Title: Disquisition.
Written: 01.02.2002.
By: Jaye Reid.
Disclaimer: Once upon a time I stood behind the director and shook my head. He noticed and yelled CUT. Everyone stopped. "What's wrong?" he asked. I told him it wasn't how I wanted the scene to come across. He nodded and smiled. "Well you own 'em... let's try and do it your way."
Then I woke up and realized that it was a dream... AS and WB still own them.
Spoilers: Season 1 - 3 inclusive plus season 3 future spoilers.
Rating: PG
Category: V/Romance J/D
Summary: "You always bounce for the one you love." - Tigger! (Or by extension AA Milne.)
Authors notes: This is something that just jumped into my head. I haven't written in this style completely before... I hope everyone can follow. Pure dialogue. This is a complete stand-alone... there will be no sequel! This says what I want to say. . The summary? My daughter was watching 'Winnie the Pooh' while I was typing this out of my notebook and I heard the line. I thought it was perfect! Not the first time that AA Milne has inspired a summary out of me! Thanks once again to Bridget for the beta reading at such short notice!
~*~*~*~
"You wanted something Toby?"
"Close the door."
"Okay... door closing. What's up?"
"Josh - Donna's going."
"Sorry Toby? I don't understand? Going where?"
"Now there's a questioning echo from times past. Ah... will I ever forgive myself for doing this?"
"Honestly Toby what are you muttering? For a brilliant speechwriter your verbal skills could do with a polish. What on earth are you..."
"Shut up Josh, you imbecile! She's going - leaving..."
"Donna?"
"She's been offered..."
"Donna?"
"Yes Josh, *Donna.* It's a good job offer. More than she gets paid around here to clean up after you."
"*My* Donna?"
"Since when did Donna Moss become... oh to hell with it - yes! *Your* Donna."
"She's leaving me?"
"Only you Josh?"
"Me."
"It seems highly likely."
"But she... she hasn't said anything to me about ... leaving? Why has she told you?"
"What Josh? You'd expect her to come to you when you're *this* coherent with me? 760 verbal my ass! And besides since Ms Gardner has captured your attention, I wouldn't be surprised if you've hardly noticed your assistant is alive."
"You don't seem to like Amy much."
"I'm not the only one around here."
"Is that for me? Because I know Amy and I don't see eye to eye on so many things, but really..."
"No, that was for half of the damn staff around here who were ready to kill you and cover up for whoever got there first when they heard about you and Ms. Gardner! But we have more serious problems than hiding your body in the basement."
"But... Donna can't leave... I won't let her!"
"Josh... a little piece of free advice, in a discussion with Donna on the pro's and con's of leaving or staying... I wouldn't lead, nor would I consider uttering or hedging towards the phrase *because I say so.*"
Hey you said *highly likely.* She hasn't made her decision yet?"
"Nothing is carved in stone - yet, as it seems."
"Then I still have time to stop her."
"And how, pray tell, do you plan on doing that?"
"Um... I don't quite... know - yet. But when I do it will be a brilliant..."
"Please don't say *plan*, because we all know how brilliant they turn out to be."
"Maybe I could get some help?"
"Sure... why not ask *Amy* to help you?"
"Excuse me?"
"I said, why don't..."
"No, I heard what you said; I wanted to know what you mean?"
"Honestly I thought the words were fairly self-explanatory."
"Okay Toby, what did you imply?"
"Imply?"
"Yes, imply. Why would *Amy* want to help me convince Donna not to leave me?"
"Well when you put it in that context, I'm sure Ms. Gardner *wouldn't* want to help you."
"Why?"
"Well when one of the competitors steps out of the race, it usually makes it easier for the other one to win."
"Competitors? Toby... what on earth are you... competitors in what?"
"I'll say it again. Josh you are an imbecile!"
"What Toby! No - don't tell me."
"Ahh has the penny finally dropped? There's something else about pennies I should mention to Sam."
"I think I understand... no I won't... so don't bother telling me... I can't... no..."
"Josh, do you really think if you say it, suddenly it's real? Like it wasn't before?"
"Yes... no... ye... I don't know."
"If you don't know then you are worse than imbecilic."
"Toby..."
"No... no... NO! I have... I've watched this *thing* between you and Donna..."
"Not listening, not listening..."
"For God sake Josh! Take your hands away from your ears... you're not a three year old... although sometimes I wonder if a first grader would make more sense than you half the time."
"Toby, don't..."
No! I have heard *don't* too many times when I've wanted to sit you down and knocking some sense into you over Donna. They all said it would be a bad idea... but look where that got us? Donna is going to leave and you won't be the only one around here to miss her. So stop pacing and sit... you're making me nauseous just watching you wear a hole in the carpet!"
"Okay, I'll sit and I'll listen but I don't believe..."
"Can it Josh!"
"I really don't..."
"You're in love with Donna."
"I'm in love with Donna?"
"You are."
"But I... I can't be. I'm going out with Amy Gardner."
"And there we have it, the eighth wonder of the world - the truly last great mystery..."
"Toby..."
"You're in love with Donna Moss; you have been since... well who knows when - probably since you first laid eyes on her."
"Then why am I with Amy?"
"I have no idea *what* you are doing with Amy Gardner other than causing an extreme amount of stress on yourself and making the one person you actually care about - who I believe deserves far better than you - want to leave."
"If I'm in love with Donna... which I gotta tell you Toby... if I was, don't you think I would have known about it before - say you?"
"Obviously not."
"But that doesn't explain..."
"Because foolishly Donna has been in love with *you* since who knows when!"
"Okay Toby, look if she's in love with *me*, which I have to tell you is a preposterous notion, then *why* would she want to leave?"
"Two words, not that they are words - Amy Gardner."
"Why would..."
"Josh! Sometimes my friend I think you're reason to be on this earth is to exasperate me! Under some sort of misguided loyalty to you, Donna believes Amy Gardner is the one *you* want... not her. She doesn't want to be in the way of that and furthermore she doesn't want to watch you pursue Amy. She didn't go looking for this opportunity but as it has presented itself, it seems to be the perfect opportunity to escape you."
"She... she told you all this?"
"No."
"No?"
"No Josh - she didn't tell me, but I'm not blind."
"Are you telling me that I'm bl..."
"Yes Josh! When it comes to Donna, you are most definitely blind."
"What... what if you're wrong?"
"I'm not."
"But what if you are... what if I tell Donna how I feel and you are wrong?"
"Ah huh! Did you just hear yourself?"
"Yeah, I guess... I... Toby..."
"Firstly, I'm not wrong. Secondly, you might just want to tell *yourself* out loud a few times how you feel about Donna - so when you finally tell *her* you won't have that 'oh my God what have I just said' look on your face like you do now. And thirdly if I *am* wrong which I should loop back to my first point... then she is going to leave anyway... what have you lost?"
"Toby - were you just channeling Sam? Because I gotta tell you..."
"Get out of my office."
"Toby, I'm just saying that sounded awfully..."
"Just get out, my mind aches just looking at you. I don't know why I bother. Donna is a wonderfully sweet, charming woman who deserves to be treated with great love and respect... things that I doubt you have any..."
"I love her."
"Yes... yes Josh, you do."
"I love her."
"I heard you the first time."
"I mean it. I really, truly think..."
"Josh!"
"Yes?"
"I'm not the one you need to tell."
"I need to tell Donna?"
"Yes."
"I'll go and tell her now."
"No."
"No?"
"No, Josh you will not."
"But I thought the point of all this was..."
"Amy Gardner."
"Sorry? Toby what... I have to break up with Amy first? Right."
"Yes Josh."
"I have to break up with Amy first... not that we were really, you know going out. I guess I sort of just..."
"Tumbled sideways?"
"You've been talking to Donna."
"I'm very fond of Donna."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm very fond of Donna. She's needed a... someone to look out for her."
"That's my job."
"She's needed some one to look out for her in relation to you."
"So it's not like you're..."
"Josh, so help me sometimes that jealous streak of yours needs to be hacked out with a scythe. She has needed someone in a brotherly way to watch out for her when you have either been unconscious or too blind to notice her needs."
"I notice her needs..."
"No you don't... and at this point, I am not interested in listening to you any further. You are wasting time."
"I am wasting time... I have to go see Amy."
"Go."
"And Toby?"
"What!"
"Don't stop looking out for her okay. Coz sometimes you know..."
"You're too blind to see?"
"Yeah, I guess. Promise me you'll let me know when I'm being too blind?"
"Go. Mess this up and *I* will be the one hiding your body in the basement."
"Thanks Toby."
"Get out of my sight."
~*~*~
"Donnnnaaaaa."
"Josh, do you need to bellow my name in such a whine half way across the office? It's rather annoying you know."
"Whatcha doing?"
"They call it typing Josh. You see, my fingers hit these little buttons in a certain sequence and words magically appear on this screen. It's the latest thing."
"Looks like fun."
"Josh?"
"Yes Donnatella?"
"What do you want? You seem overly happy?"
"I can't be happy?"
"Rarely. Please put my stapler back down."
"Okay... what's this?"
"It's a picture of my Mom and Dad... it's always been there - not that you would have noticed. And put it down too."
" 'kay. What's..."
"For goodness sake Joshua! Stop with the bouncing around and picking up the things on my desk! What's going on with you?"
"I've just been to see Amy and..."
"Of course. No wonder you seem deliriously happy. I have work to do. Go away."
"Donna?"
"What?"
"I'm sure you don't have to hit those buttons so hard to make the words appear on the screen."
"I'm busy."
"And really, I think it would be wise to look at the screen occasionally so that you can see that you are making lines and lines of stuff appear on the screen that aren't, you know... actual words."
"Josh sometimes you are so..."
"Adorable?"
"Not what I was going to say."
"Got a minute?"
"No, I have to get this finished."
"I'd like to speak to you in my office please, Donna."
"Actually I need to talk to you about something too."
"Okay then... come on."
"Hang on Josh, I just have to..."
"Delete that stuff you just did?"
"Yes."
"Well hurry up, Donna! Time waits for no man."
"Except when they wear a watch like yours."
"Donna..."
"Okay, I'm done... I'm following... see?"
"I get to go first."
"Why?"
"Because I said so - that's why."
"Josh, I don't think that is a very good reason to do anything."
"Toby would agree with you on that point."
"And Joshua, pleassseee stop bouncing!"
"No, I've gotta bounce! It's just..."
"You?"
"Yes Donna, it's just me!"
"Josh?"
"Close the door behind you Donna, there's something I have to tell you..."
*
The end.
Written: 01.02.2002.
By: Jaye Reid.
Disclaimer: Once upon a time I stood behind the director and shook my head. He noticed and yelled CUT. Everyone stopped. "What's wrong?" he asked. I told him it wasn't how I wanted the scene to come across. He nodded and smiled. "Well you own 'em... let's try and do it your way."
Then I woke up and realized that it was a dream... AS and WB still own them.
Spoilers: Season 1 - 3 inclusive plus season 3 future spoilers.
Rating: PG
Category: V/Romance J/D
Summary: "You always bounce for the one you love." - Tigger! (Or by extension AA Milne.)
Authors notes: This is something that just jumped into my head. I haven't written in this style completely before... I hope everyone can follow. Pure dialogue. This is a complete stand-alone... there will be no sequel! This says what I want to say. . The summary? My daughter was watching 'Winnie the Pooh' while I was typing this out of my notebook and I heard the line. I thought it was perfect! Not the first time that AA Milne has inspired a summary out of me! Thanks once again to Bridget for the beta reading at such short notice!
~*~*~*~
"You wanted something Toby?"
"Close the door."
"Okay... door closing. What's up?"
"Josh - Donna's going."
"Sorry Toby? I don't understand? Going where?"
"Now there's a questioning echo from times past. Ah... will I ever forgive myself for doing this?"
"Honestly Toby what are you muttering? For a brilliant speechwriter your verbal skills could do with a polish. What on earth are you..."
"Shut up Josh, you imbecile! She's going - leaving..."
"Donna?"
"She's been offered..."
"Donna?"
"Yes Josh, *Donna.* It's a good job offer. More than she gets paid around here to clean up after you."
"*My* Donna?"
"Since when did Donna Moss become... oh to hell with it - yes! *Your* Donna."
"She's leaving me?"
"Only you Josh?"
"Me."
"It seems highly likely."
"But she... she hasn't said anything to me about ... leaving? Why has she told you?"
"What Josh? You'd expect her to come to you when you're *this* coherent with me? 760 verbal my ass! And besides since Ms Gardner has captured your attention, I wouldn't be surprised if you've hardly noticed your assistant is alive."
"You don't seem to like Amy much."
"I'm not the only one around here."
"Is that for me? Because I know Amy and I don't see eye to eye on so many things, but really..."
"No, that was for half of the damn staff around here who were ready to kill you and cover up for whoever got there first when they heard about you and Ms. Gardner! But we have more serious problems than hiding your body in the basement."
"But... Donna can't leave... I won't let her!"
"Josh... a little piece of free advice, in a discussion with Donna on the pro's and con's of leaving or staying... I wouldn't lead, nor would I consider uttering or hedging towards the phrase *because I say so.*"
Hey you said *highly likely.* She hasn't made her decision yet?"
"Nothing is carved in stone - yet, as it seems."
"Then I still have time to stop her."
"And how, pray tell, do you plan on doing that?"
"Um... I don't quite... know - yet. But when I do it will be a brilliant..."
"Please don't say *plan*, because we all know how brilliant they turn out to be."
"Maybe I could get some help?"
"Sure... why not ask *Amy* to help you?"
"Excuse me?"
"I said, why don't..."
"No, I heard what you said; I wanted to know what you mean?"
"Honestly I thought the words were fairly self-explanatory."
"Okay Toby, what did you imply?"
"Imply?"
"Yes, imply. Why would *Amy* want to help me convince Donna not to leave me?"
"Well when you put it in that context, I'm sure Ms. Gardner *wouldn't* want to help you."
"Why?"
"Well when one of the competitors steps out of the race, it usually makes it easier for the other one to win."
"Competitors? Toby... what on earth are you... competitors in what?"
"I'll say it again. Josh you are an imbecile!"
"What Toby! No - don't tell me."
"Ahh has the penny finally dropped? There's something else about pennies I should mention to Sam."
"I think I understand... no I won't... so don't bother telling me... I can't... no..."
"Josh, do you really think if you say it, suddenly it's real? Like it wasn't before?"
"Yes... no... ye... I don't know."
"If you don't know then you are worse than imbecilic."
"Toby..."
"No... no... NO! I have... I've watched this *thing* between you and Donna..."
"Not listening, not listening..."
"For God sake Josh! Take your hands away from your ears... you're not a three year old... although sometimes I wonder if a first grader would make more sense than you half the time."
"Toby, don't..."
No! I have heard *don't* too many times when I've wanted to sit you down and knocking some sense into you over Donna. They all said it would be a bad idea... but look where that got us? Donna is going to leave and you won't be the only one around here to miss her. So stop pacing and sit... you're making me nauseous just watching you wear a hole in the carpet!"
"Okay, I'll sit and I'll listen but I don't believe..."
"Can it Josh!"
"I really don't..."
"You're in love with Donna."
"I'm in love with Donna?"
"You are."
"But I... I can't be. I'm going out with Amy Gardner."
"And there we have it, the eighth wonder of the world - the truly last great mystery..."
"Toby..."
"You're in love with Donna Moss; you have been since... well who knows when - probably since you first laid eyes on her."
"Then why am I with Amy?"
"I have no idea *what* you are doing with Amy Gardner other than causing an extreme amount of stress on yourself and making the one person you actually care about - who I believe deserves far better than you - want to leave."
"If I'm in love with Donna... which I gotta tell you Toby... if I was, don't you think I would have known about it before - say you?"
"Obviously not."
"But that doesn't explain..."
"Because foolishly Donna has been in love with *you* since who knows when!"
"Okay Toby, look if she's in love with *me*, which I have to tell you is a preposterous notion, then *why* would she want to leave?"
"Two words, not that they are words - Amy Gardner."
"Why would..."
"Josh! Sometimes my friend I think you're reason to be on this earth is to exasperate me! Under some sort of misguided loyalty to you, Donna believes Amy Gardner is the one *you* want... not her. She doesn't want to be in the way of that and furthermore she doesn't want to watch you pursue Amy. She didn't go looking for this opportunity but as it has presented itself, it seems to be the perfect opportunity to escape you."
"She... she told you all this?"
"No."
"No?"
"No Josh - she didn't tell me, but I'm not blind."
"Are you telling me that I'm bl..."
"Yes Josh! When it comes to Donna, you are most definitely blind."
"What... what if you're wrong?"
"I'm not."
"But what if you are... what if I tell Donna how I feel and you are wrong?"
"Ah huh! Did you just hear yourself?"
"Yeah, I guess... I... Toby..."
"Firstly, I'm not wrong. Secondly, you might just want to tell *yourself* out loud a few times how you feel about Donna - so when you finally tell *her* you won't have that 'oh my God what have I just said' look on your face like you do now. And thirdly if I *am* wrong which I should loop back to my first point... then she is going to leave anyway... what have you lost?"
"Toby - were you just channeling Sam? Because I gotta tell you..."
"Get out of my office."
"Toby, I'm just saying that sounded awfully..."
"Just get out, my mind aches just looking at you. I don't know why I bother. Donna is a wonderfully sweet, charming woman who deserves to be treated with great love and respect... things that I doubt you have any..."
"I love her."
"Yes... yes Josh, you do."
"I love her."
"I heard you the first time."
"I mean it. I really, truly think..."
"Josh!"
"Yes?"
"I'm not the one you need to tell."
"I need to tell Donna?"
"Yes."
"I'll go and tell her now."
"No."
"No?"
"No, Josh you will not."
"But I thought the point of all this was..."
"Amy Gardner."
"Sorry? Toby what... I have to break up with Amy first? Right."
"Yes Josh."
"I have to break up with Amy first... not that we were really, you know going out. I guess I sort of just..."
"Tumbled sideways?"
"You've been talking to Donna."
"I'm very fond of Donna."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm very fond of Donna. She's needed a... someone to look out for her."
"That's my job."
"She's needed some one to look out for her in relation to you."
"So it's not like you're..."
"Josh, so help me sometimes that jealous streak of yours needs to be hacked out with a scythe. She has needed someone in a brotherly way to watch out for her when you have either been unconscious or too blind to notice her needs."
"I notice her needs..."
"No you don't... and at this point, I am not interested in listening to you any further. You are wasting time."
"I am wasting time... I have to go see Amy."
"Go."
"And Toby?"
"What!"
"Don't stop looking out for her okay. Coz sometimes you know..."
"You're too blind to see?"
"Yeah, I guess. Promise me you'll let me know when I'm being too blind?"
"Go. Mess this up and *I* will be the one hiding your body in the basement."
"Thanks Toby."
"Get out of my sight."
~*~*~
"Donnnnaaaaa."
"Josh, do you need to bellow my name in such a whine half way across the office? It's rather annoying you know."
"Whatcha doing?"
"They call it typing Josh. You see, my fingers hit these little buttons in a certain sequence and words magically appear on this screen. It's the latest thing."
"Looks like fun."
"Josh?"
"Yes Donnatella?"
"What do you want? You seem overly happy?"
"I can't be happy?"
"Rarely. Please put my stapler back down."
"Okay... what's this?"
"It's a picture of my Mom and Dad... it's always been there - not that you would have noticed. And put it down too."
" 'kay. What's..."
"For goodness sake Joshua! Stop with the bouncing around and picking up the things on my desk! What's going on with you?"
"I've just been to see Amy and..."
"Of course. No wonder you seem deliriously happy. I have work to do. Go away."
"Donna?"
"What?"
"I'm sure you don't have to hit those buttons so hard to make the words appear on the screen."
"I'm busy."
"And really, I think it would be wise to look at the screen occasionally so that you can see that you are making lines and lines of stuff appear on the screen that aren't, you know... actual words."
"Josh sometimes you are so..."
"Adorable?"
"Not what I was going to say."
"Got a minute?"
"No, I have to get this finished."
"I'd like to speak to you in my office please, Donna."
"Actually I need to talk to you about something too."
"Okay then... come on."
"Hang on Josh, I just have to..."
"Delete that stuff you just did?"
"Yes."
"Well hurry up, Donna! Time waits for no man."
"Except when they wear a watch like yours."
"Donna..."
"Okay, I'm done... I'm following... see?"
"I get to go first."
"Why?"
"Because I said so - that's why."
"Josh, I don't think that is a very good reason to do anything."
"Toby would agree with you on that point."
"And Joshua, pleassseee stop bouncing!"
"No, I've gotta bounce! It's just..."
"You?"
"Yes Donna, it's just me!"
"Josh?"
"Close the door behind you Donna, there's something I have to tell you..."
*
The end.