Single Ladies Or Something Like That, a naruto fanfic

If you can't tell by now, this may get crackish. I guess it depends on your definition of crack. Regardless of your definition, I can bet you'll read some OOCness. Try to ignore that and enjoy the story anyway, kay? And for the record…I don't know what came over me. Enjoy!

Song Title: Single Ladies

Artist: Beyonce

Album: I Am…Sasha Fierce (2008)

Disclaimer: The jury is in session, they'll let you know soon if I possess any rights to Naruto.

All the single ladies (x7)

Now put your hands up
Up in the club, we just broke up
I'm doing my own little thing
Decided to dip and now you wanna trip
Cause another brother noticed me

I'm up on him, he up on me
Don't pay him any attention
Just cried my tears, for three good years
Ya can't be mad at me

Cause if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Oh, oh, oh

If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it

I got gloss on my lips, a man on my hips
Got me tighter in my Dereon jeans
Acting up, drink in my cup
I can care less what you think

I need no permission, did I mention
Don't pay him any attention
Cause you had your turn and now you gonna learn
What it really feels like to miss me

If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Oh, oh, oh

Don't treat me to the things of the world
I'm not that kind of girl
Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve

Here's a man that makes me then takes me
And delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond
Pull me into your arms, say I'm the one you own
If you don't, you'll be alone
And like a ghost Ill be gone

All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies, all the single ladies
All the single ladies
Now put your hands up, oh, oh, oh

Sasuke had been casting glances at the young man sitting alone at the bar for the majority of the night. No one really noticed, seeing as how it was pitch-black with the exception of the few neon spotlights pointed at various spots on the dance floor and on the couches along the wall, and additionally the light from behind the bar. Also, even if anyone did see him, the pallid face was turned in that commonplace hatred that no one would know that his dirty little Uchiha mind was churning up dozens of sexual acts to do to the young man. Well, everyone except…

"You know when most people see someone they like, they either introduce themselves to the person or avoid them completely- not send 'loving' death glares to them across the bar." The pink haired kunoichi stood in the large gap between Sasuke and the unknown gentleman with a smirk on her face and her arms folded across her chest.

"Fuck off." Sasuke sneered with a slight roll of his eyes. He downed his shot and was about to leave. Sakura noticed.

"Wow, less than fifteen seconds and I've already got you leaving in annoyance; I must be getting good." The same smirk was on Sakura's face and she placed an order for a drink.

"What do you want?" Sasuke asked with a deep sigh, heavy with irritation.

"Oh nothing," Sakura shrugged. The bartender placed her drink on the counter and she thanked him and picked it up. "So do you…think I'd ruin your chances if that guy over there thought you were taken…by a female nonetheless?"

Sakura deviously smiled the words while seductively slipping onto the stool next to Sasuke. She leaned in close and began running her free hand through Sasuke's soft, spiky hair. As she twirled the ends around her fingertips, Sasuke saw beyond her that the guy had gotten up and left. He had no idea if it had anything to do with what Sakura was doing or not, but suddenly the Uchiha felt anger building within him. He forcefully slapped her wrist away from him and glared at her with his glowering eyes dangerously nearing on red. Anyone else would have been drained of color and running in fear, but the two's long standing history and Sasuke's reaction only made Sakura's open-mouth smile widen slowly as she instinctively looked over her shoulder to see that the young man had left.

She let out a quiet laugh and brought her glass to her lips. "Hmm, I guess it did." She continued laughing as she took a sip.

"Shit…" Sasuke mumbled under his breath, ready to leave.

"What do you care about where that guy goes anyway? Aren't you supposed to be with Naruto?" Sakura hissed. The smile had left her face and in its place was a newfound seriousness.

"Your point?" Sasuke asked, prepared to walk away. Sakura looked at Sasuke like he was the most oblivious man in the world.

"What do you mean 'What's my point?' I told you my point! You are supposed to be dating Naruto. And unless he's changed a lot since the last time I saw him, that guy sure as hell isn't him."

"So what?" Sasuke shrugged beginning to walk around Sakura, but she cut him off.

"So Naruto isn't your little plaything. You can't just cheat on him and do him however you want---"

"For your information, Sakura, I'm not cheating on your precious little Naruto. I sent him a text earlier today breaking up---"

"You broke up by text?!" Sakura shrieked. Sakura rolled his eyes and tightened his jaw at her-in his opinion- melodramatics.

"That is what I said, Sakura." Sasuke sighed. "If it makes you feel any better, I'll send him another text later on tonight or tomorrow and we'll be back together."

"So that's it huh? You expect him to just wait on you. You expect to just treat him like…like shit, break up with him by text, and expect him to just wait on you. To take you back like that?" Sakura snapped her fingers and was seething.

Sasuke let out a calm, short laugh. Arrogantly quirking a brow, he smirked. "He's done it each and every time before."

"Oh my—Sasuke, you are unmistakably the biggest asshole I've ever met." Sakura's nostrils were flared and her lips were tight as she shook her had at the smirking man before her.

Sasuke's haughtiness grew and his smirk widened. Without a word, he took Sakura's drink from her, downed it, and leaned in close to her angry face. "Aren't you glad you didn't get me then?"

He dipped forward quickly and gently and touched their lips together before stepping around Sakura and striding off. Sakura's mouth hung open and her eyes were wide. Three paces later she finally managed to turn and blurt out.

"---Yeah, well one day, he's going to get sick of you. He's gonna get fed up with all your bullshit and you're going to go looking after him but he won't give you the light of day, and you want to know why? Because he'll be with someone else. Someone who'll appreciate him! Someone who'll treat him millions better than your sorry ass ever did!"

Sasuke had calmly stopped walking, and when Sakura was done, he slowly turned to face her, that same smirk plastered on his face. "Sakura, that day will never happen."

Sakura suppressed a sigh and shot her eyes to the right in agitation. Her jaw was tight, but a slow smile broke across when something caught her eye.

"Never say never, Sasuke-kun," she smirked, jerking her head behind her and to the right. Sasuke's eyes narrowed and he followed the direction she'd hinted at. Because of the crowd, the distance, and the lighting, it took Sasuke awhile to see what she saw, but when he did, his eyes widened.

"What the fuck?..." He breathed out angrily. His eyes narrowed at the scene before him as he saw Naruto and another guy sitting on the couch kissing. His head snapped back to Sakura whose mouth was twitching at the corner as she tried to fight a smile.

"Oh you were right Sasuke," Sakura nodded, patting the stupefied Uchiha on the shoulder. "You've got Naruto on lock."

Sasuke sneered at turned on Sakura who seemed completely unsurprised. "You knew about this?"

…

Flashback: Eleven Hours Earlier

"I am sick of this shit!" Sakura heard Naruto before she saw him. The walls of her apartment shook as he slammed her front door closed behind him. She walked from her bathroom- tooth brush in mouth- to find a red faced Naruto sitting on her couch, holding her pillow tightly against him.

"Umm…what's…the matter?" Sakura asked hesitantly. Naruto turned his beautiful blue eyes that were ignited with anger at her.

"You teammate. That's what's the matter! You know I'm really sick of that cocky asshole and his little…mind games!" Naruto threw the pillow across the room and it hit the wall with a loud dull thump.

"Please don't break anything, Naruto," Sakura sarcastically muttered under her breath as she turned and reentered the bathroom. "What happened this time?" She called out as she turned on the water, spit, and finished up.

"So Sasuke just broke up with me- again- but by text. I mean what the fuck! He can't say it to my face or something?" Naruto pulled out his phone, opened the message, and slammed the phone on the cushion beside him for Sakura to see when she came in.

"Did he say why?" Sakura yelled, putting up her toothbrush.

Naruto scoffed. "You know why. He 'needs his space.' "

"Again?" Sakura asked, ready to slap Sasuke in the face.

"Exactly!" Naruto screamed, extending his arms to her in excitement. He slapped them back to his side. "You know he wouldn't even tell me why in the text. I had to call him—six times--- and when he finally picked up, he just said 'I--' no hello or anything—'I need time to think. Don't call back.' Then he hangs up! Dammit this is the fourth time this month! How much shit does he have to think about? And why can't he just think out it in one, long, consecutive period and stop!"

Sakura had seated herself by Naruto now and picked up the phone to read the text:

Naruto, I'm seeing other people.

And that was it. No 'you should too' or an 'I'm sorry' or even the trite, useless 'it's not you, it's me.' Sasuke could be such an asshole at times. Beside her, Naruto sat quietly with his eyes closed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"And tomorrow he'll send me another text saying he wants to see me and we'll wind up having sex and that'll be that. We're together again. No talking it out. No apologies. No explanation. Nothing." Naruto was shaking his head slowly and his voice was quiet and even. "Why the hell do I keep going back to him?" He sighed.

"The same reason I did when we were younger," Sakura leaned against Naruto and he welcomingly leaned back into her and wrapped his arm around her body. "There's something about Sasuke. When you fall for him…you fall hard. You love him with all your heart, all your soul, but all you can do…is pray he'll someday feel the same about you. Until then you're… whipped."

"Are…you still whipped?" Naruto asked tenderly and hesitantly. Sakura shook her head. She hadn't been in that deep for Sasuke since about a year after he'd left the village.

"No, and one day you'll be so fed up with his shit that you won't be either." Sakura hugged herself to Naruto. "…I know you don't want to hear this Naruto, but take it from someone who's been there. Let him go. Give him up. Because the only person Sasuke Uchiha is capable of loving is himself…if that."

Naruto let out a heavy sigh. "I know, I know. But it's like you said…you just fall so deep for him."

"Naruto," Sakura began, suddenly sitting up and locking eyes with her friend. "You have no idea what a catch you are. You're strong, hot, have a great personality, and you're smart…ish." She joked poking his chest.

"Any guy would be lucky to have you, and I'm sure I can think of some that would love to." Sakura playfully poked his pecs and nodded her head.

"Well…I don't know if you'll need to." Naruto began, a small smile dancing on his lips.

"What? Whoa, whoa wait, who's this guy?" Sakura probed and drew her knees into the chair.

"Well…"

End Flashback

"Sasuke, I had no idea," Sakura cast innocent eyes on Sasuke but did nothing to mask her voice. Sasuke growled at her.

"Oh, well, if you'll excuse me, Kiba's just come in; we're supposed to meet up." She winked and traced her finger along Sasuke's collar. "Have fun lover-boy."

"Sakura. Sakura!" Sasuke hissed. Finally Sakura turned to him.

"Hmm?"

"And what the hell am I supposed to do about that?" He jerked his head angrily towards where the two were, still smooching on the couch.

"What do I care," Sakura shrugged. "Better yet, what do you care? You and Naruto aren't together right now…remember?" And with that Sakura left and headed to Kiba.

Sasuke's angry eyes trailed after her for an instant before whirling back to the couch. From the nose up of the other guy's face was masked in the shadows so Sasuke just stood angrily at the bar, watching in disbelief as Naruto and his mystery-not Sasuke- man made out. When the hand of the other man gently lifted and touched Naruto's face with its fingertips, a spark of fury flashed across Sasuke's eyes.

Without hesitating, he stormed across the floor. Not once did he break eye contact with the couple and he ignored all lackluster complaints as he brushed people from his path. If someone did break his gaze, he turned on that person with fury and rage, as if just looking away for a moment would allow them to disappear from him forever.

"Who the fuck does he think he is? The both of them?" Sasuke thought in brimming annoyance. "And that dumb little fucker with him…I'll fucking kill both of them."

Sasuke was closing in on the sight.

"Who the hell does that little red headed piece of shit think he is anyway?---Wait, what the…"

Sasuke was right at the couch now and his eyes were wide with shock and indignation.

"Naruto what the fuck are you doing?" Sasuke spat out, grabbing the blonde's elbow and pulling him up to him. A look of surprise then anger upon recognition crossed the faces of Naruto and Gaara.

Naruto jerked his elbow away and glared eye to eye with the raven haired man. "What the fuck are you doing?" He sneered back, extending a reassuring hand down towards Gaara who was preparing to stand.

"Me sending you a text saying I'm seeing other people doesn't mean you can go laying around with the first guy you see." Sasuke glared at Gaara who stood up.

Naruto's eyes widened and he let out a genuinely amused laugh. "Really, Sasuke? Really? So what does it mean, I wanna know."

Sasuke shook his head quickly in anger. "That's not the point!"

"Sasuke," Gaara began in that cold, calm, raspy voice of his. "I'm sure I speak for Naruto as well as myself when I say we'd like to enjoy the rest of our evening-alone. Please leave now."

Although the third gentleman only came to the shoulders of the two equally tall other men, he stood with a calm, confident air and fully aware of his ability to take on any possible fight that might ensue.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed, then blinked back normal as a slow smirk spread on his face. "Hn. Enjoy him now, Gaara, it won't be long before you're in Suna, and he's back with me."

"Never again." Naruto answered for Gaara. His head was shaking slowly and his beautiful blue eyes showed no sign whatsoever of conflict. "I'm through with you Sasuke."

"Hn." Sasuke let out coolly, but inside, he was beginning to get nervous. He saw the resolve in Naruto's eyes and he knew better than anyone that when the blonde said something, he stuck by his word.

"Yeah, I'm glad you feel that way," Naruto shrugged indifferently. "I've been doing a lot of thinking myself and d'you know what I realize, Sasuke: I'm too good for you. And you're no good for anyone. But yourself."

Sasuke's jaws had tightened and his dark eyes were firmly fixed on Naruto as the blonde continued on. "Believe it or not, Gaara actually acts like he wants to be with me. And when I say 'be with me' I mean be with me and not me plus half of the village's population. He's told me before, he doesn't mind travelling from his village to Konoha. You won't even walk up the street, unless you're itching. So Sasuke…I don't need any time to think- just don't call back. Period."

Naruto took Gaara's hand in his and guided him along as the two brushed past the flare eyed Uchiha. Neither one of the two looked back as they walked straight through the crowd and out the club's doors.

Just as Sasuke was left, staring dazedly after them, Sakura came up flicking his arm.

"Hey so Kiba went to get me a drink and I saw you were still here. I just thought I'd check up on you." She smiled innocently.

Sasuke's eyes regained their fire and he turned on her. "Don't fuck with me. Not now."

"Ouch, that one hurt," Sakura pouted, patting her breast, rather than her heart.

"You think this is funny don't you? What the hell am I supposed to do about that huh?- What the hell was I supposed to do? Call him more? Tell him I loved him? What the fuck?" He circled around her so that her back was now to the couch.

Sakura gave Sasuke the same sadly amused laugh that Naruto had earlier. "People just want too much these days, don't they Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke's lip curled up at her sarcasm and she placed an apologetic hand over her chest before starting over. "Okay Sasuke, here's my advice for you in the future: if you like it, then you oughta put a ring on it." Sakura shrugged and was about to walk away before she stopped.

"Oh, and keep your little friend here at home." She added, patting his groin three times with the back of his hand. "Toodles."

Sakura waved her fingers and brushed past Sasuke, leaving him rooted to the ground just as Naruto and Gaara had earlier.

Okay so I've never written yaoi (or yuri for that matter) and I've never gotten an urge until two days ago when my good friend (who's an avid Beyonce fan) decided to have a little Beyonce sing along and one of the songs was- da da da daaa!- Single Ladies. Seriously people, we started to break out in dance and I have NO idea why the first thing that popped into my mind was a scene of Naruto singing this to Sasuke in a club (while doing the dance…we can't forget the dance). But it did, and, hence, this oneshot was born. So after I just stopped right in the middle and had a laughing fit (while everyone's looking at me like I'm crazy).

So in my next class I told a few other people who watch Naruto about my little vision and we all just burst out laughing again. But really guys, just picture Naruto, Neji, Kakashi sensei, and Sasuke or any of the other guys in Lee's spandex and doing that dance. Hi-larious! (If anyone's like an animation wizard and wants to take on that project- GO FOR IT! Just please send me a link (and give me credit! Haha). There are some things that words just can't express- for everything else, there's this crack-fic. XP

R&R PLEASE!!!!!!

See ya soon! xoxoxoxoxo