"RAGE"'
" Now come on Fujina, don't you want to go to the shops?"
My mother's voice tinkled into my ears, sweet and kind, like a bell delicately chiming. I instantly felt at ease whenever my mum spoke. She was so kind, and lovely….
"Yes, I'm just getting my hairband, mummy." I replied. I grabbed the red band from the table in the hallway of our house, and tied my shoulder-length brown hair into a pony-tail. My hair was luscious and thick. Often I had been told it was my best feature. I had grown very proud of it. It was smooth, and glossy, and my mother always stroked it fondly.
"Coming!" I called. My twelve-year old frame was fairly small for my age, but I had just begun my growth spurt. I ran cheerfully up to my mother, and we went out the door of our small house in Balamb. I loved going to the shops. There was so much to look at, so much to buy. I loved going into the music shop, and the jewellery shop, and even the toy shops still had some good stuff, though I was beginning to grow out of some of it. My mum shut and locked the door, and we headed down the sloping street to the town Centre. My dad had left me and mum when I was three, but I didn't care. We were quite happy, me and mum. She didn't seem too upset either, though I have vague memories of her crying when I was little. But she was happy, just me and her. And now we were going shopping!
Several hours later, we walked back up the same road. It was harder uphill. The sun was setting, casting orange rays along the road. Our shadows were long. We had all our purchases in our bags. I was tired, but happy. Our arms ached, but our hearts sang. Mummy had bought me a new CD. A Red Day one called 'Majority'. I was so excited. And also I got a new pair of earrings. They had little blue stones in them. My mummy called them 'sapphires', but I just thought they were cool. We headed up the road towards our house. it was still about 5 minutes up the road when suddenly my mother froze. I stopped too. Two men jumped out of a side alley, and one had a gun. My mum's breath caught in her throat. I felt fear, and adrenaline course around me. An uneasy feeling agitated my stomach.
" Come down here!" one of them barked. " Now!"
I started to tremble. They were going to rob us, I knew. The alley was dark, little natural or artificial light reached it.
"Give us all your stuff! Your purse and whatever's in those bags!"
Trembling, my mum handed over her purse, and the bags. They snatched them, and peered inside.
"Pah! You've got less than 100 gil! And what the hell is this? Women's stuff?" one of them snorted. "Lipstick? Dresses? What a waste of time!"
He looked at my mum malevolently. "Stupid bitch!" he snarled. " What use is that to us? We can't sell that! How we gonna get any crack now? You shouldn't have done that!"
He raised the gun to her head. I heard her breathing quicken, and she was holding back the tears. My mind was spinning, and I didn't know what I could do. I couldn't believe what was happening, everything seemed to be said through a tube or something.
"Hey wait, mate." the other one suddenly suggested. An evil grin spread across his ugly face. " Maybe we could have some fun with her first."
"Hey, I like your thinking." he said, chuckling grotesquely. He advanced towards my mum, and she screamed. He had started to touch her. In places that make me revolted and absolutely furious just thinking about it. I couldn't watch and there was nothing I could do either. Both of them joined in, and my mother was pinned against the wall ,and could not do anything. I heard her scream, and beg, but they wouldn't stop. Luckily for me, they seemed to have forgotten me, but I felt wretched. There was nothing I could do. Eventually they finished. My mother collapsed to the floor. They stood up, breathing heavily, disgusting grins plastered over their despicable faces. My mother lay sobbing on the floor. I felt absolute emotion cascade through me. There were so many, despair, sadness, helplessness, naivety, but the most predominant was absolute, pure, fury. I couldn't comprehend how they could do this. I realised the world I had lived in was so sheltered and protected. But now, I had suddenly learnt in the hardest, most disgusting way possible, what the world could really be like. And I hated it.
The man pointed his gun to my mother's head. She whimpered. That whimper sent shivers down my spine. This was my mother. She didn't deserve this. Even if I died too, I would try and help her. With a scream I launched myself furiously on the man. I was too late. The trigger was pulled, the bullet launched into my mother's head. She collapsed to the ground, and blood seeped out of her head. She lay totally still. Of course I knew she was dead. I landed on the man. My rage was unbelievable. I bit, screamed and scratched, punched and kicked. He had forgotten about me, and so for a while it looked like I was actually going to hurt him really badly. But he recovered, and punched back at me. He hit me with the hilt of the gun, right in the middle of my neck. His other fist connected exactly with my right eye. I screamed, as these two simultaneous pains engulfed me. I let go, and just ran. The next few minutes were a blur of emotion and dizziness, as well shock, recovering from the incidents I had witnessed. When I next got wind of my senses, I found myself on the outside of the town. I sank to my knees. My throat felt crushed. It felt a dull, stinging pain. I was able to breathe to my relief. But my voice! It hurt to speak. And whenever I said anything, it came out loud! I realised that I could only speak with difficulty. To preserve my voice, I could only say the barest minimum. And my eye. I didn't need to see it, to know something was wrong. My vision was impaired, everything seemed more…. and then I realised I was blind in one eye. I felt hollow.
And where was I, what was I going to do? Suddenly everything hit me, it felt like a tsunami, crashing over me. The weight of it nearly crushed me, took my breath away. My mother was dead. I was alone. Something snapped inside me. I saw the world for what it was. Full of evil, hate, malice and cruelty. Sure, not all the world was, but there was enough there. It would get to everyone soon. It got to my mother. I swore I wasn't going to let it get me. I was going to be strong, stand up to it. It had hardened my heart in a way I had never even known existed half an hour ago. I acquired the infinite cynicism of the adult world. I realised I would need to adapt if I was to survive.
I felt the pain, but it made me more determined. I focused the pain into energy, and I felt strong again. I would let no-one get me, Fujina. Fujina. That name sounds too sweet. Too pretty. I decided to drop the feminine sounding 'a'. Fujin. Yes. That sounds so much more tougher. I was Fujin. No-one was my master.
But then I realised how foolish I sounded. I was alone, homeless, friendless, clueless. for all my tough talk, I didn't know enough of the adult world. But I would learn. I needed somewhere first though. I got up determinedly though. I would show them. Defiantly turning my back on Balamb, a place with too many memories, I walked down the road, away from the city towards whatever was in the distance.
" Now come on Fujina, don't you want to go to the shops?"
My mother's voice tinkled into my ears, sweet and kind, like a bell delicately chiming. I instantly felt at ease whenever my mum spoke. She was so kind, and lovely….
"Yes, I'm just getting my hairband, mummy." I replied. I grabbed the red band from the table in the hallway of our house, and tied my shoulder-length brown hair into a pony-tail. My hair was luscious and thick. Often I had been told it was my best feature. I had grown very proud of it. It was smooth, and glossy, and my mother always stroked it fondly.
"Coming!" I called. My twelve-year old frame was fairly small for my age, but I had just begun my growth spurt. I ran cheerfully up to my mother, and we went out the door of our small house in Balamb. I loved going to the shops. There was so much to look at, so much to buy. I loved going into the music shop, and the jewellery shop, and even the toy shops still had some good stuff, though I was beginning to grow out of some of it. My mum shut and locked the door, and we headed down the sloping street to the town Centre. My dad had left me and mum when I was three, but I didn't care. We were quite happy, me and mum. She didn't seem too upset either, though I have vague memories of her crying when I was little. But she was happy, just me and her. And now we were going shopping!
Several hours later, we walked back up the same road. It was harder uphill. The sun was setting, casting orange rays along the road. Our shadows were long. We had all our purchases in our bags. I was tired, but happy. Our arms ached, but our hearts sang. Mummy had bought me a new CD. A Red Day one called 'Majority'. I was so excited. And also I got a new pair of earrings. They had little blue stones in them. My mummy called them 'sapphires', but I just thought they were cool. We headed up the road towards our house. it was still about 5 minutes up the road when suddenly my mother froze. I stopped too. Two men jumped out of a side alley, and one had a gun. My mum's breath caught in her throat. I felt fear, and adrenaline course around me. An uneasy feeling agitated my stomach.
" Come down here!" one of them barked. " Now!"
I started to tremble. They were going to rob us, I knew. The alley was dark, little natural or artificial light reached it.
"Give us all your stuff! Your purse and whatever's in those bags!"
Trembling, my mum handed over her purse, and the bags. They snatched them, and peered inside.
"Pah! You've got less than 100 gil! And what the hell is this? Women's stuff?" one of them snorted. "Lipstick? Dresses? What a waste of time!"
He looked at my mum malevolently. "Stupid bitch!" he snarled. " What use is that to us? We can't sell that! How we gonna get any crack now? You shouldn't have done that!"
He raised the gun to her head. I heard her breathing quicken, and she was holding back the tears. My mind was spinning, and I didn't know what I could do. I couldn't believe what was happening, everything seemed to be said through a tube or something.
"Hey wait, mate." the other one suddenly suggested. An evil grin spread across his ugly face. " Maybe we could have some fun with her first."
"Hey, I like your thinking." he said, chuckling grotesquely. He advanced towards my mum, and she screamed. He had started to touch her. In places that make me revolted and absolutely furious just thinking about it. I couldn't watch and there was nothing I could do either. Both of them joined in, and my mother was pinned against the wall ,and could not do anything. I heard her scream, and beg, but they wouldn't stop. Luckily for me, they seemed to have forgotten me, but I felt wretched. There was nothing I could do. Eventually they finished. My mother collapsed to the floor. They stood up, breathing heavily, disgusting grins plastered over their despicable faces. My mother lay sobbing on the floor. I felt absolute emotion cascade through me. There were so many, despair, sadness, helplessness, naivety, but the most predominant was absolute, pure, fury. I couldn't comprehend how they could do this. I realised the world I had lived in was so sheltered and protected. But now, I had suddenly learnt in the hardest, most disgusting way possible, what the world could really be like. And I hated it.
The man pointed his gun to my mother's head. She whimpered. That whimper sent shivers down my spine. This was my mother. She didn't deserve this. Even if I died too, I would try and help her. With a scream I launched myself furiously on the man. I was too late. The trigger was pulled, the bullet launched into my mother's head. She collapsed to the ground, and blood seeped out of her head. She lay totally still. Of course I knew she was dead. I landed on the man. My rage was unbelievable. I bit, screamed and scratched, punched and kicked. He had forgotten about me, and so for a while it looked like I was actually going to hurt him really badly. But he recovered, and punched back at me. He hit me with the hilt of the gun, right in the middle of my neck. His other fist connected exactly with my right eye. I screamed, as these two simultaneous pains engulfed me. I let go, and just ran. The next few minutes were a blur of emotion and dizziness, as well shock, recovering from the incidents I had witnessed. When I next got wind of my senses, I found myself on the outside of the town. I sank to my knees. My throat felt crushed. It felt a dull, stinging pain. I was able to breathe to my relief. But my voice! It hurt to speak. And whenever I said anything, it came out loud! I realised that I could only speak with difficulty. To preserve my voice, I could only say the barest minimum. And my eye. I didn't need to see it, to know something was wrong. My vision was impaired, everything seemed more…. and then I realised I was blind in one eye. I felt hollow.
And where was I, what was I going to do? Suddenly everything hit me, it felt like a tsunami, crashing over me. The weight of it nearly crushed me, took my breath away. My mother was dead. I was alone. Something snapped inside me. I saw the world for what it was. Full of evil, hate, malice and cruelty. Sure, not all the world was, but there was enough there. It would get to everyone soon. It got to my mother. I swore I wasn't going to let it get me. I was going to be strong, stand up to it. It had hardened my heart in a way I had never even known existed half an hour ago. I acquired the infinite cynicism of the adult world. I realised I would need to adapt if I was to survive.
I felt the pain, but it made me more determined. I focused the pain into energy, and I felt strong again. I would let no-one get me, Fujina. Fujina. That name sounds too sweet. Too pretty. I decided to drop the feminine sounding 'a'. Fujin. Yes. That sounds so much more tougher. I was Fujin. No-one was my master.
But then I realised how foolish I sounded. I was alone, homeless, friendless, clueless. for all my tough talk, I didn't know enough of the adult world. But I would learn. I needed somewhere first though. I got up determinedly though. I would show them. Defiantly turning my back on Balamb, a place with too many memories, I walked down the road, away from the city towards whatever was in the distance.