A/N: Here is a funny crack fic to lighten the mood from the darker things I have posted lately.
This is just a joke and may not be that funny to you. I apologize as I tried very hard.
I Just moved back to college so updating will be less frequent.
This is based on a Black Lagoon Omake called "Boys and Girls" The ending however was all my idea.
Enjoy!
Frost picked up his head from his desk. He had been working for four days straight and had about 2 hours worth of sleep. The rest of the team had gone home bit he wanted to crack the code to a highly protected computer. He willed his legs to work and went to the locker room. He grabbed what he wanted and went to the showers.
He put his toothbrush and toothpaste down on the sink. Splashing water in his face he gasped when saw his reflection. Two large glops hung from his chest. He took off his tee shirt to see that the globs were two glorious breasts that he had mysteriously grown. He ran down the hall screaming.
"Jane, Korsak Help! I've turned into a woman with huge boobs!" He yelled scared for his life.
Korsak popped his head out from a room. He looked at frost confused.
"Frost what's with the screaming?" Korsak asked and Frost saw that he too had developed breasts. They were not as large as his but they were there.
"You too? But…But… w….wh…why…h...h...ho...how?" Frost screamed and pointed his shaking finger at the detective.
"Quick what is your name?" she asked quickly.
"Vicky Korsak." Korsak responded.
"Ahh!" Frost ran down the hall before slamming into a broad chest. She looked up to see a long haired man staring at her.
"Hey Bernadette watch it." The man said.
"Bernadette?"
"Yeah that's you." The man said.
"And you are?" Frost asked,
"Jack Rizzoli, your partner." The man said.
Frost shook her head to try and figure out what was happening. Just then three people entered the bullpen. There was an older man whose hair was starting to go. Two women stood next to him. One looked like a troublemaker and the other had on a cop uniform.
"Hey Dad." Jack had said.
DAD?! Could it be Rizzoli's family?
"Hey son. Sorry to bug you but can you watch Francesca while I take Tammy to her court meeting?"
"Dad Francesca can look after herself she's an officer after all." Jake responded.
Francesca walked away and the older man turned to leave.
"Hey Angelo, while your out can you get me this?" Vicky asked handing the man a piece of paper.
"Yeah Vicky I'll get it." Angelo said and left with Tammy.
What the hell was happening here? Maybe the doc would know.
Frost walked down to autopsy and peeked into doctor Isles' office. There were two men sitting there. An older red haired gentleman and a teenage boy who was presumably his son.
"Dad why do I have to sit here?"
"Because Kaden I need to talk to the doctor."
"Mr. Harold Martin, the doc is out and may not be back for some time. Would you like me to reschedule?" A lab tech asked.
"Maybe that is for the best." Harold said.
Frost wandered looking for the doc. She would know what to do. She was about to give up when she heard a voice from behind her.
"Detective frost are you ok?" the voice asked.
Frost ran to the source and buried her face into the doctor's chest.
"Oh doctor Isles thank god you're a girl. Someone is the sex they should be."
The doctor laughed and ran a hand through Frost's hair.
"That's silly detective. I'm a man."
"See…" The doctor said then pulled his scrubs down just enough to reveal his cock. Frost screamed and pointed. She closed her eyes tightly. Jack just happened to walk by and laughed loudly at the scene in front of him.
"Frost! Hello! Frost Wake up!"
Frost opened his eyes as the voice pierced his ears.
A chest adorned with small breasts was in front of his face. He reached out and grabbed one. A fist slammed on the top of his head forcing it down.
"Frost what the hell?" Jane screamed at him.
"Jane…you're a woman?"
"Oh course why wouldn't I be?" Jane asked confused.
Frost looked around at his surroundings, he must have fallen asleep on a bench in the shower as Jane had knelled and tried to wake him.
Korsak entered the showers soon after hearing Jane's scream. He saw that Jane and frost were ok. He went to them and smirked.
"What happened?" Korsak asked.
Frost had explained the dream to them and they laughed deeply. He apologized for grabbing Jane's breasts and they helped him stand.
"Well that is a strange dream there Bernadette." Korsak teased the tired detective.
"Well you made one ugly bitch Vicky." Frost teased back.
"Was I at least attractive?" Jane asked.
"Oh yeah, you would have gotten all the girls." Frost said.
"Well I don't wanna fuck either of you." Jane said.
"And the doc showed you his cock?" Korsak asked.
"Yeah quite brash from the doctor." Frost said.
The three of them walked out and then split up. Jane and Korsak laughed all the way to the bullpen.
Frost headed down to the morgue. He figured he could at least talk to the doc and maybe she'd let him sleep there. He looked around but couldn't find her. He opened the autopsy room and looked there. The body lying on the table reeked of decomp. Backing away slowly he felt an object stopping him.
"Detective Frost you ok?" Maura asked.
Frost went to respond when he felt Maura try and move behind him. It was only then that he felt it. A bulge poking at his ass. He was too scared to move.
"Doctor?" he asked quietly and nervously.
Maura said nothing.
"Doc? Why is there a bulge in your scrubs?" He asked a little more bravely.
Maura pulled him off her. He turned around and stared at the bulge.
"Well detective I can show you if you want." Maura said as she put her hand on the hem of her scrubs. She began to pull down when the detective bolted out the door screaming "AHHH. NOOOO!"
Maura looked at the door confused and shrugged. She then ran her hand up and down the dildo in her scrubs. She liked to pack; especially at work but no one knew. She heard Susie come back with the blood tests.
"What's his problem?" Susie asked quietly.
"I haven't the slightest idea." Maura said.
The pair shrugged and began the autopsy as it was very unlikely that Frost would be back today.
FIN