Title: A Little Change
Author: Feygan
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
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Sometimes he couldn't meet his own eyes in the mirror. Sometimes he had trouble touching his own skin, even in passing. Sometimes he held his breath for long moments just because the quiet sound of himself living made him want to throw his head back and scream.
Sometimes he thought that he might possibly be a monster.
The rest of the time, he felt nothing at all. He went to work. He did his job. He was the perfect little cog in the giant Ministry machine. And in those times, he made himself not care that he didn't have anything more than this, that his life had been relegated to piles of paperwork and moments of lonely misery. Everyone in the world hated him.
When he was a boy in school, he had dreamed of what his life would be like once he joined the Ministry. He had imagined himself making some kind of difference to the wizarding world. He had imagined that people would look at him and actually see him for once, that he wouldn't just be the invisible middle Weasley.
Now people looked at him and saw him, he knew that, but whatever they saw disgusted them. He could see the mocking light in other people's eyes when they looked at him, the outright dislike. It made his skin shiver and burn, but he refused to cry.
When he left work at night, he would go back to his flat and curl up in a ball on his bed. He would silently shed hot little tears until he fell asleep. And when he woke up, his life would start all over again, the same as it always was... miserable.
So it was no wonder when one morning he looked at himself in the mirror, forced himself to meet his own opaque, sleep-bruised eyes and came to the decision to completely change his whole life.
"If the world is going to hate me anyway, I might as well give them something to hate," he whispered, his voice a broken little thing with hints of steel shining through.
If everyone was going to look at him like he was a disgusting monster, then he supposed that a monster was something he could be.
He used to dream of making a difference to the wizarding world. He had imagined all the praise and adulation as he was hailed a savior. But as that was never going to happen with the way things currently were, he thought that perhaps he should change the direction he was going, make a different kind of difference.
"Well aren't you just a monster," he whispered, and grinned.
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=THE END=
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