A/N: Hello! This came to be because I'm bored and I haven't seen anything like it yet. Please review, flames excluded!

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Our author is a very lucky girl. Very, very lucky. She has a roof over her head, a loving family, food to eat, and a certain degree of attractiveness and charm to her that makes her rather appealing to be around.

Unfortunately, she is about to lose all of that. (Except for that last one, perhaps.)

You see, our little author is foolish and decides that she would much rather live in Arda than actual Earth. The Valar are feeling particularly cruel at the moment, so they decide to grant her wish.

Now, our author finds herself in the middle of Harad. She is very understandably panicked, and is screaming and making a scene.

Unfortunately, she finds herself right underneath a mûmak.

Squishified!

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A/N: Author is also vain. Who ever said she had to land in the north?