Being exceptionally beautiful wasn't something that Misa wanted.
It was something that she needed-- so, so desperately; so much that hurt, and the more it hurt, the more she knew she needed it, so she'd retch and cry into the toilet and then hold a dainty hand to her dainty waist...
How could someone hate their own body, but still be so vain?
She wanted to please everyone. She wanted the photographer to enjoy taking her pictures. She wanted Light to think she was beautiful, because he was beautiful... And she needed him.
... And he wouldn't want her if she wasn't beautiful.
The photographers wouldn't want her if she wasn't beautiful.
No one would.
So, she would hold her hands to her dainty waist and stare at herself before kneeling before the toilet, retching and crying-- and sometimes she would wonder if she was going to die. If her body was just going to stop working right there.
'At least,' she thought as she finished up and then hugged her knees to her chest, and her voice sounded dry and cold in her head, 'I'll leave behind a beautiful corpse.'