DIS: A dedication story! I really don't do enough of these, hehe. Oh, well! This is dedicated to punkeymonkey89, because we both know how much I've been neglecting Bakura and Anzu. ;)
X
Title: Five Steps
Rating: T
Genre: Romance
Summary: Dedicated to punkeymonkey89. BakuraxAnzu. Five steps and then we're done. Five steps and you'll never come back. I desperately need you, no matter how much I lie to myself. One shot.
Disclaimer: I do not, no matter how many stories I write, own YuGiOh.
Notes/Warnings: Dedicated to punkeymonkey89; one shot; Bakura/Anzu (Vexshipping); Bakura's POV
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Five Steps
Five steps and then we're done. Five steps and you'll never come back. I desperately need you, no matter how much I lie to myself. I desperately need you...Because I am in love with you.
I had imagined that the first steps forward would be the worst. You would have thought, after living for as long as I have, being a thief, and having the experience I did, that I would have known better than to make idiotic assumptions. I should have considered over the consequences when I took those first steps towards my demise. I should have known that there would always be a time when one of us would have to take five steps back.
The night that I took those first steps was cool and soothing. I was accustomed to warm weather, but my body was coping well. It was shortly after the beginning of spring and although the air was warmer than it had been lately, it felt cold against my hot skin. As usual, I had stormed around Domino City after a rather heated argument with Ryou. He wanted me to mingle with the other humans, but there were only a very small few that I could handle without wanting to puke, Seto Kaiba being on the top of that list.
The park was a place that I rarely enjoyed going to, as there were usually too many people in it. I hated the way women fawned over me and would bump into me "accidentally." It was aggravating and I wanted nothing to do with their overactive hormones. I had dealt with women in my past life. At the time, I had no intention of involving myself with any others, most especially Anzu Mazaki.
I never would have noticed her sitting quietly on that park bench by herself except that I had been planning on sitting there myself. The sight of someone sitting, slumped over with their face in their hands had baffled me at first: what would someone be doing outside in the park at ten o'clock at night? I knew my reasons, but had no idea of the other person's. Frankly, I didn't care. I would have to walk further if I wanted an empty bench and I saw no reason why I should have to leave when there is a perfectly good bench right in front of me.
"Hey," I snarled. "There are people trying to get a seat here. Take your emotional breakdown elsewhere." Her head came flying up in alarm and her eyes, so blue and wide, spilled out tears. Startled slightly at whom it was that was crying in the park, I stood, not speaking for a long while. She stared back at me, looking just astonished as I felt. After awhile, she looked away and rubbed at her face, an ashamed expression her face. Her eyes were puffy and rimmed red and her face, usually so fair and without blemish, was splotchy. "Mazaki." She sniffled.
"Bakura, sorry. Guess I'm kind of an idiot, crying in the park like this. I'll leave and not make you uncomfortable." That last comment of hers was what made me uncomfortable. I didn't give a damn whether she cried or not. I generally ignored taking the blame for something, but with Anzu Mazaki, everything always came to be more complex. Whether it was Ryou's feelings that were communicating through my mind or something, I wasn't sure.
With a resigned sigh, I waved a hand and glared down at her as she started to rise from the bench. Even I could tell that she would end up getting raped if she went home on her own that night. I settled on the other end of the bench, staring sullenly out at the park's greenery. Mazaki sniffled beside me over whatever convoluted issue she was going through while I deliberated over what to do when I returned home. Ryou had grown stubborn is the past months and the last thing I needed was to return to just another confrontation. Like always, I would have to compromise.
"Why are you out tonight?"
Oh, Ra, why do women always want to talk? Even in bed, they have to chatter along about some inane thing. Do they not understand that when their mother said 'fill empty space with conversation' they meant at extremely awkward silences and that was it? "I was walking," I replied shortly, hoping to dissuade her. I should never make assumptions when it comes to Mazaki, though.
"Is that all? Were you upset or something? You seemed angry..." There was the slightest tremor in her voice, betraying the fear that she and all her stupid friends held for me. Did they not understand that I no longer had the Sennen Ring and was virtually harmless? I may hold a knife on me, but because of my terms with both Shadii and Ryou, I could do nothing with it until I was being threatened. What their idea of being threatened is could be only the worse situation possible.
"Stop trying to be my therapist," I snapped, irritated. "I won't be your distraction so that you don't have to pay attention to your own problems." I paused a beat, waiting for her to say something, but she was silent. With an inward sigh of relief, I sunk back against the bench and pushed my hands into the pockets of my jacket to brood. After all, I would have to manipulate the compromise Ryou would present me with.
"...No one really understands a person, even if they say you do." Frowning, I glanced over at her and saw that she was staring at her hands folded in her lap. Sniffing, she wiped a tear that dropped from her eye. "You must feel that way sometimes, Bakura. That no one understands you, I mean." Oh, Ra, this is not a conversation I want to be having with a woman who has just finished sobbing. Nonetheless, she's brought up the topic and I still need to vent.
"Mazaki," I said in a steady voice, "nobody does understand you. No matter how long they've known you, whether they are your family or not, they don't fucking understand you. Even if I tried to explain to you why I came out tonight, even if I tried to explain to you or your half-wit friends why I am who I am, why I do what I do, you still wouldn't understand one damn thing about me. Not even those who are like open books are really understood. Now, you tell me: are you finally realizing how hopeless your idiot friends are or have you known and they finally realized it for once?"
"What do you mean, 'hopeless'?" She demanded, her voice becoming a bit fired up with her old, familiar personality. I would much rather deal with a woman who insults me and rants at me every five seconds rather than one who cries all the time.
"I mean," I drawled, pushing my elbows onto the back of the bench, "that friendship doesn't pull you through everything. You can keep on with that theory, but I know for a fact that when it comes down to it, your family and friends can't do shit for you. You've got yourself and only yourself."
"That might have been how it was for you, Bakura, but – "
"No," I interrupted sharply, pointing a finger at her with a glare. "It's not just for me, Mazaki, and let me tell you why: at least once in your life a friend or family member has let you down, right?" She opened her mouth to say something, but I barreled on without a response, "They always are going to let you down. When it's just yourself, you can't let yourself down without secretly knowing that you will." She gazed across me and then looked away, her shoulders drooping with defeat. "So. What did they do to make you so upset?"
"It's just this...Shizuka and Otogi are dating, Mai and Jou are dating, and Yami has been urging me to go out with Yuugi, but I can't do that. He's a childhood friend. I practically watched him grow up. I couldn't possibly think of him as anything other than a friend. We all made plans to go out tonight – well, I actually made the plans with them – and they made me wait. The only one that called up was Yuugi. The rest of them didn't even bother." I grimaced, hearing her voice catch slightly. She didn't cry like I thought she would, but stood stiffly, her hands buried in her lap, her mouth trembling. "I'm just so damn mad at them. How could they do that to me?"
"Humans happen to be like that if you haven't noticed."
"Shut up!" I blinked, my eyes narrowing. "You're a human too, Bakura, so don't – " She halted abruptly, staring at me with a horrified expression. I met her stare impassively, only slightly aggravated with her rude shushing. "I'm sorry. I didn't – "
"Stop apologizing, for Ra's sake!" I growled at her. "I hear that phrase more than I do 'hello'!" I didn't give her an excuse for why it was that I wanted to stop hearing people apologize for one thing or another. At one point, I had enjoyed people being frightened of me. In this world, however, I had to depend on people in order to remain alive. If I died now, I wouldn't come back. I wasn't ready to be permanently dead quite yet.
"...Bakura?"
"What now?"
"Tomorrow is Sunday." I rolled my eyes. As if I needed someone to tell me what the day would be tomorrow. I might not pay attention to what happens in the world, but that doesn't mean I don't keep track of the date! "You're used to being let down by other people, but you always seem so alone without Ryou." Exasperated, I turned my head to the side, frowning across the bench at her. I could see her gathering herself in defense at my look. "I'm just saying...I mean, offering, for you to hang out tomorrow. Nothing big. Maybe work on some homework or just sit around and watch movies or whatever."
I had been prepared to turn down the offer immediately, but I reconsidered. If I inserted my hanging out with Mazaki into the compromise that would no doubt be waiting for me at home, I might be able to have a little more freedom. What was she going to do? Tell me I couldn't leave early? Ha! Even I could overpower her, whether it be with seduction or strength alone. And besides, I never did my homework and I was getting rather tired of those teachers ragging on me and always asking me for the answer when they knew very well that I wasn't paying attention.
"Fine." Her face lit up. "Only because I have nothing else to do," I added, just so she didn't get any strange ideas about what was happening. Her lips curled hesitantly into a smile, but I just turned away, getting to my feet. "I might as well walk you home." No doubt if Ryou found out I let her wander off by herself and got raped, I would be getting the worst of punishments, supplied by people from his computer.
"You don't have to," Mazaki cheerfully said, her earlier miserable mood seemingly forgotten.
"Actually, I do," I grumbled. "If you end up getting raped, I'll be the one to be blamed and frankly, Mazaki, that isn't on my list of things to be blamed for." I shoved my hands in my pockets again and nodded towards the path. "Go on." She bounced to her feet and I followed a few steps behind her as we started through the park. The only thing that we encountered was a gang of idiot boys that smirked at Mazaki and then deflated instantly when they looked at me. Apparently I made quite an impression because they scuttled off far quicker than necessary. What a bunch of dumb asses.
"Here's my house," she announced after some time of walking through the lit-up streets of Domino. A woman was sitting on the steps, looking worried and haggard. When she saw us, she leapt to her feet and I swear to Ra she couldn't have gotten to us any faster if she flew. Mazaki gave a small groan as the woman hugged her.
"Oh, Lord, I was so worried about you, Anzu! Yuugi told me that...And you said you would be home sooner...You cell phone was off, so I..." She stopped with her half-sentences and looked at me with more than a bit of motherly interest. "And this is...?"
"Bakura, mom. Ryou's...half-brother." She flashed a quick look and continued, "He walked me home. He's going to stop by tomorrow to hang out." She paused and looked to me. "Right?" I glanced at her and then turned my gaze to her mother who seemed to be trying not to wring her hands. I wasn't going to bother acting good for this woman. I wasn't in the mood.
"Right," I answered. I took a step back, away from them. "I'm leaving." I gave a quick nod to her mother and left down the sidewalk, hoping that she didn't call after me. Thankfully, she didn't, but hers and Mazaki's voice started in murmurs. Ignoring them, and the possibility that they might be talking about me, I continued down the sidewalk towards home.
X
The first step is the easiest. Even the second step is easy. Friendship is established at that stage. Then the third step, a friendship that is more solid and less hesitant, comes. And the last two steps were the hardest: acknowledging to myself that I was in love with her, and acknowledging to her that I was in love with her. I had never been in love before and had never wanted to. Why did it have to happen with someone so vivid and entertaining, someone who had someone else's attention that was much more worthy than my own?
X
Ryou had agreed to the compromise, as I suspected, and the visits began. At first, I kept to myself, practically in my own corner in whatever room we were in. Her mother seemed to adore me, but was hesitant in talking much since I always gave curt replies. Her father, like all fathers, despised me simply because of my gender. My third visit there, he stalked into the living room where Anzu was trying to explain to me my English assignment. Without even telling Anzu to leave, he started in on a highly amusing lecture about "manhood" and "protection" and every other sort of thing that a father would have told his son.
When he left, I turned to Anzu with a smirk, seeing her shocked, flushed expression. All she had done was shake her head in disbelief and say, "I swear to God that isn't my father." I could only laugh at her astonishment. Clearly it wasn't every day that her father lectured a boy that came around the house. I could see that he never did that to any of the idiots that she hang around: Yuugi, Yami, Honda, Jou, Otogi, or Ryou. That I was considered a threat was interesting enough.
On the seventh visit, I knew something was brewing as soon as I walked in the house. I paused in the entrance, considering turning around and leaving, pretending I had never been there. Unfortunately, it was becoming clear to my eyes that Anzu had been putting a good degree more of trust in me than her friends. We never spoke at school, but every once in awhile she would glance at me and smile with a strange look in her eyes that I couldn't comprehend. Her friends knew nothing of our meetings and I was thankful that Ryou had, for once in his pathetic life, made a wise decision of keeping his mouth shut.
I followed the sound of voices to the kitchen and poked my head in. Her parents were growling at each other, their faces full of stony expressions. Before they could realize I had seen them, I escaped the room and went upstairs to where I suspected Anzu was hiding out. I knocked on her door lightly and then entered, appreciating the lack of light. Only her desk lamp was on. "Your parents are gossiping about me," I informed her. I had heard enough from their low voices to know 'that boy' was me.
"I was supposed to call you and tell you not to come over, but I decided they could go to hell." I raised an eyebrow as she sat up from her bed and sighed, smiling. "They think you're a bad influence on me because Yuugi and the others never come over. I tried explaining to them that wasn't yours or my fault, since most of them were busy with their love life and Yuugi was working longer at the Kame Game Shop with Yami since his grandpa hasn't been able to work as much." She shrugged helplessly. "They didn't listen to me, of course."
"Hmm...If they compared my grades from before this started to now, they would see that you are the bad influence on me."
"Don't you mean good influence, Bakura?"
"No." She blinked and then laughed at me. I scowled, but said nothing, taking a seat at her desk. I sat backwards on the chair, folding my arms over the back of the chair, resting my chin on it. I could tell just by the way she avoided looking at me that there was something else that had caused the argument. Seeing as how it was about me, I felt the right to know, so if she didn't come out with it in a few minutes, I would force it out of her. "Well, Anzu?" It was strange calling her by her name, simply because I never had before. After the fifth visit, though, she had become irritated by it and demanded that I use her actual name instead of her father's surname.
"Well...There was something else, but it's nothing." I frowned. She was lying to me. As if feeling my growing temper, she hastily said, "It's a stupid idea that my parents developed somewhere – I don't even know where." She licked her lips and glanced at me. "They think that I'm lying about you being just a friend and that when we're in my room or are alone, we...do things." She blushed at the end of the sentence and I couldn't help but smirk.
"Idiots. They would have heard us." I thought on that and decided, "No, never mind. That isn't completely true. They should know better anyway." Her face was blood red and she jerked to her feet, her hands balled up in fists as she stood over me. I arched a smooth brow mildly, smiling up at her. I was confident she wouldn't hit me, but if she did, I could hit back, just as hard and viciously.
"Why did you have to say something like that? You're such a pervert."
"You would say that," I scoffed, pushing away from the chair, planting my hands on it. "It's no wonder you're still a virgin, Anzu, what with you not bothering to look outside the land of naïveté."
"Shut up!"
X
The worst problem had been her friends, which had occurred right before the fourth and most crucial step. I never expected them to accept me, much less the damned Pharaoh and his dog, Katsuya. Now, every time I see her without me and I am unable to be seen, there is a stark loneliness in her eyes that is much like the gaze in which she cast towards me in the earliest days. Nobody but I had been able to see it. Her wide, cerulean orbs are so transparent to me, showing her every thought. I do not claim to understand her, because she doesn't understand me. No one understands anyone but themselves, as I told her at the park that night.
X
School was the worst part of my day. I had seen no reason for Ryou to force me into such a disgusting institute where the teachers don't even teach properly. It was the only reason I ignored them during class and failed to do my work. The only part of the week I enjoyed was each Sunday when I would meet with Anzu. Ryou and I can never converse normally, likely because I was stuck inside his wretched body for so long that I can't stand looking at him any more. Anzu was refreshing, though; a new drink I had never tasted before, and something that, I confess, I needed in order to stay more or less sane.
Because of her, I had actually started to do my work and pay the slightest bit of attention in class. That first disappointed sigh of my name that she gave when we exchanged grades had given me a chill that had been hard to brush off.
"Bakura." Surprised, I looked up to see Anzu standing over me. I had always spent my lunch somewhere secluded and now that the weather was getting better, I could sit at the oak tree in the courtyard without anyone bothering me. That Anzu had actually approached me during school was strange enough. Her tone, so quiet and uncertain, made me become alert. "Bakura, I need to ask you something."
"What is it?"
"...I need you to take care of someone for me." That made me pause and I didn't give her an answer for awhile, staring across the courtyard at the different people that chatted and ate out in the warm, cheerful weather. Anyone that saw us would tell their friends that I, the untouchable loner in this school, was seen talking with Anzu Mazaki, who was known for her kind, open attitude.
All hell would break loose.
"Should I know the reason?"
"You would say we're friends, wouldn't you?" Her abrupt turn of subject made me frown, but I nodded. "Then I'm afraid you wouldn't stop if you knew." I turned to look at her and knew the expression in my eyes was not a pleasant one. "It's nothing for you to worry about, Bakura. I just think that you would be a lot more intimidating than Jou or someone else. Nothing would...would make him stop, no matter what I threatened. If I told the principal, he wouldn't believe me." I was beginning to dislike this conversation.
"Fine, Anzu, you don't have to tell me. Who is it that I'm going to have a talk with, though?"
"...Ichigo Sazuki." I groaned inwardly. As if I wanted to have a talk with that stupid asshole. Now I could see why Anzu couldn't go to the principal with her problem. As a star soccer player, and liked by all the student body and the staff, he could get away with anything and if someone squealed on him, they weren't likely to be believed. I had already dealt with a few encounters with him already because, through him, I learned that we were supposedly competing on who the best-looking man in the school was. The fact that I never knew of this until he cockily said he was going to win goes to show how uninformed I am.
"And afterward, you'll tell me what this is about." It wasn't a question.
It was a command.
X
I learned, far too late, from Atemu that she had begun to come only to me for help, because she was convinced I could be the one to help her always. I want to be the one to help her always. Most of the time, I think we both feel that nobody else can.
X
"Are you mad at me?" I glanced at Anzu, but didn't speak. My encounter with Ichigo had been far too educational for my liking. Instead of Anzu telling me, I found out from him too many specifics of her body, something I hated more than anything. I shouldn't have had to hear that from anyone, much less from that scum. If he had kept his mouth closed, I wouldn't have beaten the shit out of him like I did. I'm surprised his posse had managed to get me off him before I killed him. Shadii and Ryou will be having a long, thorough talk with me about this and my explanation is going to be less than inspiring. "Bakura, please say something. You've had that cold look on your face ever since you came over."
"Do you blame me?" I sneered in reply. "You've been getting molested by a fucking jackass like him and you never told anyone else but me until now?"
"No one else could have taken him; you know that." I snorted. Even if it was true, that didn't make it better. "Why are you so mad?" I didn't need her asking that, not when I barely had a clue myself. I was trying to pretend to myself that it was simply because she was my friend, but I knew that Ichigo's arrogant descriptions of his conquests had nothing to do with friendship. And that, in itself, pissed me off. I didn't like not knowing what was going on with my emotions.
Anzu put a hand on my arm and then leaned her head against my shoulder. "You're really special to me, Bakura. I just wanted you to know that." I pressed my mouth together and moved my arm, draping it around her shoulders. She snuggled up to me, pressing her cheek against my chest. I felt a tension ease out of me and heard alarm bells sound off in my head. I ignored it all, gently pulling Anzu away from me. I took her chin in my hand and leaned down to cover her mouth with my own.
I wasn't expecting the swift rush of desire that rose up to muddle my mind. I forgot that we were in her bedroom, where her parents could burst in and start a fight with her again, but instead deepened the kiss. Her lips were soft and pliant beneath mine, her hands sliding up to bury in my hair. She gave a soft moan, her lips parting. Her breath was sweet, her mouth tasting of candy and mint. I ignored all common sense that was trying to override the lust, diving down into an abyss that I wanted to drown in. I could have drowned, too, if not for the sound of footsteps outside her door.
With a groan of reluctance, I tore myself from her and went to the other side of the room to put some space between us. I couldn't be near her while my head was still pounding with want and my body was screaming for something my mind wanted to deny it.
"Anzu?" Her mother looked in, smiling, and glanced to me. There was a look of alarm on her face that couldn't be stifled. "I...wanted to see if maybe Bakura wanted to stay for dinner." She looked at me in question.
Forcing a polite tone to my voice, I said, "No, thank you, Mrs. Mazaki." She nodded and then ducked out of the room again. A silence settled in the room and my body was tightening, as though preparing to pounce. I put a hand on the windowsill where I was at to keep myself from making any moves that I would regret later on. "You and I will discuss this later."
"Bakura – "
"No," I cut her off before she could say anything. I needed to get out here; I needed to get away from her, if only for awhile. I needed to settle my mind before I saw her again.
X
I was one of those in the small population of men that didn't mistake lust for love. I knew instantly when it was that I loved her and feared that emotion more than anything I ever had before. Now, I am trying to embrace it. Nothing can be done about that, as I have never felt like this for another woman before.
X
I should have expected, after everything that happened yesterday, for Anzu to come to me at school, but the way she pronounced her association with me had shocked even me. I had been minding my own business in Government, the only class I had with her and all her annoying friends. Instead of stopping in front of them like she usually did at the beginning of class, she wound through the maze of desks to mine in the back, only a few desks behind Seto Kaiba's. "Bakura."
I raised my eyes to her, blinking. The sunlight that was streaming in from the windows bathed her in a white light that was hard to look at. "...Anzu."
"I don't care about anything right now." I stared at her blankly. "I know what I want; you don't have to know, just that it involves something that I know you want, too." I should have been suspicious, but I still just stared at her, even as she leaned down and molded her lips to mine. I should have stopped, done something intelligent, but instead I kissed her back like the fool I was, cupping the back of her neck. I could hear a multitude of sounds around me, but if Anzu could ignore the opinion of her friends and peers...Well, I certainly could, too.
"Are you certain this is what you want to do?" I murmured against her lips. She smiled.
"Yes, I'm positive, Bakura." She pulled back and beamed down at me. I had never seen her looking as happy as she did then.
X
He had always been watching her, something I should have known from the beginning. The way he always smiled at her and she had, at one time, searched for his gaze and pined for his good opinion had once said much. The only part of that equation that changed was her: he was still the same.
X
I opened my eyes as a shadow fell over me. Anzu was gone today, so I was alone at my oak tree outside. The weeks that I had flaunted her around like an expensive doll had been the weeks I was actually able to live since being given my body. Anzu had told me she expected nothing from me, that this would be a relationship where no emotions would be connected. The more I touched her and made her make those small sounds of satisfaction caused a feeling much more complicated than desire to surface. It was both worrying and confusing.
"Pharaoh," I greeted, closing my eyes again at seeing who my visitor was. I hadn't known until Anzu and I began to date that he had any interest in her. The way his eyes followed her, even with the knowledge that she was with another man, made it all too obvious what was going on in his head. I could only endure it and say nothing of it. Her friends had never cared for me in the beginning, but now they were outright hostile (in the case of Jou, Honda, and Otogi, anyway).
"We need to talk," he rumbled in his deep voice. I would have ignored him, except he sounded too grave for me to simply brush him off as I did every one and every thing else. With a sigh, I sat up so I was in the shadow of the tree. Atemu remained standing and I had no intention of having him look down at me. Getting to my feet, I made a gesture for him to go ahead. "Why are you dating Anzu? Is it to get back at me? Because if it is – "
"Don't be so self-centered," I snorted. "This has nothing to do with you, Atemu. This has to do with me and Anzu. There usually are only two people in a relationship unless it's in the bedroom." Atemu frowned over at me, not amused. He really is the dullest creature on this earth.
"You had better not be lying to me."
"I am not lying," I snapped with more than a bit of bite to my voice. His eyebrows rose slightly, taken aback. Pursing my lips, I looked away and muttered, "I am not lying. This is about me and Anzu and no one else. You ought to get that egocentric notion out of your head."
"I'll do that." Atemu turned to leave and called over his shoulder, "Oh, and Bakura?" I grunted in response. "If you hurt her...I will kill you." He continued towards the school and I glared after him, furious. How dare he threaten me? All I could think about was wanting to go after him and beat him to his last breath. Instead, I turned back to the ground and laid there until sixth period when I left home.
X
I did stupid things during that fourth step. I was still arguing with myself, trying to say that it couldn't possibly be love. I tried going without Anzu's company, but it seemed to me like I was a man from Alaska trying to survive in the Sahara Desert with no food or water. Anzu was my sustenance and I needed her. I thought, if I went to bed with her, I wouldn't feel that way. I learned that it only made the feelings more prominent.
X
"Why are you crying?" I don't understand this woman. We do this and she cries afterward. She hadn't been crying during, but now she's sobbing in the pillow like I beat her instead of made love to her. How can one person make me feel like such a piece of shit? "Anzu, stop. Don't do this." She sniffed and wiped her face, giving a tremulous smile. I really can't understand what's happening right now. I had assumed if we did this, everything would be better. I thought my mind would stop being so conflicting, but now I wanted to do so many tender things to her that is unlike me.
"I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm crying." She laughed shakily and I watched her, unable to say anything. What could I say? After awhile, I just sighed and brushed her hair from her neck, placing a lingering kiss there. I drew away and pulled her against me. She pressed her face in the crook of my neck, giving a small exhalation. "Your smell comforts me." I still said nothing, because I was, literally, speechless.
"It will be better next time," I said at last, thinking that she must be disappointed.
"It was good this time."
X
I should have listened to the advice of those in Kul Elna. Sex does complicate things. I just never realized how much until I met Anzu.
X
"Bakura." I looked up from the porch. Anzu closed her front door and sat next to me, clasping her hands together tightly. I could sense that a storm was about to come, although my mind could not conjure up any idea of why. It only made me more wary. "Listen...I don't think I can do this anymore." I stare at her mutely, not completely comprehending what she was trying to tell me. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips and she looked away, twisting her hands more, her shoulders trembling. "It's just...God, this shouldn't be so difficult, but it is." She leapt to her feet and I rose to my own much more slowly. I couldn't help her collect her thoughts any more than I could help the growing warning of panic that was building in my chest. "Bakura, I can't...be with you like this anymore."
My eyes narrowed into a glare. "Why?"
"It's complicated."
"Is this about Atemu?"
"No!" She pushed her fingers through her hair frantically. "We're at the end of the year, Bakura. I have...I have dreams I want to fulfill in America. I'm going to be honest with you. Quite frankly, I can't see you following me to America. I'm not sure I want this kind of relationship after high school. This was, you know, just a fling, wasn't it? I don't want that once I go to dance school. I want something else."
For a moment, I was certain I had heard her wrong. The look on her face, a depth of feeling I didn't allow myself to interpret, gave me proof that her words were sincere and I had heard them after all. After that, everything seemed frozen in time, locked in place by this sudden change of events. I kept my face neutral, struggling not to think too much into her last sentence. It was a subtle hint, I knew, but I was a thief. I had been the thief lord of Egypt! I couldn't just blurt out my feelings like that. I wasn't built like that.
"I see." It was a safe response and one that I hoped I could get away with for now. She seemed to wait for me to say something else before looking away, a disappointed expression in her eyes. "Then this is it?"
"Yes...Yes, Bakura, I suppose it is. I...I'm leaving right after graduation to go to America. I would have stayed here in Japan, but..."
Oh, Ra. She was going to America because she loved me and couldn't stand being around me. I'll never be able to tell her that I love her. It's impossible. She'll be across the damned ocean in two weeks and I won't ever be given the chance.
"Alright." Anzu was staring at me with such a horrible expression that I wanted to stab myself. Her whole face was contorted in agony and I knew my cool manner was what was causing it. "It was fun, Anzu." Those were the breaking words. She spun around and flew into the house, slamming the door behind her. I gazed at the door for a moment and then left her house, knowing what was coming for me.
X
I never would have graduated if not for Anzu. Two days after graduation, Anzu would be gone and I would be returning to my old, worthless life. I couldn't imagine days without her. This fifth step was the step that I could never take. I thought I might be able to take it – I had been close to taking it – but instead, I was going to have to take five steps back. Gods...Five steps and then we're done. Five steps and you'll never come back. I desperately need you, no matter how much I lie to myself. I desperately need you, Anzu...Because I am in love with you.
X
Ryou had told me, very softly, that Anzu's flight left at five this afternoon. "She had been accepted into Julliard's long ago," he had said, "when she had applied for it." I don't give a shit what she applied for or what she got accepted into. It was four-thirty now and I had been debating with myself all day whether to go after her. I didn't know whether I could tell her the truth. Surely she must think awful of me since we have been avoiding each other since the breakup.
"Fuck it," I muttered, stumbling to my feet and shoving my feet in my shoes. I hurried down the stairs and ran out of the house, ignoring Ryou's call of concern. I ran through the neighborhoods all the way downtown where I took a cab to the airport. I was still panting by the time we arrived. I threw money at the driver, not caring if it was enough, and ran through the airport. I didn't care whether I pissed people off when I shoved them aside.
I checked the clock and swore. It was four-fifty-two already. I searched for the gate where Ryou had told me her plane would be (another subtle hint that he didn't approve of my handling of the current situation) and found it with too little time left. I found Anzu a step behind a person handing over their ticket. She seemed to be searching the airport, her brows knitting together. Damn it, what if it really was about Atemu?
Suddenly, her eyes locked on mine and her face cleared, her jaw falling open a bit. She grabbed her bags and left the line, hurrying towards me. "Bakura!" She called. I shoved through more people, becoming irritated and anxious. Anzu dropped her bags and broke into a run. She ran into me, smothering me. "Bakura..." She sobbed out my name and I clutched her to me, afraid she would dare to attempt to get on that plane again. "You came."
"For Ra's sake, woman," I ground out, "of course I did." I swallowed. "I love you, damn it." She let out a laugh and kissed me.
"I hoped you did. God, I didn't want to go. I love you so much, Bakura." I sighed, relaxing my grip a bit. I realized now that this was what I had been waiting for forever.
Finis
DIS: Yay, fifteen pages on Word. I had to get this out of my system. I was obsessing over Bakura/Anzu after making a picture of them and had to write something about them. I think this came out alright myself. It took me some time because I kept getting distracted. In any case, please leave a review telling me how you liked it! Ciao!