Thoughts that keep him awake...
Disclaimer: I thank Dick Wolf and everyone else who DOES own them, which I do not. It is not my
goal to make money from this or cause any more trouble than I do on a regular basis.
In His Dark
Dark...
It was around 3AM and the room was dark. His heart, his soul, his mind were dark... with thoughts of all who had failed him and whom he felt he had failed.
His mom, not there after he was 8 years old because of her mental illness... his childhood had been a horror but how can you blame someone whose mind, like his, inhabited the dark? Had he failed her by letting her choose not to fight her final illness? Was he more than ready to let her go to make his life easier or was it a case of allowing her the choice of a peace that life had never given her? Dark... he couldn't find the answers in the dark.
His brother, leaving home as soon as he could to avoid Frances and her problems... he wanted to be like his father, addictive, abusive and as distant from Bobby and his mother as he could be. He had blamed his Mom when he was the last one left to take care of her, but didn't Frank and his dad have some obligations? How could they have made the choice to leave a young teenager to care for a schizophrenic woman? Had he done something that chased them away, made them think it was OK to go? Dark... he couldn't see them clearly in the dark.
Bobby sighed as he sat there, awash in the pain... the pain that only arrived with the dark. There was a small, slow movement in the dark and he heard a sweet, warm, sleepy voice... "Bobby, go back to sleep. Whatever it is, we can talk about it tomorrow... I don't want you cranky and sleepless at work!". Even half-asleep, she could make a loving request sound like a Marine's order. He chuckled lightly, rising through the dark in his heart to the light that she offered him, as he slid down beside her. She scooted back against him and he put his arm around her as they 'spooned'.
She was his light, the antidote to the dark that could grip and paralyze him. Alex, his special light, would always be there when the dark surrounded him. The light she held for him alone warmed his damaged soul as he slipped into a dreamless sleep.