Hello! This is my first The Hunger Games fic. When I listen to Lenka's song, Knock Knock, I can't help but thinking about Katniss and Peeta. I put the lyrics in italic. I think you should listen to the song, it's a great song! I hope you'll like this story. It's take place in the end of the Mockingjay, before the epilogue. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Suzanne Collins.
*Katniss POV*
The war is end. We grow back together. Peeta comes to my house almost everyday. Sometimes, he comes just to give me some of my favorite cheese buns or just to talk with me. We don't talk too much. Well, I mean, I don't talk too much. I don't respond to him. I don't want to need him though I know I do. I still need a plenty of time to adjust my self with the new Peeta. I really hate the Capitol because they took my Peeta. He will never be the same, yet I know he is still the boy with the bread who risks his life just to save me. When we talk, we just talk about each other's day. He bakes and I hunt. I must admit that I'm enjoying his presence. Day by day I'm start recovering back with his help.
One afternoon, we sit on the couch. I rest my head on Peeta's shoulder. It feels so comfortable to have him here, next to me. But, deep inside my heart I know it's not fair for him. It's like I use him for my own advantage.
"Peeta, I.. I'm so sorry" I breathe into his arm.
"What for Katniss?" Peeta asks.
"For.. for everything. For my selfishness, for my ignorance. Every time I'm ignoring you, I know that it's not fair for you. You give me everything but I can't give you anything" I explain.
"No Katniss, you give me everything just by breathing, and now, that I can hold you, it's better than I can imagine." Peeta says as he takes my fingers slowly.
"Haymitch is right. I really don't deserve you. I can live a thousand lifetimes and I still don't deserve you. You deserve better." I reply.
"Katniss, listen, after everything that the capitol has done to me, I'm sure that I still love unconditionally. For now, I'm not hoping that you'll love me back. Well, I mean.. maybe someday hopefully.. but now, I'm fine with this" Peeta explains as he brings my fingers to his lips. "Just please stop feeling so guilty Katniss."
"I don't know. But yeah maybe, just maybe because I really don't know about my feeling right now. Sorry.." I admit.
"You don't have to, Katniss" Peeta says as he kisses my forehead and stands up. His kisses always calm me down.
"I want to go to the woods, come with me?" I ask.
"You said that I'm too loud. Real or not real?" Peeta asks.
"Real. But I'm not going to hunt. I just want to walk around." I answer.
"Oh okay, lets go then" Peeta says, smiling.
In the woods, we don't talk. We're just enjoying each other's accompany. Suddenly, his grip on my fingers is tightening. We're stop walking.
"Peeta?" I ask but there's no answer. I hope to see those beautiful blue eyes when I look up, but all I can see is a pair of dark eyes. Instantly, I know that he get his episode. He closes his eyes and I can see his hands are trembling.
"Peeta, calm down. Those memories are not real Peeta" I try to soothe him.
I hold his hand but he tries to push me back, away from him. I know that he's trying so hard to see which one is real and which one is not. I know he wants me to run away so that he won't hurt me but I don't want to let go. I want to help him because it's all happen because of me.
"Go away!" he hisses.
"No Peeta, those are not real. I don't want to hurt you and you don't want to kill me" I assure him.
He grips my arms and pushes me away but I hold him steadily until it hurts.
"Please Peeta, please believe me" I plea.
His trembling body slightly disappears. He opens his eyes so slowly and I can see a pair of blue eyes look straight at my eyes.
"Katniss.." Peeta says. I hug him.
"I'm so sorry katniss, I'm sorry, I shouldn't loose control like that" Peeta mumbles. He looks anywhere but me so I bring my hands to his cheeks.
"I'm fine Peeta, it's okay".
"No, it's not. Look at your arms! I hurt you!" he shouts. I can see bruises in my arms.
"It's nothing Peeta" I assure him.
"No, I can't be around you. I should go, I'm sorry" he says as he walks away from me, goes back to his home.
"That wasn't your fault Peeta!" I'm yelling at him but he keeps walking away.
A day after, when I wake up I see a basket full of cheese buns and a note. The note says:
I go to meet Dr. Aurelius at the Capitol. Please just stay at home safely Katniss. I promise I'll be back soon. ~ Love, Peeta
He leaves me. It's all that I can think. He can't leave me. Mad. I'm so mad to myself. He helps me through everything, my nightmares, but I can't even help him with his episode. So I wear my hunting boots and my father's jacket. I'm going to hunt. It's the only thing I can do rightly.
I get out from the woods with two rabbits and two squirrels in my hands. I'll give it to Greasy Sae so I walk to her house. She's the only person here that I can think as a family beside Haymitch.
After that, I walk back to my house. The sun is beginning to set. The sky is orange, Peeta's favorite. I take a shower and then I make a cup of hot chocolate. It's my favorite drink. I eat my cheese buns too. Slowly I drift off to sleep in the couch.
I see prim running. I want to call her but I can't find my voice. I see wolf mutts run after her. She's screaming. I want to safe her but I can't move my legs. I'm paralyze. They almost chase her. I'm looking for my bow but I can't find it. I find a knife but that's too late..
"Priiim!" I'm screaming. I'm awake, that was a nightmare. I can feel my hands are trembling and sweating. I try to assure my self that it was just dream. Not real. I get off from the couch. I walk to the door and open it.
A second, a minute, an hour, a day goes by
I'm hopin' just to be by your side
I'm turnin' the handle, it won't open
Don't make me wait 'cause right now I need your smile
Knock, knock
I run to Peeta's house. I don't bother to wear my shoes. I try to open his door but it's locked. I can feel tears streaming down my face. I really need him so badly. He's the only one I need. I'm knocking his door. "Peeta.." I mumble. I know it's pointless but I really need him.
When life had locked me out I turned to you
So open the door
'Cause you're all I need right now, it's true
Nothin' works like you
The sunlight wakes me up. I'm on my bed now. I have no idea how can I get here last night. All I can remember is I had a nightmare and I ran to Peeta's house but he wasn't there. He's at the Capitol.
"Good sleep sweetheart?"
"Haymitch? what are you doi.. oh you brought me here last night?", I ask him.
"Yeah I saw you last night. Knocking the empty house door is useless you know", he answers.
"So you know that he's gone? why didn't you stop him? He can't leave me again like that!"
"He goes there so he can get better when he comes back, you should've know that", he replies.
"But still.. what if he doesn't come back?"
He shrugs his shoulder, " He will. I've got to go." He brings up his empty bottle. "Stay alive", He says. With that he walks out of the door.
A warm bath, a good laugh, an old song that you know by heart
I've tried it but they all leave me cold
So now I'm here waitin' to see you
My remedy for all that's been hurtin' me
I remember all the good things we had. On the cave, on the roof top, on the beach. The nights on the train when his arms surrounding me. I don't want to remember the kiss but I can't help. I miss him. I try to remember the song I sang on the first day of school when we were five years old. I don't know what he saw in me. I was just a little girl. He has loved me for so long. And here I am, needing him so desperately, but I don't know about my feeling towards him. Right now, I'm not the mockingjay. I should be fearless, but now, I'm not. I want him to be here. I need him to be here.
The rest of the week seemed to drag on. Even though hunting is my favorite thing to do, it seems twice as long as normal. Greasy Sae always comes to my home to give me some stew, to make sure that I'm still alive. Sometimes she brushes my hair and talks to me, but I rarely respond to her. I curl up on the couch when I hear the door opens.
"Hey Katniss" Peeta greets.
"Peeta!" I shout. I jump from the couch and hug him tightly.
"Hey slowly, you don't want to hurt me right?" He says, chuckling.
I release him immediately. "Oh sorry" I mumble.
"I miss you Katniss" He kisses my forehead. I don't know what to say so I'm just smiling.
"You left for a week! Is it really took that long? I thought you won't come back" I speak up as I walk back to the couch.
He looks at me, studying my face. Maybe he tries to see any emotion in my face. "Sorry I left you so suddenly. It was terrible, I was terrible. I feel so much better now and you know I'm not going to leave you again. I promise." He explains. "He gave me some shots and pills so that it won't be that bad anymore", he continues. "I bring you a cheese cake. I think you'll like it" He's smiling. I don't know how much I miss his smile until I see it.
"Thanks" I bite the cheese cake. It's delicious, of course. He sits next to me. I'm just so happy with his presence. He tells me about the capitol. He tells me how the capitol is so much better now. He tells me the monument that built to remember all the victims in the war. I feel a little bit sad about it and he knows so he changes the subject. He says that Octavia, Venia, and Flavius are missing me so much. I can't help but smiling. He says the train ride was so beautiful that I should come to the Capitol someday.
You seem to know the way
To turn my frown upside down
You always know what to say
To make me feel like everything's okay
"I'm going to take a shower, I'll be back" He walks to his house. I need to take a shower too so I bring my self to the bathroom. After that, I wear my clothes and walk to the living room. Peeta isn't here yet.
When life had knocked me down I turned to you
And you open the door
And you're all I need right now, it's true
Nothin' works like you
After a minute, I can't stand anymore so I walk outside, to his house. I knock the door. I'm scared it won't open but he's there, opening the door with smile in his face.
"I said I'll be back Katniss" He says as he pulls me inside.
"Well, I miss your house" I say, smiling.
"I cook dinner, your favorite" he gives me a bowl full of stew. Then, he sits across the table and eats his stew. "It must be delicious", I say.
After we finish, I wash the dish. He stands next to me, eating an apple. I'm so sleepy so I walk to his bedroom, pulling him with me. He lies next to me, hugging me. I whisper, "Don't leave me". "Never again" he replies. In a matter of seconds, I drift off to sleep with his warmth surrounding me.
Suddenly I wake up. I realize it's still midnight. I'm searching for Peeta's wrist. I check his pulse. I want to make sure that he's alive, here and alive. I'm listening to his heart beat too.
"I'm here Katniss" Peeta whispers to my ear. He cups my face and kisses my forehead.
"You won't leave me, right?" I ask.
"Listen, I will never leave you. The Capitol can't take me away from you again. They can't take my love for you." He says.
I have tears in my eyes. I reach up and kiss him on the lips. He kisses me back softly. "I need you, Peeta" I say as I kiss him again. He kisses me passionately. I can feel the hunger. The hunger I felt when we were in the beach. I put my hands in his head, his hands on my waist. His kisses never satisfy me. His kisses only make me wanting more. I want him more. He kisses my nose, my eyes, my cheek, my neck and back to my lips. His tongue play with mine. When our lips part, I want to protest but he puts his hand on my cheek so I open my eyes.
"You love me. Real or not real?" He asks.
I can't think of any other man who I want to spend my life with beside Peeta and I think I'm not confused about my feeling anymore. I need him more than anything. So, I look into his beautiful blue eyes and answer, "Real". Then he kisses me again.
When life had locked me out I turned to you
And you open the door
And you're all I need right now, it's true
Nothin' works like you
Thank you, thank you! Thanks for reading my fanfic. I'm so sorry if you find any grammatical error and if Katniss is a little bit out of character. I really want to hear your opinion about this fic, sooo click that little review button and tell me your opinion, please? :)