cheers!