Too Late

"I look into

your eyes."

–– M83

I drift off only to be roused by nightmares that have increased in number and intensity. Peeta, who spends much of the night roaming the train, hears me screaming as I struggle to break out of the haze of drugs that merely prolong the horrible dreams. He manages to wake me and calm me down. Then he climbs into bed to hold me until I fall back to sleep. After that, I refuse the pills. But every night I let him into my bed. We manage the darkness as we did in the arena, wrapped in each other's arms, guarding against dangers that can descend at any moment. Nothing else happens, but our arrangement quickly becomes a subject of gossip on the train.

Acts can lead to many different outcomes, I did not think of the possible outcomes of the actions that were committed last night. I know I was seeking comfort, and of course I understood the meaning of what I had just done, but nevertheless, I was lying in his bed, not a layer of clothing on. When I finally fall out of unconsciousness, I get up from the bed, dragging one of the blankets off with me and wrapping it around my body. I notice the stains of red where I was lying.

It did happen, the truth is in our minds, and on the sheets.

I pick up my forlorn nightclothes from the ground, and fetch my discarded undergarments from the bottom of the bed. I wrap them all in a ball, and before he even wakes up, I dart out of the room.

I get to my compartment and lock myself in. I sink down to the foot of the cold wooden door, toss my clothes aside, tighten the blanket around me and bury my face into my palms.

What have I done?

When I bring my hands away from my face, they're wet with fresh tears. I quickly get up and make my way to the bathroom for a much needed shower.

I soak in the neverending source of boiling water for what seems to be like an hour or so, I can't really tell, I feel so fazed by last night.

I am so sore.

This pain is new, I've never felt any pain quite like this before, then again I have never ever committed any acts of intimacy with any soul before, and I never thought I would have.

I let the fear consume me, I thought I could be healed this way, and for even thinking that..

I am selfish.

The breakfast table is quiet, I don't sit next to Peeta like I normally do. I position myself on the far end of the table and keep my head down, my eggs with toast suddenly becomes far more interesting than the people talking over the table.

"Katniss." I lift my head up, Haymitch has been trying to get my attention, I suppose.

"Sweetheart, you look like you've seen a ghost." He prompts, taking a bite of his own toast.

"When have I not looked like I've seen a ghost." I snicker, looking back down at my food. "I- uh.. The nightmares were bad last night, I hardly got any sleep."

"It happens to the innocent." He states, sipping his tea, I suspect there is some sort of alcoholic beverage within the herbal sweetness of the hot liquid. "When are you going to eat your food, you've been staring at it for at least five minutes."

Embarrassment fills my stomach, innocent, he says, I push the plate away. "I'm not hungry." I deadpan.

The chair screeches across the floor as I get up to exit the room as fast as I can.

Slow and heavy footsteps follow behind me, I try to move faster but before I reach the door a hand catches my free one. I jerk it away and look up into a pair of extremely worried deep blue eyes.

"Katniss.. I-"

"-Please." I choke, trying not to cry.

"We really need to talk.." He reasons.

I catch Haymitch in my peripherals. I open the door and let Peeta in. Leering at Haymitch as I shut the door.

I release a sigh when the door is closed, Peeta places himself atop my bed, straightening himself up.

"I'm sorry about the blood." I mutter shamelessly.

"I thought I hurt you. You were gone and all I saw was blood on the sheets. You didn't let me apo-"

"Peeta." I say, harshly. "It was my fault. I was the one who initiated it."

"-and I was the one who went through with it."

I sniff and look down, "I didn't understand the consequences, I should have known."

"You feel fine, right?" I sit down beside him.

"Of course, I'm just a little sore. But I'll feel better soon." I sound reassuring enough, it seems to have settled him.

"I'm just.." I turn my frame away from him, hugging my stomach, "..really sorry.." He puts a hand on my shoulder and I look up.

"Don't be."

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The train comes to a screeching halt, we have finally reached District 4. We hop off the train and we are greeted by peacekeepers once more. I take Peeta's hand and squeeze it, he doesn't hesitate to squeeze my hand back.

We deliver another heartless, controlled speech to the tributes of District 4. Seeing the faces of the families must be the worst part of the entire time. We also see many people who try to revolt, but they're dragged away, probably to be killed off, just like that poor man in District 11. He didn't deserve that.

Next thing I know I'm walking upon the beautiful beach of this new world. I've never been on a beach before, I've never felt sand between my toes, the only thing that has come close to the silky sand is the soft mud of the woods during winter, caked underneath my nails and feet.

I breathe in the salty air, and exhale after some hesitation. I find a spot on the sandy bank, and decide to sit down to rest my legs from walking.

I overlook the stunning view of the sunset over the sea's horizon. The magnificent orange and pink colors intertwine and twist across the canvas of the sky. The sun's light reflects off of the salty ocean, creating a fantastic golden display. The golden sea fades into nothingness, as the lazy sun slowly descends downwards behind the masterpiece.

I feel a presence beside me, I turn to see him sitting there and I look away, I don't want to meet his eyes.

"i hope you're not trying to avoid me." He states, I continue looking at the marvel in from of me. I stay silent for a while, until I realize something, The pale colors of the sky,

"That's your favorite color." I mumble, nodding my head forward.

"You're right."

We are silent once more, I take a deep breath of the salty air, as it fills my lungs, I move over towards him, resting my head on his shoulder.

"You know, even after something like that, I don't think you'd ever be able to keep me away, so no, I haven't been avoiding you. I'm just…" I attempt to quiet down the shivers that are sent up and down my spine, Peeta seems to respond to this, he wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me closer. "Thinking."

I finally lift my head up and look into his eyes, they're kind, just like his entire being.

–

A/N: Thank you for reading the first chapter of my brand new K/P fanfiction, don't forget to review and favourite! Follow if you want to receive a notification every time I update- I hope you enjoy this new journey I will be taking you on! Hopefully I can somehow make this common concept my own. Thank you all for your interest!

-FLK [A]