You're a holy fool all colored blue

Red feet upon the floor

You do such damage, how do you manage

Trying to crawl in back for more

Florence and the Machine, "What Kind of Man"

Chakotay

As soon as the doors opened, he saw her. She was sitting on the couch by the viewscreen, cross-legged, with a sleepy Naomi in her arms. She looked up at him as she took a lean finger to her lips, asking him to be quiet. She looked beautiful out of uniform, hair down from her usual hairdo. He locked eyes with her for a minute, then she spoke.

"Can I help you, Commander?" It was soft, as if not to wake the child, but he knew there was more to it. He knew she was exhausted.

"When was the last time you had any sleep?" he inquired, looking at her intently.

"About sixteen hours ago. I was on the bridge for about thirteen straight. On the way back to my quarters I ran into Samantha. She was looking for Neelix, but he was away in a security exercise Tuvok programmed. Her shift was about to start, she needed a babysitter for Naomi and I offered to help her." Chakotay pursed his lips, hands on his hips; a gesture he had learned from watching Kathryn all these years. Kathryn retaliated with a death stare; she knew him enough to know he was about to say something.

"Kathryn, I know better than anyone that commanding a starship is no easy task, but you need to rest." His voice, previously barely above a whisper, got slightly louder. She gestured for him to be quiet and observed as Naomi slightly fussed in her arms. Kathryn ran a hand through her hair, removing it away from her face, then turned to look at him.

"Can you, please, keep your voice down? You're going to wake her up!" Kathryn protested, "And for the record, Commander, I don't need you to keep tabs on me. I am sure Seven would appreciate that."

That stung. It took him by surprise and he felt a pang in his stomach. This was getting out of hand, and it was his doing. He deserved it for being such a fool. He had abandoned her when they had only weeks to get home. She was Atlas, carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders, caring about everybody else's problems but her own. He wanted to protect her, but now it seemed impossible. She'd pushed him away.

Chakotay entered his quarters, closed the door and walked straight to the shower. He ordered the computer to turn it on as he shed his uniform, then got in.

As he let the cold water wash over him, Kathryn's words reverberated in his head.

" 'For the record, Commander, I don't need you to keep tabs on me. I am sure Seven would appreciate that.' "

His head hit the wall again and again. How could he had been so stupid? If he loved her so much, why did he kept on hurting her? He had waited seven years to be by her side and now, just with weeks to get home, he'd decided to betray her. What kind of man was he? What kind of man loves likes this?