Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is purely for my own enjoyment.
McDreamy won't breathe for her anymore. Addison didn't love him or want him or want his child. He was sleeping with a different girl every night. The first time it happened it was an accident. Both wasted. Both horny. It wasn't shocking that it happened. Both had a reputation for sleeping with inappropriate people and neither could live without sex and alcohol, tequila for her and a good scotch for him. And if they were truly honest with themselves, they would also see that neither could survive on their own. So it just happened. They went back to his place and fucked, then he called her a cab and they parted ways as though it had never happened.
But then it happened again about a week later and then a couple more times the week after that. It was the same every time. Drink, fuck, cab. She never stayed the night. They never spoke anymore then they had too and restricted the conversations to alcohol and sex, the only topics either felt comfortable with. Sometimes they would meet up at Joe's but sometimes they would go there with their own group of friends and sometime during the night they would catch each others eyes and would each call a cab and come up with some excuse to leave. They would then meet up at his place.
He knew that she was having break-up sex with McDreamy, but he didn't care. Why should he? It was just sex between him and Meredith, so he didn't care what else – or who else – she did. He had even slept with a couple girls since he and Meredith had started fucking. Both he and Meredith knew that it was just sex and nothing more. It would never be anything more. It couldn't be. This was just a release. It was fun. It was meetings of the Dirty Mistress' club.
Three months into the break up sex with McDreamy, four months into dirty no consequence sex with McSteamy, they met up at Joe's, but right away he could tell that something was wrong. There was something off about her. Her eyes were filled with a sadness that he had never seen before. For a brief second he was filled with anger, not at her but at whoever had made her so sad. The anger passed quickly and they were soon drunk and on their way to his place. They fucked like they normally did. Once they were done he called her a cab and turned over to go to sleep. He could have sworn he heard her sniffling as though she were crying as she let herself out and he even thought about going after her, but he drifted off to sleep before that thought went any further.
The next day he at work he was rounding a corner when he stopped dead in his tracks. A few feet away Meredith and McDreamy were having some kind of hushed argument. The look on her face made Mark feel a slight twinge of something in his chest, but he wasn't sure what it was. Anger? Sadness? Possibly heartbreak?
Neither McDreamy or Meredith had noticed him, so he backed up around the corner and strained to hear their conversation.
"Derek, please don't do this! I will be better. I swear – "
"Don't, Meredith. We have had this conversation before. You say you will do better and that you will try harder, but it never happens. I can't do this anymore. I told you that yesterday. I told that I have met someone else, someone who wants the things I want and who puts themselves out there. They aren't all dark and twisty. I can't deal with the dark and twisty."
"Derek, Please? I won't be dark and twisty anymore. I can be bright and shiny for you. I will be – "
"No you won't. You will never be. Your mother was right, Meredith. You are nothing but ordinary and I'm tired of it. I'm done. No more break-up sex. No more trying to be friends. We are co-workers. No. We aren't even co-workers. I am your boss and you will act like a professional around me. Is that clear?"
Mark didn't hear a response but he assumed that Meredith had nodded because Derek responded with a cold, "Good. Now that that is settled, I have a job to do."
Mark heard Derek's footsteps receding as Meredith came flying around the corner almost slamming right into him, tears threatening to spill out of her sad eyes. He tried to grab her, but she easily dodged him and took off down the hallway.
He called out to her as she turned a corner, "Grey! Come back here!"
He felt the same anger raise within him that he had last night when he had seen her sad eyes. He decided to find Meredith instead of going after Derek but, he made a mental note to punch Derek in the face the next time he saw him.
It took him almost a half hour to find her. She was sitting on the floor of a supply closet. She looked so small and fragile with her knees pulled to her chest and her head down. She wasn't making any noise but he could see her tiny frame shudder with silent sobs.
"Grey? You okay?"
"Go away, Mark!"
Mark stepped further into the supply closet, closing the door behind him. He stood there awkwardly for a moment, unsure of what to do. This wasn't exactly his strong suit. He finally decided to sit down beside her and pull her closer to him. She put up little resistance and was soon sobbing openly into his chest. Once she had calmed down a bit, he pushed her away slightly and got to his feet, offering his hand to her. She looked up at him for a few moments and right as he was getting ready to draw his hand back, she reached for it. He pulled her to her feet and gently guided her out of the closet and toward the resident's locker room, shooting glares at anyone who dared stare at her for too long. Her face was bright red and she was still crying.
While she was changing he ran to the attending locker room to change as well. By the time he got back to the resident's locker room, she had already changed and was sitting on the bench staring blankly at her locker. Christina sat next to her trying to get her to respond. Waving her hand in front of Meredith's face wasn't having much of an effect so she decided to try yelling in her ear. Mark quickly crossed to the room and grabbed Meredith's elbow. She turned to look at him and then slowly stood and let him guide her out of the room. He heard Christina yell out to them, "What the hell?" but he kept going.
They passed Chief Webber just before they got to the door. He looked up just after they passed him so all he could see was their backs.
"Don't you have another hour left on your shift, Dr. Grey?"
Mark stopped and turned his head back toward the Chief.
"Dr. Grey isn't feeling well so I am going to take her home."
"But – "
Richard stopped what he was saying when Meredith turned around and he saw her tear stained face. He looked at Mark again, who was glaring intensely at him.
"Well alright, then. I expect you well rested and ready go for your next shift, Dr. Grey."
As Richard turned back to his paperwork, Mark guided Meredith out to his car. They rode in silence until Mark pulled up to his place. Meredith looked around a little startled.
"This isn't my house."
Mark chuckled quietly. "I know."
Without another word he got out and walked around to the other side. He opened her door and held out her hand. She hesitated for a moment before taking it and following up to his place. Once inside he wordlessly handed her a pair of sweats and t-shirt.
"You can just stay here tonight or something…"
"Or something?"
"Yea, well…"
He left the room with a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt for himself. By the time he came back, with a couple sandwiches in tow, she had changed and was already curled up in his bed. He thought that maybe she was asleep until he saw her body shudder with a silent sob. He set her sandwich on the bedside table next to her before he crawled into the other side of the bed and started to eat his.
With a mouthful of food he said, "You should eat. I made you a sandwich."
After a few minutes of silence she sat up, sniffled, wiped at her eyes and managed to squeak out a meek, "Thanks."
They ate their sandwiches in a comfortable silence. Once finished, Mark turned out the light and crawled back into bed. Each of them stayed on their side of the bed, until he heard her start to sniffle lightly. He inched toward her and then reached out a strong arm to draw her in close to him. He gently stroked her hair and let her cry, never releasing his grip on her. He didn't really care that his shirt was covered in tears and probably a fair share of snot.
As they lay there, his mind began to wander. He thought about the flash of anger he had felt last night, and the one he had again today when he saw her upset. Then he thought of the twinge he had felt in his chest and he realized that it was back, and had been since he had pulled her close. He still couldn't figure out exactly what it was, but he knew that what was happening right now was dangerously pushing him and Meredith to a point beyond just sex. He knew better then to let this happen, so he let out a gruff,
"You know I'm only doing this because what Derek said was really fucked up and no one deserves that. But this doesn't mean anything or change anything."
It came out in a harsher tone then he had intended, so he continued to stroke her and let out a softer,
"Just don't make a habit out of this whole staying the night thing. Okay?"
And she didn't. Within a week they fell back into their old routine. Drink, fuck, cab. No consequences, no meaning, and most importantly, no feelings. Or at least they thought there were no feelings involved.
It was about a month after they had gotten back into their routine. Meredith was leaning up against the nurses' station looking over the chart of her newest patient. Her focus was broken when someone set a coffee down next to the chart. She glanced up to find Mark smiling down at her. He pushed the coffee closer to her.
"Here. It's coffee."
"I can see that. But why?"
"Why is it coffee?"
"No. Why is it sitting in front of me?"
"So you can drink it…"
"Oh. Well, Thanks? I guess?"
"You guess?"
"I'm still unsure as to why you got me coffee."
"I know that you didn't get a lot of sleep last night," He gave her a suggestive wink before continuing, "and I know that you have a long day of back to back surgeries with Bailey a head of you, so I figured you could use some coffee."
"Well thank you."
"You're welcome."
Meredith went back to reading the chart as Mark turned and took a few steps before turning back around.
"Oh and Grey? Don't think this is free coffee. I expect to be repaid tonight." He said with a sleazy smirk painted across his face. "Seriously, though, this doesn't mean anything." It came out a little more aggressive then he intended and he wasn't sure if he was trying to convince her or if he was trying to convince himself.
After she got off that night she met him at Joe's and they got drunk just like they always did. They went back to his place where she repaid him for the coffee. Twice. And when It was all over he called her a cab and she went back to her place, just like always.
It wasn't until three later that their pattern was broken. Mark had been watching Meredith at the nurses' station, talking with Yang and Karev. He wasn't sure what they were talking about but he could tell the conversation was very animated from the way Meredith was wildly waving her hands around. At one point, Karev must have said something that annoyed Meredith because she threw her hands in the air, her right hand clipping the chart on the desk in front of her. The chart went tumbling to the floor as Karev let out a roaring laugh and Yang almost doubled over in a fit of giggles. Meredith bent down to retrieve the chart and as she did so, her scrub top rode up a little, revealing the small of her back. She stood back up and brushed a stray bit of hair out of her face and smiled at Yang and Karev who were both still laughing. God, he loved that smile. There was something so innocent and yet so… sexy… about it. He couldn't wait for their usual meet up after work. Without further hesitation he walked up to her, grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him.
"Dr. Grey, I was wondering if you could assist me with a little something." He had a bit of a twinkle in his eye and had used such a suggestive tone that Meredith actually blushed.
"Sure thing, Dr. Sloan."
As she followed Mark, she glanced back toward her friends. Christina had a knowing look upon her face, but Alex just looked confused. She heard him mutter, "What the hell?" to Christina, who replied with, "Are you the only one who isn't aware that she is doing the McNasty with McSteamy? Have you somehow managed to miss the fact that they leave Joe's at pretty much the same time every night?"
Meredith didn't really care that they knew and wasn't all that surprised since they hadn't exactly tried to hide it, but she was a little surprised that Cristina hadn't ever mentioned knowing before.
She followed him to an on-call room and for the very first time they did the "McNasty," completely sober.
When he got in the elevator at the end of the shift, Alex followed him. Just as the elevator started Alex switched the stop switch.
"So are you fucking Meredith?"
"Um. I don't see how that is any of your concern."
"Look. She is the closest thing I have to family so anything that has to do with her is my concern. So are you fucking her or not?"
"Yea I am."
"Is it serious?"
"No. It's just sex."
"If it ever becomes more than just sex and you hurt her, like McBast – I mean Dr. Shepherd, then I swear to you, I will make you suffer. I can't watch her go through that again. And whatever I do to you, will be nowhere near as bad as what Yang does to you. Just please don't hurt her. Please?"
Mark was a little stunned by the raw display of compassion and caring Karev had just lain out. He knew that Meredith and Karev were friends, but he hadn't realized just how much Karev cared for her. Almost as if Alex could read his mind he continued with,
"I know I come off as an ass who doesn't give a shit about anyone, but Meredith is the best and pretty much only friend that I have around here. She has always been there for me, so I figure that the least I can do is have her back this time. I should have watched out for her more with Shepherd, but I didn't and she got hurt. I'm not gonna let it happen again. So I am saying please. Please don't hurt her. And don't you dare tell anyone about this conversation."
"I won't hurt her."
"Okay. Good."
Karev flipped the switch and the elevator began moving again. The two men spent the rest of the elevator ride in silence.
The next day he found her eating alone in the cafeteria.
"Where are all your creepy friends?"
"Creepy?"
"Never mind. Long story."
"Okay…"
"Um. So I was knida thinking about giving my liver a break tonight, but there is another part of my anatomy that doesn't really want a break, so do you think we could just skip Joe's tonight and go straight to my place?"
"Yea. That's fine."
"Ok. Well I guess I will see you tonight."
In the next month, they had both almost completely stopped drinking and he brought her coffee seven more times. The seventh time, she had been standing with Yang, who eyed him suspiciously. Later that day Yang cornered him in a stairwell.
"I looked the other way and didn't say anything when I thought it was just sex, because let's face it, Meredith can't survive without sex and she has been known have inappropriate sex with plenty of inappropriate men, so I didn't think this would be a problem, but now you are bringing her coffee! Coffee! Why and the hell are you bringing her coffee? People who are just having sex don't bring each other coffee."
"We don't bring each other coffee. She never brings me coffee. I bring her coffee sometimes to kind of, I don't know, repay her for the just sex we have."
"Oh, so now you are saying that Meredith is a prostitute? A coffee prostitute?"
"No. That didn't come out right. I mean that I keep her up really late sometimes doing the, what was it you people call it, the McNasty? So I know she is tired the next day and I feel bad about that."
"Is that the only reason?"
"Yeah."
"I have seen the way you look at her. I have seen you stare. I also know that if you make her fall for you and then you hurt her, I will end you. I mean it. And I am not the only one who has her back."
"I know. I had a conversation like this with Karev a while back."
"Evil spawn? Really?"
"Yea and like I told him, it is just sex and I am not going to hurt her. There has to be feelings involved in order to get hurt."
"Right. Well just so we are clear, people who bring each other coffee, are in it for more than just sex. You bring her coffee because you care for her and you are concerned about her. You may have her fooled, and you may even have yourself fooled into thinking it is just sex, but you don't have me fooled."
With that, Christina continued up the stairs, leaving Mark to seriously ponder what she had said. He finally decided that of he cared for her because they were kinda friends and kinda friends care for one another. Yea. They were just kinda friends having just sex. Right?
A few days later he was leaning against the nurses' station looking over a chart when he heard steps behind. A familiar voice growled out,
"So you are fucking my ex? At least you waited until I was done with her this time."
Mark whirled around as he felt the anger quickly boiling to the surface.
"Seriously, Derek? We have been sleeping together for months. Ever since you coldly cast her aside. Why bring it up now?"
"I have managed to avoid dealing with her for months, but tomorrow she is on my service and I can't find a way out of it, so I guess that made me think of her again. I have known about you two this whole time, but I honestly don't care. You can have her. Good luck. She is the biggest train wreck I have ever seen. I am so glad to finally be done with her."
Mark could barely stop himself from laying Derek out.
"You never deserved her. She is amazing and beautiful. You are not enough of a man to handle her. The fault in your relationship not working out belongs to you, not her."
Mark quickly turned before he let his anger get the best of him. As he walked away, he heard Derek mutter an angry, "Whatever," under his breath.
That night was one of the few that he didn't see her. She was on-call so she was spending the night at the hospital. There wasn't any time for her to come over for the McNasty. He tossed and turned all night, unable to fall asleep. It wasn't until about 4am that he realized what the problem was. He missed her. He hadn't seen her all day and he actually missed her. He lay there staring at his ceiling trying to figure out what that meant. He didn't worry too much about sleep at this point. Tomorrow is his day off and his mind was going so fast that he knew trying to sleep would be pointless.
The next evening, when he heard the door to his apartment open, his heart skipped a beat. He was happy that she was there and had been waiting all day to see her. A wide grin spread across his face as he heard her footsteps approaching his bedroom, but it quickly fell into a slight frown when he saw her face. Her eyes were red and puffy as though she had been crying.
She croaked out a weak, "Hey, Mark."
He replied with concern in his voice, "Hey, Grey. Are you okay? Did something happen?"
"Um. I don't know."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"We don't do that, Mark."
"Talk?"
"Yea. No talking. Just sex. Remember?"
"Of course." He said, trying to mask the disappointment in his voice.
"Do you think we could get a move on, though? I desperately need sex. Also I'm exhausted and really want to get home so I can go to bed."
"Yea. Okay. No problem."
Once they were finished, she got out of bed and was beginning to gather up her clothes.
"Hey Mer – I mean Grey…"
He caught himself just in time from saying her name and reverted back to the comfortable nickname. But he hesitated before he continued because he could have sworn that her eyes lit up when he started to say her name, but the sparkle was gone as soon as he changed back to the nickname.
"If you want to, you could just crash here tonight. I mean you said yourself that you are exhausted, so it probably wouldn't be good for you to try and drive home and I know that your shift starts early tomorrow. I think it would just work out best if you stayed. You know, if you want. Or something."
"Um. Yea. Sure. That would probably be good. Thanks. Or whatever."
She wordlessly crawled back into bed. That night they slept as far apart as the bed would possibly allow. Over the next few weeks she stayed the night almost every night, each inching over a slight bit each night until they were almost touching. Then she came over one night, and had once again been crying. This time she didn't even say anything before changing into a pair of his sweatpants and his t-shirt and crawling into bed and backing herself up so she was a mere inch away from him. He hesitated slightly before placing his arm around her. When she didn't jerk away, he felt it was safe to pull her close to him.
"Meredith?"
She didn't reply.
"Hey. Meredith? Come on. Talk to me."
"Mark, we don't talk. We just fuck." She replied coldly. "I'm sorry," She quickly added. "I had a bad day and I shouldn't take it out on you."
"It's okay. Maybe you will feel better if you tell me about it. We may not have ever talked before, but I don't see why we can't start now. I mean we are kinda friends who get each other coffee and kinda friends talk to each sometimes. Maybe I can help or something?" He gently replied.
"Do you remember the last time I came over here crying?"
"Yeah. I do."
"Well I had worked with Derek that day. He was basically an ass to the entire day and he went out of his way to make me feel like shit."
"That bastard!" Mark growled angrily. He was pissed that Derek had once again hurt her. She was his now. Or was she? He didn't know. He knew that she was in his bed, in his arms, and that they some unspoken thing going on. He knew that he wanted to protect her. What he didn't know was exactly how she felt.
"Toady he told me that he was wrong to have broken up with me. He said a bunch of stuff about me being amazing and beautiful and how it was his fault the relationship went wrong and not mine."
"Oh. "He said with an odd mixture of disappointment and anger. Disappointment because this probably meant she was going back to her 'McDreamy' and anger that Derek had used his words to win her back. "So why are you here?"
"What?"
"Why aren't you with him right now? I assume that's what you want."
"Why would you assume that?"
"Well he is McDreamy."
"No. He is McBastard. This is where I want to be."
"Really?"
"Um. Yea. If that is okay with you?
"Of course it is! I am really glad that you want to be here."
"So does this mean that we are dating now?"
"Do you want to be?"
"Yes."
"Then yes, we are dating."
"This means you have to stop sleeping with other women."
"Meredith, I haven't slept with another woman since the night before I brought you home after Derek told you it was really over."
"Really?"
"Yes. Really. You have been more than enough for me and you will continue to be more than enough for me. Don't worry about me cheating. I won't make that mistake with you. I won't need to, because you are all I need now. And besides, I'm too scared of Yang and Karev to do anything to hurt you!"
Meredith let out a hearty laugh at that last comment. "Wow. Ok. We are dating!"
"I guess this means we have to start going on dates?"
"I would like that."
"Me too."
Shortly after this they both drifted off to sleep, their bodies intertwined.
Over the next few months Meredith slowly began moving some of her things into his place. She was practically living there. They were both happier than ever. They were lying in bed one evening after a long day of work. Both of them were exhausted. Mark was almost asleep when he unconsciously muttered, "I love you, Meredith."
His eyes instantly snapped open. He was fully awake and mentally kicking himself for having said that out loud. When she didn't move or say anything, he thought maybe she was already asleep and hadn't heard him, but then he heard a quiet, "What did you just say?"
"Um."
She sat up and turned to look at him. He flipped on the light next to him and tried to read her facial expression but he couldn't quite figure out what she was feeling.
"What did you just say, Mark?
"Um. I said… I love you?" It came quieter and as more of a question then he had intended it too, but to be perfectly honest, he was scared shitless of how she would react.
"You love me?"
"Yes." He said this with a little more confidence.
"Mark… I… I love you too." She had tears in her eyes, but a smile on her face. A grin spread from ear to ear on Mark's face as he enveloped her in his arms. For the first time since this whole thing started, they truly made love to each that night.