Title: Hope on the horizon
Author: Sabine
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Season 3 all the way up to "Fractures".
Summary: Post-Fractures. Aeryn and the others may be back onboard Moya, but things are not the way they used to be. Is Aeryn's attitude towards John going to change before their new mission starts?
Notes: I would like to thank my darn muse for appearing again after being 'lost' for six months and forcing me to write this story.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Farscape characters. All Farscape characters, names and situations are trademarks of Jim Henson Company, Hallmark Entertainment, Nine Network Australia, and SciFi channel ©.
***
John stared up at the ceiling of his quarters, chewing on his pen and his notebook placed on the centre of his chest. He had been up for hours, pacing about in his quarters because he was unable to fall sleep. Too much stuff was going around in his head, some of which he had no desire to be in his head in the first place. Things he didn't want even to think about.
He grabbed the notebook with his hands and looked at it. After the other him had taken it with him, he hadn't bothered to replace it. And now it had been returned to him in duffle bag along with the other stuff his twin had taken. John glanced over to the side of his bed, to the place where he had left the black duffle bag.
He couldn't bear to wear the clothes that were neatly folded and carefully placed among the other contents inside the bag. Had Aeryn been the one to do it? To gather the belongings and pack them or did Stark, Rygel or Crais do it for her?
The items were all that had been left of a dead man, all the evidence of a life that had been lived. Valuable things...things carrying memories. Things he had called his own in a not so distant past. These items were technically his. Technically.
A laugh escaped from him.
Technically was a good word to describe it. The things in the duffle bag had been John Crichton's things and he had died. He was John Crichton and he was still alive, so that meant all the things in the duffle bag were his. But were they really? Sure, they *had* belonged to him, but now it felt as if they didn't anymore.
It was really quite simple, wasn't it? They didn't feel like they were his, because they in fact weren't.
He wasn't going to wear his long leather Peacekeeper coat, because he wasn't going to pretend to be someone he was not. Wearing that coat would indicate that he was trying to erase the fact that there had been two of him walking around the universe and to ignore the sacrifice his twin had made.
Not wearing the coat would be his way to honour his twin's memory. The two of them might have started out as the same person, but after his twin had split with Aeryn, Crais, Rygel and Stark on Talyn that changed. He was no more his twin than his twin had been him.
John brought his attention back onto the notebook he was still holding in his hands. He hadn't been able to bring himself to read what his twin had written in it. Too afraid that he would read things about his twin's relationship with Aeryn and too afraid that if he did he would be unable to control his jealousy or anger. A couple of arns ago he had decided to write something in it about the recent events on Moya. He had made sure to open it on a page where nothing had yet been written on, but no matter how hard he tried he just could not bring himself to write anything down.
His twin and Aeryn.
Truth was that it could have been him. He could have been on Talyn with her. Instead he had been left on Moya without the centre of his universe, Wynona, his notebook and with a green shirt he didn't like to wear in the first place, but kept on doing so because she had chosen it for him. And while the other him seemed to have everything going for him, things had only seemed to get worse for him.
John threw the notebook against the wall on the far side of his quarters in frustration.
" Did that make ya feel any better?"
John scrambled up from his bed and gave the person standing in the entrance of his quarters a surprised look. He had no idea that she had been standing there. Hell…he hadn't even heard her approach. "Chi, what are you doin' here? Shouldn't you be sleeping right now?"
"Yeah, I should probably be doing that, but I…um…heard you moving around an' I thought I'd check on you. Ya know…to see if you're all right." Chiana's black eyes stared at him and he could read the concern for him on her face.
John nodded as he sat down on the edge of his bed and ran his fingers through his hair.
"I'm sorry if I kept you awake. It's just that I couldn't fall asleep. I've got a lot of stuff on my mind lately…things I need to sort out, but I've no idea where I should frellin' start."
His eyes followed the Nebari as she walked over to where the notebook had hit the floor and picked it up. A puzzled expression appeared on her face as she turned to look at him. "Your notebook? Did Aeryn give it back to you? I would've thought she…"
"…would have kept it," John finished for her. He shrugged as he gestured to the corner of his quarters where the duffle bag was residing. "It was in there along with Wynona, Stark's mask and *his* clothes. I don't really think she wants to be reminded of what they…"
He stopped for a moment before continuing. "You know…with him dying an' all."
"Yeah…I know," Chiana smiled sadly. Her fingers gently touched the cover of the notebook, tracing the lines written on it. "It's kinda weird. The other you being dead I mean…and you being alive. I…we all lost a friend, but somehow it's different coz you're still here. I grieve for him, but I'm so glad we've still got you. But Aeryn…"
" D'Argo told me that she thinks I'm his clone," John softly spoke as he looked up at the Nebari. "It hurts, Chiana. It hurts so frelling much and it's not the way she's treating me that hurts me the most. It's seeing how much she's hurting…seeing her pain. I want to hold her in my arms and tell her it's going to be okay, but I know I can't do that. Not now."
"It's gonna be okay, old man. It might take a while, but in the end it'll all be all right," Chiana stated as she sat down next to him on the bed, handing him the notebook. "She loved you before there were two of you. You may be a little different from the guy she lost, but you're still John Crichton. That has to count for somethin', doesn't it?"
"I hope so, Pip. It's not like I'm expecting her to throw herself into my arms…she's more likely to kick my ass or just plain ignore my existence right now. Not that I blame her. She probably sees him every time she looks at me…being remembered of what she's lost. The last thing I should do right now is push her, unless I'd want a date with the infirmary. I mean…if we are ever to have a shot at something more again, it'll take time. Aeryn Sun takes time. He was right about that…"
"The other you?"
"Yeah…he left me a message with lil' bit of Stark's help," John grimaced, placing the notebook next to him on his bed. "He explained me what had happened to him and he gave me some advice…"
"Is what he said in his message the reason for what you are planning to do? Is that why you want to destroy Scorpius' wormhole research project?" Chiana inquired curiously.
"Wormhole knowledge can be a dangerous weapon, Chiana. Especially if it falls into the wrong hands, which is why I've must do what I'm gonna do. Neither the Peacekeepers nor the Scarrans should be able to wield such a weapon with the track records they've got. It's just too damn dangerous and too many lives would be at stake if that happened."
"Sabotaging Scorpius' research isn't going to be an easy thing…"
"Nope…it's not. Then again when has anything ever been easy, Chi? The ugly truth of it all is that it needs to be done, because if we don't there's no telling what will happen next. And right now, I'm the only one who has the power to do anything about it."
"You really don't think I'm gonna let you die all by yourself, do ya? Besides if I'm gonna go with you on this fahrbot mission of yours, you'll have a bigger chance of surviving than without me. I have certain talents that could come in handy," Chiana grinned. Truth was that she hadn't seen John and the others die in one of her experiences, but the reality was there. It was going to be a dangerous mission and there was a big chance that they wouldn't all make it out alive. Maybe she could change that by sticking around them, hoping that if she had one of her experiences she would be able to prevent it from happening. She cared too much for John to see him die or Aeryn for that matter.
"Thanks, Chi," John spoke as he gave her a hug. "Thank you. This means a lot to me."
"It had better, because it's my life I'm putting on the line for ya," the Nebari laughed, getting up from John's bed. She slowly walked towards the door and turned to look over her shoulder once before leaving his quarters. " You'd better get some sleep, coz you're gonna need all the sleep you can get if you wanna pull that plan of yours off."
"I will, Chiana. Don't worry. I'll drop by the pharmacy for a visit to get something that'll make me fall asleep," John reassured her. She nodded as she continued in the direction of his door.
" Hey Chi?"
"Yeah, old man?"
"Thanks again."
"No problem, John."
John fell back on his bed and a smile appeared on his face. His little conversation with Chiana had really helped him get back on track. He needed to come up with a plan. Snippets of a plan were already forming in his head as he gazed up at the ceiling. He needed someone to bounce ideas off and that meant that he needed to talk to Harvey. Harvey knew Scorpy better than anyone…he would help him find a way to accomplish what needed to be done.
But first…first he needed to get some sleep. It was time for a field trip to the pharmacy…
Author: Sabine
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Season 3 all the way up to "Fractures".
Summary: Post-Fractures. Aeryn and the others may be back onboard Moya, but things are not the way they used to be. Is Aeryn's attitude towards John going to change before their new mission starts?
Notes: I would like to thank my darn muse for appearing again after being 'lost' for six months and forcing me to write this story.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Farscape characters. All Farscape characters, names and situations are trademarks of Jim Henson Company, Hallmark Entertainment, Nine Network Australia, and SciFi channel ©.
***
John stared up at the ceiling of his quarters, chewing on his pen and his notebook placed on the centre of his chest. He had been up for hours, pacing about in his quarters because he was unable to fall sleep. Too much stuff was going around in his head, some of which he had no desire to be in his head in the first place. Things he didn't want even to think about.
He grabbed the notebook with his hands and looked at it. After the other him had taken it with him, he hadn't bothered to replace it. And now it had been returned to him in duffle bag along with the other stuff his twin had taken. John glanced over to the side of his bed, to the place where he had left the black duffle bag.
He couldn't bear to wear the clothes that were neatly folded and carefully placed among the other contents inside the bag. Had Aeryn been the one to do it? To gather the belongings and pack them or did Stark, Rygel or Crais do it for her?
The items were all that had been left of a dead man, all the evidence of a life that had been lived. Valuable things...things carrying memories. Things he had called his own in a not so distant past. These items were technically his. Technically.
A laugh escaped from him.
Technically was a good word to describe it. The things in the duffle bag had been John Crichton's things and he had died. He was John Crichton and he was still alive, so that meant all the things in the duffle bag were his. But were they really? Sure, they *had* belonged to him, but now it felt as if they didn't anymore.
It was really quite simple, wasn't it? They didn't feel like they were his, because they in fact weren't.
He wasn't going to wear his long leather Peacekeeper coat, because he wasn't going to pretend to be someone he was not. Wearing that coat would indicate that he was trying to erase the fact that there had been two of him walking around the universe and to ignore the sacrifice his twin had made.
Not wearing the coat would be his way to honour his twin's memory. The two of them might have started out as the same person, but after his twin had split with Aeryn, Crais, Rygel and Stark on Talyn that changed. He was no more his twin than his twin had been him.
John brought his attention back onto the notebook he was still holding in his hands. He hadn't been able to bring himself to read what his twin had written in it. Too afraid that he would read things about his twin's relationship with Aeryn and too afraid that if he did he would be unable to control his jealousy or anger. A couple of arns ago he had decided to write something in it about the recent events on Moya. He had made sure to open it on a page where nothing had yet been written on, but no matter how hard he tried he just could not bring himself to write anything down.
His twin and Aeryn.
Truth was that it could have been him. He could have been on Talyn with her. Instead he had been left on Moya without the centre of his universe, Wynona, his notebook and with a green shirt he didn't like to wear in the first place, but kept on doing so because she had chosen it for him. And while the other him seemed to have everything going for him, things had only seemed to get worse for him.
John threw the notebook against the wall on the far side of his quarters in frustration.
" Did that make ya feel any better?"
John scrambled up from his bed and gave the person standing in the entrance of his quarters a surprised look. He had no idea that she had been standing there. Hell…he hadn't even heard her approach. "Chi, what are you doin' here? Shouldn't you be sleeping right now?"
"Yeah, I should probably be doing that, but I…um…heard you moving around an' I thought I'd check on you. Ya know…to see if you're all right." Chiana's black eyes stared at him and he could read the concern for him on her face.
John nodded as he sat down on the edge of his bed and ran his fingers through his hair.
"I'm sorry if I kept you awake. It's just that I couldn't fall asleep. I've got a lot of stuff on my mind lately…things I need to sort out, but I've no idea where I should frellin' start."
His eyes followed the Nebari as she walked over to where the notebook had hit the floor and picked it up. A puzzled expression appeared on her face as she turned to look at him. "Your notebook? Did Aeryn give it back to you? I would've thought she…"
"…would have kept it," John finished for her. He shrugged as he gestured to the corner of his quarters where the duffle bag was residing. "It was in there along with Wynona, Stark's mask and *his* clothes. I don't really think she wants to be reminded of what they…"
He stopped for a moment before continuing. "You know…with him dying an' all."
"Yeah…I know," Chiana smiled sadly. Her fingers gently touched the cover of the notebook, tracing the lines written on it. "It's kinda weird. The other you being dead I mean…and you being alive. I…we all lost a friend, but somehow it's different coz you're still here. I grieve for him, but I'm so glad we've still got you. But Aeryn…"
" D'Argo told me that she thinks I'm his clone," John softly spoke as he looked up at the Nebari. "It hurts, Chiana. It hurts so frelling much and it's not the way she's treating me that hurts me the most. It's seeing how much she's hurting…seeing her pain. I want to hold her in my arms and tell her it's going to be okay, but I know I can't do that. Not now."
"It's gonna be okay, old man. It might take a while, but in the end it'll all be all right," Chiana stated as she sat down next to him on the bed, handing him the notebook. "She loved you before there were two of you. You may be a little different from the guy she lost, but you're still John Crichton. That has to count for somethin', doesn't it?"
"I hope so, Pip. It's not like I'm expecting her to throw herself into my arms…she's more likely to kick my ass or just plain ignore my existence right now. Not that I blame her. She probably sees him every time she looks at me…being remembered of what she's lost. The last thing I should do right now is push her, unless I'd want a date with the infirmary. I mean…if we are ever to have a shot at something more again, it'll take time. Aeryn Sun takes time. He was right about that…"
"The other you?"
"Yeah…he left me a message with lil' bit of Stark's help," John grimaced, placing the notebook next to him on his bed. "He explained me what had happened to him and he gave me some advice…"
"Is what he said in his message the reason for what you are planning to do? Is that why you want to destroy Scorpius' wormhole research project?" Chiana inquired curiously.
"Wormhole knowledge can be a dangerous weapon, Chiana. Especially if it falls into the wrong hands, which is why I've must do what I'm gonna do. Neither the Peacekeepers nor the Scarrans should be able to wield such a weapon with the track records they've got. It's just too damn dangerous and too many lives would be at stake if that happened."
"Sabotaging Scorpius' research isn't going to be an easy thing…"
"Nope…it's not. Then again when has anything ever been easy, Chi? The ugly truth of it all is that it needs to be done, because if we don't there's no telling what will happen next. And right now, I'm the only one who has the power to do anything about it."
"You really don't think I'm gonna let you die all by yourself, do ya? Besides if I'm gonna go with you on this fahrbot mission of yours, you'll have a bigger chance of surviving than without me. I have certain talents that could come in handy," Chiana grinned. Truth was that she hadn't seen John and the others die in one of her experiences, but the reality was there. It was going to be a dangerous mission and there was a big chance that they wouldn't all make it out alive. Maybe she could change that by sticking around them, hoping that if she had one of her experiences she would be able to prevent it from happening. She cared too much for John to see him die or Aeryn for that matter.
"Thanks, Chi," John spoke as he gave her a hug. "Thank you. This means a lot to me."
"It had better, because it's my life I'm putting on the line for ya," the Nebari laughed, getting up from John's bed. She slowly walked towards the door and turned to look over her shoulder once before leaving his quarters. " You'd better get some sleep, coz you're gonna need all the sleep you can get if you wanna pull that plan of yours off."
"I will, Chiana. Don't worry. I'll drop by the pharmacy for a visit to get something that'll make me fall asleep," John reassured her. She nodded as she continued in the direction of his door.
" Hey Chi?"
"Yeah, old man?"
"Thanks again."
"No problem, John."
John fell back on his bed and a smile appeared on his face. His little conversation with Chiana had really helped him get back on track. He needed to come up with a plan. Snippets of a plan were already forming in his head as he gazed up at the ceiling. He needed someone to bounce ideas off and that meant that he needed to talk to Harvey. Harvey knew Scorpy better than anyone…he would help him find a way to accomplish what needed to be done.
But first…first he needed to get some sleep. It was time for a field trip to the pharmacy…